Holy Shit Biblically Accurate Simon Riley Dropped

soap coming up to you at a bar, hitting on you, buying you a drink, leaning in to talk in your ear. and a guy comes up to you to loudly ask 'is this guy bothering you?' and soap throws his head back and laughs as you roll your eyes and say 'yes but he's my boyfriend so he's allowed to'

Saying your going to have shower sex with ghost is like giving a dog a slice of cheese with medicine wrapped inside. You let him wash your tits.... as a treat.

He gets to grab at your tits and paw at you all he wants while you soap up the washcloth. It's all fun and games when you're scrubbing his chest, letting him look at you and think maybe you'll start playing with his cock, but then you grab the shampoo and suddenly it's not fun anymore. He's getting soap in his eyes and trying to keep you from accidentally waterboarding him in an attempt to clean some of the grime off his face. Is this grease paint of dirt? Who knows but it's got to come off.

The backne on this man is severe. You gotta put topical cream on him afterwards. He pouts the whole time.

i need john price to put me in a chokehold and prone bone me. sorry

drink some fucking water

something something being dragged to a bar by your friends for one of their birthday’s or something and being content enough to sit at the bar and read/write/whatever solitary thing while they go off to do their own thing

but you can feel someone sit next to you and when you turn to look he has the most piercing blue eyes and oddest hair cut you’ve ever seen but— if someone forced you to admit it, you’d say he’s cute at least.

anyway johnny of course tries to woo you and take you home with him that night but you cut him and his attempts off with a good natured laugh,

“heh, i’m sorry, but i only sleep with my husband. i don’t do romantic flings.”

“but ye don’ ‘ave a ring?”

“mhm, i’m not married yet.”

“yer single?”

“that’s right.”

and now he’s even more determined to get you home and covet you all to himself, for someone so sweet can’t possibly be adored by anyone else but him.

(it’s a problem when his task force’s eyes start to wander to you, though.)

*violently sobbing* I KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER I KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER

Accommodation I should have: someone to follow me around and whisper in my ear, medieval court advisor style, how to correctly respond when presented with different social situations

"My liege, that was a rhetorical question you just heard. Do not answer it."

Going off my headcanon that Ghost doesn't keep up with celebrities or musicians because he just doesn't care. Imagine if he was dating someone famous. Maybe not super famous because I imagine that would be difficult, but maybe famous in the right circles (thinking like Spiritbox or even Mother Mother type famous.)

Like he genuinely has no idea that you're famous. He's never heard of you or your band before. When you first meet and you say something about it, he stares at you before asking if he's supposed to know what that means, voice monotone.

When he talks about you to the others, he never uses your name. You're always just his bird, his love, maybe the missus (regardless of gender). He talks about how hectic both of your schedules are, and they just assume that maybe you work on a different base or you're in the medical field or something. It's always vague enough to keep them all wondering, and he refuses to elaborate.

Now imagine Soap's surprise when everything finally lines up and the team gets to meet Ghost's birdie, and none other than the leader singer of his favorite band saunters in.

(but also imagine if you were super famous. Like how the hell does this behemoth not know who you are? but you're also so relieved because at least you know he likes you for you.)