If This Gets

DC fanfic recommendations

(feel free to send in/share more to be added!)

read at your own risk! pay attention to tags!

- if the link doesn't go through, it likely means the work is restricted (requires being logged into an account to see)

- if you're the author of any of these and would like your work removed from the list, please let me know <3

Bat Centric:

A Minor Occurrence - TheJBomb [one shot / 3.5k words]

"The Batfam meet the Justice League with less grace than a hippo in roller skates."

Alley Business - thetiniestteapot [series]

Jason interacting with Crime Alley

And Suddenly I See You - AnIrishRose [series]

"A series of one shots exploring how the Batfam would react to Bruce bringing Helena Wayne to their universe."

forward motion 'verse - Shleapord [series]

his name was king - TheRessurectionist [one shot / 2.5k words]

"Everyone knows who the butler is."

Nature and Nurture - lurkinglurkerwholurks [multichap / 109k words]

"In which the writer explores some classic tropes, indulges in some Batfam feels, and explores the effects of nature and nurture on the psyche of one Bruce Thomas Wayne."

one shot, two shots in the night - discowing [multichap / 14.6k words]

"'A Shot in the Dark' remains on our bestseller list for the fourth week in a row! Read our review of brucewayne's tell-all memoir.."

Runaway Robin - DangerBeckett [multichap / 11.5k words]

"..Robin might have found Tim once, but no one ever looks for Tim a second time. Robin can think whatever he wants. They'll never see each other again. (They see each other again)."

the apex predator - poisedwalrus [one shot / 1.8k words]

"Dick shows Damian Mean Girls. It does not go well."

The Wise Men Of Gotham - husborth [one shot / 2.8k words]

"Jason has an argument with Bruce. If it can be called an argument. ... If it can be called Bruce."

welcome to the land of no brain cells - Ms_Trickster [series]

Red Raven - PlotlessWanderer [multichap / 261k+ words]

Tim-centric "Or; A different meeting in a different time and place has enormous consequences)"

5 Times Tim Spends the Night at Wayne Manor + 1 Time He Comes Home - motleyfam [multichap / 48.6k words]

"...'Tim Joins the Family Early' AU, told through a series of sleepovers--most of which are unplanned."

New Wave - yellow_caballero [multichap / 103k words]

"In which Stephanie Brown rocks the radical nineties and becomes the first Robin, ruining Batman's life and giving Tim Drake a hobby."

You know that soil cannot spoil your white hair. - briarsdesires [one shot / 581 words]

"John and Jason talk about magic. It doesn't change anything."

JT's Auto Shop - foxykyuu15 [multichap / 197.8k words]

"(Jason hadn't wanted to get involved with the Bats this time around. He wanted to clean up the Alley, work on cars with Santa, and maybe smoke some weed and drink some beer on the weekends when he wasn't out doing crime-lord shit. Fuck.)"

Jason and the Three Terrors - Cdelphiki [multichap / 201k+ words]

"One moment, Jason was peacefully sleeping, perfectly content with his life with the League of Assassins. Okay, so maybe not content content, but he wasn't unhappy, either. Then Talia woke him up at 2am, threw three children at him, and told him to get them to America and far away from Ra's al Ghul. What the fuck."

Time (to Protect You) - Blueseabird2 [multichap / 89k words]

"Losing Damian not only hurt beyond measure, but also made Dick the last Bat standing. He had nothing keeping him in a broken world so goes back in time with only one ally (Damian begs to differ) and no plan except to protect everyone he can, at any cost."

and in their dreams they dreamed awake - wesslan [multichap / 55k words]

"Tim doesn't sleep much, and as a result he hallucinates sometimes. He keeps hallucinating a pair of green eyes in the dark."

Jason Todd: Regular College Student - AddictedApple [multichap / 51k words]

"(AU where, at the end of his League of Assassins training, Jason decides to go to Metropolis for college instead of going back to Gotham for revenge. Things spiral from there. The title is so sarcastic by the way. There's nothing regular about Jason Todd.)"

The D-Word - AutumnHobbit [one shot / 5.6k words]

"'See, Tim?' Jason called over his shoulder sardonically. "Dad agrees with me." He turned back to his food for a moment before the thought suddenly occurred to him that the Cave had gone near silent."

Overcoming Our Antecedents - Batbirdies [multichap / 31.4k words]

"This is just a temporary problem that needs to be contained until they can change Jason back. This is not a repeat of events already passed. This is not a second chance."

poison oak - lothIoriens [one shot / 11.5k words]

"Or, Dick saves Jason from the vigilante life. In turn, Jason saves him back."

See Life As a Worthy Opponent - TriviasGhost [multichap / 45k+ words]

"Or, Tim wakes up in a Gotham where he never existed."

A Hundred Days to Become a Wayne - maccreadysbaby [series]

"In which the son of a vengeful business man is used as a tool to destroy Bruce Wayne and his family, taking Batman and the rest of the heroes with them. But said business man didn't really count on the kid becoming part of their found family."

That One's Jason, Right? - batsandthebirds [multichap / 11.3k words]

"Or, Dick and Jason get de-aged by some magic, assumptions are made, and those assumptions are very, very wrong."

Would you hold my hand if no one's home? - Solar_level [multichap / 27.6k words]

Harvest - coyote_nebula [multichap / 30k words]

"Bruce knows how Jason died. Bruce knows how Jason returned to Gotham. He knows very little about what happened in-between. When Clark Kent prevails upon him to complete the corn harvest at the Kent farm, Bruce is forced to make peace with his own shortcomings to be the father that Jason needs him to be."

IF EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY (I WILL BEAR THE UNBEARABLE) - orpheusaki [multichap / 8.4k words]

"Or; a ten step guide of things not to do when you're sent to the past, by Bruce Wayne."

Your Name Is Tim - alchemistsarego [multichap / 16.9k words]

"Your name is Tim. You are safe here. If you are scared, that is okay. If you do not remember anything, that is okay too. Call any of these numbers, they will answer and explain everything."

IRIS Log #1548 - deadchannelradio [one shot / 8.5k words]

"(01:25) Red Hood: Shut up. Put some fucking respect. On my name. Start fucking copying me. I just got thrown fucking. Um. 40 feet. Into a fucking uh. What's it. Ditch. I'm still fucking conscious. (01:25) Batman: Red Hood, do not move, we're en route- (01:25) Red Hood: What'll I win if I stand up. (01:25) Batman: (Loud) Do not stand up."

General DC:

in the shadows - Kieron_ODubihir [multichap / 12.2k words]

Living Slow - kathkin [multichap / 50k words]

"In the face of an extraterrestrial threat they don't fully understand, with all their usual hide-outs compromised, the Justice League are forced to go to ground. Fortunately Superman has a remote location where they can regroup. Less fortunately, it comes with some baggage."

Sorrowful and Immaculate Hearts - Unpretty [series]

"A DC universe where moms are awesome and raise their kids right."

straight on 'til morning - merils [multichap / 102k words]

"Kon hasn't been a kid in a long time - he's not stuck at sixteen anymore, and he hasn't been for years; he's twenty-three and living his best life. But the past has funny ways of coming back to haunt everyone when they least expect it, and there's no predicting the storm on the horizon for him. It starts simply, as do most things. Jon turns sixteen."

like lifting a veil - merils [one shot / 5.3k words]

"There's only one thing more embarrassing than having a breakdown over something as stupid as a couple of accidentally-dropped eggs on your dead mom's birthday: doing it directly in front of your best friend."

Crossovers:

*HP/DC* Black Magic - DragonflyxParodies [multichap / 44k words]

"Jason Todd is the unlucky recipient of one letter from Gringotts, concerning a will reading. Things spiral."

*Marvel/DC* Leap of Faith (Catch Me, If You Can) - alighterwood and ErinWantsToWrite [multichap / 253k+ words]

"Peter, like any 14 year old superhero, really wants to catch a break. He's just a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, nothing special. Well, only if you don't look at his biology ever since the radioactive spider bite. [...] And the fact that he was randomly kidnapped one morning on his way to school and now he's in an alternate universe with a bunch of different superhero that keep stalking him. He thinks they mean well, but they're really weird. Besides that Red Hood guy. He's pretty cool."

thank you to everyone who sent recs in! list will be updated accordingly if there are more recommendations <3 (would love some more gen DC fics as well as things more focused on the girlies)

Ron: Can I offer you a carrot reading?

Harry: Uh, don't you mean tarot?

Ron *pulling out a bag of baby carrots with runes carved into them*: No.

Please "doot doot" me

Noone puts anything in my ask box

every single person who reblogs this

every

single

person

will get “doot doot" in their ask box

Remus: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.

Sirius: What if it bites me and it dies?

Remus: That means you're poisonous.

Sirius: What if it bites itself and I die?

Peter: That's voodoo.

Sirius: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Remus: That's correlation, not causation.

Sirius: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?

James: That's kinky.

Remus: Oh, my god.

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” said the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back!”

“Be logical,” said the scorpion. “If I stung you I’d certainly drown myself.”

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Climb aboard, then!” But no sooner than they were halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the frog, and they both began to thrash and drown. “Why on earth did you do that?” the frog said morosely. “Now we’re both going to die.” 

“I can’t help it,” said the scorpion. “It’s my nature.”

___

…But no sooner than they were halfway across the river, the frog felt a subtle motion on its back, and in a panic dived deep beneath the rushing waters, leaving the scorpion to drown.

“It was going to sting me anyway,” muttered the frog, emerging on the other side of the river. “It was inevitable. You all knew it. Everyone knows what those scorpions are like. It was self-defense.”

___

…But no sooner had they cast off from the bank, the frog felt the tip of a stinger pressed lightly against the back of its neck. “What do you think you’re doing?” said the frog.

“Just a precaution,” said the scorpion. “I cannot sting you without drowning. And now, you cannot drown me without being stung. Fair’s fair, isn’t it?”

They swam in silence to the other end of the river, where the scorpion climbed off, leaving the frog fuming.

“After the kindness I showed you!” said the frog. “And you threatened to kill me in return?”

“Kindness?” said the scorpion. “To only invite me on your back after you knew I was defenseless, unable to use my tail without killing myself? My dear frog, I only treated you as I was treated. Your kindness was as poisoned as a scorpion’s sting.”

___

…“Just a precaution,” said the scorpion. “I cannot sting you without drowning. And now, you cannot drown me without being stung. Fair’s fair, isn’t it?”

“You have a point,” the frog acknowledged. “But once we get to dry land, couldn’t you sting me then without repercussion?”

“All I want is to cross the river safely,” said the scorpion. “Once I’m on the other side I would gladly let you be.”

“But I would have to trust you on that,” said the frog. “While you’re pressing a stinger to my neck. By ferrying you to land I’d be be giving up the one deterrent I hold over you.”

“But by the same logic, I can’t possibly withdraw my stinger while we’re still over water,” the scorpion protested.

The frog paused in the middle of the river, treading water. “So, I suppose we’re at an impasse.”

The river rushed around them. The scorpion’s stinger twitched against the frog’s unbroken skin. “I suppose so,” the scorpion said.

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Absolutely not!” said the frog, and dived beneath the waters, and so none of them learned anything.

___

A scorpion, being unable to swim, asked a turtle (as in the original Persian version of the fable) to carry it across the river. The turtle readily agreed, and allowed the scorpion aboard its shell. Halfway across, the scorpion gave in to its nature and stung, but failed to penetrate the turtle’s thick shell. The turtle, swimming placidly, failed to notice.

They reached the other side of the river, and parted ways as friends.

___

…Halfway across, the scorpion gave in to its nature and stung, but failed to penetrate the turtle’s thick shell.

The turtle, hearing the tap of the scorpion’s sting, was offended at the scorpion’s ungratefulness. Thankfully, having been granted the powers to both defend itself and to punish evil, the turtle sank beneath the waters and drowned the scorpion out of principle.

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” sneered the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back.”

The scorpion pleaded earnestly. “Do you think so little of me? Please, I must cross the river. What would I gain from stinging you? I would only end up drowning myself!”

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Even a scorpion knows to look out for its own skin. Climb aboard, then!”

But as they forged through the rushing waters, the scorpion grew worried. This frog thinks me a ruthless killer, it thought. Would it not be justified in throwing me off now and ridding the world of me? Why else would it agree to this? Every jostle made the scorpion more and more anxious, until the frog surged forward with a particularly large splash, and in panic the scorpion lashed out with its stinger.

“I knew it,” snarled the frog, as they both thrashed and drowned. “A scorpion cannot change its nature.”

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. The frog agreed, but no sooner than they were halfway across the scorpion stung the frog, and they both began to thrash and drown.

“I’ve only myself to blame,” sighed the frog, as they both sank beneath the waters. “You, you’re a scorpion, I couldn’t have expected anything better. But I knew better, and yet I went against my judgement! And now I’ve doomed us both!”

“You couldn’t help it,” said the scorpion mildly. “It’s your nature.” 

___

…“Why on earth did you do that?” the frog said morosely. “Now we’re both going to die.”

“Alas, I was of two natures,” said the scorpion. “One said to gratefully ride your back across the river, and the other said to sting you where you stood. And so both fought, and neither won.” It smiled wistfully. “Ah, it would be nice to be just one thing, wouldn’t it? Unadulterated in nature. Without the capacity for conflict or regret.”

___

“By the way,” said the frog, as they swam, “I’ve been meaning to ask: What’s on the other side of the river?”

“It’s the journey,” said the scorpion. “Not the destination.”

___

…“What’s on the other side of anything?” said the scorpion. “A new beginning.”

___

…”Another scorpion to mate with,” said the scorpion. “And more prey to kill, and more living bodies to poison, and a forthcoming lineage of cruelties that you will be culpable in.”

___

…”Nothing we will live to see, I fear,” said the scorpion. “Already the currents are growing stronger, and the river seems like it shall swallow us both. We surge forward, and the shoreline recedes. But does that mean our striving was in vain?”

___

“I love you,” said the scorpion.

The frog glanced upward. “Do you?”

“Absolutely. Can you imagine the fear of drowning? Of course not. You’re a frog. Might as well be scared of breathing air. And yet here I am, clinging to your back, as the waters rage around us. Isn’t that love? Isn’t that trust? Isn’t that necessity? I could not kill you without killing myself. Are we not inseparable in this?”

The frog swam on, the both of them silent.

___

“I’m so tired,” murmured the frog eventually. “How much further to the other side? I don’t know how long we’ve been swimming. I’ve been treading water. And it’s getting so very dark.”

“Shh,” the scorpion said. “Don’t be afraid.”

The frog’s legs kicked out weakly. “How long has it been? We’re lost. We’re lost! We’re doomed to be cast about the waters forever. There is no land. There’s nothing on the other side, don’t you see!”

“Shh, shh,” said the scorpion. “My venom is a hallucinogenic. Beneath its surface, the river is endlessly deep, its currents carrying many things.” 

“You - You’ve killed us both,” said the frog, and began to laugh deliriously. “Is this - is this what it’s like to drown?” 

“We’ve killed each other,” said the scorpion soothingly. “My venom in my glands now pulsing through your veins, the waters of your birthing pool suffusing my lungs. We are engulfing each other now, drowning in each other. I am breathless. Do you feel it? Do you feel my sting pierced through your heart?”

“What a foolish thing to do,” murmured the frog. “No logic. No logic to it at all.”

“We couldn’t help it,” whispered the scorpion. “It’s our natures. Why else does anything in the world happen? Because we were made for this from birth, darling, every moment inexplicable and inevitable. What a crazy thing it is to fall in love, and yet - It’s all our fault! We are both blameless. We’re together now, darling. It couldn’t have happened any other way.”

___

“It’s funny,” said the frog. “I can’t say that I trust you, really. Or that I even think very much of you and that nasty little stinger of yours to begin with. But I’m doing this for you regardless. It’s strange, isn’t it? It’s strange. Why would I do this? I want to help you, want to go out of my way to help you. I let you climb right onto my back! Now, whyever would I go and do a foolish thing like that?”

___

A scorpion, not knowing how to swim, asked a frog to carry it across the river. “Do I look like a fool?” said the frog. “You’d sting me if I let you on my back!”

“Be logical,” said the scorpion. “If I stung you I’d certainly drown myself.”  

“That’s true,” the frog acknowledged. “Come aboard, then!” But no sooner had the scorpion mounted the frog’s back than it began to sting, repeatedly, while still safely on the river’s bank.

The frog groaned, thrashing weakly as the venom coursed through its veins, beginning to liquefy its flesh. “Ah,” it muttered. “For some reason I never considered this possibility.”

“Because you were never scared of me,” the scorpion whispered in its ear. “You were never scared of dying. In a past life you wore a shell and sat in judgement. And then you were reborn: soft-skinned, swift, unburdened, as new and vulnerable as a child, moving anew through a world of children. How could anyone ever be cruel, you thought, seeing the precariousness of it all?” The scorpion bowed its head and drank. “How could anyone kill you without killing themselves?”

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

Not taking any of Crayola’s shit today.

Harry: Damn, we are trapped in this room.

Ron: It's so bloody dark in here, good thing we have our wands.

Harry: Wait I have an idea.

*walks over to Hermione*

Hermione: Harry what are you doing?

*Harry grabs her, bends her back then forth, picks her up and shakes her, then sets her back on her feet.*

Harry: Damn, I was sure that was going to work.

Hermione: WHAT THE HELL HARRY!

Harry: What?! I thought if I shook you up you would start glowing.

Hermione: I am NOT a bloody glow stick!

Harry: Two words Hermione: "Brightest Witch"

bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements

I'd like some of that please