“Good. It Reminds Me That I Am…”

“Good. It reminds me that I am…”

I trail off, hesitant to say alive. If there is no death, is there really life? A breath no longer holds the same weight to me that I once did. Not after gaining this immortal stretch, this breath of eternity. A breath is simply a creature comfort to me now, I could live without it and simply bask in the aching, screaming burn of lungs without the air that was once so vital for survival, but I opt to breathe both out of habit and for comfortability.

She shakes her head at me, frowning. I know that it scalds her, ruffles her, that her “gift” to me has been met with such an abundance of bitterness. But she stole me away, forced me to watch all the people I loved slowly age and slip away. She stole my golden years, trapped eternally in the body of a young adult may seem like a gift, but jobs begin to be difficult to attain when your resume doesn’t match your face. To say the least about the pain of immortality.

As the child grows, I bask in their light and their warmth, loving them as if they are my own. Their life, 98 years, was a lengthy stretch of time for most humans, but for me, it felt like a blink. Over far too soon, and like all the other losses, this one destroys me. My heart torn out, my lungs aching, and again, she returns.

“I told you this would hurt.”

“Please.” All I need to say, she knows what I’m begging for.

Scoffing, she leaves me, crumbled at the rubble of the alter of my place of worship. The alter to my God that I was raised in. The God that she ripped me away from, barring me from the eternity that I had longed for. She took my family, took my faith, and gave me no hope of escape from this agonizing existence, and expects me to grovel and worship her every breath as if I was given a gift, not punished for simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

So the cycle begins again, spiting her with my every thought. Every fiber of my being dedicated to being an eternal thorn and embarrassment. I find the weak, the helpless, the fearful, the abandoned, and I love them. Help them, protect them, and when she warns me of my impending pain, I spit at her warnings. I dive in and love just as much and as unwaveringly as I did when I was human, like I haven’t felt the agony of the impending loss a million times.

For every time she has chosen to be a harbinger of agony, of suffering and pain, I chose to be one of love, of happiness and hope. I will until the world rots around us and the gods and forsaken immortals are all that remain, or until she decides to unmake me, going back to my conception and unraveling my DNA as it begins its formation, so that my handprint can never mark history.

Her fierce and evil face contorts in fury each time I smile in anyone’s direction. But it’s only natural. Only natural for us to be at odds, for her to hate me so.

Her hideous name is Hate, and I have and will always worship at the alter of love.

The abandoned child you’ve taken in sleeps on your lap as the god who gave you immortality softly warns you. “This will hurt.”

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Help a Palestinian family directly:

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Help provide tents (urgent):

The Sameer Project: Currently providing tents for displaced families in Gaza (emergency bc tents in Rafah are being burned as we speak) (paypal) (gfm)

Food, cash & essentials:

Care for Gaza: Working on the ground in Gaza to distribute food, cash, medicine & other essentials to displaced families. (paypal) (gfm)

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Water:

Gaza Municipality's water project: The official Municipality of Gaza needs help rebuilding the water infrastructure in Gaza City to restore access to clean water and waste management services for the people of Gaza. (This campaign only has a couple of weeks left but it's still only at 15%!)

eSIMs (urgent):

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Medical Aid

Palestine Red Crescent Society: Provides emergency medical and ambulance services and humanitarian relief on the ground in Gaza e.g. rescuing and treating the wounded.

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littlemissfix-itfic

1 year ago

Absolutely insane talent!!!

feels we’re due another intro post, so—hello, supernatural fandom! you have probably seen me around by now over the past few months. i’m painting one still from every single episode of supernatural. i’m three seasons down, on to the fourth, and i’m very proud of what i’ve created so far!

i thought i should make another post explaining the project now that i’m getting into the meat of the narrative and i’ve hit cas. i think season four is my most ambitious season yet and i’m so excited to share what i’ve been working on with you all. here’s some of my favorite stills❣️

A digital painting Supernatural season 3 episode 4, "Sin City". In a pastel palette of blue, purple, and pink, we're looking up at a church from a dramatic angle. It’s starkly lit, with crisp blue shadows. Sam and Dean are climbing the stairs in suits, Dean’s head turned slightly to one side. In the background, on a beautiful blue sky, are fluffy pink clouds.

A digital painting of Sam Winchester from Supernatural season 2 episode 17, "Heart". In a palette of yellow, orange and green, half of his face is washed in warmth, a shining tear track running down his cheek. His distress is evident, his gaze drifting off and to the side as the tears stream down his face. He appears torn between two sides of himself, light and dark, with the stark shadow dividing his face.

A digital painting of Dean Winchester in season 2 episode 2 of Supernatural. It's a dramatic angle looking up at him from one side, as he's smashing his beloved Chevy Impala's driver side window. His plain white t-shirt bunches up, his blue jeans creasing as he puts his whole body into the force of the blow. His face is obscured by his shoulder, as glass from the car window flies everywhere.

A digital painting of Dean Winchester in season 2 episode 22 of Supernatural, "All Hell Breaks Loose: Part 2". In a palette of red, orange and yellow, Dean looks worse for wear with blood from a cut running diagonally across his forehead and down the side of his nose. He's fiercely pointing the Colt at the demon Azazel, blurry in the foreground of the painting. The focus is on Dean's expression, the determination in his gaze and the set of his jaw-the look of a man who does not plan to miss.

A digital painting of a still from Supernatural season 3 episode 15, "Time Is On My Side". In vibrant purples and oranges, Bela Talbot is on a landline phone beside a window. She's beautifully cool and calculated as usual, but there's an edge of unease to her expression.

A digital painting of a still from Supernatural season 3 episode 7, "Fresh Blood." In a palette of yellow, salmon, and blue, the 67 Impala, "Baby" is the focus of the scene. In the shade of a patch of trees, Sam is under the hood repairing her, Dean is sitting on a cooler to drink a beer beside him, overseeing. Baby's shiny finish reflects the brightness of the sky shining behind them, utility poles fading into the distance with wires connecting them.

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littlemissfix-itfic

1 year ago

Like today I had planned to do a little yard work and work on some design plans for furniture that I’m flipping. But NOOOOO I couldn’t even do that so I weeded all the flower beds, around all the trees and bushes and all our gardens in our three acres bc otherwise I’d sit and work myself into a depressive spiral because I can’t create at all. WHYYYYYY

I cannot express the mind numbing bullshit that is having a complete creative block. I can’t write anything. I can’t draw anything. I can’t come up with new designs for soaps I want to make. I can’t get anything creative out and it’s pissing me off UHGGGGGG

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littlemissfix-itfic

1 year ago

Quietly restarts JJBA for *ahem* research.

Hi 😅

I haven't been posting a lot here.

Honestly the struggle I have finishing the TF2 child comic kinda bummed me down.

Losing my progress... TWICE !

I'll try to go back to posting tho.

963 notes View Post

littlemissfix-itfic

11 months ago

Ok but like. What the fuck is there to do on the internet anymore?

Idk when I was younger, you could just go and go and find exciting new websites full of whatever cool things you wanted to explore. An overabundance of ways to occupy your time online.

Now, it’s just… Social media. That’s it. Social media and news sites. And I’m tired of social media and I’m tired of the news.

Am I just like completely inept at finding new things or has the internet just fallen apart that much with the problems of SEO and web 3.0 turning everything into a same-site prison?

207K notes View Post

littlemissfix-itfic

1 year ago

Coming soon in a ficlet near you

fanfic where it’s just dean telling sam to say the f word in front of john

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