Some Of You Have Never Thought About Nicky’s PTSD From His Time In Conversion Therapy, And It Shows.

halcyon days

Any Kevin with aspergers head cannons????

Mr. Infodump.

You get him started on something he’s invested in, he can talk for hours.

Unfortunately, the majority of the Foxes just… do not give a shit.

So, he actually spends most of his Bee time just talking about his interests.

Bee let’s him talk about whatever he wants, it’s his hour.

Sometimes, he’ll rant about Neil or the other Foxes for the entire time, and ends up with a really dry throat afterwards.

He loves his alone time; watching Exy, listening to music, reading.

Sometimes goes mute due to anxiety, and the Foxes interpret it as him giving them the silent treatment…

Doesn’t like conflict, as a rule. He’ll have fights with Neil all the time, but only because Neil is so aggravating when he’s wrong. That’s also why he fought with Seth, a lot.

Other people are just… so stressful?? It’s easier to be alone.

He’d really like to actually be friends with people, though. He wishes Neil was more understanding of his point of view, instead of dismissing him as a coward.

He really wants to be friends with Dan, too, but he also kind of hates her for casting him out.

It’s complicated. He has very complicated emotions towards other people. Sometimes, he can’t tell if he’s being over dramatic or if someone else really is that bad.

He loves calling Thea or Jeremy, because they’re always willing to talk Exy.

He stims! He stims all the time. He loves to bounce his leg or click his fingers. When no one’s around, he shakes a hand or both up and down like a jazz hands motion.

He can’t bounce his leg in the Maserati because it shakes the whole car.

I like the idea of Neil being Autistic, because it’s actually really common for us to not get a long all the time, because your different needs and opinions clash. Trust me, both my brother and I have Asperger’s and we drive each other insane with it.

kevin day counts down to 0 in time for the new year to come, he counts back in french while sitting between jean and jeremy on the beach, he counts holding both of their hands and relishing in the feel of pure serenity.

he’s not broken bones or freshly cut wounds, he’s not the array of scars that litter his body, hes not the tormented thoughts and defeated number 2 on his cheek.

he’s kevin day and he’s the one who survived, not riko.

he’s kevin day and he’s going to be the best of the best, going to stand proud with another gold olympic medal.

he’s kevin day and he’s the happiest he’s ever been to claim another year of sobriety. he’s been sober for 10 years, he’s drinking a soft drink, smiling when jeremy offers him a chocolate bar and leaning against jean.

he’s kevin day and he won’t stop moving forward and loving his family, his friends or his partners

Hello Everyone. Please help me.

So, as some of you may know, I’ve been on here for a very long time. After losing my account of nearly 6 years to a security change, I had to start this one (BloodyDamnit) and build it from the ground up. I worked.. my fucking ass off. And now, it’s gone. A few hours ago, when trying to delete my side blogs, my entire account got deleted instead. Now, I have to do this all over again. 

So, please. If you enjoy what I do, if you like my work, I literally beg of you to please get the word out. Reblog this so people know where to find me and why my paintings will link to a page that doesnt exist. 

I have created so many fucking friends on this platform and people that I genuinely care about. 

Tumblr has also been my livelihood. I am an artist, this is how I make money and now, I am terrified of what losing my other account can mean. 

Please, Please, Please help. 

Thank you so much in advance. Thank you for giving me a space, a platform, a fucking family over these years. I would be forever grateful. 

signs that your family is abusive:

you feel the urge to hide from them whenever you’re vulnerable

you cannot bear the idea of them seeing you cry

when you’re hurt or in pain, you don’t go to them because you feel they’ll tell you that you deserved it or that it was your fault

you don’t feel like you can confide in them, either because they don’t seem to care, or try to control how you act, or yell at you and punish you, or use the information against you

you feel very self-conscious around them and keep expecting criticism and insults

you can’t tell them about your struggles because you already know they’ll side against you

you keep things in your life secret from them because you have a feeling they would ridicule, humiliate, and judge you if they knew, or take everything away from you

you feel scared of letting them know when they hurt you

you feel scared and guilty when you so much as think about them in a bad way

you feel the urge to remind yourself of all the things they did for you, whenever something bad comes up, to be sure that you’re seeing them the way they want to be seen by you

you’re scared of being accused of being a burden to them

you’re scared to hold them responsible for things they did to you, because you know they would argue otherwise, and insist they had full right to do what they did, or that you made it up

you have the inner sense of dread that nothing you ever do or say will be taken seriously by them, and your life will always look like a joke to them

you dream of living far away from them and feel guilty for wanting to cut them from your life

you don’t feel like you’re really important in comparison to them, it feels like it’s better to just step aside and let them be important, your life doesn’t matter as much anyway

you’re worried about how your every action might affect their life, their reputation and social standing

you feel that they’re ashamed of you and you’re trying your best not to bring further shame on the family

you feel like you’ll owe them for the rest of your life and nothing you ever do will be enough to erase the debt, and this fills you with dread and feeling of being trapped

you don’t count on their help when you’re in trouble, you’re scared of them finding out and punishing you for being in trouble in the first place

you don’t count on them sharing their resources with you, you know you have to be grateful for how much they’ve given you already and feel like you have no right to ask for anything more, even if you need it

you can’t feel warmth or safety when surrounded by family, instead you wish you didn’t have to be there, and seek a place to hide and protect yourself

holidays spent with family are just painful and something you try to endure instead of enjoy

you can’t imagine a world where you’re free and not defined by these people

oikawa tooru

hc that the fandom usually makes oikawa this self-centered, arrogant ho who LOVES taking selfies but that couldn’t be further from the truth? in reality oikawa’s just as or even more insecure than the other characters. his camera roll even shows that he loves his nephew more than pictures of himself. he constantly pushes and overworks himself, blinded by his own thoughts of having to defeat ushiwaka, surpass tobio-chan, etc. he puts on a charming, confident smile for his fans but later, when he’s alone with iwaizumi, he pours everything out. iwa is the only person to really take him seriously, not as a competitor or a superior, but as a friend. iwa’s aggressive comments aren’t there to make him feel worse, but are literally words to force oikawa into believing in his talented, powerful, intelligent, and caring self.

he worked SO HARD and pushed himself to his limits to defeat karasuno. he hardly sleeps and got injured, but would do it all for volleyball. he’s such a talented and dedicated player with a dream of defeating his longtime rival, ushiwaka, but it all got crushed by the team of his former kouhai: someone he envies too. that match against karasuno was his last to prove that going to aoba johsai wasn’t a mistake. he was so close to meeting his rival again on the court, only to be defeated before that chance. he’s no doubt one of the most talented and smart people who deserved to experience more and go to nationals. nothing would make him happier than his efforts not being wasted.

also, the fact that the last point of karasuno was because oikawa tried to receive the ball but failed is DEVASTATING. if it had worked, he could have saved his team and his pride. he could do so much more; he was incredible as a player and was a great person in general as he was able to bring out the best in whatever team he was on. he was SO CLOSE to winning and he exerted so much, god, in playing volleyball, a sport he genuinely loved. oikawa tooru deserved to go to nationals and more and u can fuckin fite me on this if u disagree

also he and iwa are going to different universities which means that oikawa doesn’t have anyone he can really trust to get him out of a tight spot. iwa was his go-to person to set to when the receive was off or their opponents were particularly hard to play against. his volleyball career may not be over, and god i hope it isn’t, but he will never feel that same comfort again when playing as compared to when he was with the person he trusted most.

tl;dr oikawa tooru deserves better and his efforts shouldn’t have gone to waste

i do literally think keeping jonghyun’s memory alive and loved and sacred is one of the most important things in the world, and i don’t care how silly that sounds. i need the world to never forget how bright and wonderful, how funny, heartfelt and genius he was, how important it is to remember him and honor everything he’s done and everything he was to us and to his family. how this love is the most beautiful and cherished thing and how it keeps the world go round. every year, i miss him so much more. every year, i think that the sheer love for him only grows and increases and doubles in size to the year prior. everything he’s ever touched is drenched in all the love he held inside of him, and now we carry that love into the universe with every little piece of him he left behind; whether it be in songs, in words, in pictures or videos, or smiles and tears. in all the little reassurances he gave us, and that he gave himself. and i hope that everyone can find some strength in those words and in that love and that they remember that there will always, always be a tomorrow. god. i love you so much. i miss you every day like crazy. i talk to the moon and thank him for his kindness. this world is so much brighter thanks to you. i hope you rest peaceful and easy and light and in all the love the world continues to give you.

ronan “i got boys on my mind and i’m a mess about it” lynch

The Victor’s purge is absolutely something that just blows my mind.

The Capitol propaganda against Victors were so effective, even the very people fighting for their freedom turned on them.

During the events of TBOSAS, we learn that the first 10 winners of the Hunger Games received no compensation for their participation in the games. Why would they? They’re nobodies. Reminders of a war that had forced the people of the Capitol to turn on each other, forcing them into such desperate lengths that they had to resort to eating other people just to survive. They were not celebrated like the Victors we recognize in the 75th Hunger Games. They were not victors but survivors. In fact, we learn that not many people wanted to watch the Hunger Games in the beginning. It left a bitter taste in a person’s mouth to watch children fight to the death and have the event sensationalized, even if the child is considered the enemy.

And yet, with Victors being placed on a pedestal after the events of TBOSAS, we saw how quickly the Victors were woven into the Capitol’s society.

Upon winning, Victors were alienated in their own Districts. They were given beautiful mansions, fed three square meals a day, and their families wanted for nothing. They became mentors, becoming active participants in the very Games designed to kill members of their own Districts. Their participation may have been forced but when you smile and wave at cameras and show off your new found wealth, it’s hard to believe you didn’t want these things.

Victors are even further alienated outside of their own Districts with the Victor’s parade. A whole week of traveling through the 12 districts to show off your vitality and strength and your life, the very thing you took from the other tributes in order to survive. Victors did not need to drip themselves with jewels to offend the other Districts, their survival was insult enough. Never mind that you didn’t want to kill these kids. Never mind that you are a child yourself.

Every place you turn, you’re met with jealousy, derision and contempt. No longer the perfect quintessential victim but a killer of children who “benefitted” from the very system designed to oppress you. By winning the Hunger Games you are no longer District.

So you turn to the one place that showers you with any hint of adoration.

Ingratiating themselves into the Capitol’s society cemented their identity as Other. They may live in the Distrcts, may be forced to subject themselves in horrors that are far worse than any modicum of starvation they faced in the Districts, but they are no longer one of them.

And so the Rebels forget who exactly they’re fighting for, forgot who actually experienced the horror they could only dread.

Yes, they are fighting against their own oppression. Yes, they fight for their child’s right to live and never play in the Games. But they forget about the 59 other Victors who actually went through the horrors they’re fighting against. They forget about the biggest victims of the system they are fighting against.

Snow alienated Victors from the rest of the Districts so much that of the surviving 59 Victors before the events of Mockingjay, only 7 come out alive.

7 out of 59.

There’s not even enough of them to distribute one to every district.

The biggest victims of the Capitol’s oppression also became the biggest victims of the rebel’s war.

Listen up. There is literally an app that can help you avoid self harm and I don’t know why we aren’t talking about it.

Calm Harm can be tailored to your needs and will provide strategies to help you get past those crucial moments of wanting to harm.

It’s also totally FREE.

once again, it’s called CALM HARM