You Are Not Alone. I Don’t Know Your Specific Situation But My Asexuality Is Like A Roller-coaster;

squeezy-cheez The greatest factor for me has been the consistency of my experience. I spent years deeply confused about what I was feeling. At first I thought I was a late bloomer. Then I thought I was homosexual, because I think a lot of women are beautiful. Then I thought I was straight, because men are gorgeous. But during conversations about sex I was firmly not interested. I've repeated my disinterest over and over again in conversations and journaling through the years. And this was long before I knew and used the term asexual. I was talking with my cousin over coffee one night. We were discussing her new boyfriend and so forth. I confessed that I was a virgin; she was a little shocked and asked why. I told her I wasn't interested. She said that maybe I was asexual, it was something that had come up in her human sexuality course. I remember the next day I sat down and researched asexuality. I cried. No label has ever given me so much relief. This thing I was internally agonizing over for years had a name. I don't really think about sex on my own, the subject typically has to be brought to my attention. When the conversation does get going I feel so abnormal and uncomfortable. I feel broken almost every time. I struggle all the time with who I am. I worried, like you, that I was making it all up in my head. But the history of my experience is there. And most importantly, when I identified as asexual nothing about my experiencs changed, except that nowadays I am on average happier.

Agreed. I’m the first one they call after a break-up and the first one they ditch when they hook-up. Then they don’t want to hang because it can’t/won’t be a double date.

Honestly my biggest problem with being ace is not being anybody’s bae. Like, everybody seems to have that one person they always call first. And who is the first to get their claim on free time. I’m not even jealous, I mean, good for them, but it’s really fucking lonely being the only person who’s been single for 25 years.

Try Knot Theory on amazon too

Ace Rings on Amazon

If anyone’s looking, a reader sent in these two lovely options:

Black 7mm Stainless Steel Ring Band Engraved Florentine Design - $9.99

Stainless Steel Black IP Grooved Edge Center Chain Spinner Ring - $0.99

I made a mossy stone path border!

i made some patterns to convert 1-tile stone paths to stepping stones!

Spotted Towhee Canon EOS R10 100-400

If anyone deserves a raise it’s the employee from four seasons total landscaping who answered the phone and went “yup, we can set up a podium and everything” and just acted like nothing was out of the ordinary.

Even if you identify as asexual you can still experience sexual intimacy. Orientation does not dictate behavior. Asexuality will probably color your perception of sex differently but everyone perceives differently. I lamented this same thing for many years, I spent so long wondering and upset that I didn't fit into the categories of straight or gay. I'd advise against putting pressure on yourself to identify. Be comfortable with what you decide.

Honestly just so sick of thinking about everything right now it all seems so confusing ugh. I thought I was done with the whole “trying to figure out my identity thing” and now it’s like… Occupying 90% of my thoughts and I hate it right now. Why can’t I figure it out? Like how am I supposed to know if I’m asexual if I’m not even sure I know what sexual attraction feels like? I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a person and immediately thought “yeah I’d like to do them” like I generally just really love looking at people aesthetically?? I don’t KNOW I don’t know I hate iiiittt. I mean idk I guess I very rarely have sexual thoughts but not the urge to act on it really? Like I think of it in passing as an entertaining thought and then I just go on with my life and never really dwell on it.

idk I just feel really confused and not sure what to do. I seem to be really fighting against these thoughts like for some reason I don’t want to be asexual, I want to experience that part of life sometimes but I just never really… Feel it.

Keep the flame going for those we have lost to suicide.