With study of the cognitive functions I'm finally starting to recognize what INTJness actually feels like.
The other day, I was going through a programming tutorial as part of a larger book on the functional programming style. I was modifying the example slightly to produce a different output, and suffice it to say it wasn't working. I called on my INTP, who is doing the same tutorial, to see if they could figure it out.
Basically, my approach was trying to "tap into" my Ni, looking over the script from a zoomed-out perspective and getting a feel for where the problem might be. I get the general feeling that the second half of a certain function isn't working. I test this assumption, I was right - so now I try to narrow down in my mind where it "seems off", and come to a vague conclusion that it's probably the order of execution. I test this assumption. It works. The example is now working as expected. I don't have a clear, 100% understanding of why exactly the order of the statements was causing the particular bug, but I move on, because I realize that this kind of error is more of a general silly-mistake in how I wrote the algorithm, and isn't something instrumental to the greater goal - which is understanding the mechanics of the functional style.
My INTP friend, in contrast, looks at the script not from a zoomed-out perspective, but goes through the logic, one step at a time, analyzing exactly what each statement does and the effects it has - and how the result should look at each point in time, and why, until they figure out exactly what was wrong and why. They didn't just get a vague intuitive understanding of how to fix it and move on, they understood in detail how every single component interplays with every other, why the statement execution must be in this order for the algorithm to work, and all the other ways changing the order of the statements would affect the output. They have understood all the mechanics of the algorithm through pure logic, and it took them much longer to move on than it did for me - but unlike me, who was doing the problem for its general purpose within the goal of understanding functional programming, they felt that understanding the algorithm (which on its own is not related to functional programming at all, and is just a modified sort algorithm), was something they wanted to understand all the components of, regardless of whether it is meaningful to the purpose of the assignment.
This felt like a very illustrative moment in understanding the differences between how INTP and INTJ approach problem-solving. Of course, as INTJ I am also compelled to learn the mechanics of all sorts of things, even those irrelevant to the overarching goal of whatever the book or the tutorial or class or the thing I am studying is right now - but I would tend to note them and set them aside for later to learn, as something separate from the process. I went back over the sort algorithm with a more Ti approach myself later, after I had grasped the concepts in the chapter I was working on, and was ready to take a break. The first "goal" was gaining an understanding of the concepts in that chapter of the tutorial, and I did not allow myself to be distracted from this purpose - but when it was done I went back to the algorithm I got wrong and Ti-ed my way through the logic, step by step. But this happened in a separate process from doing the tutorial, and a separate timeline - I didn't allow the "working on this chapter" timeline to fork into the subprocess of working out this unrelated algorithm error for any longer than it absolutely needed to.
For my INTP friend, however, following this unrelated tangent - right then and there, in the middle of the process of understanding the chapter and in the same timeline - was something perfectly natural. It was natural for them to make many "deep forks" in the path to understanding the chapter, almost so much so that they may not even make it through to the end of the chapter, and instead get lost in the study of the forks and tangents along the way. As an INTJ I just could not do this - I would feel very mentally unsettled about this.
I feel the INTP approach with Ti/Ne is very thorough but incremental and undirected in its understanding; the Ni/Te approach of the INTJ is a lot less thorough, and more "overarching" - focused more on setting up the "skeleton" or the inner structure of the framework first, and then filling it out with details - and being always painfully conscious of the shape of the path one is following. Almost as if there is always this voice nagging you that this item may be irrelevant right now, come back to it later. It is like an architect trying to capture the overallness, or a writer trying to synthesize the outline of the entire story out of thin air first, and then refining all the generalities and fleshing them out. The coherent whole comes first, and is always there and always something one is deeply conscious of, and driven by. It is like the INTJ is going through every process with a general (usually not very detailed) map or compass that they follow, always internally tugging them back to North, whereas INTP is wandering through all the nooks and crannies of the landscape without a map or a compass, and seeing what kind of fascinating mental discoveries they have on the way. They may have a purpose in mind, but it can be diverted away from indefinitely and come back to later, if there are more interesting paths to explore on the way - whereas for the INTJ the interesting paths will be noted and come back to later, as it would feel "wrong" in a fundamental way to divert away from the purpose.
I still have a difficult time figuring out how Ni worked the way it did - I suppose part of it is that I already have a decent amount of programming experience, and was able to subconsciously extract a deep pattern from what I had experienced before, without knowing where exactly I had seen this before or what it was based on. My intuition was like a synthesis of patterns I had extracted before - like a deep-learning algorithm "figuring things out" from intermediate representations. This may be why it required a lot of Se input and Ti-type analysis in the very start of my programming study before I could begin to "grasp" it, as it served to "feed" my Ni with raw materials and structures to synthesize patterns and meta-patterns from, and later synthesize hunches like this. So now I can often "feel" the way to solve something, without explicitly working through the logic.
Naturally everyone who gains proficiency or experience in some field finds themselves doing this - as humans we are equipped with all the cognitive functions, after all - but as an INTJ it is my first instinct to do this to everything, and is my most visceral response to a problem - and the impulse to analyze with Ti usually comes later, as a conscious decision. As far as I understand it, for my INTP friend it was the opposite - the first response to a new concept or a problem is to analyze it and all its components and understand every small piece of the mechanics - even if they get an Ni "hunch" about what is wrong, they tend to not trust it as much, and the impulse to analyze is first and foremost.
Just some rambling observations on Ti and Ni mechanics.
do you ever get that really hollow feeling when you show someone something you like and they don’t necessarily appreciate or like it that much and it’s like you’ve just revealed the secret to retrieve the library of Alexandria to a hunchbacked old woman from the Victorian era who doesn’t know how to read?
2022-06-18
Hydrangea
Canon EOS R3 + RF50mm f1.2L
Instagram | hwantastic79vivid
It is dusk and I am currently wandering in the outskirts of town with no destination in mind. An enchanting perfume is borne to me by the wind. I have been strolling around in this fashion for the last half an hour and have met with multiple very interesting things. The sky is blue, a clear, Misty blue. The blue of a summer evening,Freckled with Opal and violet clouds. I can hear water trickling into the soil nearby, a delightful group of crickets have decided to favour me with their songs. I recall reading once crickets were the souls of poets, poets that never attained fame or wrote much in their lifetime, who sang of kings and queens, hopes and dreams, love and hate. Alright then, I shall stay and listen to them. Listen until their music becomes stitched into my very bones. I lost my way in an dimly lit street, without much care or alarm, I wondered what were the names of those flowers on the corners were, if flowers indeed they were, those witchy looking things. I walked on and found, rather to my disappointment, that I recognised the road, I sighed silently and proceeded.
I stopped at multiple patches of wildflowers and asked them if they would let me in a secret. “Of course not!” Exclaimed the little yellow cousin of the daisies. “Why would you think we would reveal our secrets to you, foolish human ?” She asks. “Because I am but, as you say, a foolish girl, will you not bequeath a ray of light to my clouded heart?” The bluebell laughed, as she swayed in the breeze. “I will, maiden,I will.” She mocked. “But only if you show yourself to be worthy of it.” before I could return her impish greeting, a sudden gust of wind blew them all away, to a faraway place which I would never see. “A secret”, the bracken chuckled. With a wistful parting gaze at the direction in which they had floated away, I turned and started for the house, running along roads where there was no one to see, brushing my hand against bushes, lingering only to observe lizards and gather flower spoil. Gosh, what an armful! I had dark inky bluebells, little daisies, something that appeared to be what I thought was bracken, a perplexing bunch of nettles, a clump of daffodil-like things that looked suspiciously elfin, and a while lot of ferns, ranging from bright yellow to faint purple. The rest of the walk was spent in pleasant dreaming, largely abstract. When I reluctantly returned to the car, it was properly dark, and my twilight of wandering had ended. After I returned home and had taken out my souvenirs and laid them out on the bed, I reached for my books and left flowers and ferns at specific passages. The scent I mentioned earlier still clings to me, and I am surrounded by the ghosts of flowers I vainly plucked for adornment.
In love with the idea of rhythm, in music, in poems, in stories, in the quiet breathing of stray dogs, in the soft wind moving clouds, in the way my mind spins, in the way the world moves, everywhere, all the time. depersonalisation, I am somewhere inside the lizard hiding in the dusty crook of your bedroom, I am simultaneously in the pigeon nesting at twilight. Everywhere, all the time.
The mild breeze twisted over the cloud of sunset,
Poised as though the sea had taken up
the form of her capricious admirer,
To stretch out her arms and reach for her
untouchable muse.
The pearly light of the moon twinkles
with the light of heavenly solace
Upon the ceaseless wave wandering in confounding
aimlessness,
All while the depths of the untouched ocean
rumble with the disturbed murmurs whispered to an
empty heart, wherein the first star at twilight
and the final star at dawn, will be united in a
yearning embrace, someday.
The wind calls, a worn tale
twisted with the wry smiles of damsels
bemused and the blossoms of enchantment a-plenty
in the hands of knights exalted.
A puzzling air settled about the spectacle,
as the child sought eternity’s ill traveled lane.
Elusive youth caught in vain at her fly-away ardor
And laid bare her fragmented joy.
The silence of the day startled her,
Frivolous and temporal. Of what poisoned lake of
transcendence had she drunk?
Morose and frightened the child grew,
Farther and farther he strayed after a wayward fancy.
Impermanence was the derisive echo of decadence
from the hearth of the abyss and
the nightfall of the heavens.
.
.
.
Eternity and impermanence are interchangeable in the verse.
A fond insect hovering around your shoulder. I like Kafka, in case you're wondering.
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