PLEASE DO NOT USE TIKTOK AS A RESOURCE FOR HELLENIC POLYTHEISM

How the 104th cadet corps babysits

(Plus bonus Pieck and Porco)

Eren: Comes about 10 minutes late but says the parents can take $10 off to make up for it. Gets the kids to watch Transformers while he talks to Mikasa on the phone for an hour and a half, but keeps the kids in the corner of his eye so they don’t run off. Orders buffalo ranch pizza. When the kids show him a TikTok of someone shotgunning a beer, he scolds them before showing them how to do it themselves with cans of soda and telling them to not tell anyone he did that. Charges $40 (originally $50).

Mikasa: Brings 3-4 balls of yarn and teaches the kids how to knit while she puts on Pride and Prejudice. One of the kids takes a ball of yarn and starts pretending they’re a cat so she goes along with it and they all start playing kitties and puppies. Somehow she manages to get all of the kids in bed right before the parents come home and lets them keep the “knitted scarves” they made as a little gift. Charges $150 but it’s worth it to have the kids tuckered out and nothing messed up.

Armin: Brings some books to read to the kids. They range from Dr. Seuss to the Great Illustrated Classics version of HG Wells’ The Time Machine. LOVES answering questions with questions because he wants the kids to learn critical thinking at a young age but doesn’t want to bore them. Plays baby sensory videos or How it’s Made to get the kids to fall asleep when they refuse to go to bed. Charges $60

Annie: Doesn’t jump at the idea of babysitting but agrees to when the parents offer $50 AND a gift card to Target (she just ran out of face wash). Only babysits older kids and sits on her phone most of the time, but still makes sure they get their homework done before they can do their thing. Gives “relationship advice” (“all boys are terrible. I’m just dating Armin because he was lucky enough to be an exception”). Yells at the kids to go to bed and they do because she’s scary when she yells.

Reiner: The kids are obsessed with how strong he is and beg him to power lift him like they’re dumbbells and he absolutely LIVES for it. Plays Assassins Creed and Mario Kart and helps the kids beat a tough level in Portal 2. Has a food fight with popcorn but after making sure they’re all in bed he goes down to vacuum it back up and make sure the basement is reasonably clean. Charges $60.

Bertoldt: Absolutely CRACKED at Fortnite and Call of Duty and will destroy opponents that underestimate him because of his score. Does bad karaoke of Michael Bolton love ballads so the kids can make fun of him. Shows them all sorts of cheesy 80’s music so they can surprise their parents with songs they listened to as kids/teenagers. Charges $100 because he brought his own karaoke machine.

Marco: HUGE Marvel fan and gets into a long-winded discussion about comics and the MCU vs DC with the kids. Does a whole Marathon of the Sam Raimi Spiderman trilogy (his favorites), then tells the kids all about the meaning of who Spiderman is and how the biggest appeal of the character is that “anyone can wear the mask and anyone can be an everyday hero just like Peter Parker and Miles Morales”. Tries to refuse pay but the parents insist on giving him $150 because the kids love him so much.

Historia: Brings a whole tea party set and raids the kids closets to do a princess and knights fashion show. Does nails (outside or in the garage so nail polish doesn’t get on the carpet) and tells the little girl(s) that they can be knights and the little boy(s) that they can be the princes to be saved if that’s what they want. Talks all about how Ymir is her knight in shining armor. Charges $100.

Ymir: Does not like kids. Does not want kids. Was tricked into babysitting but once she realized she was alone with them, she freaks out and called Historia to come over and help her. Steals a couple white claws from the fridge in the garage and hopes the parents don’t notice. When Historia finally comes, she lets her take over and sits on the couch scrolling on TikTok. Tells the parents the kids were good, takes $20, and never babysits again.

Sasha: Brought a kid-friendly cookbook and makes the kids a big fishbowl to drink out of while watching Ratatouille (it’s filled with sprite, blue Gatorade, and Swedish fish). She bakes cookies while they watch and secretly eats a ton of cookie dough before the kids even know there’s extra. Gets the kids to sing the clean-up song after dinner and basically tricks them into getting the kitchen in perfect order before the parents come home.

Connie: BY FAR the best babysitter for rowdy and stubborn kids. He has little siblings so he knows all the ins and outs of dealing with babies, toddlers, and preteens. Lets the kids do just enough stuff they’re “not allowed to do” so they feel like he’s the cool babysitter, but also flawlessly tricks them into doing their nighttime routine to a T in record time. Charges $200 for the night but it’s worth every penny to come home and they’re all in bed sound asleep, freshly bathed with their teeth brushed, and dinner finished with a spotless kitchen.

Jean: Brings a whole backpack full of cheap art supplies and construction paper for the kids to play with to stay occupied, but he gets carried away and starts “critiquing” their work in a posh accent as if he were an upscale art curator (it’s literally fingerpaint). Lets the kids ride on his back like a horse (duh) and pretends he’s a giant so they can attack him with toy swords. Absolutely LOVES when one of the kids has a crush on him and hides it poorly because he thinks it’s adorable. Charges $60 for the art supplies and gas, nothing for his time.

Pieck: THE cool big sister every kid wants. Crawls around on all fours and lets the kids ride on her back as well (obviously). Lets the kids swim in the pool at night and plays mermaids with them until the parents come home, then helps the parents get the kids to bed. Charges $75 for the night and offers to help for the kids’ class pool party (she just likes playing mermaids and wants free access to a pool)

Porco: 15 minutes late but it’s because he stopped at dollar general to get each kid’s favorite snack. Takes the kids to see the Minecraft movie (sneaking the snacks in) and then they spin donuts in the back of the parking lot in his clapped out BMW 335i. Gets Taco Bell with the kids afterwards on the way home and wrestles them into bed. Charges for the movie tickets but covers the Taco Bell on his own dime (he had a Visa gift card that Bert gave him months ago that he found under the drivers seat).

Bertholdt being sneaky

"Astynax (the infant) was quiet and didn't cry when Odysseus was holding him and was even smiling and reaching out for him, because Odysseus was wearing his helmet, so he must have thought it was his father, Hector, picking him up."

Me after reading this take:

Mikasa wondering where she went wrong and thinking to herself “I raised my baby bro to be a lil cinnamon roll, not some deviant”.

Chibi Murder Chicken

Sadly lost this lil guy to the harsh world xD

Give them a hug

𝗬𝗲𝘀 𝗕𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗼𝗹𝘁, 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 ?!…🍎

It’s with emotion I share with you this marleyan waltz between Reiner & Bertolt, that I drew in 2023 for @reibertzine ❤️⛺️ !! Many thanks again for all the memories !! Despite the years these panels still have a special place in my heart ! I loved drawing this sensuality and love tension growing between these two complementary boys…became men ! 🔥

I also think this Tolt is still among the best Timeskip Bertolt I drew so far ! 😳🔥He is exactly the handsome and more confident man - while keeping his tenderness ! - I always imagined he would be as an adult !!

i use tiktok mostly just to post my own edits and see my mutuals stuff now bc im sick of the fandom on there. most of them clearly watched the show with their head up their ass or smth because they’re manage to come up with the most simultaneously hilarious and horrible takes ever.

also because not a single one of them can take bertholdt’s character seriously without rehashing the exact same name jokes i’ve heard since i joined the fandom in 2021. like sure some are funny but it gets so old so quickly, and when you make a post actually going into his character and being a bit more serious the comments are just “poor [some word beginning with b]” like PLEASE SHUT UP FOR A MOMENT!!!

literally had to put in the caption of one of my bert videos “stfu about his name for once” bc i knew the kind of comments i’d receive if i didn’t.

this fandom rather completely forgets his character (who is extremely important to the plot and towards the entire character of reiner but that’s a whole other thing), hates him for what he did even tho they love reiner/annie, or they treat him like a joke and never bother to go past surface level with his character.

he is the most interesting warrior imo because he was the first to openly admit and see that all the fighting was stupid and pointless. that the paradis eldians were no different from him and him killing them wasn’t personal, it was what had to be done to save his father. there’s alot more to him but im worried this will become like 3k words if i dont stop but most of the fandom can’t even comprehend that its actually ridiculous.

people treat him like absolute shit because he died first and he was weak when firstly shut the fuck up?? he was not weak in the slightest and had the most powerful titan ability bar the actual fucking founding titan. like oh my god. and other people say “oh he was too attached to reiner” dog that’s the point. of his character. oh my god.

idk i think im just sick of the fandom treating him like this. he and connie are imo the most overlooked characters in the entire animanga.

and don’t even get me started on how shit both him and connie are treated in official arts and stuff bc. wow