Sometimes You Just Come Across A Storyteller Who Knows How To Pull Heartstrings Like A Harpist. I Keep

gonna do a little harmonica crooning like some old timey introspecitve prospector who escaped the confines of their society to run away to a hill covered in flowers and lay underneath a big ol tree. I now long for my lover while basking in the sunshine and my newfound freedom. You know. It’s just your average bittersweet Tuesday. 

sometimes i just like to disappear for years on end. Others i can’t stand to be alone for even a moment.

sorta wish i could figure out why the hell each of those things happen.

IM A LITTLE YUCKY FUNKY BOY! LITTLE SLIPPERY SLUDGY SON! TINY WINY GRIMY LAD!

and for my last ability i get hungry easy

ive become properly toasted

bIG pog

(i think) october is going to bring with it the one I’ve been looking for.

This belief has gone very very poorly for me in the past.

I’m glad i don’t seem to learn from my past lol.

(but really he might be coming!!! my dear! i wish to hold him close.)

i hope he comes near.

just a thought.

im putting it in a box though.

my mind is moving on to other things

I’m done with the dwelling.

it was good for a time. but now i gotta go on

september will be kind. september will be magical. september will bring the missing energy. september will be working towards our goals and self. september will be a month full of growth.

I come back here when things are hard. So in spite of previous posts, please believe me when i say,

things have been better.

I’ve always said things do get better. And I’ve always been right about that. You know, he’s repeated those words to me. That brought a smile to my face. And I am still right.

I’m thinking of the nights when I used to break apart in my bed. A pain in my heart so palpable it scarred my skin. And then days passed. Years even. And the wounds healed and the days were bright and I found happiness again.

I haven’t felt pain like that again. And I don’t think I ever could. I know too deeply that I am beautiful and loved, for that ache to return.

It does get better.

Always.

~

However, I still get tired. And frightened. And sad. Right now I feel that.

The world feels like it crumbles beneath my fingertips. I believe in love. In safety. And my assurances fall away like dry sand. Every day scrapes by like a wounded soldier, dragging himself home.

I apologize for being so dramatic, to you the empty void. I’ve been missing love for so long.

And It’s always felt too good for me.

You know, in church we used to sing hymns? Horrible things. Monotone and droning. And there they’d weave their messages for me. A wretch they sang, working my mouth with needle and string. Sewing words in hungry earth, that blossomed into an endless fear.

A wretch. That I was not good enough for any type of love, except for love from a being you can not see, can not hear, and can not touch.

And my fear grows. Am I loved?

Am I loved? Am I loved? Am I loved? Am I loved? Am I loved? AmIlovedamilovedamilovedamiloved oh please god let me be loved.

*probable sappiness warning*

It’s okay cuz im self aware heh. Anyways-

-

i am

for the first time

truly truly happy.

Like finally breathing

or touching the sky.

I looked for it for so long.

And now he it is on my doorstep.

Sunshine

My Beautiful sky.

This is thanks to you,

and so this is for you,

I feel happy. I love you.

emotions are so constant

i dont mind em but i would like to just take a break from feeling so much sometime

maybe lie down on a beach somewhere, listen to a guitar, and rest on someone’s chest for a while