Oh Man! I Have This Friend, And They’re Regularly Yelled At And Verbally Abused By Their Mother. Barely

i’m so glad earth only has one moon, if there were more i’d have to pick a favorite and that sounds too emotionally taxing to even fathom

I love impregnating Shen Qingqiu, but you know what I find more fun? The pregnant virgin Shen Qingqiu :D

I mean, it's absolutely hilarious no matter who the parent or the situation, like, Shen Qingqiu who exchanges qi with Liu Qingge in a mystical cave and accidentally becomes pregnant?

Or Shen Qingqiu hitting Shang Qinghua with a fan full of pollen, Shang Qinghua touches him skin to skin to return the aggression, and THAT PASSIONATE TOUCH causes a pregnancy.

Or the beautiful moment where disciple Luo Binghe accidentally impregnates his Shizun while brushing his hair with a jade comb that turns out to be a rare amulet who, fueled by Luo Binghe's feelings, impregnates Shen Qingqiu. (Extra angst points if it's like, a month before IAC and Shen Qingqiu notices the pregnancy after. Hehehe.)

Or even Shen Qingqiu sharing a tea with Yue Qingyuan and accidentally drinking from the same cup (from a tea set gifted by another sect, clearly cursed or something) Shen Qingqiu clearly ends up pregnant - and the Sect Leader is very, very full of feelings about it.

Oh BOY, what else do we have here? Accidentally pregnant due to Mu Qingfang's medical error in the cross prescription of some herbs and touching his exposed skin? Accidentally pregnant from Zhuzhi-lang's bite? I mean, he would have to expel some eggs, that would make his pregnancy process shorter like, four and a half months in and four and a half months out? Lmao make me wild, ACCIDENTALLY PREGNANT WITH MOBEI JUN'S BABY, maybe because Shen Qingqiu had some cursed amulet on him or some kind of curse on him at the same time Mobei-jun has to touch him with qi for something (keep him alive on Junshang's orders perhaps?)

I mean, the funny thing is that Shen Qingqiu is a virgin. Very virgin. Virgin in "the only pussy I've ever seen is from porn" and "the only cocks I've ever seen too. Not that I watch gay porn. You just see cocks when you watch porn, it's inevitable". Virgin in an almost spiritual state of silly behavior.

And obviously, it's so funny that in a world of sexual plants, papapa to solve everything, he, JUST HE, has to carry a baby without all the sexy act that leading to a pregnancy.

I mean, it's hilarious. He's such a dumb boy. He will hit Shang Qinghua very hard for all those pregnancies of course.

drops them in a gothic horror au

Added the promised second part y’all!

Bingge trying to ✨Threateningly Abduct✨ Shen Yuan, and failing because Shen Yuan is just... So STOKED to meet another Binghe superfan??

SY: Sir, your cosplay is amazing??? Is that a wig or - oh! It's real???!

LBH: ...

SY: How do you do the claw effects with your - oh! You can do the huadian!! Is it LEDs? Some kind of Lazer pointer? How do you get it to show up like that!???

LBH: ... he li di...?

SY: Oh! You even remembered the slight nick in Xin Mo's scabbard from chapter 2893!

LBH: ... begging shizun's pardon, this disciple should take better care of his things...

SY: you do roleplay too??? COOL,, um, I think, um, well,, .I don't usually talk about this it's kinda cringe but I also..., have some, roleplay accounts😳😖🫣🫣🫣🫣

LBH: ,return with me, to my palace, and I will show you the meaning of 🌶️💦🍆🍑 roleplay.

SY: oh my god yes we can hang out do u wanna come see my merch collection?? I have every single vinyl standee, plus most of the first edition plushies, tho I admit I'm still looking for a limited edition bingpup, do you wanna come see ???

LBH: Very Well, show me this Merch Collection...

During an intersect event Shen Qingqiu is poisoned. How do we know he was poisoned? Because the dumbass that did it immediately jumped from the public to gloat about it.

The CQM delegation promptly then grabbed their unluckiest peak lord and dipped back home to try and not have him die. (They also grabbed the dude that poisoned him, to get info on the poison and all that)

It's supossed to steal half of a person's lifespan; and as Shen Qingqiu has lived for a while the dude thinks it will just kill the Lord. It doesn't do that thought... It splits the Lord into two young adults, each half of Shen Qingqiu's age. They are both fucking confused and looking at the other wide eyed.

SQQ#1 blinks and ask everyone to leave. SQQ#2 just agrees when asked by the other peak lords. It's an exercise in patience to get Yue Big-Brother-Extraordinaire Qingyuan to leave his favorite shidi who suddenly multiplied. He is rabid. Overdosing on shidi.

Shen Yuan is both terrified and ecstatic to be free from SQQ's fate, but also guilty? of leaving the other to deal with it. He's 90% sure the other SQQ is the original goods.

Shen Jiu is just looking at the body-snatcher, trying to decide whether to kill the other or kidnap him to keep such a wonderful teacher for his peak. Finally, someone to deal with the brats.

SY: Well, sorry for stealing your body, my bad. I will now leave you to-

And SY gets grabbed by the scruff and forced to spill all his secrets. The system doesn't register SJ as a separate entity so they are free to converse and make plans. By the time the other peaklords (mainly YQY, QQQ, and WQW) come back for gossip the Shens are gossiping about them and sharing some little cakes with their tea. BFFs.

Oh, they are 100% roasting eachother. Don't mind them too much, they are trying to decide who gets to be the older one and thus the one in charge.

The fae smiled, sharply: “Give me your name, child.”

“Uhhhhh. Stick.”

“What.”

“Does Leaf work better? I’m just kinda looking around this clearing. Look, I’m trans, I haven’t decided on one yet, I’m throwing some spaghetti at the wall, you know how it is.”

A year post abyss, Peak lords Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua cuddle puddle havers. With or without the privacy barriers, in SQQ's bamboo house or in SQH's office.

Who cares ommgggg who cares we're dead meat anyway or so they think.

Did ask, very much care because people are losing their minds. Rumors are flying. The Sect Leader tactfully (read, tearfully) extracted himself from Master Shen's house after Peak Lord Shang answered the door, telling him that, no Qingqiu is not available and is resting (So was he by the state of his hair and robes). Peak Lord Liu Qingge nearly deviated this one time when he burst into SQH's office for an update on something trivial only to find SQQ curled up on top of SQH who was snoring into SQQ's hair, scrolls abandoned.

It's getting out of hand. They've been spotted casually leaning into each others touch around their peaks. Master Shen insists they need sunlight (it's nearly dusk) as he fills in Peak Lord Shang's official reports (signed SQQ), Peak Lord Qinghua sleepily agrees against Master Shen's side.

Jaws are on the floor with tongues still wagging, the rumor mill is frenzied, enough that the matter has reached the borderlands near the rifts and by extension, the demons and the abyss and one young heavenly demon who is as jealous as he is confused.

Somewhere under Master Shen, Peak Lord Shang shivers awake.

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