Hey. Hey You. The Person Aimlessly Scrolling, Stuck In An Immobilized Standoff With Your Brain

a playlist

or, the way your apology made me feel

history of man - maisie peters

the exit - conan gray

firearm - lizzy mcalpine

the grudge - olivia rodrigo

abbey - mitski

right where you left me - taylor swift

love is my sister

saving me the last of the

blackberries she had

how to smile

throttle all the sobs

the knots

the not-enoughs

the crumbs, the problems

caught up in the loss

and thoughts which cross along the bottom

rotten crops to harvest noxious garbarge

starving out, atrocity and doubt, unpardoned

tout the heartless harbingers, unfound

a botched rebounding

all the rot and rubble, huddled up around

the floundered flotsam, drowning

struggle-bussing, cuddle-lust resounding

subtle sinking, drowning

down and out, i doubt the

pound-for-pound

surrounded, shouting, drinking in

the blinking end of all i've found

i find

home

in the

silence.

"solace."

d.b.a

the emphasis of nothing.

“We don’t have to understand nature to appreciate it. This is true of all things. Simply be aware of moments when your breath gets taken away by something of great beauty.”

— Rick Rubin, The Creative Act: A Way of Being (Penguin Press, January 17, 2023)  (via A Layman’s Blog)

linear

i wish healing was linear

so i could point to a date on the calendar and say,

"this is when i will be over you"

so that every time i see you does not feel

like a dagger twisting under my ribs

before i quickly walk away

if healing was linear then i wouldnt still have dreams

dreams where you apologize and come back

we can't be friends again for so many reasons

but my inner subconscious doesn't seem to know that

you turned a month into a wound

how am i supposed to make it through september

past your birthday

when for four years i texted you at midnight

now i cry when you open your mouth

one hour i am fine i tell myself that i am okay

that things are getting better

later i am crying to her because i miss you,

even after everything

i hate you more for that

Recognition

one day i will be

able to see myself in

the mirror again.

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

Here is some ✨ i n s p i r a t i o n ✨ and ✨m o t i v a t i o n✨ for anyone stuck in a creative slump.

365, or: how things can change

i hit my one year duolingo streak today

one year ago, he would have been the first person i told

one year ago, i was mostly stable

one year ago i thought that i was at my peak, that things could not possibly get any better

well they certainly got a lot worse

one year ago i barely knew her

one year ago i barely knew myself

365 on duolingo

what will happen when i hit 730