I Will Read. The Dick Midnighter Porn. 🙋🏻‍♂️

Uh lesbians

Headcanon that when extremely sleep deprived Dick tells Jason wayyy too much traumatizing lore about his life.

Bc he kinda forgets that Jay wasn’t there for it

Since he was hallucinating the bastard (yeah I know in canon it was obviously a hallucination idk)

So Dick will accidentally just lore dump about the most insane shit bc well Jason was there (no he wasn’t)

And when he’s offensively sleep deprived it goes the other direction and he forgets that Jason ever came back.

So he’s just in the corner watching what he believes to be a hallucination of his baby brother except for some reason his mind decided he needed to see what Jay would look like grown up.

Dick on day 7 without sleep watching Jason beat up a gang member: maybe my therapist was right

Jason: the fuck are you-?

Dick: Maybe I DO need to go back on anti-psychotics

————————————————————

Dick alone in his apartment with a bag of shredded cheese and a plain cereal box in one hand ready to have what is probably the Most depressing depression meal: hmmm hmmmm hmmm

Jason who climbed through a window while dick was distracted: Sup

Dick: ah look a wild hallucinajason appears

Jason: what the fuck did you the call me

Dick patting Jason’s cheek: oh they’re somatosensory now too! That’s new! Anyway bye bye baby bird

Jason watching his brother leave the kitchen: ….okay what the fuck?

——————————————

Dick only on 3 days without sleep: this reminds of the time I was about the sign my marriage license!

Jason: two things 1) why does a shootout remind you of being at the courthouse 2) WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU GET MARRIED

Dick: I didn’t get married?

Jason: then what the hell are you talking about

Dick: idk the last time I tried too get married way more guns than necessary were involved and you know when I tired to get married Jay you were there!

Jason “was dead at the time” Todd: what the fuck are you talking about?

Dick: yeah! I mean you really hated her so you told me I’d be a disappointment if I married her and then disappeared. Which like granted I also didn’t wanna marry her but that was harsh

Jason: ….. I? I don’t even know what the appropriate response is? Here

Dick: an apology would be nice?

Jason who is now 50% sure his ghost haunted his brother 25% sure his brother was hallucinating and like 25% sure Bruce used his image as a tool to get dick to do what he wanted: ……. You know what… nah she was a bitch and I’m glad you didn’t marry her

Dick: I mean.. same

—————————————

Dick has a caffeine IV Grayson : this brings me back to the good old days

Jason dodging an alien: ??? When you were Robin ? How?

Dick: no! When Donna died and I didn’t have to worry about saying alive so I could do insane shit like infiltrating an alien spaceship with no protective gear

Jason:??????????????? Dick what the fuck

Dick: OH come on??? You were there! Very quippy 10/10 would be haunted by again

Jason:…. I- yeah you know what I’m not touching this one



Red Robin!Tim: Can’t stop shaking.

Red Hood!Jason: Probably Parkinson’s.

Tim: Not helping.

Jason: Wasn’t trying to.

[Freeze frame]

Narrator: The shaking was in fact caused by the 15 red bulls Tim had decided to consume before patrol. He promptly proceeded to declare he “had a meeting with the lord” before steeling Red Hoods motorbike and high tailing it outa there. He was found on a random farm in North Carolina the next day with no recollection of what happened.

The Batfam doing normal things, because they should

Damian being forced to join boy scouts, for the childhood experience. (And because Dick NEEDED to see him in that adorable little uniform and jason needed to hold it above his head for the rest of his life.) He earns almost every merit badge in a week. Except the cooking one, because he refused to cook beef. (I headcannon that he's a vegetarian.)

Dick goes to the same, local owned coffee shop, every morning. Always leaves too big of a tip, and always tells the barista a compliment.

Jason likes bowling. Jason, is in a bowling league. Dorky shirts and all. Most of the other guys on the team are like, bruces age, but he has a good time anyway, he's their Ace.

Bruce's leg was injured badly once, and he was out for about a month. He took up pottery. He made a decent mug with little bat ears. He was going to call it the Bug but he got embarrassed, now it's tucked away in his office.

Okay okay, but imagine if Danny just stalks Damian. Like, he has decided that he shall become this child’s unofficial guardian angel. Because Ancients know he needs it. 

So, one time Damian and Jon are out and Jon wants to go to the Arcade but Damian just says something rude and then…

Danny: *whispering in Damian’s ear* You should be nicer to your friend

Damian: Huh?! *looks around, only to find nothing* 

And that’s not all. Over time, Damian starts noticing how this strange presence as he calls it starts acting more and more. Whispering advice or words of encouragement in his ear (or just flat-out scoldings), making items he had misplaced magically appear back on his room the next day, protecting him from any surprise attacks any time he lowers his guard (which happens very rarely). 

Heck, once he even brought him a starving kitten he saw once in an alleyway that he was planning to adopt anyway! 

The Batfamily is aware of it. They refuse to do anything because they are far too amused. If anything, they give Damian a thumbs up and a “good luck" before sending him his way. 

It all ends up becoming too much for Damian to tracks down Constantine and tells him; 

Damian: I am being haunted. This annoying pest won’t leave me alone. Get rid of it, or else! 

Danny: *whispering on his ear again with a Disappointment Mom voice* What did we talk about? 

Damian: *sighs and cringes at the same time, before putting on a smile that looks more like a grimace* Please? 

sunday mornings

mixing concrete with chicken stock instead of water to give it a richer flavor profile

realistically i have a phone with tumblr in it but ideally i have a nokia brick and a accounting magazine subsribction

I love the headcanon that Jason writes fanfiction and the funniest part of it to me is how his author notes would take the ao3 curse to a whole new level

A/N: here you go guys. Sorry it’s a couple days late, I spent the entirety of yesterday forcing soup and fever-reducers down my brothers throat while he actively told me he wasn’t sick

comments: omg is your brother okay?? Jason, responding: yeah he’s fine now. I took my eyes off him for a second, he downed a coffee and it fucking healed him?? Idefk. comments: wtf

Jason: yo sorry this was a little rushed, my sister’s ballet recital was crashed by the joker and I spent the night helping with the relief efforts comments: damn your siblings are living crazy lives Jason: you don’t know the half of it

Jason: this chapter was a week late, yeah. Sorry about that. I died again.

can you guys reblog this with your birth month and favorite mha character i’m trying to test something