“I Have Done Nothing All Summer But Wait For Myself To Be Myself Again —”

zccming​:

don’t cry. max’s heart screamed in her chest, but she didn’t say anything, merely kept holding cole’s hands while he digested. while he processed. she was acutely aware of the fact she was forever altering his perception of reality, she didn’t take it lightly. she watched his expressions play out across his face like she was watching a movie, curious as to what was going to happen, trying to absorb all the information she could. “the mind flayer, yeah.” max echoed, confirming he’d said it correctly. she had fully prepared herself for cole to push back against what she was saying, the first time lucas tried to tell her, she resisted. but he’s surprised her. i don’t think you’re crazy.

“okay.” max breathed out, nodding as a sort of thanks. she wasn’t shocked by the questions, but she definitely hadn’t prepared herself on how to answer. “i don’t know.” she told cole. there hadn’t been time when they were actively fighting off the mind flayer to do a deep dive into how it flayed. “and i don’t know. i wish i knew why hawkins, or how, but i don’t.” max added, starting to feel her throat tighten. “but i guess it started with will, when he went missing, before i moved here.” she answered him in slow fragments, knowing each piece of information would be a blow of it’s own. “there’s…like…this world under hawkins, or there was. it’s called the upside down and it’s where will went.” she looked down at her knees, staring for a moment as she tried to wrangle all her thoughts. “lucas told me, the year i moved. i thought he was full of shit.” she answered, making it sound much more simple than it was, “then i saw stuff from the upside down for myself, i went there. did you know that steve’s pretty mean with a baseball bat?“ she recalled vaguely. 

 “i watched the mind flayer kill billy.” she blurted, tears prickling in her own eyes, “at starcourt.” then as if it might help she offered a twisted assurance, “i’m sure adam’s death wasn’t painful.” she didn’t know if that was true, but she liked to believe that it was. “like…flicking off a switch. it was over.” there was no more sarcasm or jokes to be found behind max’s words, only the uncomfortable truth, and fear of how cole was going to take it. she let it linger for a long moment, then eventually let go of cole’s hands and ran her own over her face, stiff at the memories. stressed. hesitantly, max offered, “there’s more that happened, after the mall, if you want to hear about chrissy and all them.“ she held her breath, "and if you don’t, i guess, know that we avenged adam and the others. that stuff is gone now.”

xx.

Cole had to actively try to keep listening. He wanted to know everything and he had no shortage of questions, but his brain felt like a feedback loop, connecting: Billy was different before to Mindflayer to Will going missing to ‘I watched the Mindflayer kill Billy’ and back again. He felt like she might as well be speaking to him in Latin-- she was saying so many familiar words, but he couldn’t understand them. For a former gifted student, it was an infuriating feeling. 

“A world under Hawkins,” he repeated, slowly, desperately trying to conjure up an image of an underground world. He felt like his head was going to explode. “Lucas knows? And Steve?” he asked, half-listening for an answer and half-stuck on deciphering what any of this meant. If it wasn’t Latin, it was hieroglyphics. “What.... is the Upside Down?” It was horrifying to think of a young Will stuck in an alternate dimension alone. “How did Will get out?” Then, a more horrifying thought. “How did Will get in?”

He nodded, trying to find comfort in Max’s words. He hoped it was true, that Adam’s death hadn’t been painful or agonizing--not that he would ever know. He sat in silence for a minute, staring at the wall just past Max. Did he want to know? He figured it was best to hear... whatever it was from Max, anyways. “I... yeah. I want to know. I’m just in shock, I think,” he explained, though he was sure she already knew that. 

Cole had a bad habit of skating with his headphones in and forgetting about traffic laws. Today, he was lost in his Bowie tape-- Diamond Dogs, to be exact-- and completely missed the fact that he'd crossed from sidewalk to road. "You've got your mother in a whirl / she's not sure if you're a boy or girl" he sang along, unsure of how loud he was being until the obnoxious honk of a car interrupted his zen state. Planting a foot on the ground, Cole halted his skateboard and pulled the headphones down around his neck.

Turning around, Cole immediately recognized Steve Harrington's car. A smirk danced on Cole's lips upon the memory of what they did in steve's backseat. Making out in the back of a car was a bit juvenile, sure, but for Harrington? Cole couldn't object. Cole laughed at Steve's misplaced concern. The Wheeler barbecue. He had heard about it in town, of course, but didn't think it was his scene, exactly. But still, free food was free food. "I was going to stop by, yes," Cole lied, taking a few steps closer to the car and daring to lean on its frame. "You offering a ride?"

who: steve harrington & open

where: middle of the road

what was he doing? was he really about to go to a barbecue that was being thrown at the wheeler’s house? he had been invited, of course, but something didn’t feel right on just showing up there. how was he going to react when he saw nancy? and worst of all, how was she going to react? all of these thoughts were going through his mind as he drove - he should have been paying the attention to the road, but luckily he snapped out of his own head just in time to spot someone crossing the road right in front of his car. without even thinking, steve hit the brakes as hard as he could, his body leaning forward with the abrupt stop and before he knew it, he was honking the horn in protest, before sticking his head out of the window to get a better look at the person who was standing in front of his car.

“what the hell are you doing, dingus? you can’t just… walk in front of my car like that, you could have damaged it! i mean, you could have gotten hurt.” steve said, shaking his head as he ran a hand through his hair - both of them had been lucky, he thought to himself as he took a deep breath. “you going to the wheeler barbecue or what?” he asked, once it got awkward enough - they couldn’t just be there forever and the person didn’t seem to move, and steve definitely couldn’t run over them.

zccming​:

“something like that…” max stared at her shoes for a moment. she couldn’t recall precisely what the report had said, she merely knew that she was pulled out of the fire along with her friends and what her lines were for when she couldn’t quite place herself in the fabricated story, “–it, it happened really fast.” then, she divulged, “i don’t remember what they even said and i don’t read those stupid articles about the fire.” max huffed, getting more agitated the more she spoke off book. she didn’t take well to personal questions, even from cole. not because she was mad at him, but she was still so mad at everything, and that was an unnerving beast to let roam around outside her mind. yet, max had still managed to share something with him. some real frustration about the cover up, even if he didn’t know.

the ghost of a smile on cole’s face told her that she had been successful in aiding his mood. “i’m always right.” she assured, a curve in her own lips appearing. max took the blunt and puffed on it, mirroring cole’s body position. “and you aren’t?” she deadpanned, “sometimes  i’d say you’re more than–” if he didn’t seem so urgent when cutting her off, she would have told him to shut the fuck up. and once cole fully asked his questions? max was wishing she had. her mouth dried and her jaw clenched. was billy like, different, right before? that didn’t even begin to describe it. lost in the terror in her chest, max didn’t speak until she felt a stinging on her knee. looking down she clocked the source; burning ash on her skin. she had forgotten about the joint. “shit.” she winced, brushing it off, then immediately passed it back to cole. he might have needed it for what she was about to say.

the cover up infuriated her at times, but simultaneously, max understood why it existed. it existed for people like cole, where the lie would hurt less than the truth. the lie would still hurt, greatly, but she wouldn’t wish knowledge of that supernatural can of worms on anyone. ears burning, she prepped the fib on the tip of her tongue, “he wasn’t.” i totally didn’t like, lock him in a sauna or watch him nearly kill my friends. max fought back the urge to pick at her nails, “but then again, billy was always weird.” she rolled her eyes, wishing it was that simple and shook her head, “i don’t know.” 

she left it at that. 

in some kind of miracle though, max’s mind was torn away from billy, and her attention was averted somewhere rapidly different. she looked at cole, brows knitted deeply in thought. so many puzzle pieces clicked together all at once. adam wasn’t a best friend, he was a boyfriend. there was a stray inkling about it, once, a heart-to-heart ago when max was equating his feelings about adam being gone to hers about her best friend el ‘moving away’. but she never followed up on that with cole. she should have. while there were so many things she wanted to say, and a dozen more questions she wanted to ask, max plucked a four leaf clover and went with the unexpected option. tenderness. “oh cole.” a hug, “i’m so sorry.” what a horrible realization of what he’d been going through. 

suddenly, max felt very guilty about lying. 

xx.

I don't remember what they even said. Something about that stood out in his mind, almost like "they" had been feeding Max lines. He felt, deep down, like she was lying. But he dismissed it with the next drag he took. Hadn't the shrink his mom forced him to see said that it wasn't unusual to make up stories to explain away tragedy? Maybe that's what he was trying to do. "Yeah. I guess no one really knows what happened. And we just have to... be okay with that. Move on, or try to," he said, his flat tone evidence of his unbelief.

Though he barreled through her sarcastic comment, her meaning wasn't lost on her. And she wasn't wrong. God, what he wouldn't do to make fun of the selfish prick one more time without feeling the sting of loss. He watched as Max inadvertently burned herself, and he raised an eyebrow at her sudden nervousness. Signs of lying again. But his heart sank all the same at her response. There he was again, trying to explain away the tragedy. "Oh," he nodded, taking the joint back again.

He felt himself leaning away, afraid of her response if she even had one. Maybe it would be best if she didn't, then they could get sober and pretend he hadn't said what he did. That would be better than losing a friend because of a stupid need to overshare. He was surprised at the feeling of her arms around him. The understanding in her voice. Even with the circumstances, Cole felt a lightness in his stomach. Finally, someone else knew. Finally, he wasn't alone with it. His blinks were rapid-fire and he silently willed the moisture to stay behind his eyelids. "Thanks," he spoke after a long pause, his voice barely above a whisper. He tilted his head slightly towards hers, relieved for the comfort, the acceptance. "And I'm sorry too. I know it's not the same thing, but... I get it, sort of."

Cole ventured a glance at Max and his eyes fell to the four-leaf clover. A sign of good luck, ironic. "And if you ever want to talk about it, any of it, or just... remember him. I'd like that," he met her eyes again. "Might make me feel less crazy."

zccming​:

“cole.” max said flatly as he rounded the corner. while her glare was cold as steel, the gradually growing grin on her face said that she was happy to see him. “it’s an emergency.” that was certainly a dramatization, but she’d say whatever to make this look … less bad. it’s not that she cared what cole thought of her, but she refused to submit to the idea she was perpetuating any negative stereotypes. as he drew closer and provided the suggestions she had asked for, she rolled her eyes and mocked him “did you try to pick the lock? the fuck would i pick the lock with?” max held up her hand, “my fingernails?” 

she approached the front door anyhow, then levelled with the lock. “i have a better idea.” max once again found a rock, picked it up, but this time smashed it into the lock. bingo. the lock fell off. while max wasn’t expecting the door to only have an exterior lock and chain, she was happily surprised to find that the physical door itself hadn’t been locked. she pulled it open, ushered cole inside, then closed the door behind them, “i just need some groceries.” max shrugged her lie then grabbed a basket as if she were actually shopping, “happy memorial day.” she snickered, turning down an aisle, “have any not-totally-lame plans for today?”

xx

Cole paused for a moment, but refused to give Max enough dead air to think she'd bested him. "I don't know, don't girls always have, like, bobby pins?" he threw his hands into the air with a faux exasperated sigh. He hid a grin behind an eyeroll. Though he'd never admit it out loud, Cole liked the bickering relationship he had with Max; it was like she was the little sister he never had. And, though she would never admit it, he knew she liked it too.

"Jesus, Max!" Cole glanced around to make sure no one had heard the crash. At Max's nonverbal invitation, Cole slipped inside, shaking his head in amused disapproval. He wasn't exactly pro-breaking and entering, but it was one lock and a few groceries? Who would it really hurt? "Well, get something fun at least. To celebrate," he chuckled, motioning towards the shitty grocery store beer. Meanwhile, he made a beeline to the soda aisle. There it was: a sparkling 2 liter of Wild Cherry Pepsi. He grabbed two, and craned his neck out into the aisle, "Are you calling me lame? Why would I share my plans with you when I'm at risk to be insulted again?"

mmuscles​:

.

thad hadn’t come to cole for some bullshit heart to heart, he came to level with him. considering what a pain in the ass he had been for the duration of their prior interactions, he was kicked off guard when cole was so…cool about it. he didn’t understand. and most definitely thought it was a trick. “i’m not bribing you, man.” thad ran a contemplative hand through his hair. there was no way he was trusting a guy he just met with a secret this big. “let me fix the car.” it obviously wasn’t out of kindness, but he didn’t have the words to explain what he was trying to do here. the way his brain worked though, was if he actually did something for cole, he’d feel less inclined to spill. thad merely hoped if he pushed enough, rather than articulate, cole would surrender. other than through his parents, that was how thad got most things he wanted in life, through brute force. 

for the record, it’s okay to feel that way. 

thad’s tongue got stuck at the front of his mouth and he gulped down his initial thoughts. how dare he? he didn’t feel any way. not him, not towards cole. “what way?” he asked, aggressively jutting his chin out towards cole. he wasn’t going to hit him or anything, but scaring him wasn’t out of the question. the last thing he needed was some…pretty boy telling him how to feel. 

xx.

It was a good deal... a $3,000 worth of a repair for his silence. But Cole felt weird blatantly accepting it as a bribe, as if what had happened was gross or wrong. It was unexpected, sure, but... Cole had asked for it, hadn’t he? He assumed Thad was just very confused. Either that or Thad had a major lapse in judgement and now thinks Cole is wrong, sinful, a freak, even. With a tentative shrug, Cole gave in. “Okay, fine. Guess I won’t get a better deal than that.”

Cole was torn. He wanted to push the issue, to prove to Thad that there really is nothing wrong with liking guys... but that put him, and by association, Adam, in an extremely vulnerable position. At least with he kiss, the two were on equal footing. Leaning away from the discomfort, Cole decided to lighten the mood. “I guess I have to hope you’re good with your hands, guy,” he smirked. The usual back-and-forth of their interactions was a welcome reprieve from the temporary heaviness. 

For the first time in his life, Cole was thankful for the mundanity of his job. Usually, by 11 a.m. he'd be bored out of his mind, hoping that anyone would walk through the doors; but after what happened at the cemetery, he'd rather not speak to anyone. His mind was too busy playing the 'vision' over and over again. As he plucked the string of an acoustic guitar, he wondered if he was going insane... and if he was, if anyone would notice.

Hearing the door jangle, Cole stifled a groan and was at the counter in two long strides. Pasting on a smile, Cole surveyed the customer. Tessa. He'd known her in high school, of course, but they'd never really spoken... until Robin's 'kickback.' A pit formed in his gut as he wondered if that's why she was here; or, worse, if she hadn't experienced anything at all and needed help finding a guitar pic, or something.

"You got lucky, we're usually slammed this time of day," he said, dryly. "What can I do for you?"

Who: @tessacallovvay & @colemontgomeryx

Where: the music center

Locking her car, Tessa's heels clicked against the sidewalk as she made her way towards the grimy looking Music Center. Some cross between a music store and a record store, Tessa didn't really know much about it other than the fact you could hear it down the block. And the fact that one Cole Montgomery worked there. The know-it-all boy from high school. And one of the five other people who'd been there at Robin's disastrous attempt at a party. One of the people who'd... seen something.

Memory of blood running down her back, covering the frills of her dress, slipping over her face and streaming down her eyes-- Tessa paused at the door, shaking the visions away. Mm, no. No, thank you. Pushing through the grimy door, Tessa scanned the rows of guitars and other instruments before spotting an unfortunately familiar face. Walking to the main desk, she smiled wide at him, "Cole. Have a minute to talk, hon?"

The only thing worse than the residual pounding in Cole’s head is the haunting thought of what he’d seen in the cemetery. Or what he thought he’d seen. He had desperately tried to convince himself it wasn’t real-- but to no avail. How could it not be, when it was so tangible? If it was a mind trick, he should be institutionalized. But something felt... off, like so many other things in Hawkins did. So, Cole smoked until he finally passed out, and woke up to his alarm two hours later.

All day at work, he’d kept his headphones around his neck, playing music loud enough to distract from thinking about what had happened. Maybe it was immature, but he didn’t know how to deal with it so he just avoided it. That is, until Cassie walked through his door. He knew from her expression what she wanted to talk about, and he dutifully paused the music. Dragging his fingers through his unruly curls, Cole shrugged. “Not feeling my best, to be honest. I didn’t sleep much,” he admitted. “What about you?” He vaguely remembered her being at the cemetery, but the more time passed, the less clear the memories became.

WHO: cassie & @colemontgomeryx​ WHERE: the music store

To say that Cassie didn’t sleep well the night after being at the cemetery was an understatement. She was up the entirety of the night, replaying the same scene in her head until she finally began to count sheep instead. She couldn’t quite shake the feeling of being lifted up in the air and the sound of her bones cracking, followed by the voice … the one that was telling her it would all be over soon. The most peculiar part was that she wasn’t herself, she was the cheerleader, whoever she was. Though she could’ve sworn that Lucas had mentioned her name when Cassie told the story, the details of the night before were so hazy that she couldn’t remember. Had they really drank that much?

Nancy had warned her about this, and she didn’t want to tell her first thing in the morning what had happened. Instead, she thought to see someone who had been there in the cemetery with her, someone who might have answers to the running list of questions that had been growing in her head since she left the graveyard. Cassie found herself at the music store, remembering from their first meeting that Cole worked there. She greeted him with a pained smile, approaching the counter. “Is it me, or was something weird in that beer last night, because I feel like I’m having the worst blackout of my life. But you … you hit your head, right? I just wanted to see how you were feeling.”

thequeenofhawkins​:

— ♔ —

“Easy, don’t hurt yourself for me,” Chrissy teased as Cole hissed in pain. He looked… good. Better than she had expected him to look, at least. Sure, he had a cast and was in clear pain, but after she heard of explosion followed by people dying followed by her friends being hospitalized, she expected Cole to look fully out of commission. “Sorry, I didn’t visit sooner. I just thought that your hospital room would be jam packed,” and I didn’t want to be a burden. “And you know how my mom is. I’m pretty sure she’s convinced that if I walk into a hospital, I’ll come out with some disease.”

But today wasn’t about her, it was about Cole. “I know I didn’t, but sugar will like, totally heal you,” it may have not been her most sound advice, but she had dealt with her fair share of torn ligaments and sprained ankles. Cheering was a dangerous sport at times, and nothing made her feel better than something a little indulgent when she felt bad. She grabbed her own tart, not caring about how there was the nagging voice of Laura Cunningham in her head telling her not to enjoy a dessert because it would go straight to her thighs or something equally as ridiculous. “Right? So much better than Jell-O and moldy sandwiches,” she agreed, sticking the lemon tart in her mouth, and reaching over to place the plate on Cole’s nightstand. 

She chewed up the tart before speaking again. Another Laura Cunningham ingrained thought? Never speak with an open mouth. Although that one sounded like decent advice. “You look better than I thought you would,” she admitted with a light laugh. “I really thought you were going to be in a full body cast,” then she peeked around the corner to make sure Maggie or Maude weren’t lurking. She glanced back at Cole. “How’s Adam taking it all? He’s not being a total maniac, is he?”

xx.

“I figured,” Cole said, unable to help the smile Chrissy brought out of him. To him, she was a reminder of a simpler time, the first person other than Adam who fully knew him and fully accepted him. “You’ll never guess who I shared a room with,” he paused a beat to build suspense. “Steve Harrington. I’m afraid most of the visitors were for him,” he joked. 

Taking another tart and plopping it in his mouth, Cole raise both his eyebrows. “I feel better already,” he declared. It was true, though he doubted it had much to do with the dessert and more to do with her company. “Fucking Steve Harrington took all my Jell-O,” he grumbled. “But I bet he doesn’t have a homemade lemon tart, so I win anyways.” He leaned back against his pillows, genuinely glad to be out of the hospital room, away from the constant alcohol smell, the too-bright lights, and the beeps and whirrs that kept him up all night.

Cole laughed at the image of him in a full body cast, then promptly winced. Laughter didn’t feel good yet, which hadn’t been a problem until now. Readjusting the ice pack on his rib cage, he sighed. “Helps to be naturally pretty, I guess. Distracts from the wounds,” he joked. At the mention of Adam, though, the smile melted off of Cole’s lips. Adam hadn’t been hurt physically, but mentally and emotionally? The carnival had done a number on him. ‘A total maniac’ was one way to describe his out-of-body experience. 

Furrowed brow, Cole studied his hands. He didn’t know how much to tell Chrissy; if she didn’t know anything, why should she be burdened with it? But on the other hand, what if she was in danger, too? He should’ve asked Chance about it when he visited the other day. “He’s... yeah, not great. Just, worried I think. He feels guilty. You know how he always finds a way to feel guilty,” Cole confided, knowing that even without all of the details, she would recognize this pattern. 

jackforeman​:

Weird. That was one way to describe it, anyway. Jack didn’t know what to think of any of it besides that it was weird: weird that he woke up and walked out of the Hawkins forest one morning, weird that he even went in the first place. But, Jo had shown him the newspaper articles and everything–it had to be true, even if he didn’t want to believe it. Maybe talking to Adam again, getting some clarity, wasn’t a terrible idea. 

“I’m glad to be back, too,” he agreed, matching Cole’s smile. “Yeah, they’re … you know, shocked, but good. My mom is saying I’m never allowed to leave Hawkins again, so I guess community college it is,” he joked, as if it were the only light he could make out of the situation. “My sister, Jo, she was pretty freaked out, but that’s probably because she didn’t expect to see a man in her basement when she came home from work. So, you’ve … talked to Adam, then? How is he?”

xx.

Cole genuinely chuckled at Jack’s answer. He remembered the first day he and Adam had left the Richards house, the fear in his mom’s eyes when Adam had told her he was going out for a bit. Cole couldn’t blame her, but Cole also would rather spend time with Adam alone than with his whole family. At least for a while, an attempt to make up for lost time. “That sounds like Mrs. Richards,” he admitted with a smile. “I can’t imagine what it feels like for them-- the moms.”

Raising a singular eyebrow, Cole nodded. He wondered if that was why Jo was freaked out, or if she might have the same questions Cole had. “That’s... understandable,” he said. Even he still hadn’t adjusted to Adam’s return, a return he never could have predicted. “Yeah! Yeah, we’ve been hanging out. He’s okay... he feels shitty for leaving his family behind, and all. I keep trying to tell him it isn’t his fault, you know, but...” Cole shrugged. That’s just who Adam was, always the one who wanted to help, who his family relied on. If only it was as easy as saying ‘it’s not your fault.’ “Have you? Talked to him?”

This was exactly what Cole had wanted to do all day: sit by the lake holding a book, giving him the perfect excuse to disassociate without being judged. But instead, he's been all over town: helping Max break into a grocery store, getting roped into the Wheeler barbecue, and generally exhausting his already-low social battery. So he trudged through the vegetation to his favorite spot: an isolated bench just far enough away from the shoreline to be remote.

Or so he thought. A sudden burst of movement much too big to be a squirrel caused Cole to slow his steps, until he peered around the trees to see none other than Eddie Munson. Cole didn't know Eddie very well, but everyone knew about Eddie. Personally, Cole didn't believe the stories: Eddie was so not the kind of guy who could kill a cheerleader. Plus, Eddie was friendly with Max and Harrington, so he couldn't be that weird. Geeky, maybe, but not creepy.

Setting his novel aside, Cole bent down to help Eddie pick up the figurines. Fuck, why were they so small? "Yeah, I'm good," Cole said, handing over the three he'd collected. "Eddie, right? Were you leaving?" he asked, not wanting to kick Eddie out of his spot. "Hey... what are these, anyway?" Cole asked, standing up and brushing leaves off of his knees.

who : eddie munson + open !

where : the shore of lovers lake

Sometimes when he comes home he just likes to do …. this. Sit on a bench near a busy place- near, not, like, in the middle of it, ‘cause in Hawkins he’s still Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson - and people watch. Thinking about how he has miraculously made it out of this shithole, alive. Not made it all too far but he’s managed to get out of Hawkins, Indiana at all, and that amounts to something. To him it does.

So he sits there, closes his eyes for a moment and inhales deeply and - oh, yep, that’s definitely cow shit, isn’t it - just listens to the sounds that surround him. Families having picnics, teenagers sneaking away, people bathing in the sun, birds singing, twigs cracking - hold on. Eddie jolts upright. Oh, fuck this, he’s getting outta here, he’s not in the mood to get roughed up by some high school freshmen who still think he’s put some satanic DnD spell on those students that died two years ago. 

Eddie grabs his Van Halen lunchbox, jumps up, ready to make his escape as he bumps into someone - he grabs onto the backrest of the bench for balance, watches the contents of his metal box spill out onto the floor. Well, at least there’s no drugs this time. “Shit”, he curses under his breath, crouches down to collect all the little figurines he’s fucking hand-crafted for the next Hellfire campaing, “Shit, jesus, fuck.” Why did he have to make them this small? “Shit ,ah, sorry. Sorry, my bad. You - you good?”