Joeysmartass

If the Founding Fathers Had Tumblr Blogs

George Washington: Would use a simple template and dedicate his blog mostly to his farm work; what crops are doing well and what grows best in what soil, and where to get the best beer in the country. It’s not a terribly active blog. Accidentally became tumblr famous. He’s also annoyed because the only asks he gets are political ones, and he’d rather keep his blog politics-free. Why can’t they just leave him alone?

John Adams: Shares a blog with his wife Abigail, and together they have the most quality blog of the group. History, politics, law, anything considered high on a liberal arts education, it’s on this blog. The Adamses also have very strong opinions on their contemporaries and are not afraid to talk about their grievances in public. They have a small but very dedicated follower base. John gets upset when his posts don’t get a lot of notes, and while occasionally go into a fit about how unappreciated he is. Does not use the “Read More” option, so expect a lot of scrolling. Good luck finding the next-page button.

Thomas Jefferson: Beautifully formatted, TJ is a hipster of sorts who enjoys blogging about nature, science, and the general beauty of the world. Expect gorgeous pictures, the most up-to-date discoveries on biology, and opinions on topics ranging from religion to the state of modern education. Things got weird when he constantly reported his follower count. He’s very easy to get along with, as he mostly tells people what they want to hear, but has a tendency to stick his nose in other people’s cultures and give unwanted opinions. Like Washington, he prefers not to clog his blog with politics. He has Madison for that.

Alexander Hamilton: Hamilton believes he’s right about everything and it’s your privilege to know that. He doesn’t shy away from politics, but shines in it. He purposefully tracks tags so he can find a opinion he thinks is wrong and then call them out in public so he can shame them. Expect many charts and figures on economics and trade, as well as very long opinions on government and human nature. He also has a lot of sockpuppet accounts that exist to reblog and praise his first one.

James Madison: Exists to counterpoint everything Hamilton posts. Madison originally didn’t even want a blog, but Jefferson convinced him someone had to call him out, and since the Sage didn’t want that kind of tension on his blog, roped in his friend to take care of it. Occasionally he does break off and make his own original posts, his own opinions on government and human nature, but now Hamilton is prepared to point out everything he considers wrong about those.

Benjamin Franklin: You want some politics? Expect satirical cartoons. You want stuffy science? Expect news on how many times Franklin shocked his subjects with static electricity to prove a point. You want culture? Expect fart jokes. He gives tips on money, health, sex, beer, and in general how to live the good life. Warning: has autoplay. Occasionally turns into social justice when someone says they don’t take him seriously. Franklin does have the tendency to post selfies that cross the line into tmi, but he’s never heard any complaints from his followers. NSFW.

Thomas Paine had a blog but was permanently banned for trolling. He blames Patrick Henry.

the age old question

By @hollyisnotanartist

my friend took in a stray and she’s the cutest kitty ever but he named her oil so whenever he sends a picture of her me and my other friends look like we’re roleplaying as the US military

“I don’t think that every villain in the world actually thinks they’re being a good guy, but I do think that everybody creates a value system that justifies the actions they’re taking, and and I think there’s a difference between those two things. Not everybody believes that they’re on the side of righteousness, but everybody has a way of justifying the actions they’re taking. Not every villain has to be a misunderstood hero, and in fact I think there are a lot of instances throughout history of people who were obviously doing the wrong thing and probably had an understanding of that on some level, but had some rationale or justification for it. A lot of villains in literature and media have these weird, Thanos-esque philosophies of what it is that they’re trying to do, and I think human motivation tends to come from more primal places than that. So a lot of the villains I write can be brilliant or clever (and, in fact, probably should be), but their motivation tends to be primal. They wanna be rich, they wanna have power, they wanna live forever. There’s something deep down that is, when you break it down, not too complex. Right? If you look at the real world, the people that are doing bad stuff don’t need complex motivations. They wanna rule the world! They wanna be rich! They wanna be unafraid that other people can ever screw them over, so they screw other people over. Evil is boring. Right? I kinda believe in the banality and mundanes of evil. Evil is just selfish impulses, which at the end of the day are really easy to understand. It’s easy to understand why people do bad things. It’s like “yeah, ok, you’re selfish and scared and cruel, I get it”. Being good is complex and beautiful and hard.”

—

Brennan Lee Mulligan, when asked how to create villains for ttrpgs

(I found this quote to be really meaningful in like…life in general which is why I posted it here. When he said “evil is boring”, it felt like something clicked in me that I had known deep down but hadn’t had the words for.)

Aquarium date? 🐠

Don't know anything about cooking however I do love me some good old fashioned spite.

When I was little my mom’s meatloaf was my favorite food. But ONLY her meatloaf. I didn’t like anyone else’s, and she told me that she would teach me how to make it when I was older. And when I was like 19? She finally taught me, but she told me never to tell anyone else and I was like weird but okay

Anyway, she was super fucking homophobic and abusive to me when I told her I was gay, so here’s the recipe

4-6 lbs of Hamburger/turkey burger

1 pk onion soup mix OR ranch mix

1 TBs ketchup

1 Tbs spicy brown mustard,

1 Tbs bbq sauce

1 Tbs steak sauce

1 egg

mix, shape into a loaf in a big pan, and bake at 350 for 2 hrs (maybe 2 and a half if you’re feeling dangerous)

You can get almost all of these ingredients at the dollar store, and have leftovers if it’s just you. The leftovers make great tacos if (taco seasoning is also like a dollar). Enjoy your revenge loaf