October 22, 2023

october 22, 2023

I just read the first chapter of the “axiom of equality” part of a little life and dude I’m really reconsidering the way I view life as a whole.

x=x, yes Jude, I feel you so fucking much, all my life I felt like I wouldn’t surpass this feeling of being wrong, the wrongdoings of my childhood, my mistakes and mistakes of others done to me haunt me every single moment of my days, maybe If I were funnier, maybe I if worked on my weight a little harder it would disappear, what did I do to deserve so much hate from others as a kid? to experience the heavy bullying? why should it stain my memory like a wine stained carpet? (you get used to it but it’s never really clean, this metaphor worked in my head so please bear with it). and Caleb, man I’ve met so many fucking Calebs in my life, people i trusted at first sight, thought it could work just to be utterly disappointed at the outcome.

“you’re not your past”, easier said than done.

it’s 3:15 a.m where I live as i’m writing this and I doubt i’ll be able to afford a good night of sleep due the mental state i find myself in. I haven’t cried once while reading this book, maybe it’s because I see so much of myself in these characters that I’m just perplexed and angry, at myself, at others who made me feel like a complete piece of shit my whole life, at the JB’s, cause we all have that one friend that, at some point, made fun of our insecurities and left us feeling like garbage.

read “a little life” by Hanya Yanagihara, i promise it’ll change you and the way you interpret life and others (and i haven’t even finished it yet)

More Posts from Lispenardlover and Others

lispenardlover

1 year ago

your ALL fanart is so good i want to just submerge myself in it

Thank you, kind anon! This ask made me happy so I made a bashful young Jude sketch to commemorate.

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lispenardlover

8 months ago

jude wondering if he did something wrong because willem didn't hold him one time. all i can say is i relate

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lispenardlover

1 year ago

I woke up in a cold sweat..,,,, gnod told me to make thjs

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lispenardlover

1 year ago

Thinking about the wildflowers that Willem and Jude planted in the fields around their house and how they’re probably still growing, year after year. They probably spread out over time, with no one to mow them or trim them back. They probably smother the house now, growing right up to the doorstep.

The happy years didn’t last long enough. But the flowers will continue to grow.