I’m One Of One. I’m Number One. I’m The Only One. Don’t Even Waste Your Time Trying To Compete

PLEASE I LOVE THIS

Good Girls are Bad Girls that haven’t been Caught | Luke Patterson

Pairing: alive! 1995! Luke Patterson x fem! Reader

Warning: None

Word Count: 4,038

A/N: A big thank you goes to @bass-ic-deaky for proof-reading and making it much more vibrant! 🥰💖

This oneshot is based on the song “Good Girls” by 5 Seconds of Summer.

Luke and (Y/N) knew each other since they were kids. They had been neighbors since childhood, so it wasn’t uncommon for them to be playing with each other in their adjoining backyards most days. But time went by and slowly they got older. On his 8th birthday, Luke had gotten a guitar and quickly realised his dream of becoming a rock star. After meeting Alex Mercer and Reggie Peters in middle school, the dream slowly became reality. Sunset Curve was born. (Y/N), on the other hand, took on violin instead. 

As time passed, they slowly began to grow apart. One would describe Luke’s style of music and dress as more rock n’ roll grunge. (Y/N), however, looked the total opposite, elegant, poised, which could also be heard through her playing throughout the neighborhood. (Y/N) listened to classical music and took ballet lessons while Luke continued his guitar lessons and went to ice hockey practice. It seemed like after all this time, the two had nothing in common anymore.

Now they were in high school and they barely knew the other existed anymore. The only times Luke saw (Y/N), even though they were still neighbours, was when they ran into each other in the hall or if they just so happened to leave for school at the same time, which these days was very rare. (Y/N) was quite the early riser, and was often already off on her way while Luke was still lying in bed half asleep. Though they had two classes together, they hardly spoke to each other. It was as if their friendship before this had meant nothing.

Sometimes Luke missed the old days. Back then, (Y/N) didn’t seem too different from him. He could still remember them sitting in his treehouse, sharing gummy bears and listening to an old Led Zeppelin album. Now all she ever seemed interested in was studying. But even despite their different paths, they talked to each other from time to time. Their parents, on the other hand, were still very close. Occasionally they met at one of their homes, cooked together, talked about their jobs and even more so about their kids. Luke had learned from his parents that (Y/N) planned to go to Harvard once they graduated. Of course, when they told him that, he couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. He knew his parents wished he had the same or at least similar plans for his life. But Sunset Curve was finally starting to take off. After they played their first gig at a small bar in L. A., more and more bars and clubs were willing to let them perform. Luke had loved rehearsals before, now they were even more fun, especially knowing that they’d get to perform their new songs in front of more people than just Bobby’s parents. Bobby became a part of the band when he moved to L. A. four years after they had formed. With Bobby’s arrival the band not only found a rhythm guitarist, but also a place to rehearse. Before that, they had to rehearse in Reggie’s basement, between boxes and useless junk. Then of course his parents constantly fighting upstairs didn’t make for the best working environment.

Whenever Luke fought with his parents and just needed space to clear his head, there was no better place for him than a small shed in Bobby’s backyard which they had affectionately dubbed their studio. The words from his parents still rang in his ears as he pulled out his bike, guitar case slung over his back. 

“Why can’t you be more like (Y/N)?! She has good grades and a bright future at Harvard!” His mother had wailed.

“Being a rockstar is not a realistic goal, it won’t bring you any money or stability” His father tried to convince him.

Every time it was always the same. Luke jumped onto his bike and made his way through the backyard towards the gate, when he stopped in his tracks. In the corner of his eyes he could make out a dark figure, running through the yard next to his. At the end of the driveway, he could make out the lights of a car, shining through the trees and the figure running towards it. When the figure finally came into the light, Luke could finally see who it was. She turned around, taking one last look at the house behind her before she opened the car door and got in before promptly speeding off into the darkness. Who did (Y/N) just leave with?

–

Luke was tired the next morning. Despite spending the night in the studio, far away from the trouble with his parents, the young guitarist hadn’t slept a wink. His mind was racing with thoughts of (Y/N) and the mysterious person she had left with. During their lunch break at school, he told his band members of the encounter. “Wait, you mean to tell us that (Y/N), the definition of the perfect daughter, snuck out?” Bobby asked in disbelief. 

Luke nodded. “Yep, got into a car with someone. Can’t say for certain who it was.” The eyes of the four guys wandered to said girl, who was sitting with her friends at a table not far away from their own. 

“I’ll dip into the school gossip and see what I can find out. I’ll deliver the goods.” Alex smirked. And deliver he did at their band practice later that day. “So you know Tori, the girl who sits next to me in chem class and never shuts up? She told me that she heard from one of her friends, who was told by one of his friends that (Y/N) was spotted with Brandon Jones in the back of the library.” 

“Brandon Jones?” Luke asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Alex nodded “Yeah, the captain of the football team who always drives a really expensive car.”

“How do they even know each other? Isn’t he usually on the brink of suspension?” Reggie asked curiously to which Alex shrugged. 

“Well, well, well, seems like your little (Y/N) likes bad boys, Luke.” Bobby laughed, while throwing an arm around Luke’s shoulders. 

Luke quickly shrugged it off with a grimace. “She’s not my (Y/N).” He snapped. “It just surprises me that she sneaks out to meet him. That doesn’t sound like her.” 

“Yeah, ‘cause you know her so well after barely talking to her for years and only making eyes at her from afar.” Bobby countered. 

“I’m not making eyes at her!” The guitarist defended himself much too quickly to be believable. Back in the day when he still was friends with (Y/N), he may have had the tiniest of crushes on her. Luke had to admit that (Y/N) was indeed very beautiful, but he most certainly wasn’t making eyes at her as Bobby had suggested. 

–

A few days passed. Luke sped through the house looking for his jacket so he could get going to band practice, which he was already running late for. “Mom, Dad. I’m going to Bobby’s” He shouted through the house, hoping his parents had heard him. Finally finding his jacket under his bed, he shrugged it on as he made his way through the kitchen. 

He was about to open the back door, when his mom appeared behind him. “Don’t you have a french test to study for? (Y/N)’s father told me about it.” Emily looked expectantly at her son, arms crossed over her chest. 

Luke rolled his eyes and turned around. “Yeah, that’s why I’m going to Bobby’s. We’re gonna study together.” He lied convincingly. 

Emily nodded slowly, a bit skeptical. “(Y/N) studies every night alone and gets good grades. Maybe if you would just concentrate more, you could study alone, too.” Emily suggested. Luke laughed silently. (Y/N) studying every night? That was rich, if only her parents really knew their daughter. 

Luke mentally shook his head out. “Sure, but Bobby is better in french than I am. So he can help me. Work smarter not harder, isn’t that what they say?” He shrugged. 

Emily looked at him thoughtfully. “You could study with (Y/N). She’s nearly fluent in French now.” 

Luke nodded, a slight laugh escaping his lips as he opened the door. “I’ll think about it, alright? Now I really have to go!” He quickly said and made his way outside, slamming the door behind him. He couldn’t be late, after all Sunset Curve was playing another gig tonight. Luke took his bike from its spot against the fence and made his way towards the gate to the front yard when he suddenly saw a figure out of the corner of his eye again. Her hair was flowing in the wind as she quickly made her way through the darkened yard only this time instead of just watching, Luke went after her. Before (Y/N) could reach the car that was waiting for her behind the trees, Luke touched her shoulder. Startled, she let out a yelp of surprise as she spun around. “(Y/N)?” 

“L-Luke…hey.” She laughed nervously. 

“What are you doing out here?” He asked her confused, he was half expecting her to be up in her room studying like the perfect little princess she was. 

(Y/N) clasped at his wrist and pulled him behind the trees, out of the sight of her house. “Don’t you dare tell my parents about this!” She hissed at the guitarist through gritted teeth. 

Luke laughed. “What? That their little princess is sneaking out?”

“I’m not a princess!” She angrily countered. 

Luke shook his head “Nah, you’re right, you’re clearly the living definition of a goody-two-shoes. Such a good girl, eager to please.” 

(Y/N) rolled her eyes “You clearly forget everything you thought about good girls.” 

Luke furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?” 

Suddenly a voice interrupted both of them “(Y/N) you’re coming?” Brandon Jones, cool as ever with a cigarette poised elegantly between his lips, sat in the car beside them, looking with raised eyebrows at the girl in front of Luke. 

(Y/N)’s gaze wandered between the two boys “I gotta go.” She murmured as she opened the car door. But before getting inside she paused and turned to Luke again. “Good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught.” She winked as she got into the car immediately rolling down the window. “Now be a good boy and just turn around and forget about this encounter, alright?”. With that, she sped off leaving the guitarist standing there dumbfounded. Luke shook his head in disbelief, what had just happened?

When he arrived at Bobby’s, (Y/N) words were still running laps through Luke’s head. He was quick to tell the rhythm guitarist about the encounter. “‘Good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught’.” Bobby murmured. 

Luke nodded. “That’s what she said. Sounds pretty rad don’t you think?” He looked at the other guitarist who nodded in agreement. “Yeah…” Suddenly it was extremely and rather awkwardly quiet. “Do you think that they-” Luke started.

“Are seeing each other?” Bobby finished his friend’s question, the lead guitarist nodding in confirmation. “Would it matter?” 

Luke shrugged. “I mean, I just don’t want her to see her being pressured into something she doesn’t want to.” 

Bobby laughed quietly. “OR you just don’t want her doing anything with Brandon.” 

“Okay, I am definitely not jealous!” Luke countered, shaking his head.

“I never said you were, but now that you mention it…”

“Oh shut up…besides I’ve barely spoken to her in years!”

“But people don’t really change that much!” Bobby countered. 

Luke huffed dramatically. “Well she did!” 

“I don’t know about that, bro. Sneaking out? Doesn’t really sound like the (Y/N) we know from school.” He paused a moment. “The (Y/N) you knew when you were younger, the one you’ve told me about, that’s her down to the letter.” He shrugged as rose from his spot. “But enough about this. We’ve gotta go pick up Alex and Reggie. Otherwise we’re going to be late!” Luke quickly nodded, grabbing his guitar before following Bobby outside. 

The club was completely packed with people. Luke could hear the audience’s chattering from backstage. “This is so cool!” Reggie excitedly said after taking a look through the club. “There are so many people here from school, too!” 

Luke took a deep breath. Adrenaline was starting to course through his veins. He could practically hear his heart beating in his chest as the band made their way onto the stage. He blinked a few times as he tried to get used to the spotlights. His gaze drifted down through the crowd in front of them as they quickly set themselves up. Suddenly he stopped. At the back, right next to the bar, there she was standing. Their eyes met and a small smile played around her lips. Luke laughed to himself quietly before taking a step closer to the mic. “We’re Sunset Curve!”

After their gig, Luke made his way through the crowd. Everytime someone patted his shoulder to tell him how good they were, she nodded thankfully but his eyes always stayed fixated on (Y/N). When he finally stood in front of her a giggle left her lips “Good show, Patterson.” 

He smirked, leaning against the bar. “Thanks.”

“Just like we imagined when we were kids.” She slightly bumped against his shoulder. 

The guitarist felt his heart beat faster at this. Nervously he rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess.”

“So that’s what you’ve been up to all this time…?” She quietly asked, her gaze drifting through the crowd. Luke nodded in reply. “And soon you’re gonna be famous!” She smiled suddenly much more excited. 

Luke laughed “I think that’s still a long way off. What about you? What’ve you been up to?” He asked her curiously. 

“Oh, you know violin and ballet lessons, the usual. I haven’t told my parents yet that I’m sick of it!” She nonchalantly took a sip from her coke and looked at him. 

Luke furrowed his brows, he was genuinely confused. “I thought that’s what you liked? I mean you got your violin around the same time I got my guitar.” 

(Y/N) shook her head “I practically begged my parents to get me an electric bass so we could form a band but they got me a violin. Said it would be better for me.” 

Luke was surprised at those words. “A band?” He saw (Y/N)’s cheeks taking on a pink shade. 

She shrugged. “Like Led Zeppelin.” Suddenly ‘Whole Lotta Love’ started to blast through the speakers of the club. (Y/N) laughed “That’s creepy. Like they’ve been listening to us talk about it.” 

But Luke barely listened to her. Instead he had been transported back to 1987. He had just found the old Led Zeppelin EP in one of his dad’s boxes he kept into the attic. He had immediately called (Y/N) to meet him in the treehouse. They had been listening to the songs when suddenly (Y/N) had told him about her best female friend (Y/F/N), who had told her that she had kissed Fynn, a boy from their class. “Like a real kiss? On their lips?” Luke had asked with wide eyes. He, of course, had asked her if she ever had kissed a boy on the lips. (Y/N) had admitted that she had never. In her childish recklessness, or could it be her boldness, she had told him that he was the only one who she would have wanted to kiss. Luke remembered how nervous he had been, when (Y/N) had leaned in, ‘Whole Lotta Love’ playing in the background when their lips touched but for a short second. 

Luke looked wide-eyed at the girl in front of him, who didn’t know the memory that was playing in his head at the moment. His gaze fell from her eyes to her lips. Maybe Bobby had been right. Maybe (Y/N) hadn’t really changed that much and maybe he still had those feelings he had for her when he was smaller. He quickly shook his head. He couldn’t have those thoughts. (Y/N) was here with someone else. “So where’s your shadow?” He asked, referring to Brandon. He turned to the bar to order a coke. 

She sighed “Having a smoke.” 

“Already missing him?” He laughed. 

(Y/N) huffed, slightly annoyed. “Yeah, sure.” 

“I thought you were a thing?” Luke asked, turning to her again. 

(Y/N) furrowed her brows “Who told you that?” 

“Nobody. I just thought because you always sneak out to meet him and because you’re here together…?” He shrugged. 

(Y/N) laughed. “No, I mean it’s fun to hang out but I would never…I mean…he’s a player and only plays with girls.” 

Luke looked at her amused. “So you’re just hanging out with him for the sake of hanging out?” (Y/N) nodded. 

“I was just tired of everything. Of my life. It seemed like a good escape, you know? But now…it’s really hard to make it clear to him that nothing will ever happen.”

“Just be careful, alright? I don’t think he’ll let you get off the hook so easy.” 

(Y/N) shook her head “Soon he’ll get tired of me and look for someone else.” 

“And what about you then?”

(Y/N) took a deep breath and turned to him, something obviously weighing heavily on her mind. “Luke, I-” She started, but before she could finish her sentence they were interrupted as an arm found his way around (Y/N) shoulder. 

“I’m back.” Brandon smirked, eying Luke suspiciously. 

“Hey Brandon.” Luke smirked, annoyance evident in his gaze, before turning to (Y/N) again. “It was nice catching up, (Y/N). See ya around.” With that he made his way through the crowd, trying to stop himself from thinking about (Y/N).

–

Days passed. Once again, Luke barely saw (Y/N) apart from their classes. He was sitting in his room, writing down the lyrics to a song that had been stuck in his mind for days, when suddenly the doorbell rang. He ran down the hall of the family’s ranch style home and was met with her beautiful eyes, when he opened the door. “(Y/N)! So good to see you!” Emily greeted with a big smile, appearing behind Luke. “Come on in.” Luke stepped aside to let the girl inside. With a questioning glance, he looked to his mother. “I called (Y/N)’s parents to ask if she could help you in french. I think that would be better than having to go all the way to Bobby’s, right?” 

Luke nodded slowly “Uhm, yeah. Sounds good. Uhm, we could go into my room?” He suggested, looking at Emily. 

His mother nodded “Yes, but leave the door open. I’ll bring you some snacks.” 

Luke nodded in agreement and turned to (Y/N). “Shall we?” (Y/N) nodded in reply and followed him down the hall to his bedroom. “Take a seat, I guess.” He pointed to the chair in front of his desk as he took a seat on the bed. “What are you doing here?”

“Helping you in french.” She laughed. 

Luke nodded slowly, a sly, teasing smirk appearing on his face. “And, uh, is Brandon alright with you hanging out with me?”  

“Who cares?” (Y/N) rolled her eyes at the mention of his name. “Right after your concert I told him I couldn’t see him anymore.” 

Luke furrowed his brows. “Why?”

“As I already told you, at first it was just an escape but…he wanted to do more the entire time and I just didn’t want to…at least not with him.” She laughed. 

Luke looked at her, a playful glint in his eye. “Not with him, huh? So someone else has caught your eye then?” he laughed. 

(Y/N) shrugged, casting her glance downward. “Maybe. But that won’t happen, so…” 

“Why not?” 

(Y/N) sighed, nervously keeping her gaze trained to the ground, before looking up at him again. “Luke…you see…I know we haven’t had that much contact over the last few years, but…I wish it was different and I’m sorry. I thought…well I had hoped…“ She paused, inhaling deeply. “Maybe we could start over? Being friends again?” She asked, hope evident in her voice. 

Suddenly Luke felt his heartbeat just a tiny bit faster. “Friends?” He croaked, before clearing his throat. “You mean like back in the day?” 

(Y/N) nodded. “Yeah, and uhm maybe…” She nervously played with the necklace around her neck. Luke’s eyes drifted to the pendant. It was the necklace he had given her when she had turned seven. Inside it he had put a picture of the both of them. (Y/N) eyes softened when she saw what Luke was looking at. She took the chain from around her neck and slowly took his hand, placing it in his palm. She looked expectantly at it before looking up at him. Luke opened it and found himself looking at his and (Y/N)’s younger selves. In the picture he had his arm slung around her shoulders. Both of them were smiling brightly. 

Luke sighed as he smiled at the memory of that day. “I had a little crush on you back then.” He admitted quietly, staring at the toothy grin of her younger version. 

“You did?” (Y/N) asked. 

He nodded, his eyes never leaving the picture. “I was so sad when we stopped talking, but it…it had just happened, right?” 

“I wish it hadn’t…I uh…I had a crush on you, too.” she murmured. 

Luke laughed quietly, the pieces of the puzzle slowly falling into place. “So if we want to go back to how it was then…” 

“You would have a crush on me?” (Y/N) smiled hopefully. 

Luke shrugged. “Maybe I still do.” He felt his cheeks heating up as (Y/N) clasped at his hands. 

“Maybe I still have a crush on you, too.” 

Luke’s heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. His eyes met (Y/N)’s and he couldn’t stop his smile from growing wider if that was even possible. “Just maybe?” He asked cheekily, as he slowly leaned in closer. 

“Alright, so definitely.” (Y/N) giggled as their lips connected in a tender kiss. 

–

“Please, you have to come!” Luke whispered into the phone in the kitchen where the landline was. It was already dark inside the house, his parents already having turned in for the night. 

“Okay, fine. But you tell my parents that you have a good influence on me the next time they see us.” She laughed through the speaker, before hanging up. 

They met behind the trees at the back of their yards. He leaned in to greet her with a short kiss. “I missed you.” He murmured, hiding his face into her neck. 

“We just saw each other a few hours ago.” (Y/N) laughed. 

“That’s so long ago!” He countered as Luke got onto his bike and looked expectantly at (Y/N), who stood on the tire spokes behind him. “Hold on tight!”

The venue was filled with people dancing and chattering. (Y/N) followed Luke to the side of the stage. “Stay here so you’ll have a good view of the stage and that way I can see you, too.” He said, looking at her with a wide smile. 

“Knock ‘Em dead, rockstar!” She beamed at him, leaning in to give him a good-luck kiss. 

“Alright, enough of that lovebirds. We gotta go!” Bobby laughed, interrupting the cute moment pushing Luke toward the stage. 

Reggie smiled at them. “Look at all the people! It’s gonna be sick!” 

Alex shrugged nervously. “I hope they like us…” 

(Y/N) smiled at the other band members “You’re gonna rock this, I’m sure of it!” She hugged them and wished them good luck, before the band went onto the stage. 

Luke’s gaze immediately fell to his girlfriend, who gave him a thumbs-up. He winked at her before getting closer to the mic. “Hey, we’re Sunset Curve, thank you for having us.” The crowd erupted in cheers. “Thank you.” He laughed “We directly wanna start with a new song. It’s inspired by a person who means the world to me.” His gaze fell to (Y/N) again, who was smiling at him. “It’s called Good Girls/Bad Girls.”

“She said to me ‘Forget what you’ve thought, cause good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught. So just turn around and forget what you saw, cause good girls are bad girls that haven’t been caught’.”

I wish I had hair (and talent) like Jem

I cry my self to sleep like Kim Kardashian

I miss Remus 👊😔

This chapter was so good btw I’m actually dying for more, every time you update I get giddy

You’re Losing Me Part 12

𝖲𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒: 𝖸𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖩𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝖯𝗈𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖺 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗇𝗈 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋, 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝗎𝗇𝖻𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗄𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝖻𝗈𝗇𝖽…𝗈𝗋 𝗌𝗈 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍. 𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗀𝖾𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗇𝖺𝗁𝖺𝗄𝗂, 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝗉𝗎𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝖩𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗇𝗈 𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝗈𝗐 𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌, 𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝖺𝗇’𝗍 𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗆 𝗍𝗈 𝖽𝗈 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗋𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍. 𝖶𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗉𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗎𝗅𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝗍𝖾𝗌𝗍, 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝗍𝗈 𝖾𝖺𝖼𝗁 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋? 𝖮𝗋 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖩𝖺𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝗅𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗀𝗈𝗈𝖽?

A/N: this is a hanahaki au. WC: 3.2k

no remus in this part :( he’ll be back in part 13 also this is literally just a filler chapter all about james lol if you don’t care about his thoughts/feelings you can just skip to the end bc that’s the most important part lols

Twelve days. It’s been twelve whole days since James has seen you; or even heard from you for that matter. Thirteen, if you count the day of the Yule Ball, which he does, because he only got to speak with you for all of thirty seconds before you were whisked away to dance Remus. Then JJ. Then Charles, and Logan. Brennan, Jacob, Vincent. For fuck’s sake, you even danced with Barty for a bit. Fucking Barty!

Not that he blames him, or any of them really. You were a vision that night, of course every bloke would wanna dance with you. James understood. He also understood that as much as he wanted to spend the night partying with his best friend, he should just let you have your fun. Heaven knows you deserved it.

He had told himself that he’d be able to see you the following morning at breakfast. So you can imagine his surprise when your dorm mates told him you had already left; that you were gone when they woke up.

James originally shrugged it off, packing his trunks and boarding the Hogwarts Express with the rest of the marauders, but when he stopped by your house later that day, you weren’t there. Neither were your parents, or your cat. The house was completely empty. James frowned the whole way home, wondering where you could be and most importantly, why you didn’t tell him. After all, you’re best friends, right? If you were going somewhere, surely you would have told him ahead of time… Right?

That was the first day of James’ holiday from hell because when he stopped by the following afternoon, you still weren’t home. And you haven’t been every day since. And James feels like he’s losing his mind. He writes to you but his owl always brings the letter back, he calls you and the phone just rings, he asks the other marauders but they haven’t heard from you either.

“Boys!” Euphemia calls from the foot of the stairs. “Breakfast!”

She waits until she hears the footsteps of James and Sirius running down the hallway before heading towards the kitchen.

“Good morning.” She greets with a smile before taking a sip of her tea.

“Morning!” Sirius smiles, already piling food onto his plate.

“Anything?” James asks, eyes full of hope as he looks at his mum.

“No,” She shakes her head softly. “Sorry lovie. Maybe tomorrow.”

James sighs, shoulders dropping in defeat as he nods his head.

“She’s fine, Prongs.” Sirius assures him.

“How do you know that?” James asks with a frown.

“Mm.” Sirius hums, quickly swallowing his food. “Because we would’ve heard otherwise if she wasn’t.”

James stares blankly at his friend.

“Think about it.” Sirius insists. “If she were hurt, or in danger, or even dead, her parents would tell us. We’re her best friends. The fact that they haven’t, means that there isn’t anything worth reporting. Sometimes no news is good news.”

James covers his face with hands and lets out a deep, annoyed sigh.

“What?” Sirius asks, with a careless shrug.

“Can you just shut up?” James asks, “You’re pissing me off.”

“How am I-“

“James!” Fleamont interrupts, holding an envelope in his hand as he walks in. “You got a-“

James rushes from his seat and snatches the letter from his dad’s hand, only for his smile to drop when he sees who it’s from.

“It’s just Lily.” He grumbles, sitting back down and opening the letter.

Everyone at the table shares a look of confusion at his lack of excitement.

“What’d she say?” Euphemia asks politely. “Is she coming over tomorrow for New Year’s Eve?”

“Yeah.” James nods, folding the parchment back up. “Her and the girls are gonna hang out for a few hours before going back home.”

“Oh. Well that’s nice.” She smiles. “I know how much you like her.”

James hesitates for a moment too long before answering.

“Yeah…” He nods with a timid smile, finally starting to dig into his food. “Right.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

As promised, the following day Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas all arrived at the Potter residence to hang out. Remus didn’t feel like making the trip, but Peter did, and with Sirius already there, James was finally able to have some fun with his friends. Well, most of them. The only person missing was you.

The group spent hours together, catching up on what they’ve done over break, playing wizards chess, and even a round of quidditch. As the sun started to set, everyone started to head back home since they all had plans to celebrate New Year’s with their families.

“Thanks for coming over.” James tells Lily as they come to a stop in front of the fireplace.

“Thanks for having me.” Lily answers with a smile before crossing her arms. “So…are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

“What?” James asks with a forced laugh. “N-nothings wrong.”

“Oh please.” Lily rolls her eyes. “It’s like there’s been a storm cloud hanging over you all day. What’s up?”

“I just-“

“Wait, let me guess. Y/N?”

“I haven’t seen her or heard from her once since school let out.” James sighs. “We’ve never gone this long without being together. I’m worried about her.”

“I’m sure she’s fine.” Lily says, only to scoff when James rolls his eyes at her.

“Padfoot said the same thing.” He grumbles.

“Then perhaps you should listen.” Lily suggests with a sarcastic grin. “If he’s not worried, then I’m not. After all, he knows her better than I do.”

“Yeah but I know her better than anyone! And I’m telling you, she would never run off like this!” James argues.

“She’s with her family, James! That hardly counts as running off! Look, I know she’s your best friend but I think you’re overreacting. Contrary to what you might think, she does have a life outside of you. She’s allowed to go on holiday with her parents. Even more so considering the year she’s had.”

“Yeah…I guess you’re right.” James admits sheepishly.

“I know I am.” Lily nods with a laugh, to which he rolls his eyes, feigning annoyance.

Lily turns around, prepared to grab a handful of floo powder and go back home before James stops her.

“Hey, Evans. Before you go, what are the chances of you and I going out when we get back to Hogwarts?” James asks.

“Going out as in?”

“As in a date.” He nods, smile dropping when he sees Lily grimace.

“Look, James. I’ll admit you have matured a lot. And you’re not as insufferable as I originally thought you to be, but I just don’t see you that way.” Lily tells him with a frown. “And if I’m being completely honest with you, I don’t think you see me in that way either.”

“What do you mean?” James asks with a confused frown.

“I think you know.” She says cryptically.

“No.” James shakes his head. “I really, really don’t.”

“Realistically speaking, I’m just not the type of girl that I see you with.” Lily shrugs. “I mean, you’re mischievous and loud and messy- in the best way, of course. But I…I don’t know. I guess I just always pictured you with someone who matches your energy, you know? Someone reckless and carefree and rough around the edges and shamelessly themselves. Someone like….” You immediately pop into Lily’s head and her eyes widen in realization. “Oh…my god.”

“What?” James asks, even more confused than he was a minute ago.

“Oh my god!” Lily exclaims.

“What?” James asks again, more urgently this time. “What? What is it?”

“It’s you.” Lily breathes.

Suddenly it all makes sense, why you wouldn’t tell anybody who was causing your hanahaki, why you kept saying that it didn’t matter because he, whoever he was, didn’t love you back, why James was so distraught when you were fighting, why he was always so protective over you. You love James. And Lily’s just now realized that he loves you too. Now she just needs him to realize it.

“What are you on about?” James asks in exasperation.

“James, kiss me.” Lily suddenly blurts out.

“What?!” James all but shrieks. Lily just rejected him but now she’s asking him to kiss her? How does that make any sense?

“Kiss me.” She repeats with a nod.

“I-You literally just said-“

“Oh for fucks sake! Just kiss me!” Lily shouts in annoyance.

“Okay!” James shouts back before stepping forward and placing his lips upon hers.

For years James had thought about what it’d be like to kiss Lily and now that he has, the only word that comes to mind is: lackluster. There were no sparks, no butterflies, no nerves. His heart didn’t start racing and his hands didn’t sweat. James finally did it. He finally kissed Lily and it was…disappointing. It wasn’t at all like when he-

“Oh.” He says simply, pulling away with a confused frown. He’s waited years for this. So why didn’t he feel anything?

“Not what you were expecting, right?” Lily asks softly.

James shakes his head.

“Could it be possible that you were thinking of someone else when you were kissing me just now?” She asks, a knowing twinkle in her eyes.

As soon as Lily asks that, your face flashes in his mind. He remembers years ago when you both got trapped under a mistletoe you yourselves had jinxed. He remembers the slight pang he felt in his chest when you wiped your lips on the back of your hand with a frown as you ran off. He remembers how his own lips seemed to be tingling for hours afterwards.

He remembers just two months ago when you snuck out to Hogsmeade together, and when he kissed you during the walk back to the castle. He remembers how natural it felt, how right it was, how his heart was beating so fast he thought it might jump right out of his chest. Once James remembers that, those memories, those feelings that he’s tried so hard to bury, it all makes sense.

Lily was everything that you weren’t. From her neatly combed hair to her soft eyes, and airy laugh, you two couldn’t be more different. No matter how hard you tried to tame it, your hair was always a frizzy mess. Your mascara was always the tiniest bit smudged and you have long since stopped attempting eyeliner. Your nails were nice... on the first day; but by the end of the week they’d always be chipped, more often than not from you subconsciously picking at them. Your eyes were hypnotizing. Whenever James met your gaze, it stopped him in his tracks, rendering him speechless; unable to walk, unable to talk, unable to do anything but stare back, absolutely captivated.

And James curses himself for not noticing it sooner, for not noticing you sooner. Lily was the safe route, but James didn’t want safe. He wanted you. You with your mischievous smile and boisterous laugh. You who always has a cut or bruise somewhere on your body because of too much horsing around. You who was always up for whatever James thought of, even if the rest of the boys weren’t. You with your wild hair and smudged make up. You, you, you.

“What’s going on?” Sirius asks curiously, coming down the stairs.

“James finally realized that he’s in love with Y/N.” Lily tells him simply from her spot by the fireplace, floo powder long forgotten.

“Is he aware of the fact that she already loves somebody?” Sirius asks. He looks from Lily to James and his eyes widen. “No way.” He gasps softly. “It’s you?”

James’ legs give out and he falls to his knees when he realizes that he’s the reason for your suffering. The coughing up flowers, the vomiting, the fatigue, the weight loss, the intubation, the needles, he was the cause of it all. For months. It was him.

“Prongs!” Sirius shouts in concern. “Are you okay?”

“Oh god, what have I done?” James sniffles. “It’s all my fault.”

“No.” Sirius and Lily are quick to reassure him.

“You didn’t know.” Sirius insists.

“And she would never hold this against you.” Lily adds. “She lo-“ She cuts herself off but James knows what she was going to say regardless.

“She loves me too much.” He says with a sad shake of his head.

“Come on, Prongs. Let’s get you to bed.” Sirius offers, helping pick James off the ground. James shrugs him off before heading towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Lily calls, though he doesn’t give her an answer.

Sirius takes a step, wanting to follow after him but she grabs his arm, stopping him.

“Let’s leave him alone for a minute.” Lily suggests.

James stands on the sidewalk, staring at your house. He knows it’s empty. He knows you’re not there, but still he walks right up and rings the doorbell.

“Y/N?” James calls. “Are you home?”

He waits three minutes before ringing it a second time.

“Y/N! It’s me! It’s Jamie!” This time he steps away momentarily, peering through the window. The house is empty and engulfed in darkness, he’s just able to make out the furniture, and that’s only because he’s spent so much time here over the years.

Eyes starting to fill with tears, James walks back to the front door and starts banging on it.

“I love you!” He finally confesses, even if you aren’t there to hear it. “Y/N, please! I’m sorry! I love you!”

James leans his head on the door, finally letting the tears fall.

“I’m sorry for everything.” He sniffles. “I-I didn’t know.”

He wipes his eyes before knocking on your door once more.

“Darling, please.” He begs. “I love you.”

“Hey! What are you doing over there!”

James turns around and sees an elderly man standing on the sidewalk staring at him suspiciously.

“Oh. Hello sir.” James greets, wiping his face before walking towards the man. “Do you know the family that lives here? Do you know where they went? Or when they’ll be back?”

“They’ve been gone for weeks.” The man tells him, still eyeing him warily. “Don’t know when they’ll be back. Just asked me to water the plants for them.”

“Oh. Okay. Thank you.” James nods sadly.

The man walks across the street into his house, and James stands there for another hour before accepting defeat and walking back to his own home. When he closes the front door, Sirius and Lily are still there waiting for him.

“Prongs! You scared us, mate.” Sirius sighs in relief.

“Yeah, what hap-“

“She wasn’t there.” James says simply, not sparing either of them a glance as he climbs the stairs.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“Move it! Out of the way! Head boy coming through! I’ll start deducting points if you don’t get the fuck out of my way!” James shouts as he makes his way through the crowd.

“Gosh. I don’t think I’ve ever seen James more excited to get to school.” Peter comments.

“That’s because he’s not excited for school, Wormtail.” Sirius corrects. “He’s excited to see his girl.”

“His girl?” Peter repeats with a confused frown.

“Have you not been paying attention at all? Y/N!”

“But she’s not his girl.” Peter argues.

“Wormtail, Wormtail, Wormtail.” Sirius sighs. “Don’t you get it? Y/N loves James. James loves Y/N. She was gone during holiday which is why they didn’t talk things out. But now that they’re both back-“

“They’re gonna get together?” Peter guesses.

“Now you’re getting it.” Sirius nods. “Now come on, I don’t wanna miss the mushy reunion.”

“Shouldn’t we wait for Moony?” Peter asks.

“If he wanted to bear witness to this monumental moment, he would have ridden the Hogwarts Express with us. We’ll just have to catch him up when he gets here.”

With that, both boys hurry to find James who had essentially left them behind in his effort to find you.

To say that James was excited would be an understatement. The final week of holiday felt so much longer now that he had realized he was in love with you. The pain he felt whenever he thought of you was immeasurable. He broke your heart. Accidentally, but he broke it all the same. And he broke his in the process. But it’s okay now, because he’s finally realized that he loves you back. James can pick up the pieces. He can mend your broken heart and you can finally, finally be together.

As if the gods knew exactly who he was looking for, there you were, making your way across the courtyard. James sees you and for a moment he forgets how to breathe. You’re just as beautiful as always, if not more so. There’s a healthy glow to you and your smile is so genuine and full of life. Did you cut your hair while you were gone? It looks a few inches shorter than he remembers. Shaking his head at himself, James takes a shaky breath before calling out to you.

“Y/N!” He shouts, getting the attention of you as well as half the students in the courtyard. You smile and tilt your head to the side in confusion as you turn to him and James absolutely beams as he makes his way towards you. He always thought your confused expression was the cutest thing he’s ever seen. The fact that from now on he’ll be able to tell you as much and kiss you senseless has his heart racing.

As soon as he reaches you, James cups your face in his hands and presses his lips firmly against yours. Tilting his head to the side, James can’t help but sigh. He kisses you and he thinks this is the closest to heaven he’ll ever get. He curses himself for denying his feelings for you as long as he did. He was a coward. He was an idiot. He wasted so much time already, he’ll be damned if he wastes one moment more. James nips at your lower lip with his teeth and that’s when you push him off of you.

“Ugh! What the hell are you doing?” You ask with a frown.

“No, Y/N. It’s okay.” James smiles, trying to take a step closer to you. “I love you now.”

“Um, okay?” You say, frown deepening as you hold your arm out, stopping him in his tracks. “Not sure if this is your first day on planet earth or what but you can’t just go around kissing people. Especially if you don’t know them!”

James’ smile drops as he registers what you’ve just told him.

“What? Darling, what are you talking about?” James asks with a confused laugh. “It’s me. It’s-“

“Petey Pie!” You exclaim, walking past James and pulling Peter into a tight hug.

“I told you not to call me that!” Peter whines, cheeks turning a brilliant shade of red at the nickname.

“Look how tall you are!” You beam, completely ignoring what he just said.

“You think so?” Peter asks with an excited grin, no longer annoyed.

“Are you kidding? Look at you!” You insist, holding your hand by your head before holding it towards him to show him the difference.

“Don’t tell him that. He’s gonna get a big head.” Sirius teases.

“No one’s head is bigger than yours, Padfoot.” You tease, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug as well. “Missed you, ya slag.”

“Watch it.” Sirius warns, pinching your side playfully. “Missed you, too.”

“Y/N-“ James tries, only to be completely ignored.

“How was your holiday?” You ask looking between Peter and Sirius.

“I got the channel F!” Peter exclaims excitedly.

“No way! The game console?” You ask, equally excited.

“Yeah!” Peter nods. “It’s so fun! You have to come over so we can play!”

“Of course!” You nod before turning to Sirius. “And how was your holiday?”

“It was…fine.” He says, looking from you to James in confusion. “I spent it James.”

You look over your shoulder to where he pointed and quickly look away when you see James staring at you.

“Oh yeah?” You ask courteously. “That’s cool.”

“Y/N, can we please ta-“

“Y/N!” Charles exclaims, letting out a low whistle as he scans you from head to toe. “You look great!”

“Thank you!” You beam. “You look like you wanna take me out on a date.”

“I do?” He asks, looking from you to your friends.

“He does?” James asks softly, heart breaking as he takes in the scene in front of him.

“Yup.” You nod confidently, ignoring James once again.

“Well in that case, Hogsmeade on Saturday?” Charles asks, raising his brows at you.

“Can’t wait.” You grin with a wink. “In the meantime, you can walk me to my common room.”

Without so much as a glance at James, you link your arm with Charles and walk away, heading towards the Gryffindor tower. James, Sirius, and Peter all silently watch you walk off.

“What the fuck just happened?” Sirius asks.

so hear me out, the willex hug. 

if we sit down and hyper-analyze it like i did, we get a lot of feelings because they’re so cute and this scene simultaneously makes me whole as a human and tears apart my insides bc they might never see each other again. 

the way alex pulls him into the hug, as if it’s the only one he’s ever going to get (let’s face it probably) and it’s like he’s trying to convey how much willie means to him in one hug so he’s like, i gotta make this count. and it’s not your average joe embrace, it’s like a deep embrace filled with so many emotions and alex isn’t good at saying how he feels but maybe he’s better at showing it?? (i’m a mess i need to go to bed)  BUT IT DOESN’T STOP THERE. OH NO. 

THEN THERE’S WILLIE WHO IS INITIALLY JUST TAKEN ABACK?!?! and then he realizes what’s happening and that he might never see alex again so he relaxes, and accepts the embrace, but he holds on like he never wants to let go. peep how alex wraps his arms tighter around willie once he realizes he’s reciprocating the hug. like end me now, writers. because i can’t. it’s almost like willie wants to say something, tell alex everything’s going to be okay and that they’ll see each other again soon but he can’t so he just stays there and holds him. 

and i’m crying, we’re all crying right? but there’s more. 

the way willie’s eyebrows knit together in anguish. like he wants to hold onto this moment forever so they both try so hard but then know it has to come to an end. he curls his fingers against alex’s back in hopes that it gives alex some sort of comfort. he knows how anxious he probably is about the whole thing. and it’s not awkward, it’s such a genuine, warm embrace. like coming home and saying goodbye all at once. 

and then we have alex finally who doesn’t want to go, but he knows that he has to. he has to let him go, because he needs him safe and because he cares so so much about willie and he just hopes this was enough to say everything and nothing at the same time. he’s so reluctant to let him go and the way his face is buried in his shoulder i - 

This this this this this 🥰

perhaps love

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: 5 times Matt didn’t realize he was in love with you + 1 time he did.

Warning: none!

Note: this is me indulging myself in a fic after listening to one (1) song for months over and over until i’m slowly getting sick of it. enjoy!

1.

Matt followed closely behind as you happily explored the ground beyond. He tilted his head over his shoulder nervously, silently listening to Foggy trail behind him, a little too slow for his liking. For once he was extremely grateful that his enhanced hearing gave him the upper ground.

“Matt! Foggy!” you hollered. Matt winced. Okay, maybe not that much. “I’m flying!”

“Holy fuck,” Foggy cursed underneath his breath. He slowly nudged him along to move faster. Matt rolled his eyes, at last. “What the hell are you doing? Get down!”

“What are they doing?” Matt asked warily. Having either one of his friends drunk always split into two possibilities; he never knew whether he was up for a laugh or a trip to the ER.

“Climbing the fucking flagpole,” Foggy grunted. He sounded both exasperated and amused, but his step was a little too slow from the drink he had earlier.

“Jesus.”

Keeping an eye on drunk you was one thing, but coaxing you to slowly climb down the flagpole was a whole another feast. Foggy yelled at you to climb down, which only earned him a snarky remark and a waterwork on your part. Matt was unable to hold back laughter after that, silently wondering what the hell did they put in the punch bowl back at the house party.

“Just climb down, please,” Foggy said exasperatedly. “We’re too broke for a trip to the ER.”

Matt shook his head, smiling. “Do you want chicken nuggets?” he hollered at you.

That seemed to catch your attention. You sniffed loudly, spreading and contaminating the air with your salty tears. “Chicken nuggets?”

“Yeah,” Matt said. “I have a lot of chicken nuggets back at my dorm. But you have to carefully climb down, okay?”

“Okay,” you sniffed again. “Promise?”

“Promise. Be careful.”

You hummed, slowly making a tentative step to climb down from the flagpole. Foggy hovered nearby on the left, so Matt took the right side. His heart hammered his ribcage painfully, the air suddenly felt stale and stagnant as you took a painstakingly slow pace to climb down the flagpole.

Matt heard it a second too late—a slice in the air, split into the stagnant air as you lose your grip on the pole. Matt leaped without thinking, letting his cane fall to the ground to catch you before you were able to meet the same fate as his cane. He felt his heart jump out of its pants right into his throat, suffocating him.

“I told you to be careful!” he chided, suddenly angry at your clumsiness. He knew that was irrational, you probably won’t remember anything by the time the sun was out, but he was seeing red.

But that only made you laugh—no, giggling. Your hand clumsily patted his cheek. “I love your glasses.”

Matt huffed as he hoisted you up to your feet, hands shaky with how hard his heart was beating now. Foggy handed him his cane and probably gave him slight odd looks now. He prayed that he was also drunk enough to doubt this exact memory tomorrow or chalk it up to a very nice coincidence.

“I told you we’re too broke for a trip to the ER!” Foggy joined him to scold you. He shook his head. “That was terrifying and dangerous. Don’t do that again.”

“Sorry,” you mumbled, but a wide smile on your face made the whole ordeal both felt insincere and ridiculous. “Matty,” you tugged his sleeve. “Have I told you I love your glasses?”

“Yes,” Matt mumbled, patting his chest to calm his erratic heartbeat. He pressed his lips to form a tense line, perplexed that his heart hadn’t calmed down yet from the rush of adrenaline. “Let’s get you back to your dorm.”

“But I love your glasses!”

“I know.”

Matt shook his head to snap him out of his stupor. He was just surprised. He was just scared—terrified of what just happened.

2.

You rushed into his dorm without knocking. Matt had heard you approaching before you were anywhere near his door, but he still had the decency to put a faux surprise on his face. He turned around from his chair, listening to you sauntering in like you owned the place, and sat on his bed.

Matt rolled his eyes. “Hello to you too.”

You grunted at him, pressing a pillow against your face.

“Knocking is polite, you know,” he teased. He frowned when it met with silence, and his frown deepened when he felt salt in the air, and then your quiet sob muffled by his pillow filled his every wall.

“Hey, hey,” he slowly approached you, sitting on the edge of his bed. “It’s okay. You’re okay now, I’m here.”

That only made you sob harder. Matt climbed his bed into the empty spot next to you, gently placed his hand on your back in a silent question about whether you wanted to be touched or not. You lifted your head in a silent answer, slowly melting into his embrace, and sobbed against his shoulder.

Matt squeezed his eyes shut, stroking your back in a vain attempt to soothe you. He didn’t know who he did it for—to soothe you or him, distracting himself from the very sound he knew he hated the most in the whole wide world.

“I broke up,” you said hoarsely.

“What?”

“I broke up with James,” you repeated. Matt had to physically restrain himself from scowling at hearing the name he wasn’t exactly fond of. “It didn’t work. We didn’t work. No matter how hard I try we—” you inhaled sharply. “God. God I’m fucking hard to love, aren’t I?”

Matt furrowed his eyebrows. “Who said that?”

“It just… I don’t know. I spent so many times, so many things with him, you know?” you started to teared up again, voice shaky with tears. “I felt like I poured all of my soul into loving him but he didn’t even try to give the same thing. It almost felt like I was an afterthought—god, I actually felt so lonely when I’m with him, you know? Maybe I’m just too much.”

“Don’t say that. You’re never too much, not to me.”

Matt let you collapse your head into his shoulder again, absentmindedly making a circular pattern on your forearm. He couldn’t remember when was the last time that piece of shit actually made you happy instead of eliciting tears after tears. At one point he was convinced you were dating an onion.

“I can’t do this anymore,” you sniffed. “God, I’m going to die alone with twenty cats! Nobody’s gonna love me besides my family,” you wailed loudly.

“We can die alone together with twenty cats if you want,” Matt said, rocking you gently back and forth. “I love you, okay? You’re not gonna die alone. Not while I’m here.”

“I want to retire to the countryside someday,” you said. “Will you join me live in the countryside, Murdock?”

Matt huffed a laugh. “As you said, I’m a city boy through and through. But I’ll visit you every weekend.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“That’s more than enough.”

Matt grabbed your hand and squeezed it. The tears hadn’t dried up completely, but you were no longer actively sobbing or wailing anymore. He rested his cheek atop your head, feeling the familiar feeling of your hair tickling his skin and the smell of your shampoo invading his senses.

The door creaked open and Foggy walked in. He opened his mouth to make a dry remark about how often you stayed in their room—as he always does—only to stop when his eyes caught the sight of you.

“Who do I need to fight?” he demanded.

“No one, Fogs.”

Foggy immediately took a seat on Matt’s bed, his hand silently reaching for you. You shifted slightly on your seat, adjusting so you were comfortably sandwiched between him and Matt. “Seriously, who do I need to fight? What happened to you?”

“I broke up with James,” you said, shaking your head.

“What did he do to you? Where is that bastard now?”

“It’s not worth it, Fogs,” you firmly said. Matt imagined that you furrowed your eyebrows tensely, and he suddenly got overcome with a huge desire to press his thumb between your eyebrows to smooth them out. “Let it be.”

“Fine. But if he does something stupid after this, it’s on sight,” Foggy sighed, pressing his back against the wall. “You can do a lot better, you know? He’s a bit of an ass anyway.”

He’s a major ass, Matt silently thought.

3.

Matt banged his fist against your door frantically. His throat was raw from calling your name behind your door, repeatedly trying to get your attention. It was a wonder none of your neighbors had tried to kick him out yet, but he couldn’t find himself to care anyway. You failed to show up at work today, and after he, Foggy, and Karen were unable to reach your phone repeatedly—all directed to voicemail—he made the decisive decision to sprint to your apartment.

The only salvation and reassurance you did not magically disappear from the earth was the sound of your heartbeat from behind the door.

Your door opened at last, and he immediately knew something was amiss as you croaked, “Matt?”

“Hey,” he breathed, suddenly feeling light. The anxiety that shot up through him suddenly dissipated, like a knife being pulled out from a stab wound. “You didn’t show up at work today. You didn’t answer any of our calls—”

“Oh, shit,” you slapped your forehead. “I’m sorry, I think my phone died.”

Matt extended his hand quietly, pressing the back of his hand into your forehead. He hissed when his skin met your balmy one, a frown found a place on his lips. “You’re burning up,” he said. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

Despite your initial protest, you made little to no effort swatting him away. Not that any of them would work, anyway. Matt tucked you to bed, pulling the blanket up to your chin.

“Are you cold?” he murmured softly, gently propping your leg up into his lap to put on a sock on your cold feet. You hummed half-heartedly, already slipping back into slumber. “Have you eaten anything today?”

His question met with another half-hearted answer, but Matt still made his way into your kitchen anyway. He was not exactly a stranger there; he burned the layout of your apartment into memory just well enough. He scrambled through your fridge, thankful that you went grocery shopping a few days back.

Matt roused you awake to feed you some of his chicken soup—a recipe his father left him, a legacy, a memento of a happier and simpler day. You were annoyed for being woken up from your sleep, made sure to make a few grunts and annoyed huffs all directed to him, subtlety was never your strongest suit. But you relent anyway when Matt stayed equally as stubborn, the smell of the soup eventually wins you over.

“Go back to sleep now,” he said softly, satisfied that you were warm and fed and had swallowed some medicines. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?” you yawned, snuggling closer to your pillow.

Matt sighed, a small smile tugged his lips before he knew it. “Promise,” he brushed your hair gently.

“Okay,” you sighed loudly. “If I wake up and you’re not here, I’ll fight you.”

“Sure. If you can reach my neck.”

You shoved him gently as a response, too exhausted to verbally bite back from his teasing. Matt lingered until he was sure you were fast asleep before he made his way to your living room to ring Foggy.

“Matt?” you walked the length of the living room with your sock-clad feet. Matt jumped to his feet immediately, meeting you in the middle. “Matt, there’s a giant spider in my room.”

Matt gently grabbed your shoulders, slowly guiding you into his embrace in a protective stance. He tilted his head, a mindless attempt to hear better, and couldn’t find any living being aside from you and him.

Not that he ever paid any mind to bugs in the first place.

“There isn’t any spider,” he said softly. “Let’s go back to bed.”

You shook your head stubbornly, firmly gripping his sleeve. “There’s a giant spider in my room!”

Matt blinked. He wasn’t sure if he couldn’t hear bugs crawling in your walls, or if this was your fever speaking. He sighed quietly, gently tugging you back to your room and back to your bed.

You didn’t voice out any protest, but your clutch on his sleeve was getting firmer and firmer the closer you were to your room. Matt wordlessly tucked you back to bed and laid down next to you.

“Matt?” you called. “Don’t leave me.”

“I’m here,” he reassured you. “It’s okay, go back to sleep. You’re safe.”

“Fight the spider for me.”

Matt chuckled. “Always.”

Matt shut his eyes, the sound of your steady heartbeat slowly lulled him to sleep. He found himself silently wishing and praying to be able to stay here, protect you from countless giant spiders, for as long as he could.

4.

“Do you ever think about taking a fanny pack with you?”

Matt blinked. He slowly put down his fork, ingesting your question and dissecting it one by one until it made sense inside his brain. “A fanny pack?”

You hummed, completely ignoring his bewildered expression that he was sure painted as clear as the day on his face, or completely oblivious. Which was unlikely.

“I don’t think your funky suit has any pockets,” you said thoughtfully. Matt would find the whole thing funny that you were sincere and serious with your question if he wasn’t so surprised. “But of course, you ought to put horns on your helmet. Couldn’t say no to living up to your reputation.”

Matt huffed, a laugh escaped him before he could register it—more bewilderment than mirth. He had come clean to you about who he was a few days back. It only felt right after Foggy had found out, and leaving you in the dark, no matter how much the thought of you finding out and meddling in both of his lives terrified him to death, felt incredibly wrong.

You took the news with stride—if a prolonged silence could count as one. But Matt knew you enough to know that the truth had been slowly seeping into simmering water for a while. It was a matter of time before the kettle whistled, and he dreaded the day it happened.

“Why would I need a fanny pack?”

“So you can bring a water bottle with you. Some granola bars to snack,” your voice sounded far away. He hated it. “Dehydration is a serious thing, Matt.”

Matt pursed his lips, caught in between amusement and wariness. “You think about this a lot, don’t you?”

“Can’t get it out of my head.”

Matt toyed with his ramen quietly, the only sound that settled between you and him comfortably was the wind blowing from the rooftop. The kettle was coming into a whistle anytime now.

“I’ll be fine, I swear,” Matt said. “Don’t you worry about me.”

You threw your hands in the air. “That’s not the point Matt!” you yelled, voice cracking with upcoming tears. “What if—what if you hadn’t had time to eat some dinner before you go? What if you’re hungry during your patrol and couldn’t find anything to eat? What if you’re thirsty after leaping from building to building and fighting, I don’t know, some bank robbers?” you jabbed a finger into his shoulder. “No human can go longer than three days without water!”

Matt stayed silent, patiently listening to your rambling about the importance of proper hydration. He felt a smile slowly forming on his face despite himself, despite the tears that slowly ran down your face, and despite the fact that you were yelling at his face. The words of your ramble—slipped with fret and scolding here and there—made his heart sing, flutter with the wind.

He still had the decency not to chuckle and tried to take your words into his heart and put it in the highest consideration. The whole fanny pack idea was an instant no, but he ought to figure out how to stay properly hydrated from now on.

“Are you done?” Matt asked gently with a smile.

You must have thrown him the nastiest look you could muster. “Yes,” you said sulkily. He just knew there was a prominent pout appearing. “Don’t laugh! I’m serious!”

“I know, I know,” he coughed to masked a laughter slowly bubbling up. “I’m sorry. I know you’re worried. But I can’t bring a fanny pack with me, stealth is my key and a fanny pack would defeat the whole purpose.”

“You still need to eat,” you sounded dejected, and it took everything inside him not to scoop you up to brush away all the sadness. “And most importantly to drink water regularly.”

Instead, he settled by grabbing your hand and squeezing it gently. “I promise to always eat some dinner before I go and drink plenty of water before and after patrol. How’s that sound?”

“You still need to drink after fighting too.”

“I’ll find a way. You know I’ll always find a way.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” Matt squeezed your hand again. He slowly crossed his heart with his finger. “Cross my heart.”

And later that night, when he found a piece of granola bar right underneath his suit, he knew that perhaps your worry wouldn’t completely melt away—not even with the most sincere promise. Matt found himself smiling widely that his cheeks started to hurt, over a granola bar and no less, feeling his heart painfully blossoming a feeling he still yet to find the name.

But he knew, deep down, his heart was singing your name.

5.

Matt listened to the sound of your footsteps roaming around his kitchen. He stood silently, hovering on the furthest corner of his kitchen counter, waiting for his tea to steep into perfection. You had come knocking on his door first thing in the morning—he was sure the sun was barely out yet, he barely had a wink of sleep himself.

It was his birthday today. He barely even remembered his own birthday, long after he lost his father, the idea of celebrating had never been appealing. But here you were, roaming in his kitchen, rummaging through his fridge like you were the one who spent all the money that goes to all the stuff inside, chopping and staining his kitchen counter as if you owned it. You were determined to pull a birthday celebration for him, even though it only consisted of a small lunch get-together with Karen and Foggy.

Matt couldn’t find himself to mind.

He liked it even.

Little words had been exchanged between you and him. Matt had learned long ago that you have a distaste for talking when you were cooking and insisting on doing so only means inviting his own demise. The sound of your footsteps, the mumble of commentary about certain ingredients underneath your breath, and most of all your steady heartbeat were more than enough.

“Matt,” you called for him, breaking his train of thought. It was hard to get Matt startled, but again, he didn’t expect you’d start a conversation mid-cooking. “Matt!” you tried again.

“What?”

“I’m going to turn on the blender,” you said. The sound of the lid closing followed after. “You might want to put on your headphones.”

Matt pursed his lips. You had given him a noise-canceling headphone as a gift for Christmas a year ago. He didn’t hate it necessarily, on days when it was rough and everything was too loud it helped tremendously, but having himself relied on his hearing for years only to have it numbed out felt extremely jarring.

Not to mention it brought back certain memories he didn’t want to think about.

“Should I?” he asked, pulling his tea bag out of his cup. “I think I can manage.”

“It’s loud. You took a lot of beating last night, I don’t want to give you a headache.”

“No, I’ll be fine,” Matt shook his head.

“But—”

“If it hurts my ear I’ll put it on, okay?”

“You tell me if it gives you a headache.”

“Okay,” Matt smiled. Always so stubborn, you are. “I will.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Okay,” you relented. You rarely dispute his claims when it comes to certain things, this included, and Matt was more than grateful. “Maybe don’t stay in the kitchen with me while I turn this thing on.”

Matt squeezed your shoulders as he walked past. A lot of words slowly pushed out of his mouth, a jumble of incoherent sentences bouncing inside his head yet nothing meaningful he could grasp. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but he ended up settling with only, “Thanks for the heads up.”

+1

“Put this thing on when you go out,” you said as you draped something around his neck—scarf?—and patted his shoulder proudly. Matt practically could feel pride and happiness radiating off you from this close proximity, and he couldn’t help but smile.

“What’s this?”

“Scarf,” you said, confirming his suspicion. You gently nudged him up to move within the queue for the new bakery that had just opened near your place. Matt had volunteered to come with you after Foggy and Karen both refused your request, not particularly fond of the long line.

He was grateful for the long line, though. Winter had started to give a little taste of its presence lately, the temperature had been dropping steadily this past week. The cold weather outside made this warm bakery a lot more hospitable, but Matt already dreaded the walk back from here.

“Is this an early Christmas gift?” Matt asked, running his hand through the soft fabric of the scarf. The smell of your perfume lingered on every inch of the fabric.

You hummed. “I planned to give it to you on Christmas, but I finished it early.”

“Finished?” Matt shot his eyebrows into his hairline. “You made this?”

“I did! Here, some cool stuff I did, something you won’t find anywhere else,” you eagerly grabbed his hand to trace his new scarf. You were practically vibrating with excitement. “Do you feel it?”

Matt furrowed his eyebrows slightly. “Yes? What’s this?”

“I sew your name to your scarf, so if you ever happen to lose this somewhere, they can return it to you,” you said proudly, completely oblivious to the way the air knocked out of his lungs at once. “And this,” you brought his hand to trace a bump on his scarf. “I think you know this one better than I do.”

Matt gasped loudly, his fingers shakily traced the bumps you had directed him into. Matthew Murdock. You sew his name in braille on his scarf.

It felt like a punch in the gut, a sudden brute attack that made his lungs collapse all at once. Matt swayed slightly, feeling completely light at the way his stomach flipped out of nowhere. He kept tracing his name over and over, in awe at how perfectly it all assembled together.

“I love you,” he blurted out before he could stop himself, the words now spilling out of him uncontrollably. Matt took a long shaky breath, completely drowned in the sea of feelings that flooded him without warning. He didn’t think he could stop now the words were out in the air. “I love you.”

He heard you inhale sharply. “I—”

“No, listen to me,” Matt shook his head. He gently cupped your face, relieved that you didn’t pull away, and aware of how warm your cheeks had become. “I love you. I’m in love with you. I think I always have, I don’t know. It’s always been there, for as long as I can remember,” he sighed. “I also don’t think I can stop now.”

Matt shut his eyes. You deserved a lot better than a makeshift love declaration. He needed to pluck the stars in the sky and lay them on your palms, swam entire oceans, and conquer every single mountaintop. But even then, even if he dragged the moon to your feet and showered you with good-smelling flowers, it wouldn’t be enough to show how much he loved you.

You let out a laugh, soft and fluttering gently in the air. “You’re an ass, Murdock. Are you seriously making a love declaration to me in the middle of a line in a new bakery?”

Matt huffed a surprised laugh. “I feel like you need to know.”

“You’re right, I do,” you covered his hands with your own and gently put them away from your cheeks. You entwined your fingers with his together and melted seamlessly. “But you’re being unfair right now. Because you’re totally kissable, and I can’t kiss you.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“I don’t like sharing,” you said, swinging your hand and his together gently. “I don’t want these people to see me kissing you. I’d rather kiss you alone.”

Matt felt a wide smile blossoming now. “We can always step out of the line and go somewhere quiet.”

“No, we’re already here. I want my cake,” you punched his arm playfully. “But I’ll kiss you as soon as we’re out.”

Matt was positive he was grinning widely right now. “Promise?”

“Promise,” you tiptoed to plant a kiss on his cheek. “Oh, I love you too, by the way.”

And just like that, he was nothing but a goo that bore his name underneath your touch.

it's so bitter to watch how many people are only now realising that the censorship of "morally bad" things will never stop at just the things they personally find repulsive. the problem with morals is that they're not a fixed norm that everyone agrees on and that they're a very easy argument to be used by bigots against marginalised groups. that's why it's dangerous to call for censorship on moral grounds - whose morals exactly?

all you people campaigning for a boycott of ao3, wanting them to censor "bad" content, i am begging you to wake the fuck up and understand that for many people "bad" things include queer people's existence, any form of sexual content, minority-representation and criticism of the government.

don't open the door for them.

as much as i understand being a hater you have to offset that shit with genuine, sincere enjoyment & wonder sometimes lest YOU become the one who is corny. and sad. imo.

HELP