HOW IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

matt & andrew friendship!!! (extension to this)

matt had a fairly easy time becoming friends with nicky, kevin, and aaron, mostly because once all the issues in their respective lives had been somewhat solved they were more open to branching out

andrew was another matter

matt was beginning to see andrew differently because of the way neil talked about him, and also because of the way renee was starting to talk about him (she used to be more private about their friendship)

hearing about andrew’s devotion to the people he cares about reminds matt a LOT of himself, so one day he finds him alone in the dorms and properly apologizes to him for how he used to be treated by the team

he makes it clear that he understands if andrew isn’t interested in being friends with them, but matt is willing to give it a try if he is

nothing happens for a few days, and then during practice renee calls matt over to join in on a “debate” she and andrew are having on their stroll around the court

matt has the earth shattering realization that andrew is hilarious

and not only does the man have some serious deadpan comedy going on, he’s also wildly intelligent and profound

(unbeknownst to him, andrew has also been hearing about matt from renee and neil, and perhaps….he is a little curious)

the other foxes are so weirded out because during practice matt will just be chilling next to andrew and then suddenly burst into laughter

neil is Very Happy about this

the two of them start having more one-on-one conversations, and they actually get along really well?? matt is a good listener, and he has this way of getting andrew to talk that surprises both of them

but they also very quickly master the art of just sitting in comfortable silence and keeping each other company while they both do homework or something

matt also figures out oh. andrew’s expression does change. you just have to look very closely. it’s all in the eyes!!

andrew, during rooftime, staring into space and Thinking Hard: “why the fuck does matt keep on staring at me” 

neil, flicking gravel off the ledge, barely thinking at all: “he’s not staring he just wants to know how you feel” 

andrew, realizing he’s gonna add a 6′4 himbo to his Protection List: “shit”

they have a very deep understanding of each other

there is more to matt than just the outgoing chaotic extroverted friend

he gets so deeply invested in his friends and sometimes it overwhelms him because he doesn’t know what to do!! he doesn’t know where to put all of his love for them!! kinda like that mary oliver poem

and he was so lonely growing up because both of his parents were pretty absent (but his relationship with his mom got stronger in middle school) and he always feels like he doesn’t deserve the foxes

so he quietly pours all of himself into them, into buying their favorite snacks when they’re sad, listening as they vent, giving them the last of his water at practice, just being the Ultimate Dad Friend

and andrew gets it. he really gets it.

in the girls’ senior year the team takes another road trip to a skiing lodge, and it is an absolutely perfect week of nothing but a good time

at some point matt mumbles something about needing to call his mom and disappears and andrew gives him like 5 minutes before he goes to check on him

matt is curled up with his earbuds in and trying to Deal With His Emotions because he knows nothing lasts forever but he wants it to last forever

he remembers the days when his parents were happy together and they were a proper family and how it can all fall apart overnight

andrew nudges him with his foot and he looks so unimpressed but matt knows better

“matthew. hey matthew. matthew donovan. matthew donovan boy-” “i’m fine just vibing” “if you think we are going to leave you then you are even stupider than i thought.” 

they go back to the rest of their team together

their friendship quickly turns into a “YOU ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF EVERYONE ELSE BUT WHO IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU?? ME!! I AM GOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!!” type thing

and then it eventually becomes a “let’s take care of ourselves but together ❤” type thing

whenever one of his friends sits next to him, matt reflexively rests his arm along the back of their chair/the sofa

it’s not at all territorial or patronizing, it’s just his brain responding to friend is near!! and all the other foxes think it’s kinda funny

one day andrew sits down next to him in the lounge, and matt’s arm twitches, but he stops himself because he is always very mindful of other people’s boundaries

andrew, not looking up from his phone: “it’s fine.” 

a photo of the two of them ends up on the lounge wall the next day, matt turning away to hide a giant grin with his arm chilling along the back of the couch, andrew’s expression flat but his body relaxed

matt says it’s probably his favorite photo

(neil agrees)

Neil & Jean

People on Twitter pissed me off, so now I need to talk about Kevin Day. With a new wave of "Kevin was selfish for leaving" discourse happening, I legitimately have to ask, do you all understand what a cult is??

Even putting the psychological effects being in a cult had on him aside, Kevin is not a perfect person. Nobody in the aftg series is perfect, characters are not black and white. This is one of the big points of the series. You have got to put yourself in his shoes. Imagine this:

You are 19 years old. Your mother was killed when you were a child by someone involved in this cult; even if you do not know this for a fact, you have a suspicion. The identity of your father is kept from you in an effort to keep you where you are. You are number 2, supposed second in command of the other members. You can not piss off number 1; you have seen what he does to number 3 when he is angry. You are challenged to fight number 1 and know that if you win, he will be irrationally angry, so you pull the fight and let him win. He knows you did this. He attacks you, and you start begging. First in English, your native tongue, then in Japanese, his native tongue, and then in French, the language you should not know. This implicates number 3, and number 1 lashes out and crushes your hand almost beyond repair.

You are left alone with number 3 there to pick up the pieces. Your mind is absolutely reeling; you are no longer useful to the cult like this, and you know what they do to things they do not deem useful. 3 will do anything for you. You know this to be true. You have to get out, and a solution comes to your mind: number 3 distracts number 1. It is your only opportunity. Do you take it?

Personally, I don't understand how you can read this series and not come out of it feeling incredibly sorry for Jean and Kevin. Should Kevin have used Jean's feelings for him to get out of the nest? In a perfect world, no, but this is not a perfect world. He was desperate, and scared, and vulnerable, and he did whatever he could to get away. If he was selfish, he would not have felt the insane amounts of regret we can practically feel radiating off of him during the series. Kevin is a victim, and I need y'all to stop overlooking that.

rare sight: a peaceful afternoon

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he hurt you, I’m sorry that you’re still afraid to talk about it, and I’m sorry that you think I’ll never understand. I’m sorry that he tricked you into thinking you deserved it."

My adaptation of the God of Arepo short story, which was originally up at ShortBox Comics Fair for charity. You can get a copy of the DRM-free ebook here for free - and I'd encourage you to donate to Mighty Writers or The Ministry of Stories in exchange.

Again it's an honour to be drawing one of my favourite short stories ever. Thank you so much for the original authors for creating this story; and for everyone who bought a copy and donated to the above non-profits.

chu chu 💘

sometimes when I wanna make my self sad I just think about how the choking incident was quite possibly the most devastating way for Andrew and Kevin's deal to end

Synchronization of horrors.

It had to happen one day. Jean sees flashes of other people's hands in front of his eyes, shying away from Kevin's soothing touch. All he can do is squeeze out a pathetic "no" on the verge of hysteria rising to his throat.

Jeremy is at Moreau's side at the same moment. He has seen how him lives through such attacks, and knows what to do. Kevin steps back, allowing Jeremy to sit Jean down on a chair. It is not easy for him to realize that he can do nothing to help his second beloveds who has survived violence.

Andrew and Jean are inherently very similar. They wrest control from the world. On bad days, Andrew only lets Neil in, and Jean only lets Jeremy in. No exceptions. They are their safe place. Fair enough, considering these are the people who managed to figure them out faster than anyone else.

Synchronizing their shared nightmares is maddening. Neither Andrew nor Jean like to show their vulnerability, and these days they try to avoid each other, going in different directions. They literally trigger at the sight of each other.

This day is just one of those when Kevin wants to burst into tears from impotence. The horrors of the past overtake his guys at the same time. Word for word, and Andrew does not hold back with words, in fact, like Jean.

It hurts.

It opens up old wounds.

Neil crawls out of his and Andrew's room. He does not approach them, pausing in the doorway. Jeremy shakes his head, and Neil realizes that neither he nor Kev have anything to do here. He pulls Day away by the edge of a home stretched T-shirt. The sound of shuffling footsteps hangs unpleasantly in the atmosphere of a quiet house.

"How's Andrew?" Kevin asks, and Neil shrugs vaguely.

The exact answer is: in the abyss of nightmares, mired in the swamp of the rolling past. Neil doesn't say that. If Minyard wants to, he will tell everything himself.

Kevin accepts Josten's silence. They curl up together on the sofa in the living room, clinging to each other like drowning people. The Ravens destroyed Jean. The system destroyed Andrew. Their hastily glued fragments cut painfully and without warning not only them.

Neil wraps his arm around Day's waist, looking oceans of pupils into his eyes. The storm hides inside him, infecting Kevin with quiet anger.

"It's so fucked up, Kev."

The muffled sound of French deafens them both. They would give anything not to understand fragments of Jean's panic attacks in his native language. It's scary. Details of the horrors of his past.

Kevin nudges Neil lightly in the back.

"Maybe you should go to Andrew. He needs you a lot more than I do."

Neil isn't moving anywhere. Andrew asked for space, and he's giving it to him. After all, who is he to violate his boundaries? He's much more useful here, next to a completely lost Kevin.

You told her the wave was seven feet. You ran to her on the beach. There were seagulls. She wore a hat with a blue ribbon, a long dress with a blue and red flower, and yellow sandals covered in sand. She was pretty. She was really pretty. And you…you were happy.