Latest Posts by lavendersourphantom - Page 4

Over a 100???? It was just the guy in the photo a couple days ago djsjdjks

"you're not man enough, not feminine enough"

so gender is something we can fail?

that means gender is not genetic and absolute and unchangeable

but something we can build and perform, and fail at (the standards they set) but also redefine?

if i can fail at being a woman, does that mean i'm not a woman? so does that make me another gender?

I can’t believe I went through all of Season 2 assuming Nina was the stand-in for Crowley when you actually pay attention it’s so CLEAR that she’s Aziraphale. I was tricked by her spiky, sarcastic, cynical outer shell and lulled into a false sense of security by Maggie’s bubbly optimism and wholesome goodness, because on the surface they reflect the ineffable husbands perfectly, in their personalities, their aesthetics, even many of their actions and morals. but not, and this is the real key, when it comes to their “relationship”. but those first impressions really had me damn fooled. 

I missed the blatantness of Nina’s “we’re just friends. actually we’re not friends. we barely know each other.” the same thing Aziraphale said in season 1.  the way he still struggles to quantify their friendship when Nina asks. Nina’s sarcasm when Crowley asks about rain and awnings because it worked for him (we all know it LMAO). hell, that whole convo the girls have in the rain is so AziraCrow (“I know. I’m not your type” “…You have no idea” hits so much harder the second time, help meeeee.) “Lindsay” maybe being symbolic of Heaven and Aziraphale’s toxic relationship with them and their abuse? (the handwritten text messages in red pen make me think of angry notes on paperwork, anyone else?) because Crowley has never actually cared about what Hell thinks of him, just not getting into trouble (or him or Aziraphale getting hurt). Maggie is always chasing Nina. NINA NEVER GOES IN THE RECORD STORE. Just like Crowley always goes to the bookstore, to Aziraphale, Zira NEVER WENT TO THE FLAT (apart from The Swap but that doesn’t count imo). Crowley has always chased Zira, not the other way around. Always there to rescue him, always going to him for company, always relying on their shared connection, always US. OUR SIDE. All through season one, he comes to Zira every time to work together, never trying to work alongside Hell in any way that isn’t to save their skins or Earth, while Zira hides things from Crowley because he STILL thinks Heaven is ultimately good and will do the right thing if he can just show them. fix it from the inside. 

Maggie working up the courage to finally say something, to put herself out there, while Nina is utterly oblivious and then when she does realise Maggie has feelings, becoming standoffish, putting up that barrier, fighting it, denying it, ITS SO CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE IN THAT ORDER. the way I was fooled into thinking Nina’s trust issues are Crowley because he does have trust issues ofc he does BUT Crowley has ALWAYS TRUSTED AZIRAPHALE. has always relied on him. has always been hurt when Aziraphale doesn’t immediately reciprocate the way he expects (the holy water request, the bandstand, the “off in the stars” etc). he’s always the one putting himself forward. Aziraphale has always been the one to second guess everything, to fight their connection, their similarities, their friendship. the girls really made me think it was going to be okay when they sat Crowley down, even as my inner sirens were going haywire about Metatron interfering, they were telling Crowley he just needs to open up and it’ll all work out BUT HE’S ALREADY AT THAT POINT. he may not say it, and by gosh is that part of their damn problem, but he’s always SHOWN IT. he’s not Nina who needs time to heal and recover from her broken trust, he’s always been Maggie believing it doesn’t matter, they’ll end up together in the end anyway AND I WALKED RIGHT INTO THE TRAP THAT THIS MEANT THEY WERE GOING TO BE OKAYYYYYYYYYYY

Shower thought: Crowley, despite being madly in love, is always subverting fanfiction style tropes, he is completely immune.

Kicked out of his flat, perfect opportunity to move into the bookshop without any implications, no thanks I will now live in my car

Aziraphale's "is there anything I can do for you in return wink wink" Crowley: no

I'm convinced they'd get thrown into a "there was only one bed" situation and it would be like

Crowley: don't worry king, I'll sleep on the wall

Aziraphale: but I don't even sleep...

Crowley: *on the wall* dont worry about it

Bruh they'd be under the mistletoe like

Aziraphale: oh my...look at that.

Crowley: don't worry, angel, we aren't bound by botany-related superstitions. Anyway,

Feel free to invent your own in the tags

Crowleys so cool crowleys so mysterious this and so hot that - Crowley is a hot fucking Mess.

He did not realize he felt romantic attraction towards Aziraphale for 6000 years ‼️ Crowley thanks cars when he crosses the road, his favorite tv shows are Golden Girls and The Good Place, he makes silly faces at his Angel, he doesn’t want to hurt people, he talks to his car and his plants, he’s down so bad for Aziraphale that he runs his their bookshop for a day, lets him drive his their car and follows Aziraphale around as he Does Shit and Crowley simply watches, smitten. Crowleys idea of evil is glueing coins to the ground and making a Big Road look like a sigil - how fun! He went to a Gas Station only once because he wanted James Bond Bullet Hole Stickers for the Bentley. His name and phone number are in a Call Center Database. He jumps at every opportunity to save Aziraphale. The Bastille in France? No problem let me just stop time for a few moments, Angel. A Church during WW2 because Angel wanted to do some Good but fell into the evil hands of Nazis? Sure yes let me just do a chicken dance down the the aisle because my feet burn because this is literally consecrated ground - what did you say? You don’t like my new name, Angel?☹️

Crowley is so silly and goofy, he’s a mess and most of the time definitely not suave. That Kiss with Aziraphale was most probably his first kiss ever. He’s not the sexyman seducing people throughout history you think he is

hey, I may be stupid, but when Metatron is speaking to the council of Angels about removing Gabriel from status, who is the other high rank Archangel that was removed? I’m pretty sure it’s Lucifer, right?

Right.

their argument over Gabriel and how they "resolved" it set up the Final Fifteen of ep6 and is a microcosm of their relationship issues

The fight between Aziraphale and Crowley about Gabriel goes like this:

Aziraphale believes that it's Safest for them to deal with the gabriel situation by being involved and solving it together.

Crowley believes that it's Safest for them to get as far away from the Gabriel situation as possible, either by removing gabriel from them or themselves from him.

Aziraphale also believes that it's Right to help Gabriel, because Aziraphale believes in the innate goodness of everyone and everything.

Crowley believes that it's Right to not help Gabriel or frankly to care about him at all, because Gabriel hurt Aziraphale repeatedly over millennia and then tried to destroy him.

They approach this issue with such a difference in their core beliefs and values that they have to disagree, it's inevitable. And that would be fine. Except that the way they resolve this argument is utter bullshit.

First off, Aziraphale responds to Crowley with an ultimatum: do it my way or leave. (Which, hello, trauma from being cast out of heaven? Wtf Aziraphale. )

Crowley responds by telling Aziraphale he'll have to do this alone, and then predictably leaving.

Crowley only changes his mind and returns because he learns that Aziraphale is in real existential peril. Then they do a series of Things, none of which actually revolve their big disagreement.

Crowley offers a sort-of apology ("can we take it as stated?") but doesn't say what he's apologizing for. He doesn't tell Aziraphale what he thinks he got wrong (spoiler: because he absolutely doesn't think he Was wrong, and his belief is reinforced by the threat of destruction hanging over Aziraphale's head). It's "I'm sorry for whatever I said, get in the car" all over again.

Aziraphale doesn't even apologize lmao, and why should he? He must be right, because Crowley's back! And Crowley's doing their ritualistic "apology" dance that they use in place of actual fucking conversation. So Aziraphale doesnt need to acknowledge anything about his line of reasoning or his belief system, they can just carry on.

Especially because, crucially, Aziraphale doesn't know that Crowley was actually right! And helping Gabriel will put them both in extreme danger! And he doesn't know this, because Crowley didn't tell him!

Crowley didnt tell Aziraphale about the Book of Life punishment because he believes Aziraphale is Safest not worrying about that, and that it's Right for him to protect Aziraphale from that hurtful, harmful knowledge.

They literally do. not. discuss this issue ever again. They have no idea, or none that we're textually shown anyway, why the other reacted the way they did to Gabriel. They simply move forward with the problem, without even an iota of enlightenment about each other's points of view. They think they already know each other perfectly, right? They've been talking for millions of years, Crowley loves rescuing Aziraphale, etc.

So then we get to ep6. And it's really the same fundamental disagreement:

Aziraphale believes they will be Safest with their hands in the game.

Aziraphale believes it's Right to force Heaven, through what he has been manipulated into thinking is his new authority, to do Good (actual moral good, like he and Crowley do).

Crowley believes it's Safest for them both to stay as far away from the machinations of heaven, and by extension hell, as possible.

Crowley believes it's Right for him to reject Heaven as they once rejected him, to reject their whole dichotomous system in fact. He believes it's Right for Aziraphale to reject Heaven too, because Heaven tried to destroy Aziraphale.

And once again, Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale of the danger they're in - Armageddon the Sequel, plus Archangels being demoted and having their memory wiped.

They still do not and cannot understand one another's motives and beliefs here. Because they have never had this freedom of choice before these last few years, and in that time they have never talked about this openly. Weirdly, Gabriel's arrival gave them a chance to hash all this out. In another world, maybe they knew exactly what the other wanted, and could therefore choose each other at this critical juncture.

But that's not what happened.

(cue my "the irony of the serpent of Eden protecting someone he loves from knowledge" tag).

Edit to say, I have Thoughts about Why they communicate like this, which I'm trying to gather for another post.

Ineffable Husbands go on Television

The Great British Bakeoff:

Aziraphale: a bookshop owner based in Soho. He has a lot of prior experience, although they don't often cook where he comes from. He's really going against the grain! A lover of fine foods, music and antique books, his angelic charm will melt your heart.

"I've always loved this show, but I wouldn't be here without my partner! He's really the sweetest and he's always been supportive of me no matter what."

Aziraphale wins, due mainly to having six thousand years of experience and a few handy miracles. He becomes a fan favourite, and everyone wonders who his mysterious partner is.

Meanwhile Crowley on Gardener's World:

"Yeah, I really think it's important that the plants learn to fear me."

*cut away to Crowley screaming at his plants*

"I keep a firm atmosphere in my home. No slacking, no flaws. My partner doesn't appreciate my methods, but they've never failed me."

*cut away to shaking plants*

"What can I say? I'm just too cool for them. Hey, have you ever read the Book of Genesis? I had a cameo - yeah, the Garden of Eden. I was the snake."

The nation is very shocked when they realise that these two are in fact dating each other.

anyway i love muriel so much, they looked terrified on the elevator ride down to earth with their bosses and crowley but the second they all step into the bookshop muriel's like oooh BOOKS! and completely tunes out of the conversation 😭 they literally don't look up from this book until aziraphale rings that bell to call for order, and then they go right back to it when shax starts talking i'm DECEASED.

me when i've just been caught helping a demon access sensitive files by one of my bosses, exposing the mystery of the entire season, and then get dragged into a fight between my bosses and the bosses of hell but i'm autistic and very nervous so i just read this book for the entire debacle

how to ask the demon you've been smitten over for 6000 years to dance: an angel's guide

bonus:

AZI IS LITERALLY FOLLOWING CROWLEYS FACE WHEN CROWLEY TRIES TO LOOK AWAY TO MAKE SURE CROWLEY DOSNT SAY NO

MICHALE CHRISTOPHER SHEEN

also, Azi Autistic confirmed, I called it before season 1 even came out

I honestly think that Aziraphale was wholeheartedly trying to advance his and Crowley's relationship, in his own incredibly adorable and old fashioned way, in Season 2. There are so many instances where Aziraphale is flirting, touching, lovingly gazing, and extending offers he would normally feel to uncomfortable to make. Like, wanting to dance with Crowley. That is a huge step forward for someone that moves as slowly as Aziraphale does. He is an anxious bean. He tries to establish that its their car and bookshop. He's trying to blur the lines in their possessions a little bit there. Aziraphale even reached out for help to Crowley first and wanted them to work together on protecting Gabriel. Of course, poor Crowley doesn't seem to notice it at all, because he's usually the one testing the waters, seeing how far he can tempt Aziraphale. He's been protecting their fragile existence for ages.

Aziraphale is breaking down boundaries very subtly. He was trying to progress the intimacy in their relationship, by being a little more blatant with his flirtations. With how hedonistic Aziraphale is, I wouldn't doubt that he'd want to try a more human way of approaching his and Crowley's relationship. Moving it from a 6,000 year old friendship to a romantic one. He wants his Jane Austen romance. I cannot be told that if that kiss had happened at any other point, Aziraphale would have been over the moon. He even struggles between reciprocating or pushing Crowley away, which he chooses to do neither.

Unfortunately that kiss was ruined, because it was loaded with so much emotional pain and desperation that it essentially acted as a weapon against Aziraphale. Here is what you're leaving behind, here is what we could have had. You were so close to this weren't you?

So, I feel like I’m losing my mind. I keep seeing metas about how Aziraphale wants Crowley to return to Heaven and be an angel again because he wants them to be on the same side/be good/change/etc., etc., etc. but I don’t see that at all. I actually see it as the very opposite.

Aziraphale loves Crowley just as he is. But there’s something more. Something huge.

Aziraphale loves Crowley and because he is an angel who is stuck in seeing things as black and white, he constantly praises Crowley for being nice. For being good. For being kind.

Aziraphale has watched Crowley on and off for 6,000 years. He watched him thwart the plans of Heaven and Hell because it was unjust. He spared the lives of innocents. He did small things that made Aziraphale happy just because (like making Hamlet successful and saving valuable books). And because Aziraphale sees things in black and white, he sees all the things Crowley has done as nice, as good, as kind.

Crowley vehemently attests he’s not nice or good or kind.

He’s not exactly wrong nor is he lying when he says this. When Crowley spares goats during a cruel bet over a righteous man and swallowing laudanum to prevent a suicide, when he prevents Armageddon by working with Aziraphale and stopping the Anti-Christ from being the Anti-Christ, he’s not doing the nice/good/kind thing.

He’s doing the right thing.

Crowley chooses to do the right thing without hesitation. He is better than all of Heaven and Hell who have callous and dispassionate view of all existence because he questions, because he makes choices. Crowley sees the world for all its messiness and he sees himself. He sees a place where he fits in. He sees the blurred edges.

And Aziraphale sees that, even if seeing the blurred edges is hard for him.

But here’s the thing that Aziraphale can’t voice.

It’s the reason why he told Crowley about being allowed to return to Heaven and become an angel again. He doesn’t want Crowley to change. He doesn’t think Crowley is flawed. Or not enough.

It’s something that is so monumental that it cannot be put into words. Because to put it into words would be more than blasphemy. It’s down right unthinkable for anyone in Heaven, Hell, or Earth to say what Aziraphale knows deep in his soul.

God was wrong to cast out Crowley.

Aziraphale believes Crowley can/should return to Heaven because he knows that Crowley should never have fallen in the first place. He wants him to be forgiven because when Crowley fell it was unjust. Aziraphale is trying to correct a mistake. He’s trying to do the right thing.

Yes, Crowley would never accept returning to Heaven. And Aziraphale was wrong to even suggest it (although that conversation is another can of worms to unpack).

Aziraphale loves Crowley. He loves him exactly as he is. He doesn’t want him to change. Aziraphale knows that Crowley the best of all of them. He wants to change Heaven because of it. Because God was wrong and Aziraphale knows it.

Aziraphale may have difficulty seeing beyond black and white, but when it comes to Crowley he sees everything crystal clear and in vivid color.

he's brainwashed and loving and wants to do good, he's a good boy (gender neutral)

Defining Ineffable Love (or, Aziracrow Learn the Rules of Romance)

(In response to this ask about ineffables and asexuality)

One of the major threads this season was Aziraphale and Crowley asking themselves what exactly is their relationship. Not what it is in terms of how much they love each other. (That's a given.) But what it is in terms of the human implications of their love.

Crowley and Aziraphale definitely come at the relationship with different perspectives, in terms of what they’re willing to admit to the relationship being. I don’t think we can entirely interpret it in human terms. –David Tennant (source)

For 6000 years, they’ve never put a name on their relationship. They didn’t, because they’re inhuman, genderless, sexless beings and they didn’t grow up (as it were) with labels. And even when they did learn them, they couldn’t say it was love, because admitting that was a death sentence.

All of Aziraphale’s heart eyes and pining could live comfortably in his mind if he never admitted what that said about him as an angel (trauma compartmentalization). Crowley tries desperately to be cruel and nasty to add white noise around the blatant reality of his constant loyalty to Aziraphale. If you don’t put a word to it, it’s not real and they can’t punish you.

After the Not-pocalypse, for all rights and purposes, Aziraphale and Crowley chose humanity as their identity. We see Aziraphale “playing house” in various human roles (as a landlord, a private eye, a magician).

We even see Crowley intentionally taking on human behavior to handle emotional issues: “Just breathe, that’s what humans do.” They’re slowly and intentionally enculturating themselves into the world they want to belong––earth.

Yet it’s setting up Maggie and Nina that makes Aziraphale and Crowley start thinking about their relationship as a human construct.

Because fundamentally, Aziraphale and Crowley are not human. Like Neil Gaiman tells us constantly, they can’t be defined in human terms when it comes to gender and sexuality. They can shift and move through each and any of those markers at will, purely for the pleasure of the thing: “angels are sexless unless they really want to make an effort.”

IMO that makes them originally asexual, in the sense they were created without the need for sex. And it makes them fundamentally transgender and genderfluid, because while on earth, their sexless, eldritch spiritual bodies take on human, gendered forms and clothing. What gender (and sexuality) they identify with while on earth varies through the eras. Crowley definitely has a fluid gender identity, while Aziraphale appears to have settled on gay man (aka THE southern pansy) for his internal typology (although all of these identities are subject to change).

In the midst of all this fluidity, it’s no wonder Aziraphale and Crowley haven’t thought of their relationship in human terms before. There’s just so much different in them and their bodies than what they see in humanity. And there are no books and songs that show the kind of love they have, in the malleable, sexless bodies they have, with the background they have; it’s all ineffable.

Aziraphale and Crowley didn’t start out thinking they were in a romantic relationship. Whatever feelings they had were long repressed, redefined, and shuttled away. But they did love each other, without question. And it was that love which scared them, because it was bigger than anything they saw among humans, a love that was beautiful and blasphemous and unfathomable.

Kinda like what David Duchovny said about Mulder and Scully in The X-Files, “I don’t know if they’re in love. In a way, their relationship is deeper than that, because they cannot live without each other.”

Now take this profound, ineffable love and drop it into the little boxes and labels human culture has created for itself.

Full disclosure: I’m an asexual demiromantic person in a queerplatonic relationship, so I’ve done a fair bit of research on what romance is and how the rituals of romance are, in many ways, social inventions that vary from culture to culture. There’s love and then there’s romance, and they don’t always overlap. So my interpretation of Aziraphale and Crowley comes through this lens and the fact that Neil Gaiman has affirmed the validity of an ace-spec reading on our ineffables.

Which brings me back to my thesis: That only now are Aziraphale and Crowley thinking of themselves as a romantic couple, precisely because they are interfacing with humans and taking on their social rules.

I like this one asexual person’s description of their experience, which feels very much like our ineffables (from a very good article, I def recommend):

If there is a border between friendship and romance, then in my internal landscape, it goes right through a misty forest where no one has ever bothered to place signs.... Neither of us had intended to start anything even vaguely romantic, but the activities we did and the intense kind of immediate connection we had was coded as romantic in our culture.

That’s what Crowley realizes when Nina confronts him about his relationship to Aziraphale.

“It looks like that from here.” What Crowley and Aziraphale share is beyond definition, but Nina cannot imagine the anything beyond the human labels she was taught. The tragedy of an everlasting love is that it can only be conveyed properly to other humans if it is cast in such small human words––partner, boyfriend, husband.

Because when Crowley denied those human roles for Aziraphale, Nina slid down the path of thinking Aziraphale was just his “bit on the side,” because there were no labels left she could imagine for them. If you don’t put a word to it, it’s not real.

That’s the purpose of labels, to culturally validate a person's identity. Labels, of course, DO NOT create reality; people's experiences are always real, in all their varied ineffability. But labels allow a space for culture (ie other humans and political and legal society) to recognize formally your lived reality.

So Crowley started really thinking about him and Aziraphale, about the ineffable love between them and realized that in human terms, those would be the things he’d call Aziraphale, because those were the words that gave Aziraphale that place of importance in his life.

But with that realization comes all the human trappings and behavioral patterns around those words (the candlelit dinners, dramatic rescues, drinks at the Ritz, etc.) which Crowley had never thought of before, and yet… maybe romance is what he and Aziraphale have been doing all along.

That’s why this season centered so much around Aziraphale and Crowley using cultural artifacts (film and literature) to understand romance, because romance is so deeply socially-defined.

Aziraphale himself has been leaning hard into the romantic social cues (he’s more well-read in the cultural trappings of romance than Crowley is), especially post-Blitz. But when he watches Maggie and Nina dancing, he works up the courage to do something with Crowley that’s even more explicitly loaded as “traditionally romantic” than anything he’s done up to that point.

Because while risking their lives for each other and defying everything for each other is love in its purest form, dancing (specifically in Jane Austen’s world) is a public performance coded for potential marriage partners. It's an intimate ritual of the entire body. (And in British slang, dancing has been used as a euphemism for sex.)

Crowley's "We don't dance" is really telling, because it shows Crowley’s awareness of the unknowable devotion between them vs the human roles Aziraphale is asking him to fill, specifically its physical aspects. Aziraphale is asking to make their relationship more public, more physically explicit, more coded as romantic in a setting specifically intended to couple individuals.

While Maggie and Nina inspired Aziraphale to progress their relationship into a publicly physical direction, Maggie and Nina inspired Crowley to think of the emotional implications of their human roles: the commitment, security, and monogamy of a husband, a partner, an us.

That’s what he decides after Maggie and Nina confront him in the end. “You never say what you’re really thinking.” He wants to codify his relationship so they each become responsible to one another. Aziraphale has always been his soulmate, the one he could always rely on. But he wants to place a word and a role to their love that will bring with it Aziraphale’s commitment and dedication to him.

And that's another reason why Crowley kisses Aziraphale, because he knows Aziraphale was willing to make their relationship physical, and he wants that, too. To consummate this bond in the way humans do.

But Crowley doesn’t really know how to kiss; he’s not as worldly as he makes out to be. (It’s Aziraphale who owns the gun, and Crowley who’s never fired one.) He uses the kiss as a tool to get across to Aziraphale what he wants for them, in the physical language Aziraphale has been using, because "one fabulous kiss and we're good," right?

But it doesn’t work, because real life and real emotions don’t work like that; life and love don’t follow a script, despite the novels and plays and songs.

Aziraphale and Crowley spent this entire season trying to figure out what their relationship is and what they wanted out of it, trying to make sense of the unfathomable thing they share and the human implications of it, and not quite landing on the same page.

Good omens fandom can we please do better? There is a double standard when crowely does something wrong vs when aziraphale does something wrong. When both are morally grey and have done both. Aziraphale's decision at the end represents a lot of good hearted people who cant comprehend how to make a change without being in a position of power. He most likely thought "if i were in power i can stop another armageddon" he was valuing the lives of like 8.1 billion humans over crowley and his own feelings for crowley. Like i keep seeing posts that straight up hate on aziraphale!!

this is by far my favorite safety/warning sign btw. they really went off with this one

OKAY IN CASE SOMEONE ACTUALLY WANTED THEM I DID ASSEMBLE THESE ON SPOTIFY

aziraphale’s playlist (Spotify)

crowley’s playlist (spotify)

ENJOY

I don't think that Aziraphale fell in love with Crowley during The Blitz. I think Aziraphale *realized for sure that he was capable of romantic love* during The Blitz... because Crowley had shown that he was. These are two different things... Controversial opinions below...

Aziraphale has always had a thing for Crowley, since the beginning or damn near it. We see evidence of liking his attention and enjoying talking with him in the Garden. We see joy at seeing Crowley and nervousness about getting his attention ("still a demon then?") in Ancient Rome. We see him absolutely *loving* having Crowley wrapped around his finger at the Globe Theatre and we see naked lust and damsel fantasies when he's checking him out in The Bastille. Having feelings for Crowley is not something that just suddenly happened during The Blitz, imo... they are fundamental to who Aziraphale has always been... but Aziraphale does not think himself a very good angel.

To Aziraphale, an angel is a being of love so why *wouldn't* he love Crowley? He loves *everyone*-- fallen or not, human or animal or etheral or supernatural. His *entire identity and only job* is built around love and spreading it. At some point, he began to realize that what he felt for Crowley was different than what he felt for others and, as his study of humanity progressed, he would note the things it seemed to be like. Aziraphale loves humanity to absolute bits and that includes all the fun things they've uncovered to get up to, from books to super gay gentleman's clubs to Parisian crepes. Aziraphale absolutely noticed that he's attracted to Crowley. He absolutely knew that the things he felt about Crowley were things that these humans were writing about in love songs, except that *it couldn't be, not really, because that would be wrong* because he's *not* a human.

He's an *angel*.

And Crowley is a fallen angel-- a *demon*.

They are beings who cannot feel these things of humans, not fully. Is this denial on Aziraphale's part? Oh, heavens, yes. Because what kind of angel would he be if, instead of just spreading love everywhere, he actually went and *fell* in love with, of all creatures, a *demon*? What kind of angel wants to roger said demon into next Tuesday? The same kind of angel who likes to indulge in pleasures in a way that is definitely not de rigueur in sanitized, open floor plan Heaven. Does *Crowley* care that Aziraphale eats too many sweets and loves the pleasures of a good book? Of course not but Crowley is a demon so he should be into indulgence. Aziraphale doesn't expect Crowley to understand that the things they share in common-- the love of music (if different types), of the stars, of words (books, plays), of food (Aziraphale eating it, Crowley watching Aziraphale eating it) and really just *humanity* as a whole--... these things make Crowley a perfectly fine demon but Aziraphale a very, very bad angel. While Crowley rather likes that Aziraphale is different from other angels, *Aziraphale* doesn't like that about himself all the time. This is why it takes until The Blitz for Aziraphale to let himself admit that the romantic love he feels for Crowley is, in fact, romantic love... he can't admit it until Crowley, through Crowley's own actions, shows him.

It happens during The Blitz because *Crowley* shows him that *demons* are capable of romantic love. Not only capable of it but really rather quite *good* at it, if they are of such a mind. Crowley's act of saving the books is what does it. Aziraphale knows that Crowley will always come to rescue him. The Bastille proves it. He not only knows it but he goes out of his way to set up scenarios for Crowley to come to his rescue. What sets The Blitz apart is Crowley saving Aziraphale's books. It is an act of such pure, unselfish, unconditional love that Aziraphale cannot see it as anything *but* that. Crowley has been bringing Aziraphale presents for millennia. He's rescued him more times than either of them can count. They've spent centuries in one another's company and performed literal miracles to make one another happy and safe and comfortable but the reason why it's the books during The Blitz that changes everything for Aziraphale is because everything else, if Aziraphale was of mine to, could be spun as Crowley being a demon and trying to keep Aziraphale close for his *own* reasons.

Aziraphale isn't really an idiot. He knows the wily ol' serpent feels the same way about him as he does about them. It's been centuries upon centuries. He's noticed Crowley's love and adoration and desperate, pining want-- he's just never *allowed himself to assume that these things aren't just demon-y traits*. He thinks Crowley *is just like this* lol. That everyone gets this version of Crowley. And since they barely interact with one another in front of other people lest they get caught fraternizing, there's not really anyone to ever argue against this point.

Ever notice how Aziraphale thinks Crowley is the smoothest, slickest tempter known to man? He's *Asmodeus* to Aziraphale. He's a seductive snake who lured all of humanity out of the garden. Aziraphale thinks himself just an angel (the one who failed at guarding said garden, mind you) and not an especially good one at that. Crowley is *tempting*... because he's temptation personified. (Demonified?) Aziraphale thinks he is *tempted* by Crowley because he is weak and a bad angel. To Aziraphale, Crowley isn't *capable* of things like romantic love because Aziraphale has been taught that all angels are just beings of pure love of God-- a kind of non-sexual, generalized love for all of God's creatures-- and Crowley is a fallen angel. Not only was he not capable of romantic love when he was an angel but he certainly couldn't be now that he's a *demon*, right?

But then Crowley saves the books. Oh, the books...

And the only reason he would is for Aziraphale. The books are old but there are other copies. It's not all the world's knowledge; it's just Aziraphale's favorites from his prophecy collection. Just his own, very human, very earthly, possessions, rescued from a fire by the romantic hero who has also come to rescue him. Just a little miracle of Crowley's own-- using his powers and risking the wrath of Hell to comfort Aziraphale and make him happy.

It's obviously not the first time Crowley has done so but it's the first time that Aziraphale has had *no other excuse* in his mind for why Crowley did what he did for Aziraphale. The Arrangement? Benefitted Crowley. Spending time with Aziraphale? Benefitted Crowley by keeping Aziraphale invested in The Arrangement. Flirting with him, bringing him little gifts? The Arrangement, The Arrangement, The Arrangement... But the books?

Crowley didn't have to do that. He had come to rescue him. The dashing hero kink was already fufilled for Aziraphale. But saving Aziraphale's beloved books and the soft "little miracle of my own" and "lift home" and Aziraphale realized that, Demonic Chief Seductress of Hell or not, Crowley was in love with him.

Not just fond of him. Not just flirting with him or bemused by Aziraphale's lust and indulging him. Not just friends, even.

In love with him.

Demons could fall in love.

And if demons could be in love, then angels...

The Blitz is also *way* different from the era circa The Bastille, when Aziraphale decided that maybe millennia of being flirted with by Asmoseus himself was too much for any one angel to withstand without actively indulging in a bit-- and their long history and everything up to that point confirming that Crowley was soft for him (FOR HIM, a terrible, little, nobody angel!) made him feel safe enough to play a bit more of a heavier hand... even if that, too, was a bit terrifying. When Crowley asked Aziraphale to lunch in the modern era in S1, telling him they could go anywhere Aziraphale wanted to go (a call back, we would learn, to the Soho car "I'll take you anywhere you want to go" scene), what does Aziraphale say?

He doesn't say London in the '40s. (Admittedly, who would want to be there then, romance with Crowley notwithstanding?) Nor any other time. He says: "Paris. 1793." to which Crowley replies with a little knowing smile:

"Ah. The Reign of Terror."

Yeah, Crowley's not *just* referring to the actual, historical Reign of Terror here. He's referring to *Aziraphale's* reign of terror. *Their* reign of terror. Aziraphale's whole lusty arc, from crepes to "learning The Gavotte" here as he upped the ante on their relationship for the first time...

"Was that one yours or mine?" Crowley asks, putting Aziraphale a bit at ease after knowing that admitting to Paris 1793 was a bit of open honesty by telling him that Aziraphale wasn't the only one scared out of his mind then. (Was that bit of our history primarily my terror or your terror? is what Crowley's really asking. Which one of us was fucking it up then, do you remember?... Not that they don't remember. They both do. Crowley is trying to say that the fear isn't one-sided-- that Aziraphale isn't the only one for whom all of this has always been terrifying.)

Aziraphale says he can't remember (might not be true) but that it doesn't matter because "the crepes were lovely" and Crowley smiles.

Because Aziraphale is calling him lovely. Says their date was lovely and he was lovely. Crowley all like...

The reason why Aziraphale wants to go back to lunch on the post-Bastille date is not just the crepes (though they were really good but you cannot tell me that the French haven't gotten better at making them since the 1700s lol. I'm sure there's a better creperie he and Crowley could have lunched at in the modern era.) He wants to go back there because, in a way, as complicated as it felt, it was *simpler* because Aziraphale thought he understood what he and Crowley were then.

He thought Crowley was temptation personified and that he, Aziraphale, had finally gone full Eve and wanted to give in. He thought it was lust. A little bit of rescue kink. Eyes raking him over. the fun, daring game of playing at the seduction *of temptation itself*. The power of knowing that Hell's Seductress in Chief was weak *for him*. That's a sexy lunch. Those are some *damn good crepes* lol.

Finally, Aziraphale had it figured out, right? He was a being of love since he was an angel so he loved all beings and that included Crowley but not in the way the humans sing and write about, no, cannot be, because he's an angel... but... angels-- bad ones, like himself-- did appear to be open to temptation and Aziraphale has been on Earth since the beginning and struggles to define the difference between temptation and pleasure. Is moaning over this blueberry muffin sinful-- or is it marveling at the work of God's creatures? How could his favorite symphony not be of God? How could God have created sexual attraction between the humans and not made it holy? Still... none of that meant that having these human-like feelings *as an angel* made them okay. Angels were supposed to think like Gabriel. They weren't supposed to want to sully the celestial temple of their corporations with gross matter-- in any way, shape or form. So what did it say about Aziraphale *to* Aziraphale if he liked art and food and if he got all sorts of hot about how Crowley looked at him?

And then not that long after that (not that long for them) came the 1800s and Crowley wanting holy water, right? Aziraphale defaulted to the idea that Crowley's motivations *had* to be selfish on Crowley's part. He was a demon so they *had* to be. It couldn't be about protecting the two of them. Holy water could kill Crowley-- it could kill other demons. Crowley's request was a subtle suggestion that *he might be willing to kill other demons to protect Aziraphale, an angel* and that went against *everything* Aziraphale knew to be true and he completely panicked. He made it entirely about Crowley's own, occasional, suicidal ideations (which do exist) and ignored the other potential reasons because it was too much for him to admit that Crowley's hurt-- his loneliness, his terror-- might be because Aziraphale had gotten this all very, very wrong. He might have just spent the last few decades leading Crowley on, thinking that the fraterization was what the demon would want, not thinking that anything more was possible. Because it *couldn't* be possible for Crowley to feel those things *because then Aziraphale would be capable of them, too*. So long as Aziraphale pretends that Crowley the Fallen Angel is incapable of more than mischief and self-serving arrangements and demonic lust, then Aziraphale can remain comforted in his feelings that he isn't capable of feeling not *angelic, generalized* love but *romantic, very much unplatonic* love for *his hereditary enemy*. A *human* would have been easier for Aziraphale to understand and maybe even solicit more sympathy should anyone find out but *Crowley*?

It would mean he wasn't just a bad angel, by Heaven's standards.

It would mean he doesn't know what an angel *truly is*.

When Crowley shows Aziraphale during The Blitz that he loves him-- that he's *in* love with him-- that every longing look was just that, that every spark of desperate lust in his yellow eyes was just that, that demons are fallen angels and angels can feel these human things and that that's what they are feeling-- these human things-- Aziraphale doesn't fall in love.

He was already in love.

He allows himself, for the first moment in their history, to *be* in love with Crowley, even if it's existed the whole time.

But...

By Soho in the '60s, he and Crowley both know. They know the other knows how they feel. Crowley, back in the '40s, thought Aziraphale was more ready than he was after the whole Reign of Terror through the Holy Water Incident. He thought he just had to show Aziraphale that how he felt was pure and true and he did do that. It's just that it completely upended everything Aziraphale thought he knew about himself and his place in the universe and challenged everything he had ever known or been taught. He needed time to work through that. He asked Crowley for time. He brought him the holy water-- in that cute little tartan Thermos-- to say he understood.

You're mine, see, and I'm yours. I'm just not ready for this. And I'm not sure if I ever *should* be ready for it... is the general attitude he conveys.

He didn't give up on the idea of him and Crowley and that is really beautiful when you consider that the no-longer-deniable truth of it basically was killing Aziraphale, as it made him feel like he failed at the only thing he was ever supposed to be, which means he failed at his whole purpose in life.

Maybe one day we could go for a picnic... or dine at the Ritz.

It's still a pipe dream for Aziraphale in the '60s. These are very romantic things he wants to do with Crowley. These are dates they could go on. This isn't just lust and it's not just friendship anymore. He knows Crowley's in love with him. Aziraphale has never denied having feelings of his own in return but he might never have said them more directly than with his little tartan Thermos and his daydream date ideas. The general vibe is I wish we could have this but I don't really see how and you wanting to just try it scares me. What if I fall? What if it turns out that everything I know isn't true?

It already was untrue and Aziraphale knew it. In a way, in the future, he'd tell Crowley he wanted to go back to 1793 Paris for that crepe date and start it all over again. They had 11 years-- nothing, to them-- until the end of the world. He's telling Crowley they shouldn't work together to stop it-- It's ineffable! It's God's plan! I've already interfered enough being an angel who is hopelessly lusting after and madly in love with bloody Asmodeus! If you think I'm stopping Armageddon so I can keep drinking wine and hanging out in my bookstore with you, you're mad!...

...but he's also saying to Crowley at the same time...

...I now know we are almost out of time and I regret thinking I would have countless more millennia with you to work this out. I wish we could go back and try again. I wish I had known what it was like to be with you before it was all over.

To which Crowley responds by taking him to the damn Ritz lol. (Twice, by S1's end.)

As if he's saying: can't time travel to 1793, Angel, but we can definintely make the most of every moment left.

After which... Aziraphale invites him back for Chateauneuf-de-Pape, in a situation we think might connect to S2's post-Blitz scene, based on the trailer. Just as Aziraphale is saying to Crowley that he wishes he had done things differently and Crowley gives him the opportunity to do things differently going forward by dining with him at the Ritz, it goes back to the Blitz as they walk to the bookstore, because it always will...

...because that is the first moment Aziraphale admitted he was in love because it was the first moment he truly knew that Crowley was in love with him and that the things they both felt are, in fact, romantic love.

HOW I ANIMATE 🤌

I couldn’t make individual gifs of this whole this so MADE A VIDJEW FOR YEW GOIS ! I didn’t know what else to make of my animation, so I decided to make it into a little quick tutorial. Hope it helps!