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A major part of many kinky dynamics is a focus on discipline. While “discipline” can be a fun part of your everyday activities, it can also mean something more specific in terms of punishment. “Punishment” differs from the general sense of discipline in that it has a specific goal to focus on that changes a submissive’s behaviour.

Many people engage in what can be called “funishment,”–punishment-type activities, like regular spankings or other forms of play, that are not meant to alter the behaviour of the submissive but rather to provide enjoyment to either/both/all parties. However, it is important to distinguish the difference between playful discipline and serious punishments. Punishments are consequences of negative actions, whether this is based on officially-written regulations or unspoken general behaviours like brattiness, defiance, or dangerous behaviours.

The idea of punishment is based largely on psychological research in the area of behaviourism. It consists of techniques that are supported by science to effectively alter the behaviour of an individual. (If you want to learn more about the research behind punishments, look up B. F. Skinner’s work in this area.)

Two types of punishments exist: positive punishments, which add undesired consequences to the behaviour, and negative punishments, which take away desired privileges.

Now, before I get into some specific ideas for punishments, there are some important key points I’d like to make. Please be sure to read all of these before deciding on a specific punishment.

Punishments do NOT negate the right to a safeword. Some people are mislead into dangerous situations by being told they cannot safeword during a punishment. This is completely untrue. All parties have a right to safeword at any time during any kind of play or punishment. Taking away the right to safeword equates to abuse, plain and simple. Don’t ever tell your partner they cannot safeword or ignore their safeword for the sake of punishment. This is not effective and is extremely harmful to your partner’s mental and/or physical well-being. 

NEVER punish out of anger. Anger is never a healthy motivation for punishment. Punishments are meant for the submissive’s benefit, at the core. If the submissive’s behaviour has made the Dominant angry, they should have a cooling-off period where they can calm down, think about an appropriate punishment, and resolve the matter at a later time, after healthy discussion about what happened.

Limits are NOT to be used as punishments. Many people have activities they don’t particularly enjoy that aren’t on their limits list. Some people have specific ideas for punishments that suit them best. However, regardless of you or your partner’s experience with punishments, it needs to be understood that hard limits are not punishments. Hard limits are never to be used for punishment’s sake because “hard limit” means “I do not want to do this under any circumstance.” Using a hard limit as a punishment would be an abusive act, as hard limits come with an automatic safeword attached, since they are specificly stated as things the person does not feel comfortable with. Never, ever, threaten or use hard limits to punish a submissive. 

Use healthy discretion. This one should seem obvious, but don’t follow through with punishments if rule-breaking was out of the submissive’s control. Say the submissive has a 11PM bedtime, but they recently suffered a trauma or loss and can’t sleep. Let them engage in healthy coping skills instead of punishing them for something they aren’t doing on purpose. Above all else, make safety and well-being a priority.

Make the punishment fit the crime. Punishments that are relative to the defiance are much more effective at changing the behaviour than random punishments. For example, if the submissive cums without permission, try a punishment from the “orgasm control” section. This will better reinforce the reasoning in the submissive and more effectively guide them to make better choices in the future. There are also punishments that work best for specific dynamics like for littles or pets, so be sure to read into those, below.

Aftercare is absolutely required. Like any kind of play, aftercare is required at the end of the scene. This is especially important during punishments because often times, the submissive is consumed with feelings of guilt and disappointment. After a punishment, Dominants need to give their submissives aftercare that includes a conversation about why they were punished, how proud the Dominant is for them taking the punishment so well, and that there are no negative feelings between them. The submissive should leave the punishment scene feeling forgiven for their mistakes and proud of themselves for making things right with their Dominant. Do not leave your submissive alone after a punishment without aftercare, ever! This is highly abusive and can seriously harm your partner.

Humiliation

A great way to get a submissive to stay in line is to humiliate them when they’ve done something wrong. There are several ways to go about this, depending on your dynamic and kinks, but it’s an effective and amusing way to get the message across. 

Clothing Restriction

Clothing restriction can be done both domestically and in public. Restriction can be as much as not allowing any clothing (in legal or private settings), ordering a certain amount of skin be showing, or choosing a specific outfit or collar for the submissive. For shy submissives, clothing restriction can be intense. This is an especially good punishment for submissives who have said negative comments about their bodies.

Diapering

For ABDL or little submissives, this can either be a reward or a punishment. Depending on the comfort level with diapers, they can be used as a punishment that ties into humiliation. Making them relieve themselves in only the diaper for a set amount of time or wearing it around the house as their only clothing can be very humiliating for some people.

Sissification

Sissification is a kink that is most common in submissive men. It’s the act of dolling a man up like a girl and humiliating him based on his presentation as such. This can be very effective for some people but can be very problematic to others. Be careful not to use this kink as punishment with trans or gender non-conforming subs without their explicit consent, as it can very easily trigger dysphoria and cause severe emotional problems. 

Public Humiliation

Public humiliation can be done in any subtle way that embarrasses a submissive without breaking any obvious laws. Some examples include making them wear an anal plug or remote-controlled vibrator to dinner, public leashing, or making them kneel at social gatherings. Work this idea into the submissive’s specific kinks and limits to be sure it’s just enough to embarrass them, without making them unbearably uncomfortable.

Orgasm Control

Orgasm control is simply that–controlling the submissive’s orgasms. Most of these types of punishments are used for submissives who break rules about orgasms, be it without permission or when they were told not to touch themselves. Controlling orgasms is an amusing way to teach the submissive who their orgasms belong to.

Edging

Edging is the act of getting your partner right to the edge of orgasm, then denying them release. This can be done multiple times, even in short amounts of time. It’s a little psychological torture, best for those who cum without permission.

Toy Restriction

For a submissive, like myself, who is accustomed to using toys during masturbation or play, toy restriction is a very effective punishment. This is especially good for submissives who have a difficult time reaching orgasm without toys, as it makes things very frustrating very quickly. An evil punishment may even combine toy restrictions with a quota of orgasms for the day that they must reach in order to get off restriction. Desperation will sink in very quickly and this lesson will be easily learned.

Forced Orgasms

Forced orgasm is another great punishment for submissives who cum without permission. It turns a great sensation into a torturous experience very quickly. This is especially great with toys like the Hitachi or a Sybian. Focus on a goal–either for number of orgasms, or a specific amount of time. An hour spent riding a Hitachi can really be the most agonizing thing for some people due to heightened sensitivity after each orgasm. 

Denial

Denial is the complete opposite of forced orgasms. It’s like edging, but there is no orgasm at the end of the scene. This can be doing while using toys and not allowing the person to orgasm or it can be done by restriction orgasms or even touching oneself for a longer period of time.

Chastity

Chastity, much like denial, is the refusal of orgasms. However, with chastity, the submissive is completely unable to touch themselves, even if they wanted to. Devices for people with penises and vaginas are available to purchase online to assure your submissive is following orders properly.

Domestic Discipline

Domestic discipline includes things that can be done within the home. Some of these include behaviour modifications or restrictions. While some of these can be done outside the home, these are good examples of things for couples who live together can do for punishments.

Chores

Chores not only benefit the entire household, but they can also be an effective punishment for unruly subs. Added chores can be especially fun if you make her clean the bathroom with a toothbrush or make him do dishes with nipple clamps on. Combine with other punishments for your amusement!

Furniture Restriction

Especially fun for people into pet-play, furniture restriction involves limiting where the submissive can sit or lie down. Require that they sit on the ground instead of the couches or sleep on the floor next to the bed if they’ve been defiant.

Caging

Another good one for pets, especially. Caging can be used to make the submissive reflect on their reasons for being punished. Be sure to use a cage small enough to confine them, but still large enough so they aren’t going to hurt themselves by spending too much time in the cage.

Bedtime

A great one for littles! Bedtimes are good for college students who don’t do their homework, or easily distracted adults with work to do. Set up rules that require all obligations get done and enforce an early bedtime to be sure they are well-rested (and easily frustrated) when they don’t follow these rules.

Time-Out

Another punishment for reflection. Time-outs are good for brats and littles because it makes them analyze what they did wrong. Put them in a corner or a special “time-out chair” so they know they are being punished. Increase the time or add in other punishments if they break rules more than once.

Sensory Deprivation

Sensory deprivation is a lot like time-out, but can be used for added psychological torment. Plug the submissive’s ears or use headphones, blindfold them, bind them to a bed or chair, and completely ignore them for a set about of time. This desensitizes them and not only makes them reflect on their reasons for punishment, but makes it very uncomfortable, assuring they won’t want to end up in isolation again.

Objectification

Objectification is fun for Dominants who like their submissives in service to them during punishment. Make them kneel and become your footstool or coffee table while you watch TV or catch up on work. This is even better when you make them do it completely naked and/or in front of guests.

Dietary Restriction

If a submissive has done something against the rules, you can make them follow a strict diet. This is especially useful for those using behaviour modification to lose or gain weight. However, be careful to ensure the submissive is still getting enough nutrition. For littles, see how much they want to be a brat after you take away their dessert privilege. For pets, try making them eat out of a bowl on the floor for each meal.

Speech Restriction

For disrespectful submissives, punish them by taking away their right to a personal pronoun, making them refer to themselves as “this girl,” “Your slut,” “Master’s puppy boy,” or anything else you want to use. You can also make it a rule that they must refer to you by your Dominant title at all times, even in public. Having to remember their restrictions on speech will keep them thinking about their punishment all day.

Corporal Punishment

Corporal punishment is enforcement by physical contact. These types of punishments involve pain, which is a tricky subject for punishing. Typically, pain punishments don’t work as well to change behaviour, especially if the submissive is also a masochist. Be sure to carefully choose what kind of pain if you’re going with one of these methods.

Impact

If your submissive likes thuddy pain, use stingy pain. If they like stingy pain, use thuddy. Push their limits carefully, but make it clear this is a punishment and not for fun. Have them apologize as you strike them. Tell them why they are being punished and make it clear that they are to be good and learn from their mistakes. 

Rice Kneeling

Kneeling on uncooked rice is an age-old technique that leaves painful marks. Be careful with time, as this can scar if done for long periods of time or used constantly. Be present during this to be sure the submissive can take it and listen carefully for safewords. Use this as a time out or have them recite an apology to you as you do this.

Figging

Figging is done by carving a plug out of ginger and inserting into the anus. This causes a stinging pain that ranges in intensity depending on the person. Frozen ginger is a milder form of this punishment.

Writing Assignments

Writing assignments are usually meant to bore a submissive into obedience. Whether it’s writing lines or a random homework assignment, the punishment focuses on making it undesirable for the submissive to misbehave.

Lines

Writing lines is effective if you use it reflectively. For example, for a submissive who is disrespectful, you can have him write, “I will always be polite around my Sir,” a hundred times. For a submissive who cums without permission, you can order, “I will ask permission from Mistress before I cum,” until they fill up five pages. What’s even more fun is making them be stuffed with a toy or on their knees with nipple clamps on while they write.

Apology Letter

An apology letter is a simple task meant to make the submissive think about what they have done, analyze why it was wrong, and have them apologize formally by writing it down. Have them read their letter to you our loud or crumple it up and put in their their underwear for that added perk of remembering all day that they were punished.

Essay

An essay is a good assignment for submissives who don’t seem to understand their rules. Make them come up with reasons as to why these rules are in place and write a formal essay about the reasoning and purpose of these rules. Making them analyze the fact that this is for their benefit will remind them that rules are not just there to be mean, but to guide them to healthier behaviour.

Homework

Especially fun for people with school girl or teacher fantasies, assign a random homework assignment. Ever wonder about a certain subject but never have time to actually research it? Assign a paper to your submissive about a subject of your choosing and have them report back to you–because knowledge is power! Grade their paper and reward/punish again as necessary for the quality of their work.

It’s important to remember that reinforcements are also important in addition to punishments. When your submissive follows directions, reward them. Give them a treat or praise them and thank them for being so good. If you mix positive reinforcement with punishments when necessary, they’re sure to be trained in no time!

xx SF

I gladly will

That might be her wedding lingerie, but she's not my wife😈

Let's give him a show

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Wow, respect.

Thinking about casual, domestic, disrespectful degradation:

Asking you about your day, then pulling your tits out while you’re talking

Having you cook my dinner, you only eat once I’ve finished

Jerking off beside you in bed, pushing your head down to swallow my cum without saying a word

Immediately groping you when I get home from work, shaming you for being desperate if you’re wet

You make our morning coffee, but I cum in yours instead of milk

While I’m at work leaving you a list of household chores and expecting them all done

Making you kneel by my feet while we have a conversation

Ideas to Make Your Little Smile 😄

Simple, every day things Caregivers can do to brighten their little’s world

Help your little tie his or her shoes Wash his or her hair in the bathtub Pet your little’s head Pick out his or her clothes Pull him or her into your lap Get his or her pacifier if you notice him or her chewing their lips, fingers, or acting nervous Cuddle him or her Make your little giggle (tickles, jokes, etc) Use little dishes for a meal you’ve prepared Bring him or her a drink in a sippy cup or bottle Stick a crazy straw in their drink Hold their hand in public (especially when crossing the street) Order for them at a restaurant Drive them places (and pick them up) Go to your little’s doctor’s appointments with them Help him or her make tough choices (be their guide) Let him or her fall asleep on your lap or chest Ask them to help you with little tasks and things Ask if they help with little tasks Tell him or her when they are a good girl or boy Tell him or her when they make you proud Take care of them when they are sick or feeling under the weather Remind your little to take their medicine (and praise them for taking care of their health) Suggest naptime, especially if your little seems crabby or excessively irritated Read to him or her (naps, bedtime, any time) Ask your little about their favorite things (and tell them about yours) (animals, colors, shapes, stuffed animals, etc) Whisper secrets to him or her Go through their coloring pages, artwork, drawings, or crafts and tell them which ones are your favorites Teach him or her new things Remind your little about their stuffies’ names Ask your little about their stuffies and toys Tuck them in at night (including a kiss on the forehead) Remind them of their bedtime Remind them to brush their teeth before getting into bed Ask if your little remembered to do things (chores, errands, other tasks) Kiss the top of your little’s head or forehead frequently Color with your little Check for mean-monsters (under the bed, in the closet, in the dark room they need to go to or through) Listen to their excited babbles and chatter (get excited with them) Play pretend with your little Take your little to a park Push him or her on the swings Let your little pick the movie on movie night Tell your little that they are cute/adorable Kiss all of their owies, ouches, and boo-boos Use awesome band-aids (colorful, cartoon characters) Surprise your little Get your little ‘little’ gifts Set up a bubble bath Let him or her draw a tiny heart on you Check on your little’s planner, chore list, or errand tasks Make music with your little Pick out their jammies, PJs, or sleep clothes Cook with your little (and, sometimes, for your little) Take your little to the zoo Take your little to the library (and help them pick a little book) Plan and go on a picnic Take a walk with your little (and hold their hand) Take your little stargazing Visit a museum with him or her Paint your little’s toenails (or let them be silly and paint yours) Make sure he or she has something to cuddle (on the couch, in bed) Invite him or her to a special tea party (with their favorite stuffed friends) Ask about your little’s imaginary friends Plan a themed date night Plan a great adventure with them (even if it’s silly and make believe) Play board games with him or her Play video games with him or her (or watch them play them) Do arts and crafts with him or her Give your little candy/sweets (but not too many) Make your little hot cocoa with marshmallows Help build blanket forts Rub your nose gently against theirs to give special Eskimo kisses Show them a place they’ve never seen before Whisper “shhh” in your little’s ear when they’re upset Wipe away their tears (always) Take your little to see a children’s movie in the theater (let them have a child’s size popcorn too) Sing with them when they break out into song Call your little pet names such as: princess, prince, little one, doll, baby girl, baby boy, etc. Appreciate little gifts they make and give you Make a funny face at them in public Scoop your little one up into your arms or lap Watch cartoons with them Make your little a healthy snack Make a meal of special little foods Give your little an allowance Have your little complete chores (and check on their progress through the day or week) Remind your little to wash their hands before they eat Get things from places they can’t reach Rub his or her tummy when it hurts Start a pillow fight Shoot them with a water gun or nerf gun Quote from their favorite little books and movies Ask silly questions Try to win them a prize at the carnival, fair, amusement park, or any claw machine Take him or her somewhere where they need to dress up to go to Ruffle their hair Boop and bop their nose if their emotions are getting too intense Let them wear your t-shirt/hoodie/clothes Write a note and leave it somewhere for them to find as a surprise Congratulate him or her for doing something they felt was difficult Start their sleepy music at night to help them relax Take your little to an amusement park, a carnival, or a fair Take selfies and photobooth pictures with your little Make pinky promises with your little

Communication is everything. We might even shoot some video clips for you

#Girlfriend #Cuckold #Texts #fucking

What Makes D/s Real

“You need to get your windshield wipers replaced.”

“Nah, they’re fine.”

“No. You aren’t listening. You will get your windshield wipers replaced. Order on Amazon by Monday or go buy them before Wednesday. I want new windshield wipers on your car by Wednesday.”

Whoa. This is different. She’s never taken control like this before. Are those heart bubbles flying out of my ears?

“Do you understand?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

That night, she had bathed me, collared me, beaten me, dressed me, and done my makeup before we were headed to a party. “My little doll,” she called me. And still, this moment in my car was the most submissive I’d felt all night. In fact, it was the most submissive I’d felt in our relationship so far. 

Up to this point, she felt like my girlfriend who topped me, but not my Dominant. But this time, it wasn’t about play. It wasn’t an area where we’d discussed in advance and I’d explicitly given her control. It came out of her desire to protect me. It was the first time she took control because she felt responsible for me—not as part of a scene but in everyday life. 

Still, it was just a moment. I wasn’t sure whether she’d remember or follow through. But on Tuesday, she asked if I’d ordered the wipers. 

Shit. I’d meant to do it the day before, but Monday got busy, and I forgot. So I hurried up and ordered them.

“Yes, I ordered them.”

“When?”

Shit. “Today.”

“Was that what I said?”

“Well…”

“You had two options: order them online by Monday or buy them in person by Wednesday. You did neither of those things. So now you’re going to cancel that order. You’re going to leave for the auto parts store. You’re going to tell me when you leave to drive there, when you arrive, when you leave, and when you are home. You’re going to buy the wipers. And then you’re going to put your collar on and spend the rest of your night writing lines.”

She remembered. She noticed. She held me accountable. This is real. 

All at once, I felt that gut-wrenching feeling of having disappointed her and the warmth of being cared for and kept. I didn’t enjoy the punishment, but I appreciated it. She showed me that she saw me and that my needs mattered. By the end of the night, I had new wipers and 100 lines of, “I will care for my Dominant’s property however she sees fit.” And I meant it.  

It’s not formal rules and protocol that make D/s real. It’s not the kneeling or the spanking or the oral service. It’s the everyday moments where Dominants and submissives care for one another through power exchange—when one nurtures through leading and the other nurtures through following. This is when I feel loved in exactly the way I need most.