A Comprehensive Taxonomy Of Tumblr Sexyman, Presented With The Help Of The Esteemed Doctor Simon Petrikov

Aziraphale was about to confess too before Metatron and his coffee came into the bookshop;

Okay, hear me out. In 2x02, when they’re talking about “how people fall in love”, Crowley talks about sudden rainstorms,

which is an obvious reference to how he fell in love, about 6000 years earlier (poor demon thinks everyone falls in love the way he did)

Aziraphale doesn’t get it and answers “seems a bit unlikely”. He didn’t connect the dots, he doesn’t think Crowley loves him that way. All he knows about falling in love is what he read in books. Of course he fell in love with Crowley too, but I’m pretty sure he did in ‘41 when Crowley saved his books from a bomb, and that’s a bit hard to recreate, so… balls.

That’s his idea, you make two people dance together and they magically fall in love, which is so in-character I want to scream. Now let’s get to 2x05. We know Aziraphale always tried to avoid organizing those meetings, but he’s suddenly so excited about it he is WILLING TO GIVE AWAY HIS BOOKS. Why would he do something like that? There’s no way it’s actually to make Maggie and Nina fall in love. At that point, Muriel doesn’t even care anymore about it, they all know the truth about the miracle is about to be revealed, so there’s no point in being so persistent about Maggie and Nina’s relationship. He’s an angel; of course he cares about humans being happy, but I don’t think he cares so much about two semi-strangers’ love life that he’s willing to give away BOOKS for the off chance that the Jane Austen method will actually work on two humans he knows nothing about. So, my conclusion is, he’s organizing that night for him and Crowley. They are the ones that he hopes realize they’re deeply in love with each other, and that is something worth giving away books for. Which explains why he’s so excited but also a bit scared when he asks Crowley to dance with him.

It explains why he ignores the fact that Crowley is trying to tell him that something important and dangerous is about to happen, just so they can have a little dance. It also explains this reaction when he sees Gabriel and Beelzebub being in love with each other

and the way he looks at Crowley while they’re talking about them.

I mean, I know he always stares lovingly at him, but not like that, right? That’s a face that screams “I’m so going to tell you I love you when all this is over”.

So, my point is:

Fuck Metatron.

That’s my point.

Totally in love with adventure time lore about deities, monsters, natural cycles, and magical items. The Adventure Time universe is one of the most interesting and complete I've ever seen and the only reason it's so underestimated is because it belongs to a "children's" show. I love how most of the lore of deities and such are similar to popular prototypes of legends and stories of gods and warriors from our reality. For example deity A (GOLB) kills the wife of deity B (magical man) causing him to lose his sanity and become a dictator in his homeland, then this deity (magical man) is kicked out of his land by other deities, creating disasters in the land he arrives in (Ooo). A human trying to save her lover from a curse crosses his path in Ooo and gains his powers making her lose her sanity. Then to escape the cycle of madness that encloses her and her lover this human decides to sacrifice herself by fusing with the deity that started all this disaster (GOLB) avoiding a new attack from said deity. And this is just a minimal part of the adventure time's lore, every magic object, god, monster and every character has its own lore that unite forming a very complete and magic, sad, crazy and fucking amazing universe.

hey, I may be stupid, but when Metatron is speaking to the council of Angels about removing Gabriel from status, who is the other high rank Archangel that was removed? I’m pretty sure it’s Lucifer, right?

Right.

Baffled.

I can’t believe I went through all of Season 2 assuming Nina was the stand-in for Crowley when you actually pay attention it’s so CLEAR that she’s Aziraphale. I was tricked by her spiky, sarcastic, cynical outer shell and lulled into a false sense of security by Maggie’s bubbly optimism and wholesome goodness, because on the surface they reflect the ineffable husbands perfectly, in their personalities, their aesthetics, even many of their actions and morals. but not, and this is the real key, when it comes to their “relationship”. but those first impressions really had me damn fooled. 

I missed the blatantness of Nina’s “we’re just friends. actually we’re not friends. we barely know each other.” the same thing Aziraphale said in season 1.  the way he still struggles to quantify their friendship when Nina asks. Nina’s sarcasm when Crowley asks about rain and awnings because it worked for him (we all know it LMAO). hell, that whole convo the girls have in the rain is so AziraCrow (“I know. I’m not your type” “…You have no idea” hits so much harder the second time, help meeeee.) “Lindsay” maybe being symbolic of Heaven and Aziraphale’s toxic relationship with them and their abuse? (the handwritten text messages in red pen make me think of angry notes on paperwork, anyone else?) because Crowley has never actually cared about what Hell thinks of him, just not getting into trouble (or him or Aziraphale getting hurt). Maggie is always chasing Nina. NINA NEVER GOES IN THE RECORD STORE. Just like Crowley always goes to the bookstore, to Aziraphale, Zira NEVER WENT TO THE FLAT (apart from The Swap but that doesn’t count imo). Crowley has always chased Zira, not the other way around. Always there to rescue him, always going to him for company, always relying on their shared connection, always US. OUR SIDE. All through season one, he comes to Zira every time to work together, never trying to work alongside Hell in any way that isn’t to save their skins or Earth, while Zira hides things from Crowley because he STILL thinks Heaven is ultimately good and will do the right thing if he can just show them. fix it from the inside. 

Maggie working up the courage to finally say something, to put herself out there, while Nina is utterly oblivious and then when she does realise Maggie has feelings, becoming standoffish, putting up that barrier, fighting it, denying it, ITS SO CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE IN THAT ORDER. the way I was fooled into thinking Nina’s trust issues are Crowley because he does have trust issues ofc he does BUT Crowley has ALWAYS TRUSTED AZIRAPHALE. has always relied on him. has always been hurt when Aziraphale doesn’t immediately reciprocate the way he expects (the holy water request, the bandstand, the “off in the stars” etc). he’s always the one putting himself forward. Aziraphale has always been the one to second guess everything, to fight their connection, their similarities, their friendship. the girls really made me think it was going to be okay when they sat Crowley down, even as my inner sirens were going haywire about Metatron interfering, they were telling Crowley he just needs to open up and it’ll all work out BUT HE’S ALREADY AT THAT POINT. he may not say it, and by gosh is that part of their damn problem, but he’s always SHOWN IT. he’s not Nina who needs time to heal and recover from her broken trust, he’s always been Maggie believing it doesn’t matter, they’ll end up together in the end anyway AND I WALKED RIGHT INTO THE TRAP THAT THIS MEANT THEY WERE GOING TO BE OKAYYYYYYYYYYY

GLOBAL STRIKE FOR GAZA BEGINS TODAY!!!

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During the 21st - 28th of January...

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We're in this together!!

I don't think that Aziraphale fell in love with Crowley during The Blitz. I think Aziraphale *realized for sure that he was capable of romantic love* during The Blitz... because Crowley had shown that he was. These are two different things... Controversial opinions below...

Aziraphale has always had a thing for Crowley, since the beginning or damn near it. We see evidence of liking his attention and enjoying talking with him in the Garden. We see joy at seeing Crowley and nervousness about getting his attention ("still a demon then?") in Ancient Rome. We see him absolutely *loving* having Crowley wrapped around his finger at the Globe Theatre and we see naked lust and damsel fantasies when he's checking him out in The Bastille. Having feelings for Crowley is not something that just suddenly happened during The Blitz, imo... they are fundamental to who Aziraphale has always been... but Aziraphale does not think himself a very good angel.

To Aziraphale, an angel is a being of love so why *wouldn't* he love Crowley? He loves *everyone*-- fallen or not, human or animal or etheral or supernatural. His *entire identity and only job* is built around love and spreading it. At some point, he began to realize that what he felt for Crowley was different than what he felt for others and, as his study of humanity progressed, he would note the things it seemed to be like. Aziraphale loves humanity to absolute bits and that includes all the fun things they've uncovered to get up to, from books to super gay gentleman's clubs to Parisian crepes. Aziraphale absolutely noticed that he's attracted to Crowley. He absolutely knew that the things he felt about Crowley were things that these humans were writing about in love songs, except that *it couldn't be, not really, because that would be wrong* because he's *not* a human.

He's an *angel*.

And Crowley is a fallen angel-- a *demon*.

They are beings who cannot feel these things of humans, not fully. Is this denial on Aziraphale's part? Oh, heavens, yes. Because what kind of angel would he be if, instead of just spreading love everywhere, he actually went and *fell* in love with, of all creatures, a *demon*? What kind of angel wants to roger said demon into next Tuesday? The same kind of angel who likes to indulge in pleasures in a way that is definitely not de rigueur in sanitized, open floor plan Heaven. Does *Crowley* care that Aziraphale eats too many sweets and loves the pleasures of a good book? Of course not but Crowley is a demon so he should be into indulgence. Aziraphale doesn't expect Crowley to understand that the things they share in common-- the love of music (if different types), of the stars, of words (books, plays), of food (Aziraphale eating it, Crowley watching Aziraphale eating it) and really just *humanity* as a whole--... these things make Crowley a perfectly fine demon but Aziraphale a very, very bad angel. While Crowley rather likes that Aziraphale is different from other angels, *Aziraphale* doesn't like that about himself all the time. This is why it takes until The Blitz for Aziraphale to let himself admit that the romantic love he feels for Crowley is, in fact, romantic love... he can't admit it until Crowley, through Crowley's own actions, shows him.

It happens during The Blitz because *Crowley* shows him that *demons* are capable of romantic love. Not only capable of it but really rather quite *good* at it, if they are of such a mind. Crowley's act of saving the books is what does it. Aziraphale knows that Crowley will always come to rescue him. The Bastille proves it. He not only knows it but he goes out of his way to set up scenarios for Crowley to come to his rescue. What sets The Blitz apart is Crowley saving Aziraphale's books. It is an act of such pure, unselfish, unconditional love that Aziraphale cannot see it as anything *but* that. Crowley has been bringing Aziraphale presents for millennia. He's rescued him more times than either of them can count. They've spent centuries in one another's company and performed literal miracles to make one another happy and safe and comfortable but the reason why it's the books during The Blitz that changes everything for Aziraphale is because everything else, if Aziraphale was of mine to, could be spun as Crowley being a demon and trying to keep Aziraphale close for his *own* reasons.

Aziraphale isn't really an idiot. He knows the wily ol' serpent feels the same way about him as he does about them. It's been centuries upon centuries. He's noticed Crowley's love and adoration and desperate, pining want-- he's just never *allowed himself to assume that these things aren't just demon-y traits*. He thinks Crowley *is just like this* lol. That everyone gets this version of Crowley. And since they barely interact with one another in front of other people lest they get caught fraternizing, there's not really anyone to ever argue against this point.

Ever notice how Aziraphale thinks Crowley is the smoothest, slickest tempter known to man? He's *Asmodeus* to Aziraphale. He's a seductive snake who lured all of humanity out of the garden. Aziraphale thinks himself just an angel (the one who failed at guarding said garden, mind you) and not an especially good one at that. Crowley is *tempting*... because he's temptation personified. (Demonified?) Aziraphale thinks he is *tempted* by Crowley because he is weak and a bad angel. To Aziraphale, Crowley isn't *capable* of things like romantic love because Aziraphale has been taught that all angels are just beings of pure love of God-- a kind of non-sexual, generalized love for all of God's creatures-- and Crowley is a fallen angel. Not only was he not capable of romantic love when he was an angel but he certainly couldn't be now that he's a *demon*, right?

But then Crowley saves the books. Oh, the books...

And the only reason he would is for Aziraphale. The books are old but there are other copies. It's not all the world's knowledge; it's just Aziraphale's favorites from his prophecy collection. Just his own, very human, very earthly, possessions, rescued from a fire by the romantic hero who has also come to rescue him. Just a little miracle of Crowley's own-- using his powers and risking the wrath of Hell to comfort Aziraphale and make him happy.

It's obviously not the first time Crowley has done so but it's the first time that Aziraphale has had *no other excuse* in his mind for why Crowley did what he did for Aziraphale. The Arrangement? Benefitted Crowley. Spending time with Aziraphale? Benefitted Crowley by keeping Aziraphale invested in The Arrangement. Flirting with him, bringing him little gifts? The Arrangement, The Arrangement, The Arrangement... But the books?

Crowley didn't have to do that. He had come to rescue him. The dashing hero kink was already fufilled for Aziraphale. But saving Aziraphale's beloved books and the soft "little miracle of my own" and "lift home" and Aziraphale realized that, Demonic Chief Seductress of Hell or not, Crowley was in love with him.

Not just fond of him. Not just flirting with him or bemused by Aziraphale's lust and indulging him. Not just friends, even.

In love with him.

Demons could fall in love.

And if demons could be in love, then angels...

The Blitz is also *way* different from the era circa The Bastille, when Aziraphale decided that maybe millennia of being flirted with by Asmoseus himself was too much for any one angel to withstand without actively indulging in a bit-- and their long history and everything up to that point confirming that Crowley was soft for him (FOR HIM, a terrible, little, nobody angel!) made him feel safe enough to play a bit more of a heavier hand... even if that, too, was a bit terrifying. When Crowley asked Aziraphale to lunch in the modern era in S1, telling him they could go anywhere Aziraphale wanted to go (a call back, we would learn, to the Soho car "I'll take you anywhere you want to go" scene), what does Aziraphale say?

He doesn't say London in the '40s. (Admittedly, who would want to be there then, romance with Crowley notwithstanding?) Nor any other time. He says: "Paris. 1793." to which Crowley replies with a little knowing smile:

"Ah. The Reign of Terror."

Yeah, Crowley's not *just* referring to the actual, historical Reign of Terror here. He's referring to *Aziraphale's* reign of terror. *Their* reign of terror. Aziraphale's whole lusty arc, from crepes to "learning The Gavotte" here as he upped the ante on their relationship for the first time...

"Was that one yours or mine?" Crowley asks, putting Aziraphale a bit at ease after knowing that admitting to Paris 1793 was a bit of open honesty by telling him that Aziraphale wasn't the only one scared out of his mind then. (Was that bit of our history primarily my terror or your terror? is what Crowley's really asking. Which one of us was fucking it up then, do you remember?... Not that they don't remember. They both do. Crowley is trying to say that the fear isn't one-sided-- that Aziraphale isn't the only one for whom all of this has always been terrifying.)

Aziraphale says he can't remember (might not be true) but that it doesn't matter because "the crepes were lovely" and Crowley smiles.

Because Aziraphale is calling him lovely. Says their date was lovely and he was lovely. Crowley all like...

The reason why Aziraphale wants to go back to lunch on the post-Bastille date is not just the crepes (though they were really good but you cannot tell me that the French haven't gotten better at making them since the 1700s lol. I'm sure there's a better creperie he and Crowley could have lunched at in the modern era.) He wants to go back there because, in a way, as complicated as it felt, it was *simpler* because Aziraphale thought he understood what he and Crowley were then.

He thought Crowley was temptation personified and that he, Aziraphale, had finally gone full Eve and wanted to give in. He thought it was lust. A little bit of rescue kink. Eyes raking him over. the fun, daring game of playing at the seduction *of temptation itself*. The power of knowing that Hell's Seductress in Chief was weak *for him*. That's a sexy lunch. Those are some *damn good crepes* lol.

Finally, Aziraphale had it figured out, right? He was a being of love since he was an angel so he loved all beings and that included Crowley but not in the way the humans sing and write about, no, cannot be, because he's an angel... but... angels-- bad ones, like himself-- did appear to be open to temptation and Aziraphale has been on Earth since the beginning and struggles to define the difference between temptation and pleasure. Is moaning over this blueberry muffin sinful-- or is it marveling at the work of God's creatures? How could his favorite symphony not be of God? How could God have created sexual attraction between the humans and not made it holy? Still... none of that meant that having these human-like feelings *as an angel* made them okay. Angels were supposed to think like Gabriel. They weren't supposed to want to sully the celestial temple of their corporations with gross matter-- in any way, shape or form. So what did it say about Aziraphale *to* Aziraphale if he liked art and food and if he got all sorts of hot about how Crowley looked at him?

And then not that long after that (not that long for them) came the 1800s and Crowley wanting holy water, right? Aziraphale defaulted to the idea that Crowley's motivations *had* to be selfish on Crowley's part. He was a demon so they *had* to be. It couldn't be about protecting the two of them. Holy water could kill Crowley-- it could kill other demons. Crowley's request was a subtle suggestion that *he might be willing to kill other demons to protect Aziraphale, an angel* and that went against *everything* Aziraphale knew to be true and he completely panicked. He made it entirely about Crowley's own, occasional, suicidal ideations (which do exist) and ignored the other potential reasons because it was too much for him to admit that Crowley's hurt-- his loneliness, his terror-- might be because Aziraphale had gotten this all very, very wrong. He might have just spent the last few decades leading Crowley on, thinking that the fraterization was what the demon would want, not thinking that anything more was possible. Because it *couldn't* be possible for Crowley to feel those things *because then Aziraphale would be capable of them, too*. So long as Aziraphale pretends that Crowley the Fallen Angel is incapable of more than mischief and self-serving arrangements and demonic lust, then Aziraphale can remain comforted in his feelings that he isn't capable of feeling not *angelic, generalized* love but *romantic, very much unplatonic* love for *his hereditary enemy*. A *human* would have been easier for Aziraphale to understand and maybe even solicit more sympathy should anyone find out but *Crowley*?

It would mean he wasn't just a bad angel, by Heaven's standards.

It would mean he doesn't know what an angel *truly is*.

When Crowley shows Aziraphale during The Blitz that he loves him-- that he's *in* love with him-- that every longing look was just that, that every spark of desperate lust in his yellow eyes was just that, that demons are fallen angels and angels can feel these human things and that that's what they are feeling-- these human things-- Aziraphale doesn't fall in love.

He was already in love.

He allows himself, for the first moment in their history, to *be* in love with Crowley, even if it's existed the whole time.

But...

By Soho in the '60s, he and Crowley both know. They know the other knows how they feel. Crowley, back in the '40s, thought Aziraphale was more ready than he was after the whole Reign of Terror through the Holy Water Incident. He thought he just had to show Aziraphale that how he felt was pure and true and he did do that. It's just that it completely upended everything Aziraphale thought he knew about himself and his place in the universe and challenged everything he had ever known or been taught. He needed time to work through that. He asked Crowley for time. He brought him the holy water-- in that cute little tartan Thermos-- to say he understood.

You're mine, see, and I'm yours. I'm just not ready for this. And I'm not sure if I ever *should* be ready for it... is the general attitude he conveys.

He didn't give up on the idea of him and Crowley and that is really beautiful when you consider that the no-longer-deniable truth of it basically was killing Aziraphale, as it made him feel like he failed at the only thing he was ever supposed to be, which means he failed at his whole purpose in life.

Maybe one day we could go for a picnic... or dine at the Ritz.

It's still a pipe dream for Aziraphale in the '60s. These are very romantic things he wants to do with Crowley. These are dates they could go on. This isn't just lust and it's not just friendship anymore. He knows Crowley's in love with him. Aziraphale has never denied having feelings of his own in return but he might never have said them more directly than with his little tartan Thermos and his daydream date ideas. The general vibe is I wish we could have this but I don't really see how and you wanting to just try it scares me. What if I fall? What if it turns out that everything I know isn't true?

It already was untrue and Aziraphale knew it. In a way, in the future, he'd tell Crowley he wanted to go back to 1793 Paris for that crepe date and start it all over again. They had 11 years-- nothing, to them-- until the end of the world. He's telling Crowley they shouldn't work together to stop it-- It's ineffable! It's God's plan! I've already interfered enough being an angel who is hopelessly lusting after and madly in love with bloody Asmodeus! If you think I'm stopping Armageddon so I can keep drinking wine and hanging out in my bookstore with you, you're mad!...

...but he's also saying to Crowley at the same time...

...I now know we are almost out of time and I regret thinking I would have countless more millennia with you to work this out. I wish we could go back and try again. I wish I had known what it was like to be with you before it was all over.

To which Crowley responds by taking him to the damn Ritz lol. (Twice, by S1's end.)

As if he's saying: can't time travel to 1793, Angel, but we can definintely make the most of every moment left.

After which... Aziraphale invites him back for Chateauneuf-de-Pape, in a situation we think might connect to S2's post-Blitz scene, based on the trailer. Just as Aziraphale is saying to Crowley that he wishes he had done things differently and Crowley gives him the opportunity to do things differently going forward by dining with him at the Ritz, it goes back to the Blitz as they walk to the bookstore, because it always will...

...because that is the first moment Aziraphale admitted he was in love because it was the first moment he truly knew that Crowley was in love with him and that the things they both felt are, in fact, romantic love.

HOW I ANIMATE 🤌

I couldn’t make individual gifs of this whole this so MADE A VIDJEW FOR YEW GOIS ! I didn’t know what else to make of my animation, so I decided to make it into a little quick tutorial. Hope it helps!