About Your Fawkes The Phoenixes Post, I Always Thought Fawkes Was Based On A Secretary Bird. Could You

hope u get run over

Hoping is all well and good, but ultimately, it gets you nowhere. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Get in your car and run me the fuck down instead of waiting for others to do your work for you, you coward. You lazy fool.

The next time someone rudely asks me “so… what are you?” as a way of trying to figure out my race, I’m gonna answer as nervously as possible with “hahah ahah ahaha… human? liKE YOU?” and then walk about 3 feet away from them before stage whispering into my watch “I fear the humans are beginning to catch on. I believe it’s now time to proceed with Plan E.”

I love it when I click on a recipe link because it sounds yummy and instead of a recipe I get a several page dissertation on a food blogger’s boredom with her marriage and lies she was told in childhood

here’s a hot take: giftwrap is dumb, 95% of the time you can just hand someone the thing and accomplish the same task. Society has conditioned us to love wrapping shit up for no reason, probably by gift wrap industry people.

our group chat got so bad I had to fucking delete the entire thing and start over

I don’t understand but I agree.

[the sky is grey and it's cold outside]

me: yesssss

[the wind picks up and it starts to rain]

me: Y ESSSSSSS