Reblog The Fundraisers You Mfs!!!!! I Don't Know Why You All Skip Those To Reblog Some Pic Of A Banner

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I only trust fanfics (any kind) written by women and gays

I only trust and enjoy noncon written by women and gays.

Aventurine + only one bed trope

(No you both have to sleep on the bed- don't try "I'll/He will sleep on the floor or anything of the sort)

That's it

Let is infest in your brain and stays there rent free

Written as me????? I guess???????. Realistically. I’d probably just take the blanket from him and use it like a sleeping bag. Or I’d just lay there. Unable to sleep at all. Because no way am I trusting him to be that close to me. Even while fully conscious. Probably couldn’t even move a centimetre because it’s gonna wake him up.

Okay note; UM SO I GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH THIS BRO IM. NAH IM GONNA REGRET THIS IN THW MORNING. 😭😭😭😭😭 if you open keep reading it’s raw dialogue with no editing just a fyi. It’s 4am. Cut me some slack 💀 also this is some really disjointed writing and prob ooc

————-

It had been a while since you had been forced to stay in a hotel. Sure, you liked staying away from home. But not under this kind of circumstance.

You just didn’t know what to expect. Aventurine had to practically drag you away from the platform (much against your own will. You had already boarded the train, ready to get the hell out of here) into an expensive-looking hotel. You assumed he had some kind of connection with this certain one because he didn’t even glance at the check-in counter. Just pulled you by the arm into one of the suites on the highest floor. You guess he chose the highest floor, specifically so you couldn’t get away that easily again.

the door clicks when you insert the card in, and you slowly push it open. The door seems to close very quickly, and you barely manage to hold it open.

It’s heavy.

You push the door open again, and and walk in. The door almost immediately slams shut this time, followed by two clicks.

one, was the door lock.

the second was a lock typically stored where a door chain was. It required a code to open. One that you didn’t know.

You then see the single bed in the middle of the room, and the colour instantly drains from your face. You were locked inside a room, stuck with none other than a suspicious man. A suspicious man that you were trying to get away from no less than two full hours ago.

you feel a gloved hand slink over your shoulder.. immidieately, you want to recoil. Sink into the floor. Run away. Slap the hand off. But you don’t. You stand there. Still.

“You didn’t expect me to let you off that easily did you?”

You don’t need to turn your head around to know who it is. You don’t want to hear his voice. Pretend he’s not there.

“You’re going to sharing the same room with me tonight,” he continues, leaning closer into you, “You’re okay with that, right?”

You didn’t respond. It wasn’t like you had a choice. You really should’ve brought that lock cutter along with you.

Aventurine doesn’t seem to mind though. You don’t ever recall seeing someone so giddly about anything. Ever.

You stare at the single bed in the room. “Aventurine, there’s only one bed…”

He says nothing in return but you really do not want to see his facial expression right now either.

“Um… I guess… I’ll just sleep on the floor then. You can have the bed.”

“You’re not really suggesting you’re going to sleep on that cold, hard, floor without anything are you?”

“I’m not going to be sleeping anyways. It makes no difference whether I sleep on the floor or on the bed.”

“Seriously? You’d rather not sleep at all before even considering sharing a bed with me? Do you really hate me that much?”

“It’s not the first time I haven’t been able to sleep because of you,” You snapped. “plus, it’s not even the first night I didn’t sleep at all.” You added, ”I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyways if I had to share a bed with you.”

“Then why don’t I make you fall asleep, hm? Would you… prefer that instead?”

“Hell no! You’re the last person I’d let-“

“But your face is turning bright red, is it not?’

“Yeah well that’s because your embarrassing me!”

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about you know…”

“Whatever. You’re not doing that. I won’t hesitate to saw that sorry thing off you if you even try it.”

“Oh that’s such a scary threat,” He replies, sarcastically. “But I promise you… that when we do it… you won’t want me to stop.”

He leans closer. “You’ll be begging me not to stop. I’m going to make a mess out of you. I’m going to fuck you until this cute little personality of yours melts away. Until you can’t even remember your own na-“

You throw a pillow and hit him square in the face. “You…. You…”

He laughs and pulls the pillow off his face. “You’re interested now, aren’t you?”

“I am NOT. Interested. Disgusted would be a better term to suit what I just heard.”

“Suit yourself.” He shrugs, “It’s going to happen one day though, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Last thing you could make me do is enjoy… that.”

“You can say that all you want, darling.”

You glare at him hard enough that he puts his hands up as a sign of peace.

”So anyways, do you want the left side of the bed or the right side of the bed?”

I know adverbs are controversial, but "said softly" means something different than "whispered" and this is the hill I will die on.

Hello! This is hopefully the final time I talk, and from this entire post I will do my best to be clear and out of my cheerful and friendly persona. This is, quite frankly, an itemized list of grievances in my time here that I wish to be sort out. This is not "beef". This is not "drama". I hate it when people describe problems as such when the post is about resolving issues. These are list of broken boundaries I wish would be sorted out. I am not fighting anyone. I am only stating that I wish to be treated better as an okayish writer/artist. Do not fucking attack anyone based on assumptions. I repeat: I am NOT fighting anyone. Get yourself out of that violent and unnecessary impulse and please just listen to what I have to say.

At this point I might just be on my Post-Timeskip Dimitri Arc. But anyways. I will be swearing. I don't want ANYONE giving advice. I just need you to listen and understand.

Let's start.

First point: Requests.

There's a TikTok-ification of Tumblr, it seems. And I'm not even using Tiktok to know what it is. Requests of part 2s in particular, irks me the most. But first off: I do not wish for a witch hunt. I swear to fucking lord if you do that I will block you.

This is why you'd rarely see part 2s in my masterlist. Because every time I do it, the requester does not comment. It is frustrating since if you've seen my works and not just interacting for the sillies because you think it's fun to be unhinged (Lord give me strength.), you might notice I take ample time to research, open wikis, and add lore to the story. Some writers' strength is to write poetically and make even a scene about brushing teeth feel so compelling, whereas I think my only decent skill is to come up with weird ideas and connect them. And it takes time, that's why I write oneshots with a complete plot. Fuck, it takes so much fucking time. Especially since I insist on doing things my way and drawing the headers too. So when there's radio silence, it's absolutely insulting.

But I think what insulted me the most was the time I stayed up till 5 AM to finish a request and made even the header moveable and all I get is "thanks, not what I wanted" I just. I. You didn't even pay me to do this, all I ask is idk, more words than that? I wrote 6k words and even did a colored drawing and that's it??? But I don't tell people I am insulted. I don't tell people that shit feels fucking vile. I wasn't raised to cuss people out. I grew up believing in a higher existence.

But now I'm convinced I'm not kindhearted.

I'm WEAK hearted. And I fucking hate myself.

And don't you dare tell me I'm not because when someone sent an anon ask telling me to kill myself you know how I replied??? I told them that we should talk because I'm worried that this sort of behavior will harm them one day.

Here's an old screenshot since tumblr's search system is a bit wack.

WHY THE HELL WOULD ANYONE REPLY LIKE THAT. THATS LIKE GETTING STABBED AND SAYING "DO YOU WANT THE KNIFE BACK?"

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

WHY DO I ALWAYS LET BLATANT DISRESPECT HAPPEN TO ME WHILE I SMILE???

DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW?

HOW MUCH OF A PUSHOVER I AM? HOW MUCH I DON'T PRIORITIZE MY OWN WELL-BEING?

THAT I NEVER TELL ANYONE WHENEVER I'M HURT BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF HURTING THEM INSTEAD?

I don't want to be mean. I just don't. But I'm doing my best to be mean in this post because civil dialogue has not worked on my case for a while now.

I'm sorry if this hurts you.

But this is one of my many problems I've been losing sleep over so I just want to solve this one and be done with it.

Second point: complete disregard for boundaries.

I don't. Fucking know why. People send me horny shit in my ask box and I don't even answer it I just delete them immediately. I don't wanna hear about how you would tie up someone and do things to them. Maybe I'd get it as a joke and post the ones I'm almost positive are jokes but I can't read some as one. I can't. I don't even wanna explain more since I'm not sure if I'm a sex-repulsed ace just yet. I remember back then during the OCMC era of this blog I repeated like thrice that I'm ace in thirst anon asks but I still get em anyways. I do not understand this. What part of my personality makes that seem fine??? I don't get it. I don't get it at all. I'm not a rizzler. I am nothing like that.

Third point: "before you send asks, do you actually read my writings?"

This problem reached its height before that I made @faceless-ayato (now @dain-speaks) so I can categorize interactions and fics. Some people during might remember that idol au era. Or maybe not. Who knows.

It is not funny how many times close friends have told me my asks sound like people talking more about themselves and their lore and not any of my stories. Like. 80%. I'm not sure if that's Tumblr culture. Just correct me if I'm wrong.

Just something examples:

Just. Be real with me. Do not vote just to make me feel better.

Because why do I get nonsense stuff. Why the hell did I get an ask saying if I'd hold their hands while pooping? What is this? Tf is that about? Why did I get an ask about crazy room rubber duck? Am i too fucking old? I got several copy pastas of some twitter shitpost even way before the diluc theme and i don't even use twitter. I don't have a Twitter.

I think what broke me is when Navi told me whenever they look at my posts they wonder how I'm not in my villain arc yet. I thought it was just my two close irl friends who felt that way. I thought they were just a bit overprotective and over thinking thinks.

But I think it's clear I'm not actually being respected by some anons.

Most are just looking for enablers. When I open up about my own struggles, my fucking grief for losing the only person that understood me and having to hold their corpse one last time, my announcement that some of the new fics won't be dark and will have compliant readers because of my mental state. What do I get? Ansy, could've been darker.

That's the fucking reason why I made a theme poll. Because if I can't be treated like a person, I'll just give some other character the clown mask. I'm so sorry I can't fuck around anymore. Now you're finding out why.

I just doubt it so bad. It hurts how much I'm doubting that readers actually read. I feel like such a clown. What if all this time I'm proud to be a writer but people just see me as some caricature all along??? I legit can feel my heart grow heavy. I'm not okay with this. You can tell when I get an ask compliment I draw something as thanks too. That's how much I am grateful for that random drop of water. It hurts so bad. I wish I can word this better, I'm a writer damn it but it hurts. I'm fucking crying. Did people even properly read the times I neatly laid out the reasons why I'm not okay before? Do I have to be so emotional for people to understand? I laid it down on several occasions nicely, organized and definitely more professional than this.

You know my situation is fucked when only mutuals and fellow content creators are the ones who read my posts. I think this is because as a generation, this is no longer writer-reader relationships but a cold creator-consumer one.

Who am I to the rest of you grandkids? The Wendy's twitter account? Is that still a thing? What the fuck is happening. Why aren't I treated with human decency as other yandere writers? Where did I fuck up? Is it because I treat you guys as friends? Fucking tell me. Don't give me advice. Tell me where I went wrong and just that.

I will tell you my biggest fucking insecurity since childhood that I don't bring up often: I don't think I'm a "complete" human. Not some fucked up scifi unbelievable bullshit but I feel like there's always something MISSING— like it's harder for me to understand social cues than other people— like it's harder for me to process my own emotions. I won't go into details, maybe it's something undiagnosed- but that's why since day 1 I call myself a gremlin. I don't even tell you guys much about this because I want this blog to be a creative writing space where I can feel safe. But where did that led me.

So to be treated like some haha funni machine even when I'm being genuine hurts so much. It hurts. And the worst part is this is 100% my fault. And now I have to open up about this to get it to people's head.

Alright

That's all.

Here's your cup of ansy-tea.

I promise you won't hear from me more than you have to. I'll do my best to guarantee the rest of the posts are Diluc and writings.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!!! If you read this till the end, thank you. I appreciate you a ton! It means a lot to me. And genuinely please don't give me some advice. I already received plenty and finally listened to years of persuasion to just have this "villain arc". If you gave me one, I'll just assume you skimmed through everything and it'll make me feel even worse. Thanks!

Seriously. Tumblr isn't my only life. This is just one of my many problems (though it's mostly money lol). Don't make it seem like it is.

---

i get so sad whenever i see a good fanfic writer deactivate omg </3 second one i’ve been sad to see go

honestly i do feel like with certain people deactivating, writing has been harder for me bc i liked to enjoy reading fics while i was actively putting out fics weekly. but now whenever i skim the genshin angst tag or anything like that nothing recent interests me nd then i’m even less inspired to write. it just feels like overall tumblr has been lacking a lot lately but maybe i’m missing out on the good stuff that doesn’t pop up on my feed

i love this app so much because there's always someone who knows how to express what i feel better than me lol

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