"you'll Understand When You're Older" Is A Song For Early Morning Walks Where It's A Little Bit Chilly

a carnivorous giraffe whose jaws can unhinge like a python’s

my 4am minecraft binges are not happy about this post

My kind of therapy

my cat has Stars in his eyes and love in his heart

wait actually rb this and name as many mutuals off the top of your head as you can in the tags i’m interested

are we tired? fuck ya

what do we want? sLEEP

when do we want it? *ETERNITY*

I come back here when things are hard. So in spite of previous posts, please believe me when i say,

things have been better.

I’ve always said things do get better. And I’ve always been right about that. You know, he’s repeated those words to me. That brought a smile to my face. And I am still right.

I’m thinking of the nights when I used to break apart in my bed. A pain in my heart so palpable it scarred my skin. And then days passed. Years even. And the wounds healed and the days were bright and I found happiness again.

I haven’t felt pain like that again. And I don’t think I ever could. I know too deeply that I am beautiful and loved, for that ache to return.

It does get better.

Always.

~

However, I still get tired. And frightened. And sad. Right now I feel that.

The world feels like it crumbles beneath my fingertips. I believe in love. In safety. And my assurances fall away like dry sand. Every day scrapes by like a wounded soldier, dragging himself home.

I apologize for being so dramatic, to you the empty void. I’ve been missing love for so long.

And It’s always felt too good for me.

You know, in church we used to sing hymns? Horrible things. Monotone and droning. And there they’d weave their messages for me. A wretch they sang, working my mouth with needle and string. Sewing words in hungry earth, that blossomed into an endless fear.

A wretch. That I was not good enough for any type of love, except for love from a being you can not see, can not hear, and can not touch.

And my fear grows. Am I loved?

Am I loved? Am I loved? Am I loved? Am I loved? Am I loved? AmIlovedamilovedamilovedamiloved oh please god let me be loved.

today my bones are made of the most fragile flowers. I feel little blue petals brush against my lips. Gently

i think i allow myself

to feel happy

for a tiny moment. One that I expected to last for a breathtake - but now my lungs are still full of air. Where’s all the water gone? I can breath. Where’d all the darkness go? I can feel again.

Who is there

hesitating

i reached out to someone and it didnt go well. Except in reality it really could’ve gone well. I didnt really give myself the space to be rejected- so now here i am back on my own.

It’s like i whispered to someone in a windy tunnel and hoped they heard me.

okay im feelin better but still sad

im so fuckin horny lol