Okay, I know I've already talked briefly about how I think the perception of Kichijoji changes for Joker after 11/20 in a different post, but today has me thinking; how does it change for Akechi?
Are the colors dimmer for him too, both in vibrancy and in light? Does he find himself walking around and looking through shops as if he's passing time while someone's still on the train? Does he automatically go to stand by Penguin Sniper before remembering that there's no one who will meet him? Does he go to the Jazz Jin and feel like it's too quiet?
Does Muhen ask him about the boy he would come with? Does he fumble for an answer? Does he keep thinking of a conversation topic and looking up, only to see an empty chair? Is the realization so terrifying that he goes home and works too late, sustained by anxiety and the worst coffee he's had in months?
Does it extend beyond Kichijoji? When going on Momentos runs just to blow off steam, does raising his gun remind him of a boy in an arcade, or one sitting in an interrogation room? When he sees Sae at work, does he think of how her sister reacted to the news? After school, does he find himself almost taking the train to Yongen-Jaya? When putting on his gloves, does he get the urge to pull the right one just a bit tighter?
Is it hard for him to look down at his desk from an certain angle? Do certain voices in public catch his attention? Does he see a Shujin uniform and panic? During interviews where they ask the audience for input, does he keep preparing himself for a mini debate?
Does he look up that boy's parents, trying to find their contacts so he can tell them that their son is dead? Does he find the original court case that resulted in a probation and realize that Shido had been to thank for yet another thing? Does he buy or steal cheap liquor from any store he can, pouring it down the drain just to drown out the smell of coffee that hangs on everything he owns by now? Does he think back to every conversation they've ever had, playing his rival's words over and over again in his head to search for some signal that he knew this was coming and he knew how to get out?
Does everything look dimmer to him, too? Does life just feel more bland?
(When he realizes that Joker is alive, is the tiniest part of him relieved? Does he crush that part of him, or does he ignore it? Do the lights in the studio look just a little more vibrant? Does he even realize any of this before it's too late, bleeding on the other side of a bulkhead door? Does he?)
I've seen different takes on Akechi and his attitude toward his fame in fic I've read but I think a lot of them oversimplify things. Usually he's portrayed as being disillusioned or annoyed by his fans, and while I think that is true to an extent, it's also a lot more complicated than that.
Goro gets his self worth from other people. His success, his skills, his perception, are all how he values his worth as a human being. So when he first achieves fame, becomes Tokyo's new sweetheart, of course that's all going to go straight to his head. People love him. They're obsessed with him! He's going to revel in that, in the feeling of being liked and adored for the first time in his whole life.
And I think that there's always an underlying fear and bitterness, because that love is for a fake version of himself. People love the Detective Prince. They don't love Goro, and they never would, not if they knew the real him.
But all that doesn't really hit him until the public turns against him. The superficial and fickle nature of their love is abundantly clear once they all turn on him. I think it's then that Goro really starts to sour on the public and fame in general.
But of course, he still gets his self worth from what others think of him. No matter how much he wishes he didn't care what ignorant strangers think about him, on a deep level he can't quite control, he does. They hate him even as the Detective Prince. Even when he's the ideal person, even when he's erased every bit of his unlikable traits, he's still not good enough, and that hurts.
By the third semester, he's probably relieved to not have the public's eye on him any longer. He no longer has to perform the image of a perfect Detective Prince. But I think part of him probably misses it too. Misses being known and adored by strangers, misses being loved, even if it was by people who could never understand him. Which makes him hate his fame all the more, because he shouldn't miss any part of it. He shouldn't want the approval of others, he shouldn't care what anyone thinks. But of course he still does. He can't stop caring, not when he's cared for so long, when that's the only basis on which he's measured his self worth for as long as he can remember.
But he's done performing. He's done acting the perfect role of the lovable hero. Akechi is free to finally be himself. So Akechi stops trying to be liked, stops trying to be loved, and starts pushing everyone away instead. Because if he's not able to be loved, what's the point of even trying?
Goro thinks his true self is inherently unlovable. He's a failure and a murderer and there's no possible way anyone could overlook that. He thinks the only reason anyone ever liked him at all is because of his perfect fake public persona. And that's what makes Akira so incomprehensible to him. Because even when Goro drops that persona, even when he becomes the person he thinks he is--the asshole who no one could ever love--Akira still loves him. Akira sees the real Goro, and he likes him. Goro can't use his true self to push everyone away. It might work on the Phantom Thieves, but it just makes Akira love him even more.
In spite of it all, choose to do good. Choose to be kind. Choose to grow. Choose to be the change you want to see.
A country is its people, not its leaders.
Don't let this major setback blind you: it's not hopeless. You can still make a difference going forward.
Never forget that you matter.
Be the kind of hopeful that has fangs.
Twitch is gonna start kinda censoring queer people and it would be really helpful if you could read the next few sentences and then also go to a link and click the word vote.
They're implementing a new rule where if you discuss "sensitive social issues" at all you have to flag your streams as such, these issues include things like war and political unrest but also any lgbtq topics (once again our existence is political).
Essentially a streamer will have to choose between never ever mentioning anything queer (or even just discussing their own life if they're queer themselves) or flagging every stream with "sensitive social issues" and scaring away 90% of viewers.
If you have a twitch account you can go here and log in and click vote. They do listen. Please vote.
Brainworms have decided its sad sister time. Feel free to use as wallpapers or anything with credit :)
third semester is awesome so far
@banditsandbookworms
Not to go "if you have ADHD just go for a run" or anything, but I am so serious if you have ADHD you should regularly go outside, no headphones no phone no nothing and just stand and observe for a while until you've had enough. Not until you get bored, until you've had enough. Drink your coffee without watching tiktok. Have a bath without music. Turn down the volume in your headphones. I cannot overstate how much learning to be bored is cruicial with ADHD. Life is not just about pleasure, no matter what your dysregulated dopamine system thinks, and when you teach your brain to be okay with being bored, then boring tasks stop feeling like torture. By letting yourself be bored you are yoinking your system out of the high/low binary and allow for the highs to feel like actual highs and not just anything that isn't low. I am so serious go literally touch grass. Listen to the sounds in your flat. Stimulate your body the way it was designed. It lowers anxiety and makes you feel like you're real and best of all it's completely free
27 They/Them I have no idea what I'm doing. But do any of us really? Prints: https://www.redbubble.com/people/Kei-Emji/shop?asc=u
170 posts