Dash: I've Petitioned To Make Recycling Bins Specifically For Batarangs. Stop Leaving Them Everywhere.

I feel like Bruce Wayne projects the kind of amiable playboy 'fun' vibe that he'd be the type of celebrity that certain interviewers feel comfortable surprising with puppies.

You know the kind of shows I mean.

The late-night talk show situations where they're making benign small talk with their smiling guest, and there's a segment where animals get brought out, usually to talk about some sort of ecological relief effort.

So you're watching your trash TV talk show late at night, and you get to watch billionaire pretty boy Bruce Wayne be begrudgingly talked into holding a (relatively) harmless creature which inevitably gets a lot of delighted shrieks from the audience as it starts being a lot more active than the handler promised. And to his credit, Bruce doesn't flinch, he doesn't freak out. But his eyes are a little wide, and his voice a little tight as the smile on his face takes on a slight rictus quality before he's inevitably rescued by an apologetic handler who is also laughing because they all know there was no real danger, it was just funny to put Bruce, who is an undeniable good sport and already laughing along, out of his comfort zone for the sake of charity.

Meanwhile, up in the Justice League headquarters, several founding members of the League are wondering how fast they can get a fake Oscar award shipped to the space station because fuck off. Absolutely fuck off, Bruce. Where the fuck did he study? Juilliard? (Probably.)

(Clark ends up going to a novelty store during the commercial break. It's faster than trying to get anything shipped, even with the infrastructure Bats built for them. He finds it several days later taped to his console in a conspicuously empty briefing room. It's gaudy and awful, the words "Best Actor" engraved on the plaque. No one's around to see him smile. No one comments when it vanishes. Everyone thinks it's been yeeted out an airlock. Dick absolutely comments when it shows up in the manor, stashed in one of the trophy cases that sprung up for all the bat kids' school awards. Bruce has no idea how it got there. Must have been Alfred. (It was not.))

Anyway, consider, for your amusement, Bruce Wayne getting highjacked on The Gotham Toight Show with a handful of wriggling puppies and, for a split second, not having to pretend he's delighted to be there.

Constantine: There are hyper specific manners, and if you break them you will join the kings court as an undead thrall.

Batman: Okay. Young man, you need to eat healthy.

Danny Phantom, teenager, also King of the Infinite Realms: Okay Mr. Batman.

Put That Thing Back Where it Came From or So Help Me-

Constantine was pacing back and forth in the waiting room, hands flying as he went over the rules of dealing with Infinite Realm Nobility for the eighteenth time.

Bruce tried to pay attention, really. But he'd already memorized this speech of the Laughing Magicians, and all there was really left to do was wait for their turn to meet the High King.

A flash of movement caught Bruce's attention, and he found his eyes drawn to a completely human teenager meandering his way from one of the side doors and towards the refrigerator stocked with "mortal friendly snacks".

Bruce kept quiet as he heard the teen muttering to himself about "aw yeah fuck yeah fiji water fuck yes", and let Constantine drone on and on about how they were probably the first mortals the King had ever met.

The teenager behind the ranting man stocked his arms full of Fiji water, chips, and cosmic brownies.

Then the Teen turned and realized Bruce was watching him.

Bruce shook his head minutely.

The teen slowly turned back to the fridge and put everything but the Fiji water back. That and the cosmic brownie.

Cautious blue eyes met his, and the kid raised an eyebrow.

Bruce scowled.

The brownie was quickly replaced with a banana.

Bruce gave a slight nod and looked away.

The teen darted back through the side door.

He didn't know who the kid was, but eating healthy was important. And, okay, maybe his own experience with kids had shoved its way to the front of his brain and taken over.

At least the random teenager in the Land of the Dead would have a healthy snack.

Two more minutes passed before the small entourage was allowed into the antechamber.

A glowing, floating boy was hovering just above the throne. White hair, glowing green eyes, a crown that looked like it was made of shattered pieces of space glittering above his head-and a poorly hidden half empty bottle of Fiji water peeking out at them from behind the throne, kept company by a single banana.

...Huh.

He had either told the Kings servant what to feed the King, or...

"Welcome to the Infinite Realms, I am Phantom, High King. For what reason do you seek an audience?"

Oh. Nope, nevermind on the servant theory. That was the kids voice.

Bruce had directly told the King of an entire dimension what he could and could not eat.

Counterargument, forehead kisses, one on each side.

*takes a nasty bite out of burger, munching in bliss and taking a sip of soda out of my straw mid-chew*

You know what would be amazing? If there's this Sleeping Beauty AU where Danny and Kon have to figure between the two of them who kisses Tim (who's sleeping beauty in this case). But when neither of them work, they get dejected because maybe Tim wasn't in love with them after all.

*SLAMS SODA ON TABLE, ACCIDENTALLY SPILLING SOME*

WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW IS THAT THEY NEED TO KISS TIM AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!

*wipes mouth with hand and burps, loudly*

Anyways, that's all I got. *finger guns* Pay my tab for me, will ya? Ciao!

Hey wait! Damn guess I’ll have to steal anon’s fibula when they least expect it. I’m in your walls bucko and I’m comin for you.

Ok this is interesting though so I’ll only steal some sesamoid bones. You don’t need them anyways.

Big question is… would they even figure out that Tim needs to be kissed by BOTH of them?!

Like I’d expect that it takes a few weeks for that realization to happen. Maybe one of the other batfam finds something of Tim’s that describes someone he loves but he uses plurals. That leads to suspicion that they’re doing the wrong approach.

Now the argument is who kisses Tim’s hand and who kisses his mouth.

Damian: He is highly intelligent and with time his knife skills can improve.

Jason: You already have Batcow, leave Duck Hood alone. He's MY animal sidekick.

Quacked up

Danny never thought that Desiree was serious on her threats, or at least the threats that had to do with "turning him into a duck and abandoning him in another dimension."

But it seems that even ghost genies had their limits, because the third time he "ruined her plans," she made good on her threat. Danny wasn't worried about Amity, Team Phantom could take care of that just fine.

He was more concerned about his webbed feet and duckbill. Plus the fact that he showed up in the middle of a warehouse occupied by mobsters, although the supposed mobsters were more involved in trying to catch him (were his ears wrong or had he heard an "aww"?) than killing him. One of them even named him "Duck Hood."

Jason didn't know how to feel watching all his employees chase a duck. It was a weird duck, with glowing green eyes (was it possible for a duck to dive into the pits??), and he was sure he saw it float by at some point, but at least his "lair" was a little more lively.

He wondered if he should give it to Damian or keep it.

Jason, showing up in Gotham a month later, ecto-smoothie in hand and Danny clinging on his back: 'Sup.

Batfam: Uh, watcha got there?

Jason: A new little brother. Congrats, B. You're a father. Again.

Johnny hits Jason with his bike ("we were supposed to go through him babe!" "But we didnt!") which knocks Jason unconscious. Kitty sees he's a ghost and is like "its a baby!" gif and refuses to leave him there.

Jason wakes up to the weirdest coddling experience of his (after)life. After many many tries he cannot successfully escape the growing group of concerned ghosts who are doing the coddling

Two days later Batman issues a search for his missing son, becoming more and more distressed when the batfam finds no leads

There is too pure for this world Marvel iterations, and then there's slightly unhinged Marvel iterations.

"I can't drive, but I can hotwire it for you,"

"Cap, why do you know how to hotwire a car? Cap? Marvel!?"

Green Lantern: We need someone to drive the car. Cap, why don’t you get behind the wheel?

Captain Marvel: Nope, can’t do that.

GL: What? Why?

Cap, secretly 12yo: I…don’t have a license. It’s irresponsible.

GL: You don’t ha- This a covert mission! Just drive.

Cap, never even played Mario Kart before: It is my moral obligation to obey all traffic laws.

GL: Just drive the car!

Cap: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME

The person I reblogged this from deserves happiness and love

I made something

Some of the batfamily misconstrues Damian's intention. Taking him to a home cooked meal? Going on a walk together in the expansive flower garden? Geez Dami, generally first dates aren't in your own home, but good first try!

Danny is going to Gotham high which yay for him!

Problem? Right now he's in the office because he may have punched someone while defending damian and now everyone is waiting for his guardian

But clockwork can't come (humans perceive him a bit...well he just can't) and jazz has an important exam

So who's next in line?

Fright Knight! (Okay, technically he's not the Guardian OF Danny but more guarding Danny but details details)

So Fright Knight appears in all of his villain-esque glory and foaming sword

And everyone kinda freaks out because?? Danny, is your guardian a villain? What do you mean 'depends'?? What does the shrugging mean?? No we can't go back to the punch thing-

Art for my fic Who's Old Now?

This is my design for Elle, as she goes by. Phantasm form is same as canon.