There Is Literally No Difference Between Onion Article Headlines And Those Of Real News Reports Anymore

If I am thinking about literally anything, but get distracted or sidetracked and forget the Thought, I am completely incapable of moving on or doing anything until I Find the Thought

I don't know why. It's like there's a little thorn in my brain, because I Know I wasn't able to finish the Thought, so the mind thorn will not cease to pester me

It grows larger with each passing moment until I am able to Recall the Thought by backtracking everything I was thinking

I am a slave to the Mind Thorn

I swear every time I log on I blink and an hour passes

Me and some coworkers one day, talking about getting maimed and amputated on the job: hey you know that scene in Pirates of the Caribbean when Barbosa detaches his prosthetic leg to drink out of

Us: haha that would be cool, we could have a peg leg like that too!

One of the guys: wait, keg leg!

Everyone: OMG KEG LEG

everyone knows the real reason Orpheus turned around was cos he heard some dramatic ass king of ithaca belting about how “all he hears are screams” and he had to check with Eurydice to see if they heard the same thing

A Brief Rundown of the IRL Ithaca Saga (to the best of my memory, in probably not chronological order)

jorge (creator, odysseus) decided it'll be cool to celebrate the ithaca saga with the epic cast via a trip to ithaca, greece

surely nothing can go wrong

mico (telemachus) seemingly found out about the trip with the rest of the fandom. he proceeded to plot a trip to ithaca

the epic cast dealt with multiple broken vans and missed a ferry by one minute. they had to cancel a stream because they were too exhausted

mico made it onto a plane

ithaca got hit by a typhoon, forcing them to move another stream indoors

mico got banned from tiktok. it was reversed

mason (tireseas) asked luke (zeus) to stop the rain. luke refused

the crew hiked up to odysseus' palace. they ran into a roadblock. mason looked into the future and did not see a way around it. (they found a way around it)

the crew found a well and sang their epic songs into it. except jp (crew) who just sang happy birthday

janani (aphrodite) also sang "royal we" into the well

anna (penelope) made it onto the plane to fly out to ithaca

hermes (troy) decided to take a plane to ithaca like a normal human instead of teleporting. he got side-eyed by a woman at the airport as he slept sprawled out in a chair. this quickly became a meme

hermes arrived in ithaca to the delight of everyone except jorge. mico also appeared in his videos. mico still had not updated anything after getting on the plane

anna's connecting flight got cancelled, leaving her stranded in a fancy hotel. she struggled to find the toilet in her hotel room

mico finally updated, claiming he was stuck in munich. mason appears in the video and gives him a water bottle, proving he is lying

the fandom believes mico anyway

mico is forced to post another video revealing he had been gaslighting us basically the entire time and was just delayed in getting to ithaca, that was all

troy and talya (circe), in character, talk about tea. troy says the tea tastes like her father's approval. earle (ares) then asks for 1000 cups and breaks down crying as luke cuts the camera

jorge posts a video apologizing for mico's absence, encouraging him to fly to ithaca, new york. mico appears in the background of this video

mico posts a video saying that he's finally in ithaca, but the crew is in ithaca, new york. jorge appears in the background of this video

jp films a behind the scenes video, calling out "some random guy" who just showed up asking if anyone knows jorge. it's mico

janani sings "royal we" again, but after she says "troy was breached" troy comes out screaming in pain. mico appears in the background of this, filming the video from two points above

it's time for the ithaca saga livestream... except it gets cancelled because the connection is bad and jorge's devices are dying

TL;DR: the gods saw the epic crew in ithaca and went "do you guys think it'll be really funny if we just. recreated the odyssey"

You know what needs to stop? Premium subscriptions

I ALREADY HAVE A SUBSCRIPTION, I PAY FOR AN ACCOUNT

GIVE ME THE ACCESS

THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT

Premium subscriptions are Bullshit and entirely exist because of greed and I Hate It

Anyone else randomly sometimes get offended that other people know things about you, or remember things?

Like stop that, let me be a mysterious nobody with an unknown backstory

Anybody else sometimes wish that limbs were detachable like lego people so you could just swap them out for new ones?

hi, a lot of you need a perspective reset

the average human lifespan globally is 70+ years

taking the threshold of adulthood as 18, you are likely to spend at least 52 years as a fully grown adult

at the age of 30 you have lived less than one quarter of your adult life (12/52 years)

'middle age' is typically considered to be between 45-65

it is extremely common to switch careers, start new relationships, emigrate, go to college for the first or second time, or make other life-changing decisions in middle age

it's wild that I even have to spell it out, but older adults (60+) still have social lives and hobbies and interests.

you can still date when you get old. you can still fuck. you can still learn new skills, be fashionable, be competitive. you can still gossip, you can still travel, you can still read. you can still transition. you can still come out.

young doesn't mean peaked. you're inexperienced in your 20s! you're still learning and practicing! you're developing social skills and muscle memory that will last decades!

there are a million things to do in the world, and they don't vanish overnight because an imaginary number gets too big

I was listening to If It's True from Hadestown earlier, and let me just say

It sounds very relevant to the current times...