Unhinged Facts And Love Part 2.

another safe house sketch

trying to shake off the lonely

I really love this parallel between Gertrude and Jon on humanity (vague tma spoilers)

Gertrude "you were the one so insistent on staying human." Robinson lost everything that makes her human.

Sure, she never became a proper avatar and technically stayed human, but she didn't allow herself to love, to trust, to connect, because every time she did, she'd lose something and someone, so she became cold, she built walls, she took any risk, she'd go as far as she needed to, if it meant success.

It doesn't help that all of her actions lead to other people, servants and avatars to either despise and fear her or hold a great respect towards her. Either way it gets her what she wants.

You could forever argue about what kind of person all of that makes her, yet she was a person. Good, flawed or bad, she was a person and she was human. At least in the most technical most polished way.

But to say she never cared? That would be completely wrong. She held a cold demeanor and a strong confident facade, but deep down she cared.

To speak with such fondness of someone you've never properly interacted with? Is it not human? Yes, Agnes was her anchor, but still. There is something so warm about the way Gertrude talks about her, is curious about her.

To worry about the effects and ethics of your power, to refuse to embrace it, wouldn't that too be human?

And Gerry was probably the last person she genuinely loved and cared for. Gertrude's last tie to humanity, her last anchor and her last reason.

So when he died, when there was nothing left, her tasks, her goals became just some mundane things to take care of. Yes, for the greater good, for the sake of the world, but after you lose everything to care for, to come back to, what's saving the world you already grew so cold towards? Is it really driven by love, dedication, loyalty or connection? Or is it driven by revenge at best, and muscle memory at worst, simply because there is nothing left, but yet another task in your life?

Gertrude, undoubtedly, was human in this very technical, almost artificial way, and she tried her best to remove every ounce of humanity she had, even if she couldn't truly succeed.

On the other hand, Jon stayed so human, it's killing him. Sure, he became an avatar, he stopped being human in a literal sense, but he loves, he cares about people. He has anchors, he has people he mourns, he has people he loves, he has a reason. And that at the same time gives him power and weakens him enormously.

Him choosing to lose his humanity, to wake up, is the most human thing he could do. It's a choice to keep living, to keep fighting, to keep loving. A choice that he would regret over and over and over again as he thinks that he doesn't deserve to exist anymore, that his mere existence causes pain and suffering. And in a way it does.

So when people tell him that he's a monster he believes it. Maybe even more than they do.

It would be so much easier if he was a monster. If all the bad things he's done were driven by some power he was beneath of. If he was, he could just brush them off cause he can't help it, it's in his nature. "Is a thing evil when it simply obeys its own nature? When it embodies its nature?"

The thing is, he's not. He's not evil, he's not a monster, not a vampire, not a doll came to life, not the distortion. He did not come back wrong.

His choice to keep feeding is his own and that horrifies him so much. This choice not to starve, to keep living and to keep enjoying is a very human choice, it is not an instinct. The same way it was his choice to keep reading, to keep being involved. Yes, it's not fair. It's not a fair price for curiousity and it's not a fair price for living. But it's the reality of things.

Do you think he ever regretted setting a person free, even though that could easily kill him? Do you think that he ever regretted setting his foot into that coffin to save someone, who tried to kill him? Do you think he ever regretted choosing to save his loved one over finally getting a chance to kill the man, who ruined his life? Because I sure don't.

All of his mistakes, his sacrifices, all of his choices, all of it was caused by his humanity. Curiosity, love, hatred and fear, but never instinct. And that's what makes him human in all the ways that truly matter.

So when he finds out that there's a chance it all could be just a setup, it scares him. Because he thinks that it strips him of his humanity, of his choices and his whole life.

I like how Jon's powers in Season 5 is basically this meme.

hi hello I’m being haunted by this fucking podcast

fragmentum

#themagnusarchives

oh, martin...

you have a favourite youtuber and a favourite podcaster

they re both queer women who talk about ghosts

their fanbases intertwine and ship them

randomly the apocalypse happens

you are rescued from your pesonal hell

your saviours turn out to be yout favourite podcaster and yout favourite youtuber

they are heads of a survivors camp (cult) and viewed as prophets

cool ig?

they re dating

you scream

#14dwy

14dwy Art Dump

Unless you hit me in the face with a brick that says “I’m flirting with you,” I’m most likely just gonna think you’re being nice.

sometimes, traversing the apocalypse with a walking/talking google search is fun :)