Tryna Figure Out If I Should Turn This Fear Au Into A Multi Chap (which I’m Bad At Keeping Up With)

can we please talk about how fucked up it is to tell someone "stop complaining" when they're clearly having a hard time and need someone to just listen.

no, cause you really should have an idea of how damaging it is, my parents told me that all my life whenever i would be exhausted, angry, sad or just frustrated and want to talk about what's been going wrong, never asked them to give me any solution but please please just listen for once.

it has fucked me in the head, i can't even think about sharing my problem or concerns without feeling guilty that m just complaining and i should be "positive", i can't stop thinking how annoying it must be for the person listening to me, i can't stop thinking that the person must be judging me for being so "pessimistic", can't stop thinking that m just taking their time and wasting it, can't stop thinking that m probably draining them to no end.

it's so fucking hard, i would be having a hard time breathing and just going about everyday but i still can't think about telling someone without thinking if m just complaining, being ungrateful and shit.

ℍ𝕆𝕎 𝕃𝕆ℕ𝔾 (𝟙/𝟛)

♱ Parings : Pro hero! Bakugou Katsuki x fem! reader (They are 24)

♱ Tags : Reader cries alot and is lonely, Katsuki is an asshole in this part (sorry guys, I've been craving angst and fluff), mentions of mental wellbeing, mentions of toxic relationship, yelling, screaming, humiliation and anger.

All written in bold italics is a flashback.

♱ Synopsis : Realizing how much she had been neglecting herself for the man she loves and is married to, (Y/N) leaves him with the promise to come back once she rediscover herself once more. How long would it take for him to break and her to heal? Would it be enough to salvage their marriage?

♱ Warnings : This would be an 18+ story going ahead, so minors. Stay the fuck out.

For the first part there is nothing much to add.

♱ Saint says : It's finally here !! Haven't written bakugou in so long, that I finally did!!

♱ Status : It’s unedited. If there are mistakes while I’m re reading it, I’ll correct it :)

♱ Word count : 4.5k words.

Tag list for this series is open. If you want to be added, feel free to comment below . Please make sure you have your age in your bio or somewhere I can see it (including dms or I won’t hesitate to block you.

Do not copy, recreate, translate or edit my works.

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‘In sickness and in health.’

‘To have and to hold.’

‘To cherish and to love.’

‘Till death do us part.’

“Marriages were matches made in heaven” was a household statement you grew up with.

‘Where did we go wrong?’.

It hadn’t been long since Katsuki and you had decided to tie the knot, but with the way things were going on lately, it sure seems like the bond of matrimony had been dragged out long enough for the both of you to not stay in the same room, let alone stand the sight of each of each other without another argument breaking out.

“Why don’t you fucking go take a vacation by yourself?! Why do I have to be dragged along?” Katsuki yelled from the couch as you scrolled through a list of hotel rooms. “Japan isn’t going to collapse if you’re away for a few days, Katsuki. Heroes would be on a watch like they always have and the country along with its cities would be safe. Besides, it would be a good break for us-” you tried to reason, only to be met with a harsh glare that signaled there was no room for discussion. “What does a school teacher know about a hero? All you do is take care of snot nosed brats who do nothing but run around and play all day.” Katsuki muttered under his breath before turning to leave you in the middle of the room, whilst you clutched your laptop to your chest. His voice was low enough to convince himself that you didn’t hear him, but you did.

Arguments were not new with Katsuki. At first glance, he was loud and brash which women did not usually desire in a man. Patience was key when it came to dealing with him, and overtime, loving him became as easy as breathing.

“I told you to not leave your gauntlets on the floor Katsuki! Look!” you said, lifting the heavy object off the ground, frowning when another scotch mark was added to several. “Would you calm the fuck down? I just got home after a long day of catching some goddamn villain. I don’t have the time or energy to deal with you or your whiny ass.” he retorted venomously, kicking his shoes to the side in anger while throwing his gloves on the rack beside the entrance of your shared home. With a heavy breath through his mouth, he walked past you, not bothering to fix the mess he had made. Hearing footsteps disappear behind you, you felt a tear roll down your cheek, turning towards his messily scattered boots and gloves.

‘He might need them tomorrow’ you told yourself as you bent to pick up the shoes he threw in anger and kept them in their rightful place towards the right shelf that had been specifically designed for them. Picking up his gauntlets and placing them to the side, you stared at the sunken scorch mark into the wood, wishing it would disappear. Instead, it remained there as a memory of the time you didn’t matter to Katsuki.

“Why did you come to the agency? I told you I had a conference and you walked right in the middle of that.” Katsuki said angrily, running a hand through his hair while the other rested on his hip. “I told you I’m sorry. I just came by to drop your lunch-” you said, clenching your fists by your side. “Your lunch just caused a fucking embarassment (Y/N). Don’t you know how long I have dreamt of building this agency?” he asked in a dark voice. Hot tears threatened to spill from the corner of your eyes as you stood before the tall blonde man. You heard a sigh of disappointment from his mouth before he spoke again. “No answer huh… says alot about ‘my wife’. Go home. You’ve embarrassed me enough today.” Katsuki said, closing the glass door of the office behind him, leaving you in the empty hallway. With a turn of your heel, you made a beeline for the bathroom, closing the stall door behind you, you clutched your hair in despair and stared at the tiles beneath you while your back rested against the door, watching as each teardrop left its mark on the tile. “Did you hear about what happened in the conference room today?” one of the women whispered as she leaned over the sink, re-applying her lipstick. “Ahh… are we talking about our hot boss?” another asked with a smug tone. “More like his wife.” the woman responded. “Apparently, she wanted to drop off his lunch. I swear that woman just wants to keep that man to herself.” she said with the roll of her eyes, flicking the tap to wash her hands. “Are you jealous of Aya-chan?” the woman replied with a laugh. “I won’t deny that our boss is hot Miko. But why choose a nobody when you can have uravity?” she said, closing the tap. “Now that you mention it, Uravity is single and she seems to be a good person in the public’s eye. Our boss certainly deserves a woman of her title.” Miko said with a giggle. Clenching your jaw, you held back your sniffles, hurt by the words they exchanged with each other, not knowing you were there to hear them. You could feel your heart ache with each pulse and your hand shake with each breath, desperate to unlock the door and leave the suffocating stall. With a violent swing of the door, you faced yourself in the mirror, feeling pathetic at the sight of your puffy and bloodshot eyes staring back at you. ‘Maybe he does deserve better.’

You didn’t dare to step foot into Katsuki’s work space again.

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“It’s like I've run out of solutions for this marriage mom.” you said sobbing into the phone while playing with stray pieces of fuzz that came out of the blanket. “Have you tried talking to Katsuki?” asked her tender voice.

“Maybe we should consider counseling?” you said, tapping the wood of the dining table as the two of you sat for dinner. With the clattering of chopsticks against the lacquered surface, you watched from the corner of your eye as Katsuki clenched and unclenched his fist over the table. “(Y/N).” came his grave voice. Never had you thought your own name could be used against you as a warning before deciding to tread dangerous waters. “If it’s with us, we’ll handle it. I already have the agency and a PR on my ass about getting my “anger issues” under control. The last thing I fucking need is my wife crawling up my ass about how I’m supposed to be a good husband.” Katsuki said in a tone that left no room for discussion.

And as always, your only answer was “Okay.”

“Counseling is the last thing he needs right now mom. He gets enough of a burden from the agency as is along with the duty of being a good samaritan and hero. The thing of least concern should be me.” You said softly into the phone.

“It takes two to tango in a marriage (Y/N). You were the one who walked down the aisle that day. And waiting at the altar was Katsuki. You are one of his priorities and you should speak about it. There have been countless times where your father and I have had our arguments and fights. Brushing it under the carpet would do no good. Talking about it would help. I know Katsuki can be brash, but I know I saw something in him when you came home holding his hand. And if it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t even accept him as my son-in-law in the first place.”

You felt your chest heave with a hitched breath at the mention of “son-in-law”. Memories began to play like an old disc, rewinding back to the day you had taken Katsuki to your house for the first time. It was nerve racking to say the least, given the brash attitude he had which caused older adults to scrunch their nose in disgust, but you knew better than to judge from the surface.

“Are you nervous Katsuki?” you asked, as he maneuvered his car around the corner of your neighborhood. He said nothing, eyes trained on the house that was at the end of the street. Killing the engine as he pulled close, he rested his head against the wheel, back hunched over. Breaths hitting the leather of the steering wheel, you reached your hand behind his back, rubbing it in slow patterns. Nuzzling his forehead further into his hands which clutched the steering wheel tightly, he clenched his jaw with a heavy breath through his nose.

“Baby…” you cooed to him. With the turn of his head, you watched as his eyes were swimming in a sea of self doubt. With the couple of years you spent knowing Katsuki, you knew how to read him at the back of your hand. It was only when there was a potential obstacle in your relationship did he become like this.

“Talk to me.” you said softly, reaching a hand out to his that laid pale on the steering wheel from clenching too hard. With a sigh, he intertwined his hand in yours, letting it rest on his thigh.

“I’ve never done this before. ‘S my first time… Don’t wanna disappoint your parents with me.” he muttered, squeezing your hand lightly. Returning a squeeze back, you rubbed your thumb against the taut skin on the back of his palm.

“Katsuki.” you called out to him in the most gentle voice possible. With the turn of his head, he watched you, eyes shifting from the way your hair to your eyes to the bridge of your nose to the curve of your lips. “My parents will adore you. Sure, you have your rough edges, but… I know you. I’ve seen you work hard day and night, seen the way you’re passionate about doing what you do and keeping on that path you dreamt of as a kid… being you is not easy, Katsuki.”

His eyes widened at your words. Never would he have imagined you to be watching him so close and thinking of his dream as a kid to be a stupid one, taking a completely different path as an adult. Moving his head towards the steering wheel, he reached out his free hand to your face, bringing it close to his. Eyes darting towards your lips, he leaned in for a soft kiss. Unlike other times, where he was eager to show you how much he cared, you could feel how soft and tender it was. Pulling away, you kissed his upper lips before holding both sides of his face in determination. “Ready to go?” you asked with a wide smile. “Let’s fucking go.” he said with a grin just as bright.

“(Y/N)?” your mother’s voice came from the phone you held to your ear. Clearing your throat from the choke up you had from replaying the memory you answered. “I’m here.”

You heard a sigh before your mother continued to speak. “Have you tried talking to anyone about it?” your mother asked in an exasperated voice.

“Oh my god. That villain you caught last week was a rather notorious one. Isn’t that right Arata?” Momo said as she slid her arm around his, her free hand holding her drink. “Heard he broke into a bank last week and had the balls for even taking over thirty hostages too.” Arata replied in a monotone voice, guiding his hand towards Momo’s hip. “Dear! Such crude language!” she shrieked, giving a playful slap to the shoulder while he chuckled.

“Pinky! I heard you had taken down another villain this week who targeted a kindergarten?” one of the reporters asked Mina. “It is important to take care of the little ones who look up to us. The operation wasn’t an easy one as children are easy targets due to them being harmless, but luckily we pulled it through thanks to the cooperation of teachers as well as other heroes.” Mina said, turning towards the cameras that were a sea of flashing lights, eager to captivate the hero who was climbing up the ranks. “Red Riot! It’s good to have you back at the agency!” one of the stocky looking men said, extending his hand forward for the pro hero to shake. “Pleasure is all mine, sir.” Kirishima responded quietly, setting his glass of whiskey down to shake the said man’s hand. You could remember standing awkwardly at the table as pro heroes talked about the work they did. Hardly a conversation for a school teacher to have. While everyone talked about busted drug deals, cartels, lawsuits and cases, you realized that they were a part of a much bigger but different world. Yours seemed to be smaller which had your family, kids studying in school, parents who would attend your conferences to discuss their child’s progress. It was easy to adapt a conversation but it was never easy to maintain it. But yet you continued to understand incident after incident as Katsuki and you stood together, each with a drink in one hand, laughing when the moment was right and humming when someone would pause at their sentence.

“So… (Y/N) tell us what’s been going on with you?” Jirou said as she leaned over the bar table. Fidgeting with the glass in your hand, you spoke. “Nothing much really… been teaching the children at school about Romeo and Juliet.”

A round of awkward looks were exchanged. Eyebrows raised at the drink in each hand with a thought before taking a sip, not knowing how to respond or what to say. “Well… that was tragic.” Kaminari tried attempting to joke before being elbowed in the ribs by Kyoka who thought it was offensive. The pro hero world didn’t have time for Shakespeare. With an awkward smile you bit your inner cheek, making a silent rule that silence during parties like these was golden.

“(Y/N)?” Your mother asked once more, disturbing your train of thought. With a deep sigh through your nose, you gripped the phone tighter before answering.

“All my friends have their own families Mom. And most of Katsuki’s friends work in the same field as him. They went to UA together and most of them are pro heroes. It’s happened times before and it will happen times again where they can’t relate to what I’m talking about.”

“I’m sure there are people at school, colleagues that you work with?” your mother asked in surprise.

Moving to Tokyo had been a bad idea. It was away from Musutafu, and had a large and bustling crowd. Shizuoka had been quiet and peaceful whilst the new bulk of the Kanto region was a walking clock. Katsuki’s friends were a common sight to see in Tokyo as that was where the headquarters for pro hero agencies were. You hoped it would be the start of a new life, only to be proven wrong day after day. You tried seizing opportunities of meeting new neighbors, only to be ushered out just as quickly as you were done with greetings. Cubicles in your school office were just as quiet, given the fact that you were in a private one. Colleagues thought you were Dynamight’s trophy wife, hastening their footsteps along the hallway anytime they would run into you. The only person you could say you had a “girl time” with was Mina and that didn't happen often given that she was in the same line of work as Katsuki.

“I do talk to a friend from the agency sometimes…” you said, shifting your position deeper into the couch out of embarrassment.

“You don’t have any friends?” your mom asked in an accusatory manner. “It’s not like I don’t have any. When we moved from Musutafu, I left nearly everything behind including my social life!” you tried defending yourself on the phone.

“(Y/N). Look at the signs. You’ve not spoken to any of your friends, living in a completely new town, and not even found a person to have a social life with?” your mother reasoned.

“At least tell me that you go out… When was the last time you did?” Your mother asked in a grave voice. Your eyes wavered, thinking of an answer of when the last was that you went out.

“(Y/N)?” your mother taunted.

“... The hike with Katsuki.” you replied in a small voice.

“That was six months ago. So you haven’t gone out ever since you began packing your things, or moved there or when you were settled in.” your mother said.

“No.” came your reply.

“(Y/N). I know it’s difficult to abandon nearly everything and move to a new place. But… Why are you adapting to a routine Katsuki set for himself? You should go out, make mistakes, get lost someplace and find it beautiful. It won’t be long till you miss all that and actually need to take care of a child of your own, right?” your mother explained in the softest voice she could, trying not to scare you.

You could feel tears threatening to fall from the corner of your eye as reality dawned upon you. As time passed by, you hadn’t realized that you had lost pieces of yourself, all for the sake of making the man you love happy and content. Each day slowly chipping away what you were previously, leaving you with an empty shell of a woman who was too dependent on your husband. Was this one of the reasons why you thought Katsuki and you got along so well? Was there an individuality to you or were you just lost in the obsession of being your best for him and not for yourself? You began to shake as you wondered, ‘How long have I been living like this’, ‘Why didn’t I notice it earlier’. You felt air leave your lungs, your mind dragging you under water where waves swept you from beneath your feet, causing you to spiral into their deepest depths.

“(Y/N), I need you to breathe for me honey.” Your mother said calmly. “In a sequence now. Breathe in” you heard her inhale. “One, two, three, four… and breathe out.” she said, exhaling with a heavy breath. Sniffling you began to do what she did, inhaling and exhaling until you felt your heart return back to normal the feeling of waves receding into the ocean.

“Alright there we go. You’re doing great!” you other cheered as you gave her a watery laugh through the phone. “Before I go, remember, both Katsuki and you are in this matrimony together. Both of you share the same burden and responsibility both for your actions and for or against one another.” Your mother said in a soft tone. Rubbing the remaining of the tear tracks away from your eyes, you replied in a shaky voice. “Thanks Mom.”

“Don’t worry dear. Everything will be fine. It all works out towards the end… I have to go now, but I’ll call you soon okay?Love you.” she said with a hint of a smile in her voice. “Love you too.” you said before you heard the phone line go dead, ending the call.

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With a drop of his keys and a bang of the door behind with his foot, Dynamight had retired for the day from the agency. Walking across the room, he opened the fridge to grab a can of beer before promptly sitting down on the couch and turning on the television. Hearing the commotion, you made your way out of your shared room, luminated by the moonlight.

“Welcome home…” you muttered in a low voice. With a grunt, he moved to kick his feet up and place them on the coffee table.

“Um… Katsuki?” you called out, fingers digging into the soft fabric of the edge of the couch, far from the corner he sat in. He hummed in response, one hand busy switching channels of the television in front of him.

“Can we talk?” you asked in a timid voice. “Go ahead… I’m listening.” he responded, taking a sip from the can, the noise from the lit screen filling up the room. “Uh… could you turn the volume of the tv down? This is important.” you replied. Not bothering to respond as his eyes trailed from left right, reading the headlines, you sighed, moving around the couch. Shaking him by the shoulder, you spoke once more. “Please Katsuki, this is really important.”

“I said I was listening wasn’t I? God,it’s like I can’t catch a fucking break when I come home to you.” he said in a grave voice, pressing the mute button. “What?” your voice cracked as you spoke, feeling a pang in your chest at every venomous word he said. “Why can’t you understand that I’ve had a fucking long day and all I need is some good peace and quiet? Do you have to run your mouth every fucking time about something? If not about dropping shit on the floor, it’s about taking a vacation. When are you gonna learn that not everything is about you?!” Katsuki yelled. You could feel tears pooling at the waterline of your eyes; not from the feeling of sadness or grief or emptiness, but of rage and humiliation. With a shaky breath, you said, “I want us to go to counseling.”

“This again? I already said no.” Katsuki said firmly. Biting your tongue in defiance, you parted your lips. “Why not?” you asked as you felt tears streaming down your cheeks. “I am not going for a check on our marriage. It’s been going great so far and I don’t need shit to hit the fan for both of us with this.” Katsuki reasoned, waving his back and forth between you and him.

“You think this marriage is fine Katsuki?” you asked bringing your wrist to wipe away at the tears collected on your cheeks and under your chin. Acknowledging your question with a glare, he turned away from you. “I don’t have time for shit like this.” he said arrogantly, crushing the can in his palm. “When do you even have time for anything anymore? It’s always about work, work, work. Do you know how much I sacrificed for you?!” you yelled. “You don’t even fucking care about anything. Do you ask me how my day was? Do you ask me if I’m eating well or sleeping well? Do you even bother to remember me by when we live in the same fucking house?!” you continued, walking towards him. “Day after day after day” you said, jabbing a pointed finger towards his chest, “I have done nothing but take care of your best interests. Not only have you humiliated me as a person, you don’t even acknowledge me as an equal. If I can respect you as a wife, why won’t you recognize my wishes and effort as a husband, Katsuki?!” you said, fury threatening to bubble to the surface.

“Every fucking time I do something for you, all you do is whine and complain about it. Fuck, I don’t even know what is wrong with me and you’re not even there to talk to about it. Is that what this marriage is?!” you cried as you shoved him back. “Tell me.” you shoved him. “Tell me.” you shoved him thrice. “JUST FUCKING TELL ME ALREADY, KATSUKI !!!” you yelled at the top of your voice, causing him to take several steps back. With nothing to say back, you felt your shoulder heave up and down from the intensity. Your ears felt like they were on fire. You watched as Katsuki stood still, breathing hard from the hits that you gave him.

“That’s what I thought.” you muttered, before going to your bedroom and packing a duffel bag. Grabbing essentials, you changed into casual clothes, grabbing your purse from the hook. With heavy footsteps across the floor, you opened the door, letting moonlight flood into the living room.

“Where are you going?” Katsuki asked from the corner of the room. He hadn’t moved from the spot of the argument followed by the outburst. “Just taking a couple of days off… maybe more.” you said, lifting a foot to step out of the door. “It’s one in the morning (Y/N). Just get the fuck back in.” Katsuki said with the wave of his arm. “I can’t go on without answers Katsuki. It’s alright for one of us to not be okay with the other once in a while… but it’s to a point where we haven’t talked to each other about it and fixed it along with moving forward. But now? It’s in a state where you’re doing fine and I’m taking the collateral damage. I haven’t asked you the reason for it as my trust and love for you gets the better of me, but how long can I take it till I break?” you said with a sad smile.

“Just please (Y/N). Let’s go back to bed and we’ll discuss this in the morning.” Katsuki tired once more, daring to step closer to you. Dropping your bag to the floor, you almost gave in.

Almost.

But your mind wouldn’t let you, choosing to let you relive those memories where he would shout, yell, scream and ignore you. Hugging his torso, you pulled him close. “I’m at my limit Katsuki and I know you. Steel to the bone and you won’t change. Please, just let me have my way. For once. I want to salvage this marriage as much as you do, but I lost myself in it. And I need that part of me back or this won’t last very long.” you said in a low voice. Katsuki could hear his shaky breath, knowing that heart of hearts, he was breaking. Circling his arms around you, he hugged you back.

“You promise to be back?” he asked in a hopeful voice with glassy eyes, caressing the skin of your cheek.

“Don’t know how long, but distance would make the heart grow fonder of you.” you chuckled, letting a few tears slip.

“Alright. Do you want me to drop you?” Katsuki asked, grabbing the keys. Placing a gentle palm over his strong forearm, you pushed it down with a silent no.

“It’s best if I do it alone.” you said, grabbing the keys from the bowl instead. Kissing him goodbye on the cheek, you walked out the door, not daring to look back, knowing that you would stay.

Revving up the engine of the car, you pulled out from the driveway, while Katsuki watched you silently from the window, hiding his figure silently behind the curtain. Driving along the dark roads of the city that never slept, you thought about just how far you were willing to break yourself for the man you love.

Enough to still love him through each crack.

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It’s You

Satan x reader

wc : 0.8k

warnings : mentions of blood, brief depictions of war

synopsis : He remembers you.

There was yelling. Ear-piercing screams, angry shouts, betrayal-dripping words. Celestia didn’t look beautiful anymore. Not when there was blood and feathers scattered across the ground, spears and arrows flying, swords clashing. Not now. 

Celestia was hideous right now— disgusting, disgraceful. Standing on the red stained grass had you feeling nauseous until you saw him.

Keep reading

*Cha Cha Chas angrily away from the jury*

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Xenophobic abuse will not be tolerated, Russians do not want this war any more that everyone else

06/24/22

CW Gun violence, death/

My friend is a trans woman who is currently homeless. Last night she witnessed her friend being shot and killed at a homeless encampment. She had to run away to avoid being shot herself. She is completely broke, out of gas, sick and traumatized, and still homeless. She just arrived in the city, but she needs to leave again after this terrifying night. Please please help. It's pride month, and I'm tired of begging every day for a trans woman to have what little she needs to survive.

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