Latest Posts by jemandderkeinenusernamenfindet - Page 3

一瞬なにが起こったのか理解できなかったあのときの👻

IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS

Cod sketches...

Scorpions from the past

Legacy

I have to do everything myself. /nm

ship: Captain Price x filo!141!reader

summary: running away from your birth family and then using a new name to enlist in the military came back to haunt you… of course it does.

a/n: I awakened my daddy issues and create a little something for the platonic dad Price lovers of the fandom.

tags: sfw. angst comfort. platonic dad Price. reader is a member of 141. post-mw2 (2022). Price calls reader “kid” but they are an adult (Price is just a dad). John Price being a good dad because look at him he’s literally dad shaped, Filipino words, Price speaking Filipino

You knew this would happen, but you still hated that you had been correct.

Weiterlesen

And then this one is my full name, I love both very much ♡ Just surprised there isn't more poetry consodering the rest of my pinterest

rule: go to Pinterest, search “[your name] core aesthetic” and create a moodboard from the first nine images. no need to mention your name!

rule: go to Pinterest, search “[your name] core aesthetic” and create a moodboard from the first nine images. no need to mention your name!

Unexpected / Azriel X Reader

Summary: Since Azriel has known you he has always had the impression that you were the kindest, most innocent person out there. Until there is a conspiracy.

Warnings: reader is attacked, this is my first fic, english is not my first language

If you have constructive criticism please let me know, I’m always trying to get better

Azriel had been training with Cassian when the bond suddenly exploded with emotion so strong he actually lost his footing as they drove their blades against each other. It took him a dizzy heartbeat to sort your message from the blind panic. Help me Help me Help me. He didn’t even hear the teasing words his brother threw at him before he pushed up and launched into the sky. His hand clenched around the trainings swords hilt. Something scared you and he had promised to keep you safe. Wind whipped past him as he dove for the direction the bond frantically tugged him in. Until he found you he could do nothing but pray. Please wait for me. Please be safe. Let it be something stupid, mother let it be a spider. Don’t be hurt. I don’t know what to do without you.

-----------------------------

You however, had been browsing through some of the stores in Velaris, searching for the perfect dress you could wear to the next family gathering when you first noticed the same male following you out of the store he had conveniently followed you into twenty minutes earlier. Heart slamming against your ribs you tried to rationalize that yes, people are allowed to use the same stores as you at the same time and be done at the same time and walk uncomfortably close to you and now his hands are on you and-

He’s dragging you into the alley between a shop and a florist, one hand over your lower face, the other keeping you pressed against him. Your muscles lock up, you can’t breathe, your going to die and Azriel is going to find your corpse. The disorienting sensation of winnowing pulls you from your train of thoughts. You two appear in the woods, pine trees all you can see, then you’re gone again.

He can’t winnow far.

But the fact that he is taking you out of Velaris tells you that he is not just some opportunist. Not someone trying to rob you or rape you or kill you. There’s more.

“If I’d known you were so easy to take I wouldn’t have bothered to watch you for so long. Your shadowsinger is going to give us exactly what we want to get you back.” he seems chatty, sounds like the guy from next door. Your easy abduction must’ve put him in a good mood.

Us. There are people waiting for me to be brought to him. They want to use me against my mate.

You decide then and there that you would not arrive at the final destination with this male. As soon as you feel dirt beneath your feet you take action. With your back pressed against his chest you manage to blindly scratch at his face. By chance you drive your finger into his eye and he rears back away from you yelping. You don’t think you will ever get the sensation of eyeball under your fingernails out of your mind but at least you can gasp for air now. One look around tells you that you are still in the pine tree forest but next to a river this time. It might be the sidra.

Azriel is pleading with you to tell him where you are through the bond but you really can’t focus on him right now. The male has red hair that contrasts horribly with the bloody tears streaming down his face. You can make out only that his eyes are dark but with the way he’s squinting at you you can’t be sure. His hand reaches for the nasty looking knife strapped to his thigh, the other pulls a hand full of what you guess is fae bane from a pouch. But now that you know what you’re working with your head starts to clear. Your power is a bit dusty as it raises to your command but as soon as the male lunges at you he is suspended into the air and thrown right into the river.

------------------------------------

It’s not a spider. Instead he has to listen to some florist about how you had been dragged an alley and disappeared. Cassian did most of the question asking as he himself was too busy trying to locate you with the string binding you together. You weren’t answering his frantic questions with anything else but the urgent message find me.

The male that dared to touch you would find him a very unforgiving individual with loads of knowledge on how to make people suffer. Never had he been so intent on finding and carving up a being he’d never seen before. But first he’d have to find you. And if there was a single scratch on your body he would find new ways to bring hell onto the offender.

“This is useless, we’re just loosing time.” he ground out and rushed off before Cassian could comment on the fact that he was still shirtless and only with his training sword. But in the end he just shrugged at the florist and flew after his brother. Rhys fell into beat with them soon after, tossing Azriel truth-teller and his siphons. He didn’t ask questions, Cassian must’ve filled him in already. Never had Azriel been so grateful for his brothers support. That they were willing to fly blindly into battle with him and not even ask questions about it-

His heart lurched and he forgot to beat his wings for a second when something unfamiliar thrummed through the bond. Fear and pain and something else. He strained to fly faster until he was well ahead of his brothers. They had left Velaris behind and reached the pine trees, the way there were heading now would lead them back to the sidra.

He was so blinded by the need to be by your side, check you over for any injuries, drag you back to where it was safe and take revenge that he never noticed how your end of the bond went quieter.

-----------

He landed hard by the river, almost diving in immediately for the figure thrashing below the surface. Only to whip around at your call. You were seated beneath a huge pine tree, one hand stretched out towards him, the other pressing fabric onto your thigh. The scent of your blood overrides his senses and he actually growls when his brothers land. He’s by your side before he really notices himself moving, hands tilting your head, inspecting the pine needles in your messed up hair, the bruises down your neck and finally catching on the blood seeping through the blue fabric your clutching in your left hand. The roaring in his ears drowned out the splashing water behind him. Hurt but safe.

The other hand is still extended to him and he tries to take it, assuming that you want to be comforted. But you jerk it upwards and someone coughing and spluttering erupts behind him. Immediately he has truth-teller in his hands and whirls around, wings flaring to shield you. His shadows shroud him in death shooting towards the threat. But he is met with a male struggling in the air, spiting river water and begging for it to stop.

“He was just telling me about how hewanted to take me to his companions and force you to be their informant to get to Rhysand. The others are waiting for us to show up further down the river. He said there’s supposed to be about ten but he isn’t sure if Suela could come because her brother is sick and she needed to take care of him.” you sound shockingly composed and the three illyrians are stunned as you step out from behind Azriel.

“What-”

“How-”

You merely direct the sobbing male in front of Cassian with your power, letting him fall to his knees as soon as you release him. Cassian doesn’t even have to bother tying him up. Your attacker is a pathetic, shaking heap at your friend’s feet and you can’t help but smirk. You meet Rhysands stare for a second but whatever he thinks about you actions goes unsaid.

Letting your power subside you feel the adrenaline leave you as well. Finally you turn to your mate and fall into his arms. Desperately he presses you against him, feeling you shake and fighting the urge to winnow you back into your house right then and there. Instead he looks at Rhysand, who has managed to slip his highlord mask on, assessing the back of your head as if you just became very interesting.

“I’ll take her home. Get the others to my dungeon, I want to have some fun with them.” he growls his command but the high lord doesn’t say anything, fully understanding the need for violence after your mate was attacked.

Azriel levels one look at the male on the floor that has him press against Cassians legs for refuge. “We are going to have a thorough conversation later.” he conveyed bloody murder with every word but you knew the male would not find death in a long while. You didn’t have it in you to feel sorry for him.

“Let’s go home, Az.” he hum into his chest where you buried your face. You could only guess that he immediately came from training to find you and hadn’t bothered to put a shirt on but you certainly weren’t complaining.

He picks you up and you are winnowing. Instead of the disorienting feeling you are greeted by his shadows curling and twisting around you. For a second you are free falling above Velaris then his wings catch the current and you smoothly begin to ascend.

“Thank you for finding me.” he clutched you tighter to his chest. You can feel his heart beating furiously. The bond is tight with emotions.

“I thought I was going to loose you. Never ignore me again please.”

“I’m sorry but I had to focus on not being stabbed or dragged to his friends.”

“Well how did that work out?” he huffed but you both knew that he was just shaken to the bone. Loosing you might very well be his death sentence.

“Perfectly fine thank you.”

“But he did stab you”

“Just a little bit, Az can we argue tomorrow? After this I really just want to take a bath and cuddle with my mate.” you looked up at him with big eyes and his heart melted. He would never let you go again. From now on you would have to watch him train and wait with the shopping until he could accompany you.

(You knew what he was thinking but as you had decided that the arguing would come tomorrow you didn’t bring it up yet)

Whenever I take a long car ride I end up exhausted afterwards, and I'm always like "why am I so tired? I was just sitting around doing nothing all day."

But the answer, it turns out, is I was doing something. Riding in a car jars your body in many directions and requires constant microadjustments of your muscles just to stay in place and hold your normal posture. Because you're inside the car, inside the situation, it's easy not to notice all the extra work you're doing just to maintain the status quo.

There's all sorts of work that we think of as "free" that require spending energy: concentrating, making decisions, managing anxiety, maintaining hypervigilance in an unfriendly environment, dealing with stereotype threat, processing a lot of sensory input, repairing skin cells damaged by sun exposure, trying to stay warm in a cold room.

The next time you think you're tired from "nothing", consider instead that you're probably in situation where you're doing a lot of unnoticed extra work just to stay in place.

People post Greece as an aesthetic whether it's our mythology or our beautiful islands. Now we need you more than ever. Our country is literally burning, we have no help, no resources and new fire fronts are developing each hour and heading towards villages. People and animals are in danger. The fires are not going out and it's windy. Please share this, spread awareness. Greece is always first to send help when other European countries are in need of help. Please share.

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

ABO (A) Aizawa Shota x (O) GN Reader Apple Cider Donuts

Word count: 1505 Warnings: None. 

Title: ABO (A) Aizawa Shota x (O) GN Reader Apple Cider Donuts

Summary: You find a new addition to the family and go on a grocery run.

(Gif not mine. Credit to owner.) 

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if you want to buy moonstone jewelry like…please be aware that half the people on etsy and wherever selling “moonstone” jewelry are actually selling you opalite which is just….glass with added effects. moonstone and opalite are not the same thing lol….so many people are getting ripped off on etsy because of this and it kind of bothers me

#Girlboss

Concept

A small, wooden house. Surrounded by what traditionally would be called an unkept garden. Weeds treated like flowers, grass ankle high and pretty stone circles with even more 'weeds'. A veranda stuffed with herbs in flower pots and a single chair leads to a door, painted cobalt. Inside more flowerpots on every windowsill, hanging from the ceiling and standing in corners. It smells of wet soil and spices and warmth. Furniture is old and made of dark wood, delicate carvings caching the eye. Proofs of witchcraft are everywhere. Spell jars between the flowers on the windowsill, salt lining the entrance, crystals and gems lying around.

Tea water is about to boil, a pretty mug and a nice tea blend ready. Freshly baked cookies are sitting on the table, a book not far away. The cover is really pretty and the writing so relatable it's almost suffocating. But it's calming to know not to be the only one with these problems. There's a small spider in the far away corner that hasn't moved since it had gotten there and probably never will. The sleek form of a cat sneaks around the corner, waiting for her friend to sit down so she could jump on her lap.

It's evening and the frogs are preparing their nightly concert. Crickets are chirping and the chickens returned from their journey through the garden. They are well fed, happy and tired. They know they have nothing to fear. The fox that used to frighten them has found it easier to take the dog food in front of the hole in the fence he snug through. He is never too far away from the cottage. The chickens don't know death by hands, only the long slumber when they are old enough to rest.

The cat has followed her human to the chair on the veranda, purring in their lap. The sun is about to set but it's last light will be enough to read a little longer.

This is why I don’t tell 99% people im bisexual

This man (thatgreygentleman) is one of my favorite creators and his hot take on Zuko’s coronation is amazing

I've had a lot of instances lately where I've felt a pull towards Freyja, but I don't know a lot about her. Could you share a little bit about her to help with my research??

Sæll (eða sæl) vinur,(Hello friend,)

Unfortunately, Freyja seems to be quite allusive in our sources, especially in the Prose Edda. Her brother Freyr gets far more direct attention in them. In the sources that I am most familiar with, here is where she appears in them (from a database post I am currently working on):

Freyja: Vanir, Fertility Goddess (multiple roles):

The Prose Edda (Faulkes trans.):

Gylfaginning: pages 24, 29, 30, 35, (36), and 50.

Skaldskarpamal: pages 59, 60, 75-8, (85), 86, 94-5, 98-9, (119), and 157.

The Poetic Edda:

Seeress’s Prophecy: stanza 26 (kenning).

Grimnir’s Sayings: stanza 14.

Loki’s Quarrel: prose; stanzas 30 and 32.

Thrym’s Poem: stanzas 3, 8, and 11ff.

Oddrun’s Lament: stanza 9.

The Song of Hyndla: stanza 6.

Heimskringla:

Ynglinga saga: chapter 4 and 10.

Fornaldarsögur:

Bosi and Herraud: chapter 12.

Íslendingasögur:

Egil’s Saga: chapter 79.

The Saga of the People of Fljotsdal: chapter 26.

That list, of course, has not yet been completed, but it should still serve you and others rather well. I will provide some information directly in this post, though, because some of these texts are less easily accessible. I will also share the bits that contain the most helpful information contained in those texts.

THE PROSE EDDA: (1.)

Snorri Sturluson does not give us a lot of detail about Freyja, but he does provide a basis for us to work with. Honestly, the Prose Edda is a bit of a condensed snapshot of Norse mythology – a slice of time and a slice of place. Without spending too long on source-related debates, here is some of the most satisfying bits of information from that text:

Freyja is the daughter of Njord, and the sister of Freyr.

Freyja, along with Freyr, is “beautiful in appearance and mighty.”

Freyja is “the most glorious of the Asynjur (goddesses).”

Her dwelling is called Folkvangar.

Whenever she rides to battle, she takes half of the slain. The other half goes to Odin. (This is pretty big).

Her hall is called Sessrumnir, and it is “large and beautiful.”

She travels in a chariot drawn by two cats.

In terms of prayer, she is the most approachable goddess.

She is “very fond of long songs” and it is “good to pray to her concerning love affairs.”

She is married to Od.

She has a daughter named Hnoss, who is also beautiful.

Od went off to travel, and Freyja weeps because he is gone, and “her tears are red gold.”

Freyja has many names because of her travels in search for Od: Mardoll, Horn, Gefn, and Syr.

Freyja owns Bringsing’s necklace.

Freyja was once almost married off to a giant.

Freyja can apparently grant people a “falcon shape.” She does this for Loki when he must go retrieve Idunn.

Freyja is bold. She was the only one who was brave enough to serve drinks to a giant named Hrungnir.

Later Snorri includes more of her names: Thrungva and Skjalf. He also mentions a second daughter named Gersemi.

THE POETIC EDDA: (2.)

The reference in the Seeress’s Prophecy is a bit vague, but worth bringing up. I have not spent a considerable amount of time carefully contemplating the verse, but it clearly has an important role in Freyja’s story. I believe most internet it as how Freyja was given as a hostage to end the war between the Æsir and Vanir, but since I am not confident enough to say that as ‘fact’, I’ll just give you the stanza itself:

“Then all the Powers went to the thrones of fate,the sacrosanct gods, and considered this:which people had trouble the air with treachery,or given Od’s girl to the giant race.”

Other information regarding Freyja in the Poetic Edda:

“Folkvang is the ninth, and there Fryja fixesallocation of seats in the hall;half the slain she chooses every day, and half Odin owns.” (Grim., 14)

Loki calls Freyja a witch, suggesting that she dabbles with magic. The Vanir, in general, have connections with magic.

Loki suggests that Freyja and her brother Freyr had an affair.

The “falcon shape” she can grant is also referred to as a “feather-shirt.” She loans this to Loki so he can help Thor retrieve Mjolnir. It allows the bearer to fly.

Freyja is often the object of undesired marriages, often with giants. Yet, she is also often independent and bold enough to object them.

Freyja plays a pretty central role in the Song of Hyndla, but the information about her is not very direct. It would be best to read this poem in its entirety before drawing any conclusions about Freyja from it.

HEIMSKRINGLA: (3.)

This is another work by Snorri Sturluson, but it is treated much differently than the Gylfaginning. From a down-to-Earth perspective, Snorri retells the tale of the gods in an earthly sense. Here are some of the portions about Freyja in Ynglinga saga:

“Njord’s daughter was Freyja. She was a sacrificial priestess. Shewas the first to teach the Æsir black magic, which was customary among theVanir.”

There is also this:

“Freyja kept up the sacrifices, for shewas the only one of the gods left alive, and she became the best known,so that all noble women came to be called by her name, just as now the namefrúvur (‘ladies’) is used. Similarly everyone was called freyja (‘mistress’)of what she possessed, and húsfreyja (‘mistress of a household’) if she is incharge of a dwelling. Freyja was rather fickle. Her husband was called Od.Her daughters were called Hnoss and Gersimi. They were very beautiful.The most precious treasures are called by their names.”

FORNALDARSÖGUR: (4.)

These are sagas about legendary heroes and kings, and a great deal of mythological material gets tied up within them. There are likely others, but I do not have copies of all of them, so I am limited to knowing only of references made in my own small collection. I would share the reference for Freyja that appears in Bosi and Herraud, but it is not very satisfying. All that is said is that there was a toast to Freyja on a wedding night, but little more. Again, there are likely a few other Fornaldarsögur that contain information about Freyja, but they are not my specialty. In time I will hunt down more.

ÍSLENDINGASÖGUR: (5.)

These sagas are a bit different from the Fornaldarsögur. They are much ore realistically toned, in that there is much less supernatural activity taking place. They are still good sources for information, though! Even in terms of mythology. There is a decent amount of information preserved in these texts about rituals and practices associated with certain figures, such as Freyja. Of course, there are problems with the sources that need to be addressed before taking certain bits of information too far, but that is not a concern until you really start to dig and contemplate the text.

In Egil’s Saga, a woman named Thorgerd says this: “I have had no evening meal, nor shall I do so until I go to join Freyja.” 

This is interesting because it suggests that a woman, at least, can choose to go to Freyja after death. Given further context, there may be a way that she suspects she might be able to make this happen, but regardless there seems to be an acceptance that Freyja has privilege over dead, and not just the half she gets that are slain in battle. Food for thought.

The information in The Saga of the People of Fljotsdal is even less fulfilling, at least when looking to learn more about Freyja herself. If you are interested in the attitudes of Icelanders in regards to conversion, then more information awaits you in the saga.

In the end, there really is not much else to be found regarding Freyja. Most of what we know comes from the Eddas, but there is information scattered around elsewhere. I have not even included archaeological materials and runestone in this situation, but that is because I am a medieval literature kind of guy. Despite the lack of information, I hope what I have shared with you turns out to be helpful in some way or another. Surly something will be of interest to you.

Otherwise, I hope for the best in your endeavors. Freyja is a rewarding subject.

Með vinsemd og virðingu,(With friendliness and respect,)Fjörn

FOOTNOTES:

1. Snorri Sturluson, Edda, translated by Anthony Faulkes. (repr., 1987; London: J.M. Dent, 1995). Online version. All specific references are contained above, at the beginning of this post.

2. Carolyne Larrington trans., The Poetic Edda. (repr., 1996; Oxfrod: Oxford University Press, 2014). All specific references are contained above, at the beginning of this post.

3. Snorri Sturluson, Ynglinga saga, in Heimskringla, Volume I: The Beginnings to Óláfr Tryggvason, 2nd ed., translated by Alison Finlay and Anthony Faulkes. (London: University College London, 2016). All specific references are contained above, at the beginning of this post.

4. If you are curious, this is the citation for the collection that I own: Hermann Pálsson and Paul Edwards trans., Seven Viking Romances. (London: Penguin Books, 1985).

5. Bernard Scudder trans., Egil’s Saga, in The Complete Sagas of Icelanders: Including 49 Tales, Vol. I, edited by Viðar Hreinsson, Robert Cook, Terry Gunnell, Keneva Kunz, and Bernard Scudder, (Reykjavík: Leifur Eiríksson Publishing, 1997), 150. (Chapter 79)

personal playlists i’ve made that might fit your niche

a country playlist for a friend who is playing rdr2 but doesn’t actually like country

soft pop bops

bad 70s/80s music that i love a lot

early 2000′s nostalgia playlist for kids that were born 1995-1999 and dont fit with millennials or gen z

classical bops that didn’t need to go that hard

My first ever spell jar!

A Basic Home Protection jar

In order from top to bottom:

Crushed Egg Shells- to protect and allow growth within

Salt- to absorb negative energy

Black Pepper- to protect and banish negativity

Garlic Powder- to protect and strengthen

Basil- to protect and keep peace

Crushed Egg Shells- to protect and allow growth within

Each ingredient is given intent before added to the jar, and then sealed off with a white candle to exorcise negativity, and to promote peace and protection. I did the wax sealing by lighting a long candle, and letting it drip wax onto the lid (I had the jar sitting on a paper plate to avoid a mess), and then I let it sit until the wax cooled. 

I wanted my first spell jar to be something to protect my home and those that I love within, and after researching I found that the basic protection based ingredients could be found within my kitchen cabinet! 

*Side note: The crushed egg shells can be added to a garden or potted plant as a natural fertilizer to help promote growth!

The moon is beautiful reblog if you agree

antisocial socialites

⤷ summary: Feelings become a bit more complicated when people start to ship you and Todoroki online.

pairing: todoroki shouto/ gn! reader

warnings: this is just straight up silly, dorkiness, simp behavior, twitter usage, yes i headcanon that todoroki is internet savvy and is secretly a nerd no i do not take constructive criticism

word count: 2.3k+ words

a/n: i caved 😔 never thought i’d see the day where i made a whole todo fic but it’s 2020 and we should try new things. this is just a short thing i made when i couldn’t sleep and an idea popped into my head, and no this is not my 4k special i’m still working on that. anyways enjoy this pure crack

Kaminari’s Youtube account was, for lack of a better term, ruining your life.

“Trending?!” you cried, snatching the phone away from Hagakure’s hands, who yelled in protest. “It was uploaded only fourteen hours ago!”

“Don’t underestimate the powers of the internet!” Kaminari told you, stroking his chin as if he were some kind of expert or something. “Especially when it comes to the number one hero’s son.”

At first, you didn’t mind Kaminari’s new hobby. He seemed to really enjoy vlogging, and it was better than him wasting his time trying to flirt with uninterested girls. Really, it was fun for all of you to rewatch your memories through Kaminari’s perspective, and to have video footage of things you otherwise wouldn’t have proof of, like when Bakugou sneezed and almost set off the fire alarm.

Now, of course Kaminari had a large following. He was a student at one of the most exclusive schools in Japan, and his friends were semi-celebrities like Momo, Iida, and Todoroki. Well, pretty much half of all his viewers only watch for Todoroki, much to Kaminari’s dismay. They pick apart footage so that they can get the Todoroki Shouto content that the media had previously deprived them of.

When people over-analyze footage like Kaminari’s subscribers do, they’re bound to make assumptions.

And they sure do make assumptions.

@MirukoLoveBot

is it… is it just me, or do todoroki and that y/n person ALWAYS stand next to each other in @ChargeboltYT’s videos?? like in every single video when y/n’s on screen BOOM todoroki just pops up next to them

@ceoofplusultra

HUGEE Congratulations to Y/N for getting the Todoroki Shouto to look at them like THAT 😭😭 God, I see what you do for others-

@quirkiness

are none of you going to talk about the fact that the only time we’ve ever seen todoroki smile in @ChargeboltYT’s vlogs is the video where they were making cookies y/n made one that looked like him? because i think of that everyday

@YueiiUpdates07

Todoroki and Y/N are in love and there’s nothing you people can do about it #todoyn This vlog definitely proves it 🥺

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Gentle Witchcraft

Just a collection of witchy things that give off a gentle, loving energy without being focused on self love or romantic love specifically <3

It’s the little things:

Gentle little witch things to do

Witchy blessings

I AM… spells

Witch’s morning routine

Glamours:

Glow like the moon

Shine like the sun

To radiate a loving aura

Spells:

To attract kindness

Soft shores bath spell

Quartz wellness bath

Here comes the sun

My love soothes you pet spell

Dandelion wish spell

Restful sleep and sweet dreams

Rose water spells

Room healing spell

Ease the pain

Tarot spreads:

Good morning!

Reduce anxiety 

The new you

Let go and grow

Sigils:

Shimmer and shine

Radical softness

To promote peaceful feelings

Inner peace

I will make it through this

I am comfortable in my own skin