sketches i may or may not finishš«”
Me: *looking at a porcelain hand in the home decor aisle of a store* if I lost my hands in some kind of tragic accident, Iād decorate my entire home with hand-shaped things. Then Iād invite guests over for like, dinner parties and such and sit there expectantly just basking in their discomfort.
My boyfriend: Do you hear what you say when you talk? Do you know what you just said to me?
Iāll say it with my full chest: Bertholdt is equally as complexāif not moreāas any other character in AoT and people only see him as āboringā or ājust thereā because he is quiet.
In a show full of natural born leaders, those who act without hesitation, who speak their minds loudly and impassioned, itās easy for a quiet character to be seen as unimportant. But this couldnāt be further from the truth.
Bertholdtās quiet demeanor is not to be mistaken with simplicityāto me, he is a textbook overthinker, riddled with conflicting thoughts, growing fears, and guilt that remains firmly planted in his mind, taking root there and growing out of control.
As someone who is quiet and meek by nature, itās not surprising that Bertholdt grows into this nervous, indecisive personāheās been a warrior since he was a child, an immense weight placed on his shoulders, the burden of being someone able to cause mass destruction with ease.
Heās been used as a weapon, constantly told what to do by others; he can master any skill better than most others, but lacks the power to do anything with those skills until heās told.
He knows that if he is obedient, if he does what he is told is right, that he will be able to save his sick father, become an honorary Marleyan, and have some semblance of peace and safety. To him, at this point, he can be someone who defeats evil if he stays on the right path.
But, this becomes less simple as Bertholdt becomes wracked with guilt as he grows more and more aware of the truths of the world and the war heās been forced to fight in; one that is not against evil, but driven by fear and hate.
We see it from one of his first ever interactionsāwhen he uses the hanged manās story as his own cover story when he speaks to Eren and Armin for the first time. Sure, he was trying to blend in, but he couldāve just as easily made something up.
That story had actually been weighing heavily on him, when he reveals that heād been having recurring nightmares about it and asks Reiner in private why that man would bother telling that story just to later hang himself.
The thought is brushed aside rather quickly, but this gives us a look into Bertholdtās mind and personality; someone battling inner turmoil, someone who contemplates what it means to have agency over life and death, someone who grapples with guilt.
He likely believed that the man wanted to be judged for his actions, to feel the weight of his guilt, before taking his own life; just as Bertholdt already felt the guilt of his actions in destroying Shiganshina and subconsciously was likely seeking out judgment and consequence. His sleeping position even matches The Hanged Man tarot card.
Later, we see Bertholdtās guilt, emotions, and inactions reach a boiling point that compromises the warriorsā mission. He lets Armin use his feelings toward Annie as leverage to distract him, and he has a breakdown as he confesses to his friends in the Scouts that he hates what heās done, that he genuinely does consider them friends, and that he wants to pay for what heās done.
He knows that it was because of him that Eren ended up getting away, that heād be the reason that Reiner and Annie would continue being in danger in Paradis, their mission now prolongedāhis guilt only continues to build.
Moments before the return to Shiganshina, Zeke and Reiner had both told him that he needs to begin acting on his own, Reiner even going so far as to call him unreliable.
As someone who relies on the people he cares about and seeks direction from them, hearing that his own friends and comrades actually doubt his abilities and reliability would shake him to his core.
This interaction surely made him steel himself, made him push down his emotions, made him act. It made him put on a mask of apathy toward the Scouts, his friends, and nihilism toward the world around him, and play a role.
(Not to mention, Bertholdt has now seen Reinerāthis person who was seen as weak, who was never even meant to be a warrior in the first placeāgrow into an actionable leader, and I can only imagine that would make his own self-doubts grow.)
I think when he transformed into the Colossal, part of him also genuinely did want it all to end, there, no matter the consequences. Reiner was too injured at that point to be the leader; it was his one, final chance to prove himself, to show that he is capable of doing something.
And I believe, too, that he was a terrified kid who just wanted the fighting to endāknowing that if it didnāt happen there, it would happen eventually, after more and more death and destruction.
He knows these people, his so-called enemies arenāt devils, arenāt evil, and donāt deserve death simply for being born on the opposite side of a war, but they have to die to prevent further bloodshed and catastrophe.
He knows the world is a cruel place, and thereās no changing it. Heās one of the first people to acknowledge that both sides are just doing what they think is the right thing, and if thatās the case, then the āright thingā ceases to exist. There are no devils; there are simply two sides and the hatred that fuels them.
There was no other way out this timeāhe couldnāt crumble under the weight of his guilt and risk compromising their mission again, for the sake of Reiner, for the sake of Annie, for the sake of his father, for the sake of everyone. Heād already done that before, and he couldnāt do it againāhis true nature, to him, was nothing but a weakness.
Heād been fighting for his whole life, had seen and done unimaginable things that tormented him, had learned truths about the world that shattered what heād been taught since childhood, and he knew that one way or another, things were going to play out in a horrific, gruesome way.
And at that moment, he accepted it because he had no other choice.
You could see his behavior in his last moments as true apathyābut I donāt. I see it as a terrified, exhausted, guilt-riddled kid living in a painfully cruel world, wanting to make it all stop and knowing that a peaceful outcome was never going to happen, that the cycles of hatred never cease.
I see it as him putting on a metaphorical armor to push past his own fears, guilts, and powerlessness.
And in his death, you see him return to his true self, his true natureāa timid, scared, lost and lonely boy, reaching out for the help of his friendsā¦
Bertholdt being sneaky
the reason porco wears clothes with so many pockets š
Hi idk if you've answered smth similar before but who do you think among 104th was closest or maybe most impacted by levi ? I would go for jean or armin but would love to hear your thoughts.
Ps : I love you and your analysis posts keep doing them ā¤never give clowns the time of day
Hi there!
I have answered similar questions to this, haha. Jean is the character that comes to mind first when I think of who Levi had the biggest impact on. I actually fairly recently wrote a post about the relationship between Levi and Jean, and specifically, Levi's influence on Jean, which you can read here:
I think Levi had a significant impact on pretty much everyone, though. Armin, for sure. I think Armin actually understands Levi better than any of the other members of the 104th, because I think each of them are actually really similar, particularly in regards to the way both of them values life and sees life as innately valuable, without needing any, great purpose to make it so. There's also the fact that, out of everyone, Armin understood early on the kind of selfishness inherent in clinging to a sense of moral righteousness at the expense of others. This idea of maintaining our "moral purity" by refusing to get our hands dirty, and how, ultimately, that can cause more harm than good. Armin suffers from deep insecurity and a sense of self-loathing, so he refuses to call himself a good person, but I think he, as well as Levi, are both objectively good people, and part of that goodness is manifest in the way neither of them prioritizes their ability to call themselves good people over actually helping people, i.e. actually being good people. Even if it means having to live with blood on their hands and the pain of that, the way that can eat away at their sense of self-identity, they're both willing to do it without hesitation so long as it means no one else has to.
I also think Levi has a huge impact on Mikasa. Mikasa started out being pretty single minded and self-interested. Her entire reason for joining the SC was because she wanted to be with Eren, and her desire for that was the main motivator behind a lot of her actions early on. But as the story progresses, Mikasa gradually learns to start letting that motivation go, and starts genuinely caring about and fighting for others, until by the end, she gives up on her dream of being with Eren completely, by taking his life for the sake of humanity. I think Mikasa learned a lot of her selflessness from Levi, who's entire character is largely defined by selflessness. Levi never does anything for himself. Everything he does has always been for the benefit of others, fighting to save lives, to prove his fellow comrades sacrifices weren't in vain, fighting for the dreams of others, lending his strength to those dreams, rather than having or fighting for any dream of his own. That's been true of Levi since "No Regrets". I think Levi letting Erwin go sort of set the blueprint for Mikasa later doing the same with Eren. Not that Levi's relationship with Erwin was the same as Mikasa's with Eren, but Erwin was a very important person to Levi, for reasons I've spoken about at length, and he let Erwin go for Erwin's sake. People always say this decision was selfish, but it was actually the exact opposite. Levi lost someone that he relied on to guide him. It was a completely selfless sacrifice, one born out of compassion, made to end the suffering of a fellow human being. That's a lot like Mikasa letting go of Eren. She lost the person she loved and dreamed of spending her life with, and she chose to lose him to save what remained of humanity.
Anyway, thank you for your kind words and I hope my answer was what you were looking for!
āĖļ½”ā ā in the snow!! āāļ½”Ėā