Guards! Read Me My Bedtime Yaoi

i go to the shop and I ask if they have any raspberries. they say no, they used to sell raspberries, but they haven't had any in stock in the last 15 years. I ask if there's somewhere else I can go to buy raspberries. They say no, with confidence and pride, they're the only shop around who has ever sold or will ever sell raspberries. Other shops might sell other fruit, sure, but they have a monopoly on all raspberries forever. I ask if they're possibly planning on them selling them again in future? they say they can't tell me that.

on the way home, I encounter someone eating raspberries. I ask and they tell me that they grow their own, they got some seeds from the shop back in The Raspberry Days and kept them. They take me to a field of many beautiful raspberry plants and invite me to pick my own, they're free for all the town to pick whenever they'd like.

someone comes up behind us. It's the shop manager, President of Nintendo Shuntaro Furukawa. he hatefully throws a bob-omb that blows up and kills both of us instantly for stealing 200 trillion dollars worth of potential Raspberry Shop That Doesn't Do Raspberries Anymore profits that they weren't making and then he turns around to the camera with a big thumbs up and says don't do piracy or something ok please

did i tell u guys i got into an argument on twitter bc i said foxes are dogs and someone tried to bring up their actual fuckin. classification or whatever and i just said “foxes are dogs cause they are fluffye” and they kept arguing with me. the entire time i was like “you will not survive the immigration to tumblr you are lucky we are not there right now”

So this is a revenge fantasy, right, uh, and, uh, and it's a song, um—you know, I mean, revenge obviously is bad, right? I mean, this is obvious, this is clear, right? [inaudible audience yelling] No, it's bad! It's not valuable. Justice is good and revenge is bad, it's, it's just -- and this is just obvious and true. Right now, on my side politically, we kind of got blood in our eyes and we're like, no, revenge is fucking good! No, it's not. Because—the whole, if you read Greek tragedy, right, the whole theme of Greek tragedy is that when you take revenge, you're gonna overdo it. And then the other person you've been taking revenge on is gonna have a legitimate gripe, uh, that you overdid it, right, that you killed one too many when you, when you came to their town, so now they have to come back and get one. But they don't get one. They get five, right. And then you're mad, right. And that's how revenge works, and that's the nature of revenge, that you always take too much and so you never get enough, right, that's the nature of revenge. Uh, which also makes it a great thing to inhabit if you have issues, right. If you have—if you have things you need to work out. I may talk a good game about revenge being bad, but what I mean is that revenge is wonderful. It feels fantastic. It fills you with delusions of power, right, you sit there, you sit there dreaming of your revenge fantasy and you see the person upon whom you are going to enact this revenge cowering, begging you for mercy, and you understand that you, you alone possess that precious gift of mercy which you're not going to impart, and that's, and that's all delusion, and, uh, uh, but it's a pretty potent one, and this is—and so what happens while you're in the grip of it is that you're not just thinking that you're going to take revenge, but how. And that's what this song is about. It's called Getting Into Knives.

John Darnielle introducing Getting Into Knives (September 23rd, 2021)

big things to come ?

my best tip for anyone trying to get back into reading is to remember that you can read books to avoid other responsibilities in ur life and it can become a vice if you play your cards right

sorry that i ended two consecutive messages with "lmao." i don't know why i did that. it looks really dumb doesn't it. i'll edit one to get rid of it. you can end my stupid pathetic life if you want

A cosmic tribute to my current favourite comment in YouTube history