My Thoughts Are Just As

lovable

i always thought i was the luckiest person in the world

to have found the friends that i did

i never stopped to consider

that maybe i was capable of being loved

there are flowers on my bedside table

that she got me when i didnt get the job

a text telling me to drink water

and another asking how i'm feeling

after a nonverbal episode

walking laps around the school

to talk about whatever we want

and she hugs me at the end

a million i miss yous

and i love yous

good nights

good mornings

164 games of 8 ball on gamepigeon

and a lifetime of memories

maybe i am just lucky

but maybe they love me

because i love them

sunflower hymn

a head above the rest,

so turned to face her rays

all golden drenched, aglow,

enrobed in joyous solar waves

you stand so proud! aloud

and bold, your pollen flows

like liquid gold! not sold, but

ever on the bees have sole

laid claim upon your lovely.

faces brimming, young

and tender, won't you

sing of lovers won?

won't you dream of

what's been done?

in youth's most daring

feats, some yet to come?

how to smile

throttle all the sobs

the knots

the not-enoughs

the crumbs, the problems

caught up in the loss

and thoughts which cross along the bottom

rotten crops to harvest noxious garbarge

starving out, atrocity and doubt, unpardoned

tout the heartless harbingers, unfound

a botched rebounding

all the rot and rubble, huddled up around

the floundered flotsam, drowning

struggle-bussing, cuddle-lust resounding

subtle sinking, drowning

down and out, i doubt the

pound-for-pound

surrounded, shouting, drinking in

the blinking end of all i've found

Just feel, just feel, just feel, and I think it is so simple

yet the layers are much deeper than garnish,

much harder to reconcile a heart and a soul with everything and nothing.

If only you were like dusk at sea, serene and comforting around my shoulders.

© Anna S. 2024

mental health day

i took a mental health day today

it took me 20 minutes to convince myself

but i did it

and i read a book

and colored

and it was so easy

i wish everything could be that easy

but its back to school tomorrow

365, or: how things can change

i hit my one year duolingo streak today

one year ago, he would have been the first person i told

one year ago, i was mostly stable

one year ago i thought that i was at my peak, that things could not possibly get any better

well they certainly got a lot worse

one year ago i barely knew her

one year ago i barely knew myself

365 on duolingo

what will happen when i hit 730

One day I will stop falling in love with you. Until I do, I'll be thinking of you.

k.b. // laufey, philharmonia orchestra - let you break my heart again

words may never truly express

the gratitude i feel

to have travelled to

the depths of despair.

after all,

it brought me you.

the combination of unlikely events

flutter in effect, endlessly changing

the possibility of what could be.

even then, i'm still content.

it brought me you.

isn't that enough, then?

tribulations and uncertainties:

i shed my past "self"

in the aftermath.

it was all worth it,

because

"it brought me you."

d.b.a

for s.

a playlist

or, the way your apology made me feel

history of man - maisie peters

the exit - conan gray

firearm - lizzy mcalpine

the grudge - olivia rodrigo

abbey - mitski

right where you left me - taylor swift

SESTINA FOR A HEALED WOUND