Kaeyh

Ok so correct me if I’m just going crazy but Falco n Gabi parallel Bertholdt and Reiner right RIGHT

need my emotional support escapism gays to save me from this dark cruel world

Looking more like a checklist these days. I want off this ride. 😭

Hello I am back with more headcanons

How the 104th Cadet corps smokes 🍃 and what they’re like when they’re high

Plus bonus Porco and Pieck

Eren: Has every form of Rick and Morty paraphernalia in existence. Rolling trays, Tshirts, ash trays, you name it. Unironically says that people need a higher IQ to be able to “fully grasp” the message of the show. Used to smoke indoors but Mikasa pushed him to take it outside or at least open a window. Goes fully nonverbal (for once) but also can’t keep his hands to himself if he’s alone with Mikasa.

Mikasa: Doesn’t smoke a ton but she still somehow has an incredibly high tolerance. Has a pen that she named “Penjamin” and she discreetly hits it at the aquarium/museum. When she’s at home with Eren it takes one hit before their clothes are on the floor.

Armin: Tried smoking but it always just ends up giving him a headache for some reason. Edibles are a bit better but he never seems to really “feel it”, so he prefers to just not partake because he doesn’t want to waste money. Prefers CBD gummies and has a CBD pen on him so he doesn’t feel left out during sessions. A fiend for cigs though.

Ymir: WAKE. AND. BAKE. She can out smoke ANYONE, even Connie. Zeros her bong in one hit and does NOT clean it. Has a whole dab rig and puts grape-sized globs in it just for herself. Unironically watches Jackass and Filthy Frank videos when Historia isn’t around.

Historia: Smoked once and had a panic attack. Does not smoke or partake at all anymore and instead she drinks or hits her crusty ass juul from 2018 that’s covered with faded stickers, and she uses bootleg strawberry juul pods so she feels like she’s doing something. Babysits Ymir when she goes nonverbal and they also can’t keep their hands off each other. She’s the one to clean Ymir’s bong and yells at her when she leaves it on the coffeetable.

Reiner: Can rip a bong like nobody’s business but is classy enough to keep it in a cupboard when he isn’t using it. All his bags and pockets are littered with various brands of mint-flavored dispos because he vapes in public. Gets really calm and quiet and one time when he was with Jean the two of them got way too high together and started making out (they don’t talk about it and nobody else will ever know)

Bertoldt: Surprisingly chatty when smoking. Doesn’t do anything fancy and just has a glass pipe. Taught Reiner what a sploof was so he wouldn’t get caught by his mom. Has a decent tolerance but can sometimes overdo it because he underestimates edibles. “Man this edible ain’t shit” *Ten minutes later*: “dude do you ever think about how our fingers are just bony tentacles?”

Annie: Almost exclusively bums off of other people. Offers a drag of her cig in return. Also gets chatty but not nearly as much as Bert. She’s the one to pick out the movie and she’s the last one to fall asleep. Always jumps for nature documentaries or nostalgic things like Wallace and Gromit.

Marco: Does NOT smoke and sees weed as a gateway drug. Cried when he found out Jean keeps edibles on him and said he didn’t want him to become an “addict” until Jean invited him to babysit a JSC smoke session. Now he dislikes it but tolerates it for Jean.

Sasha: Munchies go with Sasha like milk goes with cookies. Full Mukbang channel with 2 million subscribers. The big draw to the channel is SJC antics and when Niccolo decides to make gourmet food for her to absolutely destroy when high. Eats all the edibles Pieck gives her in like 3 days.

Jean: Has those 5mg Caminos on lockdown in his back pocket to the point where they’ve worn a circular imprint in the denim and he has to clarify that, no, it is neither a tin of dip, nor is it Zyn packets. He keeps the Caminos on hand because they make him more social and relaxed in public without getting too zooted. At home he has a pen but rarely uses it. Prefers 20mg brownies Pieck makes him. Does not smoke with Reiner anymore. (He really enjoyed himself and is scared of the implications)

Connie: spent $600 on a gravity bong because he saw Seth Rogen talk about it. Has a YouTube channel under the name Con-man420 and the videos have titles like “REVIEWING SUPER LEMON HAZExGRANDADDY PURP HYBRID IN 4K HD”. Impossible to tell if he’s high or sober because you’re not ever entirely sure you’ve SEEN him fully sober.

Pieck: Makes edibles. Knows how to make canna-butter and runs a whole under-the-table edible business. Once it was legalized in her state she had a panic attack. When she’s high it’s like her brain completely shuts off and she has to do the little bicep hug with Jean or Porco if they’re out in public so she doesn’t get left behind. Falls asleep every time. Very cuddly and gets handsy depending on who she’s with.

Porco: Smokes out of a pipe shaped like an old-fashioned tobacco pipe. Pieck got it for him as a joke but he loves it. Can do smoke tricks with his pen. Plays Tame Impala and Glass Animals on vinyl and melts into the couch like that one DARE ad

SNK fanarts I made, more will come for sure !

Epic AU

Odysseus: How many suitors are there? Servant: 128. Though, twenty of them formed a guard, after Antinous turned out to be a dick. Odysseus: *Thinking* Servant: Ten are away with the prince, the other ten are keeping guard over Penelope. Odysseus: Why? Servant: They're being bodyguards Odysseus: No, why did they come if they're not seeking the Queen's hand? Servant: Oh, they're trying to convince the Prince to marry their daughters. *Meanwhile* Guard #1: *Watching Telemachus with one of his friends* I'm starting to think the Prince might be swinging the other way. Guard #2: That's alright, I've got a son.

happy days <3

ok uh i posted a chatfic which will have a light plot but if you’re not into them just ignore its existence on my profile i have a guilty pleasure for them im sorry 😭

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63453226

also it’s just my humour. i’m a 16 year old girl so take that with what u will lmfaooo but tbf in the modern au i feel like this is how they’d all act (yes mikasa would act like this some people forget the ackerman curse doesn’t exist. i saw her in the post credits scene)

ok anyway enjoy if you want LOL

so I’m starting to see more of this again…

um first of all it was clear Reiner had a split personality (soldier/warrior) so Bertholdt had to remind him that HE IS NOT A SOLDIER HE IS A WARRIOR! A WARRIOR GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL! “Verbally abusing” my guy… most of the seasons bertholdt didn’t talk til last episodes of s2 and first few episodes of s3.

even a friend of mine explains it better🙄👎

anyways, pls understand bert’s character before hating on him👋😭 matter of fact just leave him alone if you hate him that much then fine but don’t be bad mouthing him. Reminder Bertholdt Hoover is an animated character A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!! So to be saying these things is wild, especially saying kill, torture because I have seen those haters day rhat about bertl. Bertholdt is not an abuser. Reiner was not being abused, it was his split personality cause from Marcel’s death as well. Bertholdt did not support Marley’s cause. He was a child brainwashed, only a child to help his father who sadly passed away after bertholdt’s desth (I forgot).

He also said he considered the scouts as his comrades, a true marleyan would not consider them as friends more, just distant themselves from the “devil island”

and now this…get ready

1. Bertholdt Did Not Abuse Reiner

The post states that Bertholdt “constantly abused” Reiner and “verbally abused him” whenever Reiner acted in a way he disliked. However, throughout the series, Bertholdt is portrayed as reserved, passive, and hesitant to express strong emotions, let alone be abusive. If anything, Bertholdt often follows Reiner’s lead.

• Bertholdt never physically or verbally abuses Reiner.

• On the contrary, he is often shown supporting Reiner despite his worsening mental state.

• The only time Bertholdt speaks harshly to Reiner is when he confronts him about his dissociation between his Warrior and Soldier personas—something Bertholdt does out of fear and concern, not malice.

2. Bertholdt Was Not Dismissive of Reiner’s Issues

The claim that Bertholdt was “completely dismissive of Reiner’s issues” is false. Bertholdt acknowledges Reiner’s mental struggles multiple times. However, Bertholdt himself is also struggling with guilt and fear, making him less equipped to provide emotional support.

• In Season 2, Episode 10 (“Children”), Bertholdt directly admits to being terrified of their mission and hints at the trauma they both carry.

• Instead of dismissing Reiner, Bertholdt passively goes along with Reiner’s dual identities, likely because he doesn’t know how to help.

3. Bertholdt and Reiner’s Dynamic Was Built on Mutual Dependence

Rather than a toxic or abusive relationship, Bertholdt and Reiner rely on each other heavily as fellow Warriors sent on a mission that has taken a heavy toll on their mental health.

• Reiner is the dominant force between them, and Bertholdt often follows his lead.

• However, Bertholdt does not reject Reiner or treat him with cruelty—he stays by his side until the very end.

• In Season 3, Episode 16, Bertholdt even expresses that he considers Reiner a close friend, despite everything.

4. Bertholdt Did Care for Reiner and Arguably Comforted Him

While Bertholdt is emotionally reserved, that does not mean he never supported or cared for Reiner.

• His loyalty to Reiner is evident, as he sticks by him even after their mission becomes increasingly dire.

• In their final moments together, Bertholdt still considers Reiner his friend, despite their impending doom.

Conclusion: The Post Misrepresents Bertholdt and the Relationship

The idea that Bertholdt was an abusive, unsupportive figure to Reiner is unfounded. Their relationship is built on camaraderie, shared trauma, and reliance rather than toxicity. Bertholdt was not a cruel figure in Reiner’s life—if anything, Reiner was the more dominant, forceful one between the two.

1. Marley ≠ Nazi Germany

Marley is not a one-to-one representation of Nazi Germany. The show’s world-building draws inspiration from multiple historical events and regimes, but it is not meant to be a direct allegory.

• Marley is an imperialist power, not a fascist state like Nazi Germany. It has been at war with multiple nations for centuries, using Eldians as expendable weapons.

Calling Bertholdt and Reiner “Nazi soldiers” is an oversimplification that ignores the show’s deeper themes of manipulation, war propaganda, and moral struggle. They were victims of a larger imperial system, not willing participants in genocide. Using such comparisons is misleading and trivializes real-world history.

I hope this LONG EXPLANATION WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THAT PIG BRAIN OF YOURS because hating on a fictional character is lame and especially saying very concerning things about him👎

In conclusion, shut up,