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Hotwife Lifestyle - Understanding Our Man’s Hotwife Fantasy and How to Use That to Our Advantage

The fantasy of having a “Hotwife” is growing, in fact, research shows it is growing at a higher rate than a good majority of the other lifestyle alternatives, including the old staple of “swinging” and the modern “open relationship”.  Why is it that a fantasy that revolves around only one part of a relationship – the woman – going out and finding pleasure from another man more intriguing to an increasing number of men than going out and “getting some” for himself?  

Basic psychology tells us that men are highly competitive creatures.  They have a drive to compete with other males of the species for the best mate – this isn’t so much different than what happens in the animal kingdom.  Most men have an innate drive to compete with other men when it comes to the “best mate” or the “most attractive woman”.  With this being said, one of the reservations of most women who find out about their husband or partner’s Hotwife fantasy is that he is somehow “weaker” than the rest because he wants to give up his position as your only partner.  Is this really true, though?  Could the truth lie somewhere within today’s man’s loss of natural competition in everyday life, and a desire to maintain a level of competition after marriage or “monogamy”?  Is this weakness, or rather the ultimate confidence?  

Cuckholding aside, because this aspect of the fantasy requires a bit more in terms of a “woman led” relationship, and a bit more from the man in terms of a desire for mental sadomasochism, a good majority of men enjoy the idea that they have been able to “capture” the best mate and even when she’s out having amazing physical and emotional experiences with men who may have qualities that actually supersede their own – a better body, a larger cock, youth, more prowess in bed – their woman actually WANTS to come back to them at the end of the night.  While most Hotwife-Husbands do get some level of turn-on from the jealousy and the possibility that their Hotwife may actually be enjoying their dates more than they enjoy being “at home”, the overwhelming desire is the competition and the “win” in terms of having a wife who chooses them again and again even after being allowed to go out and have other men.  

As Hotwives, we may be the focus of the fantasy, but there is that deeper and more psychological desire of a man who, even after committing to one woman, is able to compete with other males sexually.  This is why the desire for “reclaiming” a Hotwife after a date is so strong – it’s actually been scientifically proven that men who are able to reclaim a partner after she has been with someone else have an increase in testosterone levels, which means stronger desire, more powerful erections, longer lasting erections, and an overall stronger sex drive.  So, what does this mean for us as Hotwives?

He Enjoys the Jealousy, Go with It

As women we’ve learned that inducing some jealousy can actually be a good thing when it comes to dating – before we’ve found our “person”.  We use our female prowess to keep the men who we are seeing guessing…why?  Because they seem more interested in us when it seems as though we may not be 100% there.  So, if this works in the dating world, why wouldn’t it work once we’re married? In contrast, women typically don’t respond as well, or in the same way to jealousy – we tend to worry, question, and sometimes shut down if we feel that he might be “just not that into us”.  Naturally, because of our own feelings on the matter, we tend to avoid making our men jealous once we’ve committed to them, because we, ourselves don’t want to feel as though we’re in constant competition with other, more attractive, sexier, younger, etc., women.  Why would we do something to the man that we love that we, ourselves, would hate?

For men, though, and especially those with Hotwife fantasies, jealousy is a big component and tool for us to keep our men hot and bothered.  Sometimes just the mere mention of being flirted with by that cute guy at our favorite restaurant, or our interest in the sexy personal trainer at the gym is enough to send our men into a sexual frenzy.  It doesn’t take a lot to feed the fantasy.  It’s not ALL about dates and recounting how well we got worked over in the bedroom (and how much we loved it), though that is the ultimate turn on for our men, it’s also about the little things – the mention of our interest in someone else, the sexy messages that we send to potential lovers or Bulls, the “tease” of how much we loved what our last Bull did for us and how much we’re looking forward to doing it again.  Remember, this ignites the “competition” element of things, which is natural for men.

The More You Enjoy it, the More He Enjoys it

You may be thinking, “But I’m doing it for him, I’m not doing it for myself” (a common theme by A LOT of Hotwives), but in reality, our men WANT us to enjoy our encounters. They want to hear about what this “other guy” did for or to is that sent us over the edge, and yes, they want to hear what we liked better about the “other guy”.  I know it seems crazy, because we don’t want to imagine our men, even if we did allow them to be with other women, thinking that their “others” were better, sexier, hotter or had something that we don’t.  That’s because we don’t have that “competition drive” like our men do.

Let’s face it, despite what our men tell us – “It’s all about your pleasure” or “I don’t get anything out of it unless you’re enjoying it, because I love you so much” – this isn’t some ultimate “unselfish” thing our men are doing for us.  These things come out of their mouths, but what they are really saying is “I want to know that you came three times while he was fucking you, and you STILL want to come home to me”.  It’s their kink, and we have to understand it.  

So, if you’ve actually taken the step into the world of Hotwifing, you’re going to have to learn how to properly tease your man into believing that, just maybe, your Bull was better than him in some ways.  Whenever you think “But I’m only doing it for him”, follow that us with “I’m doing it for him and he WANTS to know that I absolutely enjoyed it”.  Find some aspect of your encounter that was mind-blowing, and recount, in great detail exactly what it was that sent you over the edge.  This may require a little bit of embellishment, and that’s OKAY…trust me…embellishment is your friend in this situation.  Tell your man about your Bull’s amazing cock, how good if felt, how good he tasted, how fantastic he was at oral sex, etc.  These are the things that will ramp up that competition streak in your man and make him want to reclaim you with increased vigor and desire.  

The More You Want Someone Else, The More Your Man Wants You

Again, you’re playing on the competition and the teasing aspect of things here…  The more that you act as if you WANT to be a Hotwife, the more that your husband or partner is going to WANT you.  His desire for you is going to skyrocket, his sexual desire for you is going to make it so that he’s ready to chew his own leg off to get you back in bed.  I have experienced this firsthand many times…if I am completely honest about an “encounter” and admit to “D” that my Bull was lacking in some way, or I didn’t quite “get there”, he isn’t nearly as turned on as when I tell him about how amazing things were.  I don’t like or believe in lying, but I do advocate for being selective and stretching the truth…maybe your lover wasn’t the best at giving oral sex, but maybe he was an amazing kisser, so a good answer would be “he was amazing with his mouth” and leave the rest up for interpretation.  

We’re women.  We are strong and capable and we are smart.  And the truth is, this is a GAME we are playing for and with our husbands/partners, so we need to get our heads into the game. Furthermore, this is an intellectual game, and we need to use our intellects to get to where we want to be.  Where do we want to be?  We want to have a husband/partner who is absolutely drooling over us, believes we are the ultimate sexual goddess, and in is jealous enough to realize that in order to “compete” they will need to step up their own game in order to “keep” us satisfied – be that with amazing sex, extra romance, other rewards, or all of the above.  

Happy Hotwifing!

-S

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Very acutate story on Stag/Vixen relationships, reported by New York Times

‘Stag’ men love watching other guys have sex with their wives… but it’s not cuckolding

Plus, there are rules…

IT’S certainly not for everyone, but some men get off watching their wife or girlfriend having sex with other men.

According to the New York Post, “Cuckold porn” is the second most searched porn term after “youth”.

Stags enjoy watching their partner have sex with another man

While wife sharing may be a commonly held fantasy, in reality, it’s a sexual scenario that is a step too far for most men.

Not for so-called Stags though.

These guys get a kick watching their wife or girlfriend having sex with other men.

The Stag either joins in or watches as a ‘voyeur’.

If the vixen has sex outside the relationship she must recount all the details to her partner

The Vixen, often known as ‘Hotwife’, has sex with the encouragement of her husband or boyfriend with the Bull (that’s the guy who is servicing her).

Another scenario is that the Vixen has sex with a Bull outside of the couple’s shared abode.

Then she comes home and recounts all the details in a blow-by-blow description to turn the Stag on.

So, are we talking cuckolds?

No – for a man to be a cuckold, his partner would have gone behind his back to do the deed – bringing him shame and humiliation.

In the case of Stags and Vixens, everything is laid out in the open.

The stag gets a thrill from watching his vixen have sex with another man.

The stag gets a thrill from watching his partner have sex with someone else

Their little secret

Meet Stag and Vixen couple Susie*, 36, and Shane*, 38, who go under the Twitter handle, @Ourlittlesecret.

So-called because apart from indulging in extra circular bedroom activities, they’re otherwise a long-term straight married couple with kids and regular jobs, whose friends have no idea what they get up to.

Although their 72K Twitter followers do.

For Susie and Shane, the term Stag & Vixen was a better fit than cuckhold.

Shane explains: “It’s a description that suites us perfectly as there is no humiliation or denial involved.

“I prefer to be a voyeur, but occasionally, I’ll join in.

“Watching my wife with another man is a big turn on for me.

“It’s like foreplay.

“As much as I love watching, I can’t wait for the Bull to leave so I can ravish Susie myself.”

For many stags, watching their partner have sex with someone else is their ultimate fantasy

In Stag and Vixen circles, this is known as “reclaiming” and the focus of the couple returning back to each.

It was Shane’s long-held fantasy for Susie to have sex with another man.

Susie explains: “We’d often roleplay it in a fantasy situation.

“However, I was too insecure about my body to entertain the thought of having sex with anyone else.

“Then we started the Twitter account and started posting naked pictures (Susie never shows her face, so there’s an anonymity).

“I enjoyed the exhibitionism and the compliments.

“I got talking to a guy who lived in our city and he asked me out for coffee. Shane was all for it.”

For some, the decision to open up the relationship in this way comes after they’ve been an exclusive couple for a long time

After the date, the Bull came home with Susie and they had sex.

Susie says: “Sex with another man was appealing because Shane and I have been together since I was 18.

“I felt like a teenager who was dating again.”

However, Susie found being watched by Shane awkward at first.

“Initially, I found it hard to have sex in front of Shane.

“He knows my comfort levels, so now he leaves us to it, until I get into it.

Once I’m warmed up, then he’ll come into the room and I feel okay.”

There are rules to stag and vixen relationships too

Shane points out it can feel a little weird at times.

“Once I walked in on them and she was on top.

“It’s your bed, your wife and another man… it’s crazy, but it’s a big turn on.

“However, it’s not like in the movies, with the guy directing the scene, I just sit there quietly.”

Susie adds: “Every now and then, I’ll look over, smile and giggle Shane’s way.

“Or Shane will come over and give me long hot horny kisses.”

The rules

Interestingly, many Stags have no interest in sexual encounters with other women.

Shane explains: “I’ve got a hall pass to sleep with other women but that wasn’t the original intention.

“It was always about Susie’s pleasure and the pleasure I get from her experiencing it.”

However, the couple say there are rules in place.

Susie says: “The rules are Shane has to know about everything and we can’t have any secrets.

“If I happen to go out by myself, he has to hear all the details.”

Shane says there definitely was a learning curve when the couple first started living the Stag and Vixen lifestyle.

Susie would get lost in the moment on dates and forget to keep in touch.

“Once she had sex in the car before she got home, which was a sore subject as I wanted to be there when she was having sex.”

The obvious question that had be asked is whether Susie ever felt coerced in any way.

“No, I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to.

“I like being able to experience pleasure with other men.

“However,  sex anyone other than Shane is purely sexual.

“Our relationship is my prime focus.”

The couple say they have more sex together now.

“Susie tends to be more horny before, during and then after, if she has a date. It has brought us closer together more.”

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