Tiny Bootfish

Text on the price tag: Anderson with cottage cheese

i saw across the spiderverse last night and my life will never be the same again

[JDVN] Random Headcanons

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so i'm back and i swear i'm working on all the stuff in my inbox, but i also discovered the john doe visual novel recently and like i love him so much??? i must write for him also cause there seems to be so little written for him

warnings: doe being weird but loveable as usual, scalp gnawing???

okay so obviously this little eldritch creature thing is clingy as fuck all the time, absolutely takes being your partner as a sign that he must be at your side 25 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. i think this is expected to anyone wanting to be with doe. however, allow me to take it a step further:

mad seperation anxiety, will stand whining and clawing at the door while you piss so that he can grab onto you the second he hears the lock open

i fully think doe's music taste will give a person whiplash, he has like pitbull, weezer, crazy frog, and rammstein all in the same playlist

he rarely makes any sort of meals but when he does, they are weird. it'll either be the most vile, vomit-inducing, stomach clenching, nose covering pulsating mass of unknown substances amalgamated together like some unholy sacrifice to a god that shouldn't exist, but it'll taste absolutely heavenly. or it'll be the most beautiful, delicious looking meal that would have gordon ramsay himself falling flat on his knees and hailing it, and it'll taste like literal fucking sewer excretions. how he does it?? nobody knows

will do anything to make you happy. when i say anything i mean anything. ANYTHING.

keep this guy well away from memes, tiktok, any sort of internet humor. if he learns, you will never know peace again

on top of being afraid of water, i also think doe is afraid of vacuum cleaners, spray bottles, and occasionally when you sneeze, just like a cat. when he does, his hair stands on end and he leaps away from the offending object/noise, hissing loudly. if you scare him particularly suddenly, he'll make a very instinctive scramble to the top of the fridge (likely knocking many things over in the process, he's 5ft8 after all) and it may take a small while for him to come back down

particularly loves receiving forehead and nose kisses. they make him feel very comforted and cared for by you, in a way nobody else ever made him feel

if you ever want to pavlov him into a specific behaviour (eg, cleaning up after himself when he's at your apartment), it is very much possible and he will be particularly responsive to sour gummy worms as a treat

speaking of your apartment, he takes it as an absolute milestone in your relationship if you allow him to have some of his stuff stay in your apartment permanently, eg some clothes, his favourite blanket, his 'special occasion cutlery' (its a set of hello kitty plastic childrens cutlery, the print has halfway faded and the white parts have yellowed but you've never seen anyone look so vulnerable when they offered a plastic knife and fork to you, so now it stays in your cutlery drawer and doe grins and giggles happily everytime he sees it in there)

you may catch him trying to chew on your hair sometimes, while its still attached to you. unless you don't have hair, in which case he will simply gnaw on your scalp out of the blue. its a love language

okay that's all for now, hope you enjoyed, and if you guys wanna see some nsfw headcanons of doe i can absolutely arrange that <3

To anyone ever having a bad day, have some Hero and RGB moments.

Распечатаю и повешу на стену

Okay but imagine Caramon being told to only grab what’s important before a retreat and Caramon picking up Raistlin and running in the direction they are supposed to retreat in.

a tribute to the left eye

[ещё один выкрик типа у инквизиторов новая песня]

i’m sorry