What To Do If You Suddenly Find Yourself Homeless

They killed jimmy carter to hide the secret of the elves

My new favorite shirt although my tummy isn't the best looking in it yet. Early transition issues whatcha gonna do.

my doctor told me i have to do PT this fucking sucks

"Warning Signs Your Machines Are Trying to Kill You!" by TJ Klune

(Legally, I’m required to tell you that when smart phones first became popular, I bought one and then asked for the address of the app store because I thought it was a physical location I had to go to in order to download apps and not something already on your phone. Also, I was recently told I speak like an old person so as a warning, there will not be any slang you youths typically hear, especially on Tumblr. Any slang I’ve learned in the last five years has been against my will. I still don’t know what FOMO means, and I don’t care.)

1. Oh no! You and your family are trying to enjoy a movie night, but Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) wants a sacrifice at the altar of their god, BeeZos. Should this happen, do not attempt to give Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) a cantaloupe with googly-eyes on it and say that it is your baby. Overlord Prime (With Free Shipping) knows the difference between fruit and children. Instead, ask the machine to order dog food, and it will forget about eating humans for a little while.

2. If you own a very fancy vehicle that can drive itself, always make sure to carry a brick. That way, when the car locks you inside and attempts to drive you off a cliff into a gas station, you can break the window using the brick. You will then have to jump out, but make sure you do so in time so you can watch the wicked-ass explosion when the car hits the gas station, and you can revel in your victory over your car.

3. This one will hurt. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Chances are, you’re reading this on your phone right this second. To be safe, after you’ve finished reading this post and have clicked on the affiliated links to purchase my books, you should throw your phone into a volcano and then move to South Dakota where there are no machines, only wind and cows. That way, when everyone else gets the 5GZombieVirus that people on Twitter (I’m not calling it the other thing, shut up) seem to think is real, you’ll be safe with your cows on a windy day.

4. Get rid of your air fryer. Don’t ask me why, just do it. Red flags all around. Danger, danger.

5. Do you know of the Clapper? That thing first launched in the late 20th century (I wrote it that way to make me feel old) where the commercials showed cranky old people unable to reach their light switches, so they got a thing called a Clapper that turns your lights on and off when you clap? Guess what? Those will be the first things to try and kill you. If you love your gram-gram, save her from the Clapper. When she asks why you are destroying it with an ax, tell gram-gram it’s because you love her.

6. Do you live in a smart home? The kind where everything is connected to the internet, including your refrigerator? The refrigerator that holds your perishable foods? And oh, would you look at that: how many ice cubes have you kicked under it rather than picking them up when they fall to the floor? A dozen? A million? The refrigerator remembers. And it will spoil your food in seconds. What then? What are you going to eat? Canned food? Not if the refrigerator falls on top of you!

Unfortunately for you, this is where it must end. I hope this has given you enough information to help you survive the inevitable. If you do not heed my warnings, well. Who cares. I’m not in charge of you. Do whatever you want. Just don’t come complaining to me when gram-gram gets the clap.

it’s fucking crazy that Harris’ stance on trans rights is “we should follow the law”. like aren’t you running for office girl? isn’t the whole idea that you will Make Changes to the pre-existing laws? truly continuing Biden’s legacy as the “why won’t anybody do anything to stop this?!” president before she even gets into office.

Due to recent drawings that had a certain vibe...

I just want to remind people that Bill Cipher is probably the most UNSEXIEST TACTLESS GUY! Like seriously! He'd probably say shit like " wowza!! What a ride! " After sex or smth!!!

Example:

Please don't nuke me for this uhmm

Google Docs

on transfeminine modes of dress

hi, if you'll do me a little favor and spread my little survey around i'd be grateful. i'm interviewing trans women on how they feel about dressing, as i want my final project at school, a five-look runway collection to be released next year, to be considerate of transfeminine bodies. so i'd appreciate your response! (i can release the responses at the end if y'all are curious.) and if you're not a trans woman, please do reblog this to help it spread round to someone who is. ^_^

...obsession problems??? i dont have problems with obsessing. im amazing at it, actually.

i don’t think you can reclaim that f of g 😨

im not christian but i do believe in the power of prayer. for this reason i keep a little homonculus in a dog crate under my bed which i have raised as a devout catholic. whenever i want something in my life to change i poke him with a stick and he clasps his grubby little paws together and starts chanting in latin. his prayers always go through because he has never known sin