Not That Anybody Asked, But I Think It's Important To Understand How Shame And Guilt Actually Work Before

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

More Posts from Lilyroseyonca02 and Others

2 months ago
Experience: Learning The Right Way To Connect The Dots.

Experience: Learning the right way to connect the dots.

2 months ago

you'll like this video better with sound on

1 month ago

thatbemeqq

video is mildly funny but this comment killed me

Thatbemeqq
5 months ago
[Image description: a comic of Meowth and Giovanni of Team Rocket. Meowth comes up to Giovanni's desk, and asks: "Hey are you guys hiring?"

With an intense stare, Giovanni thinks: "Oh my god a talking cat."

The last panel zooms in on his face as he thinks: "I'm going to make it commit crimes." End description.]

giovanni

3 weeks ago

Do y’all think siblings in medieval times would look at the little beasts in illuminated manuscripts and point at each other like ‘ha! ‘Tis thou!’

1 year ago
So A Free Tool Called GLAZE Has Been Developed That Allows Artists To Cloak Their Artwork So It Can't
So A Free Tool Called GLAZE Has Been Developed That Allows Artists To Cloak Their Artwork So It Can't

So a free tool called GLAZE has been developed that allows artists to cloak their artwork so it can't be mimicked by AI art tools.

AI art bros are big mad about it.

1 year ago

I think abt the left 4 dead 2 graffiti so often. Like they really had the human condition nailed huh.

I Think Abt The Left 4 Dead 2 Graffiti So Often. Like They Really Had The Human Condition Nailed Huh.
I Think Abt The Left 4 Dead 2 Graffiti So Often. Like They Really Had The Human Condition Nailed Huh.
I Think Abt The Left 4 Dead 2 Graffiti So Often. Like They Really Had The Human Condition Nailed Huh.
I Think Abt The Left 4 Dead 2 Graffiti So Often. Like They Really Had The Human Condition Nailed Huh.
I Think Abt The Left 4 Dead 2 Graffiti So Often. Like They Really Had The Human Condition Nailed Huh.
1 year ago

If you don’t believe in redemption then you don’t believe that people can change and grow

You don’t believe in character development

You don’t believe that people learn and grow and change over time

What you knew in five years ago can change along with your mindset because of a new experience you had

Someone good can change for the worst and become bad

While someone bad can change for the better and become someone good

That being said forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do and you don’t HAVE to forgive someone that wronged YOU

But also remember that forgiveness is not only for the guilty but also for your peace in mind and helping you move forward and heal

"redemption arcs are toxic, you shouldn't try to fix someone!"

actually it is so important to me that being in community and experiencing human connection can save people. thanks

1 year ago

I want enemies like this

Hey are you offended by the word bitch? I'm going to send you a hate anon, but I saw that you go by she/her and I respect women

don't let anything stop u from being a hater king

  • acromandus
    acromandus reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • justbookscatsandtea
    justbookscatsandtea liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • breadpod
    breadpod reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • lavendel-und-lila
    lavendel-und-lila reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • amazinggil
    amazinggil liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • ronnieroro
    ronnieroro liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • simplytired-ogical
    simplytired-ogical reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • simplytired-ogical
    simplytired-ogical liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • cacklingblobbittyrabbitty
    cacklingblobbittyrabbitty reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • optimisticgrey
    optimisticgrey liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • scoldingdarjeeling
    scoldingdarjeeling reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • scoldingdarjeeling
    scoldingdarjeeling liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • ladyrohana
    ladyrohana reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • cosmisa
    cosmisa liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • tiddies-ahoy
    tiddies-ahoy reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • the-ladys-beloved-sunflower
    the-ladys-beloved-sunflower liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • clown-of-the-town
    clown-of-the-town liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • senikalaaran
    senikalaaran reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • van-goghs-leftear
    van-goghs-leftear liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • wildliferehabstudent
    wildliferehabstudent liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • sleepy-eepy-femme
    sleepy-eepy-femme liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • karfild
    karfild liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • bluesmchops
    bluesmchops liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • l3monivy
    l3monivy liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • pintsofguinnesmakeyoustrong
    pintsofguinnesmakeyoustrong reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • watermelonbugs
    watermelonbugs reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • watermelonbugs
    watermelonbugs liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • sadbutalsocool
    sadbutalsocool liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • temptoo
    temptoo reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • temptoo
    temptoo liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • fabricated-pessimist
    fabricated-pessimist reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • fabricated-pessimist
    fabricated-pessimist liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • corvid-tendencies
    corvid-tendencies reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • bingbongifuckedurmom
    bingbongifuckedurmom reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • ironrose26
    ironrose26 liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • silliest-basilisk
    silliest-basilisk liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • maybenexttonormal
    maybenexttonormal reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • maybenexttonormal
    maybenexttonormal liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • begaydodrughailsatan
    begaydodrughailsatan reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • begaydodrughailsatan
    begaydodrughailsatan liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • tiredwiredanduninspired
    tiredwiredanduninspired reblogged this · 2 weeks ago
  • tiredwiredanduninspired
    tiredwiredanduninspired liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • systemofcatz
    systemofcatz liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • tiredartist123
    tiredartist123 liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • dragonflapper
    dragonflapper liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • ashfelldown4u
    ashfelldown4u liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • dreadful-windandrain
    dreadful-windandrain liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • alphabetical-az
    alphabetical-az liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • locke-n-k3y
    locke-n-k3y liked this · 2 weeks ago
  • catastropheclay
    catastropheclay liked this · 2 weeks ago
lilyroseyonca02 - Dear Silver-Soul
Dear Silver-Soul

İt’s all fun n games till it’s NOT

445 posts

Explore Tumblr Blog
Search Through Tumblr Tags