Excellent Post👏🏾😈

Note taken 🖤

Something you should know

This post has been sitting here as a draft for several weeks now. I’ve been brewing over whether or not to post it: I am not an expert on d/s by any stretch of the imagination, and extrapolating from my limited experience to suggest that I know something about other people and their internal workings is a risky road. 

But I’m having a rough day, a messy-head kind of day. I told DD straight off - just a simple text: “I’m not myself today.” That’s kind of code for “I’m going to disappear a bit.” But I still need to feel him close, part of things, and writing does that, too. Maybe reading this will do that for him today, if he goes online, as I keep myself to myself, cocooning and quiet. So even though I didn’t write this today it seems like a good day to hit “post.” 

It goes without saying, we’re all pretty different. People are too varied in all their weird, wonderful ways to ever be reduced to a buzzfeed top 10 list, or a one-size-fits-all label and description. But I’ve read a lot of amazing, insightful things on tumblr from a lot of amazing, insightful subs. Seriously, some of the most vulnerable, brave writing I have ever seen anywhere full stop is submissives writing on this site. And I’ve had some of the most gracious and kind conversations from women who have read some of my posts and sent me private messages, and had conversations that are at once anonymous behind our avatars and still deeply supportive, gentle and smart. 

What I’ve learned is this: there’s a lot of us who seem to operate in pretty similar ways. Even when we don’t realize it. Even when we think we’re just a one-off weirdo, there always seems to be another one-off weirdo talking about the same emotion, act, coping mechanism or thought process. 

This letter is not intended to reflect what every single sub might want to tell every single dom. But I suspect that quite a few of these, if not all, apply to a lot of us. And maybe it’s helpful - for either side of the equation - to write about them. 

Dear Doms, Sirs, Daddy Doms, and other dommy types: 

There’s something you should know. Actually, there’s a lot of somethings. This is hard for us to write, because if we subby types had our way there’d be a simple User Manual we could just hand over - a list of instructions, some FAQs, and several pages of troubleshooting. Boom. You’d know everything about how we work. Simple. Easy. No scary, revealing conversations required. 

No such thing exists, but … well, we wrote THIS instead, and it’s kind of a little bit of what you might find in our User Manual, if there was one. Like we said, just some things you should know. 

Maybe you’d like to read it? No rush of course, only if you want to. We don’t want you to think we’re insisting - oh, which kinda brings us to the first one … 

1) Asking for things from you is hard. 

Remember that time when you were doing really good stuff to our girl parts and we said “please” and you said “please what” and we said “please…” and you said “tell me” and we went back and forth like that for a minute? It wasn’t a show, a game to enjoy your dominance over us (though of course, we did enjoy that part too, and we love when you make us answer you.) But we truly struggled to get the words out - just as we do when we ask for a bottle of water, or a spanking, or a clarification on how you feel about something, or any other thing big or small. 

Why? Because asking you for things - anything at all - is really hard. Asking you for things feels like trying to take over, or it feels demanding, or it feels like a suggestion that what you are already doing to us and for us is not already amazing-ten-ways-to-Sunday. 

2) We think a lot about your time. 

Sometimes we think about your time more than we think about your sexual needs, your emotional needs, or anything else. Because your time is the well from which you water us. We know that we are, ahem, “high needs.” We know that we often require the same conversations over and over. We know that we need a lot of affirmation (and re-affirmation, and confirmation, and re-confirmation, of things we have already covered.) We know that this kind of interaction requires a lot more engagement than might be required of you by someone else. We know that even the things we enjoy in bed (or over a table, or over your lap) take more time than what any of us have ever gotten in most vanilla sexual situations - a spanking alone might take more time than an entire sexual encounter for someone else, and it’s only the warm up. We know the world is busy - we know your world is busy - and we try to be careful with your time. On the flip side of the coin, we think nothing of spending extra time on things that might please you - doing our hair a certain way, carrying out a requested task, and so on - but we can’t relate that giving your time to us feels as rewarding as when we do it for you. 

3) We don’t tell you everything we want to. 

If we sent you a text every time it occurred to us, you’d come back to a screen at the end of a couple hours with about 400 messages on it: I miss you. What do you think of these shoes? God I can’t stop thinking about that thing you did that day, remember that day when we went to that restaurant and I was wearing the red skirt? I miss you. I wish you could spank me right now. I think you’d be really proud of this thing I just did. Want to hear about it? Need you. Want you. Did I mention that I need you? Oh I read the best book, you’ll love it. I miss you. What are you thinking about? Are you thinking about me? Of course you’re thinking about me, I’m awesome. Hahah. Just kidding. Um you know I was joking about that awesome thing, right? Sigh. Oh it’s sunny out! Um, I’d like you to tell me how to dress today/what to do at the gym/what to eat. Did you know it’s only eight sleeps till I see you? I got a new bra, want to see it? I know it’s random but I’m really grateful for you. I’m grumpy. Need you. Did I say that already?

Not only do we not send all those things because we’re thinking about your time (see #2) but because we worry that something we say will sound crazy or silly or frivolous, or worse, demanding (see #1). 

4) We need to hear it a lot. All of it. Yes, even that thing you told us just yesterday. 

It’s not that we have a memory problem. If anything, we remember too much, every small detail. We keep memories like a dragon keeps gold: a treasure horde that we keep with us all the time. 

So, no, it’s not that we forgot when you snuggled in close and said that sweet lovely thing. It’s not that we forgot how aroused you were when you saw us all tied up and waiting for you. It’s not that we forgot that you rearranged your schedule for us. It’s not that we forgot when you explained for the billionth time that we’re really definitely important to you. 

We didn’t forget at all. But we still need to hear it again. We need to hear ALL THE THINGS, ALL THE TIME. We need to hear that we’re vital to you, and in what ways, and why. We need to hear that you miss us. That you think we’re cute or sexy or funny or smart or interesting. We need to hear that you worry about things too, that you think of us at random times. We need to hear why we make you laugh, when we make you smile, and how you like that odd little freckle that we fret about.  

Most of all, we need to hear that we make you proud, that we did good, that we pleased you. We need to hear that life with us in it is better and brighter and easier, and without us … well, that even pondering such a thing is unpleasant. 

Yes, we know you just told us yesterday. And the day before. And maybe the day before that. We still need to hear it again. But we won’t TELL you that, because … well, see #1. 

5) We love what we do together, but sometimes it still makes us feel weird for a little while

We all know that we’re doing things we’re not supposed to. We are very good girls, who understand all too well the cultural norms that we live in, and the consequences for breaking those norms. If I told my friends that I let you slap my face, or that you put me over your lap and spank me like a naughty child, or that you call me your fucktoy while doing terrible things to me all tied up in your bed and holy shit I love it so much … well, you can imagine what they’d say. The world is very loud about what is right and wrong, good and bad. 

We know that the things we do with you are consensual and considered, informed and engaged. We know that we’ve talked about it. We know that we both want it, enjoy it, need it, thrive on it, mutually, and that we are better for having each other. We know that we get off (and get off hard) to some of the things we do behind closed doors. We know that we don’t want to stop. 

But sometimes … not always, but once in a while … we feel weird. Which can lead to #6… 

6) We’re super fucking competent. Annnnnddd we still want your help. 

For a group of people who willingly let themselves be helpless and vulnerable and lacking entirely in control, we are actually an incredibly competent group of women. We are good at what we do - not just THIS part of us, but all parts. And you know what we’re the best at? Taking care of ourselves. Most of us figured out how to the hard way - because of how we grew up, or someone who broke our hearts, or simple necessity. And we are so fucking good at it. 

When we are having a bad day, when our heads are not on quite right, when we are “off kilter,” when we’re feeling weird (maybe because of #5), we will probably want to just do our own thing and manage it. We won’t want to ask for your help (see #2) or take up your time (see #1). Even though you’ve told us all the good stuff (see #4) we might be second-guessing ourselves. We will just close up shop for a couple hours or the whole day, and we will manage our shit without any help. 

But we will still want your help, too. 

When we say “I’m ok” we really mean it. When our coping mechanism involves being quiet, we usually really do need to just be quiet. But we need to know you’re there, too. Poke at us. Be present. You don’t need to fix it but we want to know you’re willing, if we want you to. 

7) We are grateful for you. So, so, so fucking grateful. 

We don’t mean just in the lovey-dovey “so glad you’re part of my life” way. We mean grateful that your quirk is the mirror image of our quirk. We’re grateful for the ways you offer structure and mentoring and leadership and support. We’re grateful that you want to be in charge - because honestly being in charge sounds like so much work it’s hard to remember that you even want to be. We’re grateful that you want to do the heavy lifting (sometimes literally) of being the dominant to our submissive, the wolf to our rabbit, the master to our slave.

And, yeah, sometimes we feel weird about the stuff we do (see #5) but we also know that sometimes you might feel weird, too. You do things to us that we want you to do, but that might in any other context be deemed abhorrent or abusive. We know that when you see the way we respond after our time together, if we cry or shut down or need to cuddle for a half hour while shaking, you might wonder if you went too far, did too much - which brings us to the next point… 

8) Our drop is not your fault. 

You didn’t go too far. (***see below) You didn’t push too much. You didn’t cross the line. Sometimes we drop just a little bit, sometimes we drop hard - harder than we expect to. And sometimes we need to recalibrate, come back to normal, and it takes time or tears or strangeness to get there. But we never once think it’s your fault. We never once think the drop is not worth everything else. When we cry, you haven’t made us sad - the intensity of our time together has brought all the things that might make us cry, right to the surface. When we turtle, you haven’t scared us - the enormity of release just requires some time to stabilize. You’re not bad, or wicked, or uncaring. And we know that, without ever needing to talk about it. (***Assuming a consensual, safe act that everyone was on board with.) 

9) We don’t care about your super-domly bod. 

We’re not here for horse-sized cocks and pro wrestler muscles. We’re here for you. And yeah we might get off on the visual parts of you we like best (sometimes things you don’t even think are particularly appealing about yourself) but the stuff that does it for us is in your head and your heart. And we know the same is true in reverse. But we forget, a lot. So yeah, remind us, that our imperfection is as desirable to you, as yours is to us. We know already but, well, see #4. 

10) We are kinda magic, even though we don’t realize it.

We’re a bit weird. Quirky. Strange. We see the world a little differently. 

But we see you a little differently than others, too. You’re the Sir, the Daddy, the Master. You might think that you’re the protector because you’re the boss - but we’re protectors, too, in our own ways: we see you, we accept you, and we understand you better than you realize. We know that you need us to kneel so that you can stand. We know that you need us to give so that you can take. We know all that and then we do what you need and then we ask: what more can we do? Call it whatever you want but this is a kind of magic - to be seen, to be known, to be given what you need. 

****

Well, we did go on a bit longer than we meant to. Anyway, that’s about all we wanted to say. Obviously by this time next week, we’ll have pondered a whole new pile of things and what they mean and how we feel about it - because that’s our thing. But for now, this will do. 

Oh wait: one last thing, a final PS, the last thing you should know … 

#11) We are always always always trying to be the bestest. 

The root motivation for every single thing on this list is to the best, for you: your best girl, best partner, best sub, best friend, best lover. 

Because that’s just how we roll. 

Love always,  

Your Subs xoxo

Tell me you're my slut.

Lovelace (2013), dir. Rob Epstein & Jeffrey Friedman

Interesting position...🤔 bucketlist

Hey my fucking sexy slutty whore lover! You make me soooo wet 😫! Now the questions. Do your followers ever write up stories or scenarios that they imagine you and me in? If they don’t, do you wish they did? Can’t wait to fuck your brains out xxxx Love Zoe xxxxx

No… But id love to see what they come up with 🥰

Your mine tonight you little whore 😈❤️

bbc breeding

Airlocked

All three holes need to be trained, He said. The aim is to do it all at the same time, all to the limit. So did i.

Keeping this for later.

A major part of many kinky dynamics is a focus on discipline. While “discipline” can be a fun part of your everyday activities, it can also mean something more specific in terms of punishment. “Punishment” differs from the general sense of discipline in that it has a specific goal to focus on that changes a submissive’s behaviour.

Many people engage in what can be called “funishment,”–punishment-type activities, like regular spankings or other forms of play, that are not meant to alter the behaviour of the submissive but rather to provide enjoyment to either/both/all parties. However, it is important to distinguish the difference between playful discipline and serious punishments. Punishments are consequences of negative actions, whether this is based on officially-written regulations or unspoken general behaviours like brattiness, defiance, or dangerous behaviours.

The idea of punishment is based largely on psychological research in the area of behaviourism. It consists of techniques that are supported by science to effectively alter the behaviour of an individual. (If you want to learn more about the research behind punishments, look up B. F. Skinner’s work in this area.)

Two types of punishments exist: positive punishments, which add undesired consequences to the behaviour, and negative punishments, which take away desired privileges.

Now, before I get into some specific ideas for punishments, there are some important key points I’d like to make. Please be sure to read all of these before deciding on a specific punishment.

Punishments do NOT negate the right to a safeword. Some people are mislead into dangerous situations by being told they cannot safeword during a punishment. This is completely untrue. All parties have a right to safeword at any time during any kind of play or punishment. Taking away the right to safeword equates to abuse, plain and simple. Don’t ever tell your partner they cannot safeword or ignore their safeword for the sake of punishment. This is not effective and is extremely harmful to your partner’s mental and/or physical well-being. 

NEVER punish out of anger. Anger is never a healthy motivation for punishment. Punishments are meant for the submissive’s benefit, at the core. If the submissive’s behaviour has made the Dominant angry, they should have a cooling-off period where they can calm down, think about an appropriate punishment, and resolve the matter at a later time, after healthy discussion about what happened.

Limits are NOT to be used as punishments. Many people have activities they don’t particularly enjoy that aren’t on their limits list. Some people have specific ideas for punishments that suit them best. However, regardless of you or your partner’s experience with punishments, it needs to be understood that hard limits are not punishments. Hard limits are never to be used for punishment’s sake because “hard limit” means “I do not want to do this under any circumstance.” Using a hard limit as a punishment would be an abusive act, as hard limits come with an automatic safeword attached, since they are specificly stated as things the person does not feel comfortable with. Never, ever, threaten or use hard limits to punish a submissive. 

Use healthy discretion. This one should seem obvious, but don’t follow through with punishments if rule-breaking was out of the submissive’s control. Say the submissive has a 11PM bedtime, but they recently suffered a trauma or loss and can’t sleep. Let them engage in healthy coping skills instead of punishing them for something they aren’t doing on purpose. Above all else, make safety and well-being a priority.

Make the punishment fit the crime. Punishments that are relative to the defiance are much more effective at changing the behaviour than random punishments. For example, if the submissive cums without permission, try a punishment from the “orgasm control” section. This will better reinforce the reasoning in the submissive and more effectively guide them to make better choices in the future. There are also punishments that work best for specific dynamics like for littles or pets, so be sure to read into those, below.

Aftercare is absolutely required. Like any kind of play, aftercare is required at the end of the scene. This is especially important during punishments because often times, the submissive is consumed with feelings of guilt and disappointment. After a punishment, Dominants need to give their submissives aftercare that includes a conversation about why they were punished, how proud the Dominant is for them taking the punishment so well, and that there are no negative feelings between them. The submissive should leave the punishment scene feeling forgiven for their mistakes and proud of themselves for making things right with their Dominant. Do not leave your submissive alone after a punishment without aftercare, ever! This is highly abusive and can seriously harm your partner.

Humiliation

A great way to get a submissive to stay in line is to humiliate them when they’ve done something wrong. There are several ways to go about this, depending on your dynamic and kinks, but it’s an effective and amusing way to get the message across. 

Clothing Restriction

Clothing restriction can be done both domestically and in public. Restriction can be as much as not allowing any clothing (in legal or private settings), ordering a certain amount of skin be showing, or choosing a specific outfit or collar for the submissive. For shy submissives, clothing restriction can be intense. This is an especially good punishment for submissives who have said negative comments about their bodies.

Diapering

For ABDL or little submissives, this can either be a reward or a punishment. Depending on the comfort level with diapers, they can be used as a punishment that ties into humiliation. Making them relieve themselves in only the diaper for a set amount of time or wearing it around the house as their only clothing can be very humiliating for some people.

Sissification

Sissification is a kink that is most common in submissive men. It’s the act of dolling a man up like a girl and humiliating him based on his presentation as such. This can be very effective for some people but can be very problematic to others. Be careful not to use this kink as punishment with trans or gender non-conforming subs without their explicit consent, as it can very easily trigger dysphoria and cause severe emotional problems. 

Public Humiliation

Public humiliation can be done in any subtle way that embarrasses a submissive without breaking any obvious laws. Some examples include making them wear an anal plug or remote-controlled vibrator to dinner, public leashing, or making them kneel at social gatherings. Work this idea into the submissive’s specific kinks and limits to be sure it’s just enough to embarrass them, without making them unbearably uncomfortable.

Orgasm Control

Orgasm control is simply that–controlling the submissive’s orgasms. Most of these types of punishments are used for submissives who break rules about orgasms, be it without permission or when they were told not to touch themselves. Controlling orgasms is an amusing way to teach the submissive who their orgasms belong to.

Edging

Edging is the act of getting your partner right to the edge of orgasm, then denying them release. This can be done multiple times, even in short amounts of time. It’s a little psychological torture, best for those who cum without permission.

Toy Restriction

For a submissive, like myself, who is accustomed to using toys during masturbation or play, toy restriction is a very effective punishment. This is especially good for submissives who have a difficult time reaching orgasm without toys, as it makes things very frustrating very quickly. An evil punishment may even combine toy restrictions with a quota of orgasms for the day that they must reach in order to get off restriction. Desperation will sink in very quickly and this lesson will be easily learned.

Forced Orgasms

Forced orgasm is another great punishment for submissives who cum without permission. It turns a great sensation into a torturous experience very quickly. This is especially great with toys like the Hitachi or a Sybian. Focus on a goal–either for number of orgasms, or a specific amount of time. An hour spent riding a Hitachi can really be the most agonizing thing for some people due to heightened sensitivity after each orgasm. 

Denial

Denial is the complete opposite of forced orgasms. It’s like edging, but there is no orgasm at the end of the scene. This can be doing while using toys and not allowing the person to orgasm or it can be done by restriction orgasms or even touching oneself for a longer period of time.

Chastity

Chastity, much like denial, is the refusal of orgasms. However, with chastity, the submissive is completely unable to touch themselves, even if they wanted to. Devices for people with penises and vaginas are available to purchase online to assure your submissive is following orders properly.

Domestic Discipline

Domestic discipline includes things that can be done within the home. Some of these include behaviour modifications or restrictions. While some of these can be done outside the home, these are good examples of things for couples who live together can do for punishments.

Chores

Chores not only benefit the entire household, but they can also be an effective punishment for unruly subs. Added chores can be especially fun if you make her clean the bathroom with a toothbrush or make him do dishes with nipple clamps on. Combine with other punishments for your amusement!

Furniture Restriction

Especially fun for people into pet-play, furniture restriction involves limiting where the submissive can sit or lie down. Require that they sit on the ground instead of the couches or sleep on the floor next to the bed if they’ve been defiant.

Caging

Another good one for pets, especially. Caging can be used to make the submissive reflect on their reasons for being punished. Be sure to use a cage small enough to confine them, but still large enough so they aren’t going to hurt themselves by spending too much time in the cage.

Bedtime

A great one for littles! Bedtimes are good for college students who don’t do their homework, or easily distracted adults with work to do. Set up rules that require all obligations get done and enforce an early bedtime to be sure they are well-rested (and easily frustrated) when they don’t follow these rules.

Time-Out

Another punishment for reflection. Time-outs are good for brats and littles because it makes them analyze what they did wrong. Put them in a corner or a special “time-out chair” so they know they are being punished. Increase the time or add in other punishments if they break rules more than once.

Sensory Deprivation

Sensory deprivation is a lot like time-out, but can be used for added psychological torment. Plug the submissive’s ears or use headphones, blindfold them, bind them to a bed or chair, and completely ignore them for a set about of time. This desensitizes them and not only makes them reflect on their reasons for punishment, but makes it very uncomfortable, assuring they won’t want to end up in isolation again.

Objectification

Objectification is fun for Dominants who like their submissives in service to them during punishment. Make them kneel and become your footstool or coffee table while you watch TV or catch up on work. This is even better when you make them do it completely naked and/or in front of guests.

Dietary Restriction

If a submissive has done something against the rules, you can make them follow a strict diet. This is especially useful for those using behaviour modification to lose or gain weight. However, be careful to ensure the submissive is still getting enough nutrition. For littles, see how much they want to be a brat after you take away their dessert privilege. For pets, try making them eat out of a bowl on the floor for each meal.

Speech Restriction

For disrespectful submissives, punish them by taking away their right to a personal pronoun, making them refer to themselves as “this girl,” “Your slut,” “Master’s puppy boy,” or anything else you want to use. You can also make it a rule that they must refer to you by your Dominant title at all times, even in public. Having to remember their restrictions on speech will keep them thinking about their punishment all day.

Corporal Punishment

Corporal punishment is enforcement by physical contact. These types of punishments involve pain, which is a tricky subject for punishing. Typically, pain punishments don’t work as well to change behaviour, especially if the submissive is also a masochist. Be sure to carefully choose what kind of pain if you’re going with one of these methods.

Impact

If your submissive likes thuddy pain, use stingy pain. If they like stingy pain, use thuddy. Push their limits carefully, but make it clear this is a punishment and not for fun. Have them apologize as you strike them. Tell them why they are being punished and make it clear that they are to be good and learn from their mistakes. 

Rice Kneeling

Kneeling on uncooked rice is an age-old technique that leaves painful marks. Be careful with time, as this can scar if done for long periods of time or used constantly. Be present during this to be sure the submissive can take it and listen carefully for safewords. Use this as a time out or have them recite an apology to you as you do this.

Figging

Figging is done by carving a plug out of ginger and inserting into the anus. This causes a stinging pain that ranges in intensity depending on the person. Frozen ginger is a milder form of this punishment.

Writing Assignments

Writing assignments are usually meant to bore a submissive into obedience. Whether it’s writing lines or a random homework assignment, the punishment focuses on making it undesirable for the submissive to misbehave.

Lines

Writing lines is effective if you use it reflectively. For example, for a submissive who is disrespectful, you can have him write, “I will always be polite around my Sir,” a hundred times. For a submissive who cums without permission, you can order, “I will ask permission from Mistress before I cum,” until they fill up five pages. What’s even more fun is making them be stuffed with a toy or on their knees with nipple clamps on while they write.

Apology Letter

An apology letter is a simple task meant to make the submissive think about what they have done, analyze why it was wrong, and have them apologize formally by writing it down. Have them read their letter to you our loud or crumple it up and put in their their underwear for that added perk of remembering all day that they were punished.

Essay

An essay is a good assignment for submissives who don’t seem to understand their rules. Make them come up with reasons as to why these rules are in place and write a formal essay about the reasoning and purpose of these rules. Making them analyze the fact that this is for their benefit will remind them that rules are not just there to be mean, but to guide them to healthier behaviour.

Homework

Especially fun for people with school girl or teacher fantasies, assign a random homework assignment. Ever wonder about a certain subject but never have time to actually research it? Assign a paper to your submissive about a subject of your choosing and have them report back to you–because knowledge is power! Grade their paper and reward/punish again as necessary for the quality of their work.

It’s important to remember that reinforcements are also important in addition to punishments. When your submissive follows directions, reward them. Give them a treat or praise them and thank them for being so good. If you mix positive reinforcement with punishments when necessary, they’re sure to be trained in no time!

xx SF

Nala

Love a woman that knows what she wants. 😈