Kazuhareads - Aum Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam...

We're all crying

a/n: hello dears! this is something i've been wanting to write for a long time now but never felt the courage to post. this piece is a little bit of a summary of the novel i have been writing. to make it the most enjoyable, i decided to write this as a reader-insert. i also want to apologize if the characters seem ooc. i haven't role-played for years and i have no confidence in my writing.

i hope you do enjoy this piece however. i really don't feel confident, please forgive me if it sucks. ;_; xo

pairing(s): touya todoroki x sibling!reader, implied!hawks x reader t/w: implied!incest, child abuse, neglect, death(?)

There was fire. A vortex of flames amidst the destruction that consumed anything and everything. 

In the heat haze, your gaze was directed ahead, lost. Even you couldn’t grasp the reality of the situation. Your mother held you in her arms as you stared with lifeless eyes. The lights in them have faded, and everything around you was muffled. You couldn’t understand a thing that the others were yelling about. They all sounded like crying. Yelling. A clash of red and blue hues, dancing beautifully before you. Without hearing anything, there was no urge to feel nervous. You lacked the ability to feel anything.

“You are so cool brother Touya!”

“Right? Wait until dad sees me!” Is that… brother Touya? 

“[Y/N] still doesn’t have one– mom why is she like that?”

“She is alright, Fuyumi. Some need longer than others,”

"Mom!! She’s biting me!!  Touya, do something!!”

Your mother would smile at your middle siblings, never trying to make you feel less than, or to make you feel abnormal.

Whenever your siblings would ask why you were “so weird”, Touya would always glare at them as if trying to hold something back. Sometimes, he would even start fights with them over you. Because you had difficulties developing any talent, you were an easy target for your father’s ignorance and hurtful remarks. Remarks, telling you were a waste, a useless spare. Perhaps that was the reason why Touya took it upon himself to protect you. You were second in line of your siblings, and thus being closer to your brother than the rest. But you would always stay the remaining. The unusable. And that role was just fine for you, next to Touya. Perhaps his love for you came from a place of you being “dependent” on him. When it was just the two of you, he shone the brightest in comparison to you.  And that gave him the feeling of responsibility, which fed his ego at exceeding. 

While you fuelled his desire in becoming stronger, you also brought him closer to his destruction. He claimed it was for the both of you, since he had to make up for your lack thereof, but you were just a child. 

You two were inseparable from the start. If Touya was to be eradicated, so would you. If Touya was banished, you would follow. And if your father were to forsake you, so would Touya do the same to your entire family. If it was for him, he would have always wanted to be by your side.

“Big brother…”

Your voice sounded quiet, hoarse. Your skin was burning. The many cuts and scratches mixed with the sweat that formed from the heat and the dirt, through which you were shoved in the quarrel. Weak both physically and mentally, you helplessly lay in the arms of your mother who was silently crying at whatever was unfolding in front of you all. Since your vision was but a blur, you could not grasp the seriousness of it.

You barely knew these people that surrounded you, and you felt like they had dragged you into their problems. 

You grew up with your father, and had moved to Hosu city two years ago where you helped him run a family bistro. During the first months of being opened, Shouto and his class paid a visit to the establishment and has been a regular ever since. It was due to his recent visits and getting close to you that your father felt urged to somehow make you reconsider your friendship with the boy. Denying that there was anything wrong with you two getting along, a fight was inevitable. 

The friction began to spread once it had planted its roots and what has felt like a family only had the bitter aftertaste of estrangement. Suddenly things made sense. The stiff way he would talk to you, or how he at times seemed “inattentive” was all due to his own shortcomings when it came to raising a child. Nevertheless he was always supportive, but never forceful. Eventually the time had come for you and him to go separate ways, leaving the bistro to you, and moving back to the countryside. You left things off on neutral terms, as strangers. 

While Shouto knew of the death of his oldest brother, it was a scrap of photograph that he found in the living room peeking out from a cupboard, that made him ask about his oldest sister. At first he thought it was Fuyumi before her hair had gotten those red highlights, but…  when Shouto mentioned the picture to his siblings, Natsuo couldn’t contain his impulse.

“You honestly think that one of them burned to death while the other one who he wanted gone just conveniently drowned?”

It wasn’t a topic anyone would discuss at all. Shouto did recall indeed. When he took a look into what once was Touya’s room, he saw the picture. 

It was of you and Touya. 

Always. 

“They are like twins…” 

Natsuo remarked in annoyance as he watched Touya hype you up. You two looked really alike. The eyes, the hair… and you both wanted to work hard to earn acknowledgement. As a child you always showed a fascination for theater. Singing, dancing and acting. It was one of the closest things to what you’d excel at. 

Enji would never look at you though. He would never come to any of your plays in kindergarten or elementary school. Perhaps it was easier for you to deal with the hatred of your father because of Touya, but it was never easy. If your tears flowed because of him, Touya would always get angry and try to persuade him by winning his acknowledgment. If he had shown your father that he was his best creation, maybe he would accept you as well, but…

A harsh grunt left Endeavor as his heel dug into the earth beneath him. He had to steady himself against Touya’s attacks without hurting his son. Worried was his expression as he looked back at you for a moment. Your muscles tensed as you wanted to lean away from your mother, but you had already lost quite an amount of blood. It must have been internal bleeding. 

Your vision cleared just enough to recognise his blue eyes and crimson hair. Just like that time he first came into the bistro.

“Welcome,” you sheepishly grinned at the man. Your smile was exactly like Touya’s. He tried to hide his gaze with a baseball hat, but given how he was over towering you, you could easily see up from below. He seemed very nervous, apologetic and awkward all at the same time. 

He tried to make small talk about the shop, the frequency of customers and… you. For some reason even you had become nervous, not being able to know why. 

The first time he ever visited you, he came with an envelope. He wouldn’t even know how to talk to you. As if because of a premonition however, you dreaded opening the letter for weeks. When the time did come, you found a handy sum of money. 

Enji had been bringing it each month to your guardian, and every time he welcomed a torrent of insults as a result. You were living by yourself now, so the recipient had become you. Even though you were very grateful and embarrassed to receive the financial aid, you never asked who he was and he never brought it up. He would always look ashamed and timid when staring down at you, and you tried your best to not stammer too much in order to make the situation easier for him. 

Shouto had tried to get you to meet Rei at the hospital, but you ended up turning back right at the door every single time telling him that you just couldn’t do it. You felt no need to get to know her and your other siblings. The thought of all the awkwardness put you off, and you struggled with it for a long time. Eventually you did come around (the awkwardness in-tact) and convinced yourself to at least put some effort into seeing your mother. From what Rei told Shouto, you had died along with Touya. She would cry relentlessly, expressing her guilt of not being able to do more for you. Although she was already in the hospital by that time, she thought she had betrayed you and Touya for not doing more.

Even though you “drowned”, there was never a body seen. 

To have the world know of a child of his to be Quirkless was a taint on his image he could never remove. It was unimaginable. He despised you. You were another obstacle in his goal to becoming the Number One. 

The opportunity came as a godsend when you fell from Sekoto Peak. 

To finally rid himself of this stain. 

When you came to at the hospital, you saw Enji standing at the edge of your bed, a doctor next to him. “You don’t recognize her, sir? You brought her here from… ‘Sekoto Peak’?”

“Yes.”

“You found her after the forest fire, surely there is a conjunction. I need to let the authorities know.”

“I only ever had a son. And he died in the fire.”

Enji replied, leaving there no room for discussion with the doctor. Since by that time he had some influence, it would be no difficulty at making arrangements to keep quiet over this. 

You could barely move due to the head trauma you have sustained, but hearing the death of your brother, your “twin”, you felt an immense weight crush you. There was nothing you could say to the harsh truth that came from your father’s mouth. When the doctor asked you to confirm if you knew Enji, all you could do was shake your head. Shock, disbelief and denial was written on your face. You could only look at your father, horrified.

You always knew. You never had amnesia. 

You just pretended

not to know

always looking

away

Rei handed you over to Fuyumi and Natsuo, reaching out to your brother in order to desperately cool him down. Her Ice Quirk was useless, no matter how she tried. All of them were calling out to Touya. Shouto. Dad. Mom. Fuyumi. Natsuo. Nothing could reach Touya.

You have given up on this family since Sekoto Peak. You failed to be able to establish a connection to them. You weren’t interested. You felt nothing for them. Or perhaps, that was just your stubbornness, your way of avoiding to deal with all the emotional effort you’d need to put in, if you were to become a part of the family again.

It was easier not to deal with things, than try to fight the inevitable. 

But they were still trying to save Touya. 

It was Touya.

If not being able to do it for Shouto’s sake… then you might become able to want to contribute in building the family up again for Touya.

But would he even hear your voice if you’d call out to him? Would it even make a difference…? After all, he was your most treasured—

“We’re going to stop Touya together.” The moment your mother declared it in your father’s hospital room, you looked at her in shock. You stood a few feet away from your family, but the drift felt bigger than ever. The only way to end something like this was through death. Touya would either be imprisoned or would die trying to destroy your father. Anyone knew this, however you couldn’t. You just couldn’t.

“I’m not going. You’ll kill him..."

You sounded upset, rightfully so. You didn’t know what it implied to “stop Touya”, but all the flags pointed into one direction, and if you were to lose him for sure this time, horrible as it sounds, your life would become meaningless just like after Sekoto Peak.

“[Y/N]—”

“Don’t call me that,” you reacted violently at your birth name when your mother tried to calm you. Your tone was low and definitely off-putting, but never actively aggressive.

You realized that the wounds still ran deep, and you couldn’t yet forgive any of them. When Natsuo tried to intervene, you laid him flat with words.

“Don’t try to act like we’re family. None of you ever did anything for him. You made him become like this, and now you want to kill him? You all are insane.”

“You aren’t listening, we never said that was our only option [Y/N]!”

Natsuo yelled back, making you clench your jaw and watch him with wide eyes. You were furious and hesitant if you should slap him across the face.  He didn’t know of it, but you heard Touya cry many nights to Natsuo and equally you also didn't know of how many times Natsuo fought for Touya's memory during your time away. None of you knew how the other felt about anything, and this divide came naturally from being separated.

Even if you were children, the childhood you all had to endure would have shown you to behave differently and try to support each other though, that is what you believed. That was the judgement you held over your two middle siblings. It was a very one-sided way of seeing everything, and you only realized this once you had calmed down.

“I’m not going...”

You spoke with a trembling voice and turned your gaze away from them, walking out of the room. Keigo tried to reach his hand out to you, but to no avail. He rushed after you, hastily tapping away on his device.

‘[Y/N]... I know you are angry. But it is now the most important to stay calm. If things work out, you all can smile next spring.’

Coming to a halt with tears in your eyes, you turned just a little to look back at him with a heartbroken expression.

‘It must be hell for you. But you need to stand up to him. If anyone, it should be you and your family to be with him.’

And even though the truth hurt, you could not stop from crying in Keigo’s arms. He enveloped you, a small, weak girl, denying the fact that there was no other way.

“Touya-nii, please!! Don’t take them away!! I don’t want to lose anyone else!”

Fuyumi and Natsuo both yelled at Touya, who had been long gone. He kept telling Enji to look at him. And now everyone was.

“Are you sure about this?” Keigo asked one last time before departing. You nodded your head with a confident air. Your expression left no room for doubt. You were going to your brother. “There is something I need to do.” He smiled at you with soft eyes and gently ruffled your hair. You looked at him a bit shy, but soon smiled at him. “Don’t forget that we’re going to the cinema over the weekend," Keigo joked with a wink for a small moment before fixing his gaze. He straightened himself and looked deep into your eyes.

"Come back safely. You're very dear to me." His voice whispered as his hand gently, just barely touched the frame of your face. Your face grew hot and you felt dizzy at the affection he showed you. It was like none other you have ever witnessed. Your eyes closed briefly, taking in everything for one last time. When you opened your eyes, you smiled endearingly for him, wishing for the same. He seemed relieved to you, but dread was written all over him in reality. With a heavy heart, he placed his lips onto your forehead and waved you goodbye before setting off for his own mission. You watched him with the same smile before also taking your step to catch up to Shouto and Enji.

To think that you were hopeful in such a situation without a good ending in sight…

“Put out… your flames… Touya!!”

The sound of your father’s voice had become clear. Your mother was crying, apologizing to him while she tried to keep cooling him off. Enji was prepared to take him high up to the skies in order to not make him kill all of you, but your mother stopped them.

She didn’t want any of you to die.

“Natsu-nii… Fu…yumi-chan…” Touya gurgled his words. It was painful seeing him in this state. He was completely burning up, as if there was nothing of him left. “Da…d… Mo… Mom…?”

He was… still there…

Your lifeless eyes regained their light, and you began to force yourself up. Fuyumi and Natsuo tried to hold you, to keep you from more harm but the fire that lit inside you was burning bright.

Even if your lives were to burn away, run until you turn to ash—

It might be your last chance.

Everyone froze when you stepped forward, as if making way for you to Touya. With your arms extended to him, his flame burned the skin of your left arm. He held onto you with his remaining arm, and while you silently cried due to the pain, what caused you to spill tears was when he called out to you.

“[Y/…N]?”

You started to cry. His pitiful form told you he would never be the same again. Perhaps this was goodbye... you didn't want to let go of him, but he wouldn't put out his flames. Your heart was broken. Losing him for good would kill you. You came here prepared for that, and yet... you couldn't stop being incredibly sad. He never once cried in front of you. He held it in for you. You apologized to him in your heart for not being able to do the same for him. Even now, you were crying.

“Yes… I came to get you, Touya-nii… let’s go home. Everyone is waiting for you... I’ll be with you… Touya…” “Don’t… cry…”

Hearing him speak to you like he always did when you were sad, you broke out in tears. You gave him a heartfelt nod, tears spilling from your eyes. You stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, before the flames engulfed you both, turning the blue into white.

In this white world where time has stopped, you awoke, a warm breeze blowing past you. The wind fluttered your hair against your cheeks. Your eyes softly gazed ahead, seeing Touya and your family. He was so happy. He finally was acknowledged by everyone. Everyone was looking at him. His endurance has paid off. Oh how happy you were for him... standing here, next to him, felt like all the bad had disappeared. He was grinning at your father, his eyes closed in content.

His eyes opened and he turned to look to you, his grin wide as always.  You grinned back just the same way. His hand brushed against yours, his fingers tracing your palm until he intertwined with yours. Touya held your hand, a soft blush on his cheeks while he kept smiling bashfully at you. 

The two of you smiled at each other until everything turned white. Slowly but surely "I like you a lot, [Y/N]." "I like you too, Touya-nii!" you two are happy someplace else

Kaedehara Kazuha ; Moonlight Breeze

map of the soul — ryomen sukuna.

immortal sukuna thinks that one time for the present. maybe two times for the past, repeating over and over. but it really doesn't matter, when he's happy that he's with you. he's happy no matter what, because you met each other again.

GENRE: alternate universe - reincarnation!;

WARNING/S: nsfw, fluff, angst, romance, reincarnation, immortality, ambuiguity, hurt/comfort, hurt, physical touch, memory loss, sadness, pain, grief, pining, crying, humor, domestic, death, light-hearted, happy ending, depictions of character death, depiction of pining, depiction of immortality, mention of grief, mention of accidents, mention of pining, immortal! sukuna, reincarnated! reader;

masterlist

if you want to, tip!

persona

immortal sukuna who — in your first life (1).

immortal sukuna who — in your first life (2).

immortal sukuna who — in your first life (3).

immortal sukuna who — in your first life (4).

make it right

immortal sukuna who — in your second life (1).

immortal sukuna who — in your second life (2).

shadow

immortal sukuna who — in your third life (1).

immortal sukuna who — in your third life (2).

louder than bombs

immortal sukuna who — in your fourth life (1).

my time

moon

the eternal

JJK MEN LINKS

TOJI FUSHIGURO

He couldn’t help himself after the shop clerk flirted with you

So deep!

p*ssydrunk

he’s so mean ):

finally giving you that baby you’ve been begging for

NANAMI KENTO

he’s so fucking huge

office pet

what was he supposed to be doing again?

brat taming

helping nanami stay in shape (:

GOJO SATORU

you were a brat so gojo’s making you do all the work ):

“just sit back and let me take care of you”

naughty girls get punished

time to make an heir!

first time seeing each other after a long mission

GETO SUGURU

before the cult meeting

his favorite way to relax after a long day

in front of all his followers

his only exception to hating non-sorcerers <3

first time without a condom ):

SUKUNA RYOMEN

Punishment

training

sukuna’s favorite pet

open wide!

2 hours in…

CHOSO KAMO

choso’s punishment):

he loves to please you

he just wants to feel you as close as possible

he’s desperate for you ):

choso’s payback

Pt. 2 here

enjoy (: remember you have to be logged into twitter (:

— 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐋 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃 ∞

SUMMARY. congratulations, you have reached friendship level four with a certain man. what to know what he says about you to the traveller?

CHARACTERS. alhaitham, kamisato ayato, tartaglia (childe), diluc ragnvider, kaeya alberich

PRONOUNS. she/her

TW. mentions of breakdown (in alhaitham's part)

AUTHOR NOTE. been a while huh? but i can't help but feel like my writing magic has completely gone but maybe i need a change of topic to bring it back, but i will give you this free coffee before i will probably announce something about the blog soon...

༉‧₊˚. ALHAITHAM

ABOUT LOVER - BEFORE FALLING IN LOVE

Now, what would you like to know about the manager of Puspa Café? Y/N was once a talented student and researcher at the Akademiya before she walked off. She was notorious for burning all her research before the Grand Sage had the chance to obtain them but even after that, all the students within the Akademiya have nothing but praises about her, always coming into the cafe for a chance to have a tutor session with the famous ex-researcher…some might even say her wisdom rivals against most beings but she would tell you to not disrespect.

ABOUT LOVER - FELL IN LOVE

Don’t you think you are asking too much about her? Yes, Y/N is someone I hold dear but other than that, I rather not say anything more than that…it’s a private matter between me and her.

[Tighnari - About Alhaitham’s Lover

He’s like a hawk around her like we get it, Y/N is your lover. However, I understand why he is protective of her, after her infamous breakdown back at the Akademiya, she has never been the same. Never smiled or laugh cheerfully like she did back when she was a student, but ever since her relations with Alhaitham, she seems to slowly get back to her old self…don’t tell anyone I told you this but every time he sees her, he suddenly shines like a Nilotpala Lotus.]

༉‧₊˚. KAMISATO AYATO

ABOUT LOVER - BEFORE FALLING IN LOVE

Lady Y/N is no stanger to the Kamisato Clan, matter of fact, she also friends with Ayaka but due to her being one of the adopted daughters of the Kujou Clan, she is extremely busy…yet, she doesn’t seem close to her parental figures at all. As much as Kujou Sara has gratitude to old man Kujou, Y/N seems to despise him more than ever…maybe me and her have more in common than I originally thought.

ABOUT LOVER - FELL IN LOVE

Me and Lady Y/N have been engaged for a while, hehe. It was kept a secret between the both of us before Y/N found the right time to break away from the Kujou Clan without any issues. The old man couldn’t believe what he was hearing once I came in and took her back to the Kamisato estate, what a sight it was. I am more than delighted to have her by my side for a lifetime.

[Kamisato Ayaka - About Kamisato Ayato’s Lover

I’ve known my brother had an eye for Y/N for quite some time, it’s actually quite funny to see him subtly stumble on his words when he doesn’t know it. When I heard of their engagement, I was so delighted to hear that she was going to be my sister, now I have another person to make sure my brother takes care of himself.]

༉‧₊˚. TARTAGLIA

ABOUT LOVER - BEFORE FALLING IN LOVE

What would you like to know about Y/N, comrade? I could give you pages upon pages about her and it still wouldn’t be enough. Y/N is a childhood friend of mine that I hold dear, she’s very close with my siblings as they see her as an older sister. Ah…I still remember the days when she would smack my head whenever I did something she said was ‘stupid’...kind of miss that feeling.

ABOUT LOVER - FELL IN LOVE

It was actually Sonia who made me realise that I was in love with Y/N. Actually, I think I already knew deep down but was worried due to my involvement with the Fatui, but she’s a kind-heared soul that accepts me in every way! Why is my forehead red? Oh, comrade, make sure not to get on her bad side…she’s quite strong.

[Zhongli - About Tartaglia’s Lover

Sometimes I wonder how that rascal was able to capture the heart of Miss Y/N, but I admire his enthusiasm when she comes up in conversation. Knowing him, he would show off Y/N in any chance he got and I’m surprised he didn’t drag her to Liyue to do so.]

༉‧₊˚. DILUC RAGNVIDER

ABOUT LOVER - BEFORE FALLING IN LOVE

Y/N? She sometimes volunteers at the tavern when she has the free time but she mostly works with Lisa as a librarian. She’s quite reliable if she ever wants to join the Knights of Favonius but she said she rather not get into much physical work…but I feel like she knows too much about things - actually, let me apologise, I shouldn’t have said that about her.

ABOUT LOVER - FELL IN LOVE

Y/N? She’s doing perfectly fine…What’s new? Me and her have gotten closer over the past time and decided to commit to a romantic relationship, it’s nervewracking but at the same time, it’s nice not having to walk alone after a long time…It’s quite peaceful.

[Kaeya Alberich - About Dilic Ragnvider’s Lover

Sometimes I wonder how Y/N has fun with Diluc. Like, what are the dates like? How do the conversations flow between them? How does she even giggle within his presence when he is as dead as a frying pan? But…It’s nice to see how much Diluc is opening up again.]

༉‧₊˚. KAEYA ALBERICH

ABOUT LOVER - BEFORE FALLING IN LOVE

Oh? Don’t tell me you have eyes for Y/N too. Hahaha, well sorry, she caught my eye first…maybe next time after my…..fiftieth rejection?!

ABOUT LOVER - FELL IN LOVE

Hahaha, of course I won at the end. I managed to steal her heart and now she has become my lover. Being with her is like taking a sip of the most expensive sparkling wine. Divine.

[Diluc Ragnvider - About Kaeya Alberich’s Lover

From what I heard he had been bothering her for some time and often comes to rant to me about them. But after she accepted that one date, her opinion has somewhat changed. You see, she still gets annoyed but it’s more of a worried annoyance. I just hope he doesn’t stress her out too much.]

© violettelueur 2022 - all rights are reserved to violettelueur. Do not repost, copy, change/modify, plagiarise, translate or screenshot my work : this will also include other social media/writing platforms like AO3, Wattpad, TikTok and many more.

#﹒softboy scara

"I wanna chat all night, talk about everything about my day" — serenade by BOYNEXTDOOR

summary﹕just softboy bf scaramouche and his smau includes﹕ wanderer!scaramouche tags﹕super fluff﹐modern au﹐smau﹐female!reader﹐ooc﹐established relationship

notes﹕tryna get my motivation up, this is not a sign that I'll update my smau- a lot of content, its softboy scara cmon, lemme know who i should do next!

© 2023 dittodon pictures are not mine, please upload with credit

Hehe

⌗︙・choking nanami ⸜⸜・

"kento, i can't." you moan, trying to ride him without your knees hurting. you want to take a break, you want him to fuck into you because he's so fucking good at it.

"a bit more." he tells you and you rise on his cock again. you smile when he finally meets your thrusts. his thrust are quick and deep and you can feel him in your belly. he would never admit it but he loves when struggle at his cock. you finally relax, falling on his chest but he quickly puts your body up again.

"oh no no, love. work for it."

you whine internally but you use the strength you have left to bounce on his as best as you can. so lost in pleasure, you can't realize your hand fell around his neck, squeezing it lightly.

"what are you doing?" he moans with a shortened breath. you finally notice your action when he grips your wrist. you look down at him, realizing what you just did.

"im so sorry. are you okay?" you apologize, stopping all of your movements. nanami thrusts in suddenly, making you let out a confused moan.

"do it again, sweetheart. come on, put it back."

first loves

Pairing: Kamisato Ayato x fReader Warnings: angst, (slight) hurt/no comfort Word Count: ~2k A/N: apparently tumblr had issues so i'm reposting this!

They say that first loves are the hardest to forget. A face, forever imprinted in your memory with a series of "firsts" forever in the back of your mind. It's a cruel phrase, toxic even, one that snickers in the back of your mind when you see Kamisato Ayato for the first time in years. He looks the same, a knowing smile on his lips, eyes bright with amusement but dancing with secrets, but he's different. He's taller now, with a broader frame, hand moving through the air gracefully as he speaks to Madame Kujou Sara with nothing but elegance dripping from his tone. Everyone around looks at him as if he was a king, a shining star standing before a throne he had just sat at. 

And yet, you still see the boy that used to be one of your closest friends as a child. You still see lilac eyes gazing at you with delight as he drags you down the streets of Inazuma City, a bag of Mora bouncing in his hands as he declares that you have to share this next dessert with him. Ayaka pouts from behind you, hands on her hips as she demands that her brother also get her one as well. It’s only a couple seconds of arguing before the eldest gives in, buying two desserts. One for Ayaka, and one for the two of you to share. You’re not quite sure why he doesn’t want one for himself, but Ayato claims that it’s too sweet for him to finish on his own. You don’t question it. After all, you’re just children.

You still see the boy who proudly proclaimed that he was in love with you, offering you a poorly put together bundle of flowers that he declares he made himself. You’re not children at the time, barely adults but still so new to the harsh reality of the political world.

But now, years later, childhood innocence is only a fantasy that you can indulge in when you have time alone, left in your room with nothing but pictures and old trinkets that commemorate a friendship that consumed your youth. You’ve watched as Kamisato Ayato has grown from a boy to a man in just a short number of years, the misfortunes that befell upon his family still lingering in the shadows. You see it in the way he carries himself, head raised and shoulders pulled back, not a single misstep as he strides down the road. Years upon years of reminders and lessons are forever ingrained in his mind but you still notice the small habits he’s kept from childhood, from his anxious fiddling with the collar of his kimono, to the way his eyes brighten when he comes across something as simple as milk tea.

And tonight, the Yashiro Commission hosts a party in honour of the wedding between Hiiragi Chisato and Kujou Kamaji, the couple basking in smiles and congratulations, entertaining an eager crowd as you watch from a little ways away. The spotlight was meant for them, for the people of the high ruling families, where politics were like a game of chess and every little move was based on calculations. With the marriage of two people from the Hiiragi and Kujou clans, people have begun to turn their heads towards the Kamisato clan, eager whispers about the commissioner simmering in the background as offers are made and declined. Said man handles each approach with grace, bowing his head with respect as he forces a chuckle to be heard before sending away another invitation to marriage. He can feel your stare on him, and has caught the way your eyes seem to catch on his figure as you scan the room. Ayato watches the way you make small talk with Thoma and Ayaka, covering your mouth with your fan when his retainer apparently says something outrageously funny that it has you turning away so as to not make a scene. When was the last time you smiled at him like that?

“I apologize, but there’s something I need to take care of.” He offers the man in front of him a quick smile before slipping away, eyes trained on you as he leaves behind his umpteenth marriage offer of the night. Thoma and Ayaka notice him first, the latter darting her eyes between you and her brother before she leans in, her own mouth covered by her fan as she whispers something to you. He watches, almost painfully, when he notices the way you stiffen up and turn towards him. Your smile isn’t as wide, isn’t as bright, isn’t as genuine as he remembers.

“You came.” His words are gentle but the weight of them is made known to you as your eyes trace over his raised brows and parted mouth that begins to curl into a smile. Thoma mumbles something about checking the food, offering his arm to Ayaka who takes it quickly, patting you on the forearm gently before being whisked away to leave you and Ayato to some privacy.

“It would be rude of me to decline an invitation from the Yashiro Commissioner.” You can only watch as his smile wavers at your words, a reminder of the past that begins to claw at your chest now that you’re face to face with him for the first time in years.

He clears his throat and his hand reaches up to fix the collar of his kimono. “Of course, but I hadn’t heard you were back from Liyue, last I heard you were working abroad with the Feiyun Commerce Guild.” He’s lying, not that he’d tell you, that he’d known the moment you arrived back in Inazuma after being away for almost two years. Ayato wants to pinch himself, has it already been two years?

Two years ago you watched as storm clouds began to haze over his vision, Inazuma beginning to be thrown into a political turmoil as rumours of a decree being enacted in disfavour of vision holders began to run through the streets. You had voiced your concerns, not only for the political state of Inazuma and the growing tensions within the Tri-Commissions, but also for Ayato’s wellbeing. It was nothing new to see him engrossed in work, handling multiple tasks at once and slowly but surely, pushing people away under the excuse that he was too busy. The bags under his eyes seemed to pull him down day by day, and when the breaking point finally came, it was poison that spilled from his lips, his words so casually cruel as if he were being honest about your relationship.

---

“You don’t get it, do you?” You swallowed thickly at his words, taken aback by the sharp rise in volume. Ayato’s hands lay flat on the table, holding up his upper body as he leaned forward over his desk, eyes cold and uncaring as he stared back at you. The gift behind your back felt heavy as you sucked in a breath and waited for him to continue.

“I don’t need your help, and I haven’t for awhile now.” He sneered, “Archons, I swear the past few months you haven’t done anything to help. You’re in the way.”

“You don’t mean that.” Despite the hurt that sunk into your chest at his words, you tone was unwavering, pushing back against the stress that was far too evident upon his shoulders. “You’re overworking yourself and taking it out on me, so don’t give me that. You need to take a break, you can’t continue to work yourself to the bone.”

Ayato scoffed, “You’re not the Commissioner, are you? You don’t belong to any of the big three families, so tell me, what do you know about any of this?” His hand swept over the papers in front of him, sheets rustling in protest before settling down in their place.

“If you have nothing better to do than bother me, then leave. I don’t need you here.”

---

Now air feels thickened, clouded with unsaid words and broken promises, a first love washed away through the seasons. He’s older, more mature and understanding, with experiences, good and bad, tucked within his mind. And as he takes in your appearance, the way you hold yourself and stare back at him unflinchingly, he can only wonder what you’ve been up to in Liyue. He can only hear so much from his informants and diplomats that have been stationed in the land of the Geo Archon. The you who entertains friendly conversation during the day is still the same, with a warm smile and open hand ready to help. But behind closed doors will remain unknown to him. But now, away from the crowd of people and the secrets whispered behind decorated fans, it’s just you and Ayato and the bridge of memories that desperately holds you two together.

“You look good.” He allows his eyes to trace down the design of your kimono, a hint of pride shooting through him as he notices that it’s of the same silk he’d given to you on your eighteenth birthday.

“How eloquent of you.” Your tone is dry but he can hear the hidden teasing. It makes his smile grow wider, a little flame of hope sparking in his chest. “I had it made when I returned. After all, I haven’t had the chance to attend a party hosted by the Yashiro Commission since I left.” Your hands smooth down the fine silk, calloused fingers from years of training brushing against the embroidered designs. He looks down at the floor for a moment before smiling bitterly, the memories dancing in his head. His breaking point marked the downfall of it all. Words of affection became whispers in the dark before you had been the one to call things off, wishing him the best through tear clouded eyes and trembling hands. You left on the last day of Spring.

And how ironic it is, that today marks the first day of Spring, with the Sakura blossoms in full bloom and the hint of festivities just around the corner. He takes a breath, gathering whatever’s left of his slipping courage and offers a hand to you. “How about dinner sometime soon? Allow me to properly welcome you back to Inazuma.” He’s a bit late to that welcome, after all, you’d already been in Inazuma for a month, but if this is his chance to mend things, he’d take it in an instant. 

“I’m sorry.” His chest squeezes painfully at the words, “But I’m leaving back to Liyue in a matter of days. I still have business with the Feiyun Commerce Guild.”

“Is it someone else?” The words fall out before he can stop himself and he wants to kick himself when you lean away from him, eyes narrowed and mouth downturned. 

You scowl and resist the urge to cross your arms over your chest. “So what if it is?” Ayato doesn’t know what to say to that, because what right does he have to barge his way back into your life, offer you dinner and a date as if you’d never left, as if you’d stayed friends over the last couple years.

“It simply piqued my curiosity.” He lies and takes a step back when he catches sight of the way you grip your fan nervously. He takes in the way your fingers pick at the smooth wood, a telltale sign of your anxiety. 

“Of course.” You shake your head and step back. Ayato inhales sharply but stops himself from speaking when your lips part. “I should go, there are some things I need to take care of at home, before the night ends. This was a mistake, no, well, I’ve overstayed my welcome. But thank you, Lord Kamisato, for your time. I’m sure we’ll see each other around sometime.” You can’t bring yourself to care about any formalities as you ramble on, offering him half-hearted apologies. And in the end, the Yashiro Commissioner stays silent, just like you were, when he pushed you out of his life.

They say first loves are hard to forget. And Archons above, never has that been more apparent as Kamisato Ayato can only watch as you slip through his fingers once more and blend into the shadows, the click of the door shutting echoing in his mind. He swallows thickly, hands clammy and chest stinging with hurt. Did you have to wear that to walk out of his life?

reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! <3

do you have any Childe fics you’d recommend? <3

as in childe x reader, both yandere and non-yandere? i have a few that came to mind! bold means that the fics contain not sfw.

tricks of the trade / childe x reader

an immaculate story, where reader is a spy who gets intertangled with childe on the job. i cannot recommend it enough! the reader herself is smart, likable, and has a sharp wit that lends to great banter with childe.

cat's cradle / yan childe x reader (by @merakiui)

now listen... this is one of those stories where you can read through it multiple times and always pick up something new. the build up toward the end was so well done, and i loved seeing how childe played with the reader. that's what makes him such a terrifying yandere imo.

ruin / yan childe x reader (by @solarisensun (dub/noncon)

PHEW feral childe instills so much anxiety in me when he's written well like in this story. the final line of dialogue in particular gave me chills... an exploration of the darker side of childe's character that i can't get enough of.

archery practice / yan childe x harbinger reader (by @aerosiderwrites)

i love love love harbinger readers when paired with a yandere... getting to see how a stronger reader is backed into the corner is always interesting. the way you can see childe's friendliness becoming more and more strained as the reader rejects his advances is ,, chefs kiss.

treasure in plain sight / childe x reader

i've read this more times than i'd care to admit. very spicy... very well done... the build up was fun too. lots of verbal cat and mouse exchanges between reader and childe, aka my favorite thing to see in a childe story.