Like-luke-likes - Like-Luke-Likes

Cookie in a milk cup.

COMING SOON [speakers blow out] TO OWN ON DVD [children scramble for the remote] AND VIDEO CASSETTE [atomic bomb explodes in living room]

Saw this on my neighbors car one morning.. via Shitty_Car_Mods

I’m drunk at Waffle House and all I ordered was toast and when the waitress said “all you want is toast?” I responded “I’m always a slut for carbs” which in itself is mortifying for me to have said audibly YET my friend decides to run her mouth and say “those last two words were unnecessary” and now all this Waffle House knows I’m a lady of the night.

“Rejection” erasure poetry by Ben Aaron

don’t get into grad school? make it art 

that’s not a fucking cat

A tip from your favorite nurse

(that’d be me)

Always have eggs in your fridge

You just never know when someone will split their head open

Or cut their finger while cooking

And so on

See that membrane there?

While the blood is gushing - hold pressure and crack open an egg

Peel that there membrane off and put it on the wound (continue holding pressure)

The membrane will harden and keep the wound closed until you can get to the ER for stitches

If you even need them that is

Nature: 1, Band aids: 0

You’re welcome.