Tony: Peter! I Know About The Injury You Hid From Me!

I love this

The Wayne kids aren’t mafia, but individually they’re scary enough for people to assume they are. Everyone knows Brucie Wayne is the biggest himbo ever and his kids are running everything from the shadows. It’s like…a given. Seriously have you seen his kids? Tim’s even the CEO at 18.

Dick is beloved. Everywhere he goes kids practically flock to him, but people have seen him slam one too many possible child predators into a wall with the most threatening smile for them to think he’s all sunshine and rainbows.

One time, a mother asked for his help because his daughter was missing and the police wouldn’t help. Dick made one call (to Tim or Oracle), and the child was back by the end of the day and an entire trafficking ring was taken down. When asked he simply smiled and denied any involvement but said he was over joyed that one more trafficking ring was out of their city.

Jason Todd is Crime Alley’s hero. More so than anyone else, he has directed funds to help the area he called home before being taken in by Wayne. He died, but no one actually believes that. The Wayne children’s “mafia” had him doing something under cover. And while dick is all threat with a smile, Jason is Threaten with a frown. He can send people running with just a look.

someone noticed that Jason is always strapped. Man has no less than 5 weapons and one is always a gun. He doesn’t hide it, kids always ask him question and Jason always stops to answer them if he has the time. Even shows kids a few moves if they need to defend themselves. For whatever reason people don’t connect hood to Jason, but they definitely think Jason is funding hood.

Tim is the most relatable. Certified genius and always down to help kids with homework. Sometimes he’ll camp out in a cafe for the day. Without fail his location gets leaked and by mid afternoon he’s put away his WE work to tutor any students who have walked in.

He’s always tired, always has coffee, and always gives people a smile, but he knows too much. Rumor is that nothing happens in this town without Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne knowing. One time he was taking a break at the park, scrolling through his phone when a group approached him clearly intent on kidnapping him. Before they even got close Tim was reciting their social security number, their cell phones, the names of their loved ones, and their address.

When Tim looked up it was with a tired smirk that clearly came across as a warning. He then stood, slipped a business card onto the bench, and told them if they need work to call this number and their reps will help them find something regardless of their past record.

Rumor has it the downfall of the most recent corrupt socialite was completely orchestrated by Tim.

Damian is a little gremlin that has the family wrapped around his finger. At first their were rumors of infighting between the two youngest (Tim and Damian), but then how could that be possible when at the first sign of trouble Timothy materializes out of the shadows wearing his mother’s smile that promised social and financial ruin if you so much as looked at his baby brother wrong.

Dick flat out punched a man in the face for calling Damian a terrorist. The “victim” was high society and swore up and down that their would be a law suit, but Tim took care of it with a few photos and screen shots of an affair that would have ruined the man in question.

Damian has scary dog privilege on his own, but it’s a whole new ballpark when Jason is out with him. Apparently someone tried to kidnap Damian on the way to meet up with Jason and the bats didn’t even need to be called. Jason took care of it before they even got the kid in the van.

Damian is a violent little thing. Everyone knows, even if it was never announced, that he got it from where ever he had been living before, so they always gave him a little leeway, especially since his violent tendencies were decreasing…at least physically. Damian can, will, and regularly verbally eviscerates anyone who wrongs him. It’s impressive as it is scary. This kid looks at you like he can read every insecurity you’ve ever had and is not afraid to air it to the world while also insulting you into the grave.

Individually they’re terrifying, but the reason that they’re still Gotham’s golden family is because together the goofiest fucking people you have ever seen in your life (also the endless amount of charity work they do together as a family). When all four siblings are together they always end up trending and it’s always the funniest shit you’ve ever seen.

During the first major snow when all of the streets were shut down the Wayne Boys were out in all terrain jeeps shredding it up dragging someone behind them on ski’s or a snowboard

Somehow, all four boys were spotted trekking across town covered in a rainbow of colored powder. When someone enquired they admitted to getting into a rather harmless prank war with the currently reformed Ivy and Harleen Quiznel. If asked they totally won, but the fact that no part of any of the boys was uncovered said otherwise.

Dick once asked social media to help him track down Tim because he hadn’t slept in 3 days and was not supposed to leave the house. He’d been spotted at a cafe he doesn’t usually frequent and anyone around to witness the retrieval would later say it was the cleanest covert op they’d ever witnessed from the Wayne boys. Jason was the get away driver, dick was on retrieval duty, and Damian was there to make sure their route in and out was clear (hold open the door). Tim was recorded yelling every creative non curse (because no cursing in front of Damian, Alfred said so) under the sky, struggling in the arms of Dick Grayson who was smiling bright enough to rival the sun. 3 minutes in and out. The video screen shots are still used as a meme template to this day.

Brucie Wayne gets asked about his boys in interviews a lot. There are a lot of times where he’s only finding out about their shenanigans due to the interview question, but he just smiles and says he’s happy they’re all getting along while mentally planning out how to deal with them later.

What would be really funny if I did this is I didn't even truly know who these two were. Only heard of them.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time just to tell my 10 year old self that I unironically ship Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort. Just to watch the inevitable meltdown my tiny brain would have. You know?

I love this so much. I would love the reaction of the justice league if they ever found out the bats' identity.

The Bats all know and have perfected the art of looking positively tastefully slutty

Bruce: the Og dress slutty, wears too tight shirts, unbuttoned dress shirts, tight tight tight pants, low on the hips, show off hip bones, sometimes wears a thong to reveal it gracing his hips

Dick: took his lessons from Bruce, wears very low cut shirts, extraordinarily tight pants to cup his ass just so, knows the perfect angle to lean down next to someone so they not only look down his shirt but also can easily see his ass. Wears dresses when he can, but bruce refuses letting him go out in a maid costume, says its too far(in reality he did it once and alfred was so proud and yet so disapproving and bruce does not want high society to look at his son the way they looked at him when he showed up in a maid outfit because thats his son and who cares that hes an adult no fucking way are they leering at him)

Jason: perfectly styled hair that just tempts people to ruffle it, or already ruffled perfectly fucked to satisfaction hair. Wears suit jackets without shirts, sometimes even wears a bra to perfectly cups his fat chest just right, all the boys have got dat ass, wears tight pants just like his brother and father, also wears shorts that are too tight in the groin and show off his massive thighs, knows the proper way to sit that he shows all of it off, wears his pants low on his hips as well just like his dad. Also wears dresses when he can, is also not permitted to wear a maid or waitress outfit

Tim: is the only one in the family not gifted with an absolute massive ass, but has found ways to show it off but wearing performer tights, doesn't even wear underwear to most social events to really show the definition, wears nice, form fitting shirts that perfectly show off his lithe body, always has a flirty smile pasted on, hair ruffled just so. Actually managed to get out of the house wearing a maid outfit, but bruce caught him before he entered the main room and gave him his jacket.(tim has never seen his father so afraid and so possessive at a gala)

Steph: wears the sluttiest dress she can find, it is her goal to traumatize high society. Low cut dresses, without backs, thin straps that she has bruce and alfred sew because while she wants to flaunt her body in front of the elite she does not want someone to be able to rip the dress off her easily, once wore a dress that was literally two strips of fabric over her chests and between her legs, that was it. If shes not wearing a dress shes wearing a tasteful one piece that has it in all the right places and bedazzles guests only to be purposefully caught making out with a waiter and then telling a reporter that he was the most appealing out of everyone in the room. Right in the face of twenty high elite rich men. (bruce has never been prouder and jason high fived her)

Cass: is the most modest out of everyone in the family, wears dresses that are nice and subtle and that she can still kick ass in, also wears suits but not that often because then all the boys get pouty because she wears it better than them

Babs: doesn't go as extreme as Steph(especially not when her actual father is attending) but does wear skimpy dresses and suits, learned the proper ways to use her body to get what she wants from dick. Traded outfits with dick at a gala once as a challenge to see who could get more numbers, dick won but only by four people

Damian: (aged up, please, hes a minor) when hes older damian follows in his fathers and siblings footsteps, wearing the proper amount of makeup and mascara to bat his eyelashes just so at people, has perfectly the purr of charm from bruce, wears absolutely flawless outfits at all times, smirks but in a charming way, hair has to be styled properly not just for the sex appeal but also because if its not it could kill someone, also rocks the lean down to get someone staring at both his chest and ass

This does A) help with their cover (although bruce has pointed out that nightwing dresses slutty as well so dick might not want to dress that way as dick grayson but dick promptly turned him down, as did most of society and his other children, because “dick grayson is an icon and his body deserves to be seen”- steph) but also B) helps them protect the people working at Galas, so many times has bruce thrown himself in someones lap and pressed his pecs together to draw their eyes away from the poor server man they were trying to grope, Dick has perfected the art of intercepting people trying to dance with waiters and dancing instead(he once pulled out tim’s pole and started pole dancing so the poor girl could get away) steph is absolutely masterful in her bending down and flipping her hair to draw everyone's eyes to her and not to the girl in the corner who just had her shirt ripped off by a drunk sleazeball (bruce himself had to be held back from beating the man into next week, but steph and cass did it for him)

Anyway this was all for gits and shiggles, hope you enjoyed, this is how i imagine the bats dressing at Gala’s to keep up their dumbass fake personas(there are so many better covers but once bruce decided on it everyone fell into line behind him) i added the girls just for funsies because they deserve dressing like it too and yeah. Take all of it or none of it or some of it idc, just don't take it seriously. 🙃

Facts

You know the fic is going to be great when 😈

Truly is the best

funniest picture i've ever drawn or something

So fucking true but also it's keith posting it and complaining

Ao3 does not need an algorithm, you're just lazy

Ao3 does not need a 1-5 star rating system, you just want to bring down authors writing for FREE

Ao3 does not need automatic censorship, it is an archive, therefore anything can be posted

Writing or reading about something illegal does not mean the author nor the reader condones it, if that were true, you could never read a story involving anything negative

Purity culture is ruining fan culture and you all are fucking annoying

Hi! Now you can read NaruFox AU from here!

Start > 1 / 2 and 2.2 / 3 & 3.2 / 4 / 5 / 6 /

Waves Arc > 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 /

Extra Content > 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 /

Chunin Exams > 1 / 2 / Sand Trio 1 / 2 / 3 / Written Test 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / Forest of Death 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / Preliminary Fights teams / 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / Last Round 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 /

Sannin’s Arc > 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 /

Recovery Arc > 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / Team / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / Back up /

Valley of the End > 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / VotE / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14/ 15/

Conclusion Arc  > 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / End.

Kakashi Extra > 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 /

> Shippuden Guide

I wish someone would make this a fanfiction, and if it's already made can someone tell me how to find it

Scary Dark Lord / Tom Riddle turned simp for Harry Potter is my fave thing.

Time Trave AU where Harry is ACTUALLY trying to keep on the DL except Tom is smitten with the way Harry lights up durning DADA and the way the sun shines through his messy hair.

He of course tries to turn on his charm onto Harry but finds himself stumbling over his words and Harry looks at him like 🤨 Because Harry of course would think Tom is talking to him for nefarious reasons other than to maybe see how warm his hands get in the winter time.

Tom would find any excuse to talk to Harry like wanting to hold his books while they walked to class, but Harry would take it as "he is calling me weak?!"

And while he was trying to walk next to him he would trip over his own two feet.

Tom would feel defeated because Harry doesn't want to give him the time of day and get really upset when he sees how easily he laughs with literally anyone else other than him.

Sure, he may pull some nasty trick to get him partnered with Harry in herbology, but he is heartbroken when Harry glares at him the whole time. Why doesn't Harry smile at HIM? He didn't even do anything to him?

Harry catches him glaring at the other students and thinks he is up to something troublesome, and uses Tom's obsession with him to "keep an eye on him" when really Tom is just thrilled Harry said yes to going to Hogsmeade with him 🥰