For This Year's April Fools I Give You A Retelling Of Our Good Ol' Uncle Jack's Tale, The Magician's

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babel by r. f. kuang and a primrose sunset after a day in the library this february

𝒔𝒌𝒂𝒅𝒊; 𝒉𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒔𝒌𝒊𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓, 𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔❄🏹

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Horror/Psychological Thriller movies to get stressed out over while drinking your hot beverage of choice, in your pajamas, eyeing the closest door to make sure it doesn't creak open.

"Oh fuck I actually have to watch all of these." -Me

Crimson Peak

Two words: Jessica Chastain. What, did you think I was going to say Tom Hiddleston? Oh shit, you're right. Okay FOUR words. This movie features some truly gorgeous visuals, beautiful (historically accurate!!!) costumes, an incredibly macabre plot, and a wonderfully talented cast. Take a shot every time I use an adjective. Of water, of course.

Hush

A Netflix gem. Will make you eye that door warily.

Shutter Island

Leonardo DiCaprio is extremely confused until he's not, and in turn, I am confused. Still a good movie and psychological thriller.

I am the pretty thing that lives in the house

More drama than horror, but still good nonetheless. You should watch it purely because I had to type all of that out.

The Talented Mr. Ripley

One of my all-time favorite movies in general. Not so much a horror movie as it is Call Me By Your Name but with murder and more of a dark academic aesthetic, but still a very fun watch. (More of a psychological thriller I suppose.)

Nightcrawler

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Slimy rat bastard man >:(. This movie was somewhat stressful to watch but it gives an interesting look into the seedy underbelly of Los Angeles.

Freaky

For fans of Supernatural, it has Kathryn Newton. For fans of Bette Midler, she starred in Hocus Pocus with Sarah Jessica Parker, who starred in Sex and The City with Vince Vaughn, so there you go. You're welcome. Give me money. This movie is like Freaky Friday except they substituted the fact that it is Friday for the fact that there is a serial killer in a teenage girl's body. Yikes, I could've phrased that better.

Fargo

Based off of a true story, this is the perfect movie for true crime buffs and just Minnesota in general. Marge Gunderson is a sweet pregnant police officer who loves her husband dearly, and who (somewhat) singlehandedly solves a kidnapping and murder case. It's the most comforting thriller movie I've ever seen. Just... skip the woodchipper scene if you want to keep it that way.

Sweeney Todd

A Tim Burton classic, it stars _____ _____ and Helena Bonham Carter. I don't even need to put his name there, you already know who it is based purely off of the fact that it's a Tim Burton movie. This movie is crazy and macabre and has a sweet couple o' tunes.

Sleepy Hollow

Another Tim Burton classic. It also stars _____ _____. Oh my god I just realized that a lot of people who were in Harry Potter are in Tim Burton's movies. Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman, Richard Griffiths, and of course, _____ _____. This movie is another one of my all-time favorites. I would live in this movie if I could, I love the scenery so much.

Scream

One of the most iconic horror movies of all time, and for good reason. I laughed out loud at some of the jokes. This movie was a lot of fun to watch. When I was at work today all I could think about was that scene in the movie store. Oh Randy...

Scream 2

Courteney Cox's hair is its own character. Oh Randy...

Frankenstein

A classic Tinseltown Terrifier. A bit slow, but good if you just wanna chill out and accidentally fall asleep on the couch.

Dracula

Another Tinseltown Terrifier. I think Bauhaus said it best with their unnecessarily 9-minute song titled Bela Lugosi's Dead. Bela Lugosi is, in fact, dead. I think.

American Psycho

Learning that Christian Bale is a method actor is utterly terrifying considering just how scary his character is in this movie.

The Birds

Scary 60's Alfred Hitchcock. As someone who is somewhat terrified of birds, I give this movie a thumbs up because I'm scared of what will happen otherwise.

Dark Shadows

Another Tim Burton film starring _____ _____ and HBC. I'm too much of a douche to write out Helena Bonham Carter. It's funny and Chloe Grace Moretz is there too.

old book covers

I wanna be her so bad

I am eternally, devastatingly romantic, and I thought people would see it because 'romantic' doesn't mean 'sugary.' It's dark and tormented — the furor of passion, the despair of an idealism that you can't attain.

— Catherine Breillat

@academia-lucifer