Both Sqqs Use Their Fans Asian-mom-slipper-style

WOOOOO! :D

We are the Pride Knights, and this is our battle cry No enemy can shake us, as hard as they can try There’s a fire in our eyes that no hatred can kill A passion in our hearts that’s as strong as our will To our fellow queers who fight their battles on their own We promise to fight with you, you are never alone To our fellow queers who have fallen with the pain We thank you for your courage, your fight is not in vain

We are defenders of the right to be proud of who you are To love who you love and to accept every scar We are your knights, protectors of our pride Together we stand, together we ride

These are back! 

[Tees | Hoodies | Sweatshirts]

https://teespring.com/stores/prideknights

OKAY. I maaay have went overboard.

I got the tiniest scrap of praise for my idea of Monkey King not knowing that mortals don’t die when they get sick that I wrote a whole fic.

Also, I’m not 100% sure what I’m doing but eh when has that ever stopped me?

Word count: 4,672

Magic Fruit

Endurance training sucked.

That was the only thought racing through Mk’s mind as he trekked up the side of flower fruit mountain. On the surface, scaling a mountain didn’t seem too horrible, but it was pouring rain and Mk had weights strapped to his arms and legs.

“You’ll be fine bud! A little hike won’t kill you. Plus, I’ll be around just in case something happens.” Monkey king had assured him just mere hours earlier.

At this point Mk wished the hike would just kill him instead of dragging out this new breed of suffering any longer.

It had all been going so well until it started to rain. Rain made things a hell of a lot harder. It was slippery, it was cold, it was wet, and all around not ideal for someone with weights strapped to their limbs.

In the city, rains were scheduled. On flowerfruit mountain however there was no such thing.

Pushing himself up on the top of yet another ledge Mk groaned and rolled over, letting droplets hit his face as he worked up the energy to continue. He could almost taste the finish line.

Ever since the Macaque incident, Monkey King had started upping the training. Whether it be sparring or learning new techniques of how to outclass his enemies, Mk was absorbing this new knowledge like sunlight into a flower.

This lesson had to be Mk’s least favorite however.

Looking to the left, his gaze fell onto a winding tree growing from a crack in the cliff face. It’s branches extend above where he lay, it’s leaves providing the smallest protection from the downpour.

Mk thought back to what Monkey King had told him

“Once you find the only birch tree on the mountain, you’ll be less than ten minutes from the top! So look out for birch trees and you’ll be fine.”

Relief made Mk’s shoulders sag as he let out a shaky laugh.

After a few more moments of blissful respite, Mk hauled himself upwards. Sparing one last glance back at the birch tree before turning towards the way onward. If he rested too long he was just going to fall asleep and that would be a problem.

Jumping up onto a boulder that lay at the base of the path, Mk took a second to map out what the easiest route would be. The rocks were steep and he didn’t have his staff, so he’d have to be careful.

After a bit of quiet musing, Mk jumped from one rock to another giving all of his remaining energy to scaling the steep slope that stood before him. Not noticing the little sparks of yellow magic dancing on his skin as he bounded upwards.

Finally, FINALLY, Mk’s hand slapped down on the highest ledge of flowerfruit mountain. Gasping with relief, Mk pulled himself upwards. He looked up to see a familiar cloud floating just above the ground. What wasn’t familiar though, was Monkey King soaking wet, his fur almost covering his eyes completely.

Oh he HAD to get a picture. Mei would love this.

“Monkey king?”

The great sage looked startled and shook himself vigorously, not unlike a dog that had fallen off a pier.

“Hey bud! You did it.”

“Can I please take these off now?” Mk gestured at the straps on both his arms and legs.

“I don’t know, can you—“

Wukong’s dad joke was cut off by his successor throwing one of the weighted bands at him with surprising strength all things considered.

“HEY! That was rude.”

Mk was too busy undoing the rest of them to even reply but Wukong saw a small smirk spread across the kid’s face. It was nice. It reminded the great sage of a simpler time.

“What’s with the hairdo?” Mk finally asked.

“I’m not made for water”

“I can see that”

“You’re just mad that you don’t have hair as luxurious as mine”

“As if”

Mk tried to get up, but his overworked muscles decided otherwise, so Mk fell backwards, butt first into a puddle. After a moment of silence Monkey king started to laugh and Mk’s expression softened from annoyance to exhaustion.

“You know what? This is fine. I accept my fate.” Mk decided, sprawling out in the puddle.

“Bud. You have to get up. You can’t sleep there.” Monkey King snorted.

“Why?”

“It’s not comfortable. Trust me kid, I’ve slept in the rain before, the next morning you get all soggy”

“Maybe that’s just ‘cause you’re covered in fur like a hamster” Mk teased back, it was a random animal but Mk was in a random mood.

But nonetheless he found himself looking up for the reaction Monkey King was inevitably going to have.

The offended gasp from the monkey was worth whatever punishment would follow. Mk started laughing as he was lifted effortlessly into the air by Monkey King’s tail which was now wrapped around his ankle.

“I’m taking you home.” Monkey King decided, swinging his apprentice under his arm.

“Wait what? Nononono it’s okay I can vault back—“ Mk argued trying to squeeze his way out from his grasp, to no avail.

“Too late already decided!” Monkey King exclaimed. The cloud was already moving and Mk could object no longer.

Flying through the rain was a nice change of pace to climbing in it, but nonetheless he was cold.

“I know you’re probably going to be tired tomorrow, but you can pop by any time for some easier training.” Monkey King said out of the blue.

“Really?”

“Really. Anytime.”

“Alright then, I’ll take you up on that promise!” Mk beamed. Maybe Monkey King would show him some cool magic stuff! Or maybe they would work on shapeshifting? Either way, Mk was excited.

A piercing light filtered through the veil of restless sleep Mk was currently hiding behind. There was a flash of annoyance that was followed by a wave of fever. Pulling the blankets over his head the best he could, Mk curled tighter into himself and tried to go back to sleep.

*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*

*beep* *bee—

The alarm clock was viscerally destroyed as it was thrown against the wall with enough force to leave an indent. It wasn’t even a clock anymore, it was just broken scraps now sat pathetically on the floor.

Mk grumbled to himself and resettled into his cocoon of blankets. Satisfied that the most aggravating sound in the world was dead by his hand.

Wait. That was his alarm clock.

He only has his alarm clock set if he’s about to sleep through his shift!

HIS SHIFT

Scrambling out of bed, Mk falters and grabs his dresser to steady himself. The world was dipping under his feet and his head was light. Sinking to the floor, Mk hid his head in his knees, taking some deep breaths.

“You’ll be fine. I’m fine! I’ll feel better after some breakfast.” He assured himself

But Mk didn’t want breakfast, his stomach churned just as angrily as the floor underneath him. Nevertheless, Mk hauled himself up to get dressed.

After way too long of a time to take to get clothes on, Mk slinkes downstairs, gripping the handrail like his life depended on it.

He could hear Pigsy humming to himself while he cooked, causing Mk to stop. Maybe he won’t notice? It’s just a cold after all, he can power through a cold.

Pigsy notices on sight.

Mk was never one to sleep in, and the kid practically stumbled downstairs looking spacey and feverish.

“Hey Mk, you doing alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine, sorry I slept in. Training with Monkey king ya know?”

“Mhm.”

“So do you have any deliveries yet or…?” Mk felt Pigsy’s stare go right through him with a silent judgment of ‘we both know you're sick’

“Nope. Go back to bed.” Pigsy looked away from him and back to the kitchen.

“But I’m fine! Seriously!” Mk argued leaning over the counter, hopping onto one of the stools.

The bells above the entrance chimed, signaling that a customer had arrived. Mk barely even looked up, there was only one person who could time his morning walk to the exact moment Pigsy’s noodles opened.

“Mk, you look dreadful.” Was the first words out of the scholar's mouth.

“Hello to you too Mr Tang.” Mk grumbled, pushing himself upright.

“Anyways guys, I’m fine! It’s just a cold. I can work through a cold!”

Pigsy and Tang shared a silent look. Pigsy tilted his head towards Mk and gave a subtle nod, to which Tang sighed and rolled up his sleeves.

“Whatever you two just agreed on, don’t do it.” Mk slid himself off of the stool he was sitting on and away from Tang who was being scarily quiet at the moment.

It was a common occurrence for Pigsy and Tang to converse without even opening their mouths, but almost every time that Mk was the subject of said almost telepathic conversation, it ended in him having to take care of himself either by force or the sheer terror of what would happen if he didn’t.

This was one of those times.

Lunging forward with speed Mk didn’t know the scholar could muster, Tang grabbed his arm and started pulling Mk towards the stairs that lead up to his apartment.

“I’ll bring medicine and some easy food after the first rush” Pigsy called after the two.

“THIS IS TREACHERY!” Mk screeched back, still surprised that Mr Tang was successfully dragging him upstairs. Maybe he was sicker than he originally thought, if Tang was overpowering him.

If Mk was going down, he wasn’t going down without a fight.

In one last act of rebellion, Mk let his body go fully limp in Mr Tang’s grasp.

What happened next was a series of thumps, a scream from the scholar and Mk’s cackling as he lay at the bottom step of the stairway.

Mk’s laughter only dimmed when he looked up to see Pigsy looming over him menacingly.

However, the look on Pigsy’s face, the nervous snickering habit he picked up from Monkey King, and the high fever, were all more than enough for Mk to dissolve into uncontrollable giggles.

Pigsy let his expression soften before shaking his head and grabbing Mk by the waist. Carryinging him up the stairs himself. Passing by a mortified Tang who has stayed unmoving since he dropped the kid.

They were over halfway up the stairs when everything went fuzzy and Mk closed his eyes.

Next thing Mk knew, he was waking up in his room. The curtains were drawn and the little sunlight he could see gave away that he had been sleeping for at least a few hours.

Everything felt hazy and his throat was dry. A million things flashed through his mind, each one canceling the others out. He almost felt worse than when he woke up the first time.

The mind fog lifted somewhat when he heard two pairs of footsteps ascending the stairs. One was slow and purposeful while the other pair flat out sprinted towards his room.

“Mk!” A familiar voice called out.

Before he even had time to respond, the door slammed open and there stood a concerned looking Mei.

“Oh my god you look dead”

“Thanks.”

“Hey. What did I tell you about bein’ quiet? He needs his rest.”

“Sorry Pigsy.” Mei whispered, stepping out of the way of the cook entering the room. Balanced in his hands was a tray full of medicine, a bowl of noodles, a thermometer gun, and a can of ginger ale.

“Aww Pigsy you didn’t have to, really. It’s just a cold”

Both Mei and Pigsy deadpanned at him.

“You were deliriously giggling after falling down the stairs, it’s not just a cold anymore.” Pigsy huffed, setting the tray down on the nearby nightstand.

“Tang called me in for reinforcements,” Mei mused, settling herself down on the ground. “The way he described it, he made it sound like you were on death's door. And honestly? It doesn’t look like he was too far off”

“Wow okay. I see how it is—“ Mk cut off his own words with a violent coughing fit. It was as if the universe was proving Mei’s point.

Pigsy shoved the thermometer gun at Mk’s temple whilst he was hacking up his left lung. A quiet beep sounded and the cook grimaced when he read the temperature.

“What is it?” Mei asked, leaning over to better see the result.

“103°”

“…is that bad?”

“Somewhat. He’ll be fine, but we need to bring the fever down. Otherwise—”

“Guys”

A gravelly voice interrupted the train of thought the two were going down.

“I’m fine”

“No you’re not!” Mei argued.

“Yes I am.”

“Not.”

“Yes”

“No”

“Yes I am”

“Mk, you couldn’t get up if you tried.” Mei huffed, crossing her arms before realizing that challenging Mk probably wasn’t a good thing to do right now.

Mk loved proving people wrong with a passion. as soon as the words left her mouth Mk hauled himself out from bed, gripping the side table as he balanced himself.

“See? I’m fine—AGH OKAY” Mk began but never finished his sentence as he crumpled back into his bed, rubbing his temples.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay? What’s happening” Mei asked frantically, shoving her way towards the bed.

“Dizzy” Mk mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut.

“You’re going to be more than dizzy if you try that again.” Pigsy muttered before sighing.

“Tang will be up with some cold water and a washcloth for your head. As long as you take the meds, drink the ginger ale and eat, you’ll be fine in no time.”

“Even the gross syrup?” Mk whined with desperation gleaming in his eyes.

“Even the gross syrup. I’ll be downstairs, and Mei?”

The dragon girl perked up

“Get him to take his medicine by any means necessary.” Pigsy said with a smirk before closing the door behind him.

Mei’s evil smile spread across her face as she turned towards her best friend.

Pigsy just chuckled when he heard sounds of fear and varying amounts of pillow violence from upstairs.

-

It was a typical morning on Flowerfruit mountain. (Well aside from the fact that it was late afternoon.) and Sun Wukong had woken to a soft breeze brushing past him. That and the fact that his phone was buzzing.

Slamming his hand on the side table, he blindly felt around for his phone. He rarely used the thing but Mk had shown him how to work it, and he can’t say he didn’t like texting his successor or browsing social media.

Finally locating the slim hunk of metal, he pulled it towards him.

Mk’s contact had texted him.

“Hey monkey king! This is Mei. Mk is sick and can’t train today. He’s out of it so I’m texting you for him. He wouldn’t rest unless I told you. Sooo bye! :) ”

“Oh also Mk says hi”

Monkey king read the text a few times over not believing what he was seeing.

Now, Sun Wukong may be powerful and have lived for thousands of years, but he never really got the hang with how humans work. He himself had not been sick since he left his staff for a successor to wield all those years ago. He had almost forgotten what it felt like.

When he had been sick, he swore he felt the icy claws of death piercing his skin, ready to finally drag him to the beyond. Even though a certain grumpy monkey had told him he was being dramatic and that it was the “common cold” or something like that.

But Monkey King knew what he felt. After all, the only human he had ever seen sick, passed away shortly after. He was certain, if he hadn’t been immortal, he would’ve died from the “common cold” or whatever it was called.

So the knowledge that his very much mortal successor was sick did not go over well with the Monkey King.

Immediately he scrambled out of bed and basically flew for drawers where he kept trinkets he found over the years. Where he began frantically combing through the various shiny things he collected.

“Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?”

Monkey King’s searching became increasingly hectic with every drawer looked through.

Finally a small familiar item caught his attention. In the last drawer he checked in, there sat inconspicuously, a wooden box. beautifully carved with tales of the distant past. Monkey King opened the box and grasped the old key. With a sigh of relief, he chucked the box carelessly over his shoulder.

Not pausing a moment more he whirled around, sprinting towards the living room carpet. Folding it over, Monkey King pulled up the three loose floorboards he had placed years before.

There, in a small hole, lay an even more intricately carved box. Except this time it was a chest with jewels and gold paint detailing all too familiar stories.

Monkey king as gently as he possibly could, picked up the chest as if it was alive.

Pressing it close to him, he summoned his cloud.

-

Mk was on the verge of sleep.

After trying and failing to pretend he was okay, he finally admitted that he was sick. Especially after Mei had held his stuffed monkey hostage until he had taken his medicine and eaten some noodles.

Mei was watching vine compilations next to him as a distraction. But with the medicine, yesterday’s training, and plain old illness, he was drifting off.

Until of course a familiar bird slammed full speed into Mk’s window with something held tightly in its claws.

“You know what? I’m going to sleep.” Mk declared as his mentor ever so slowly slid off the window.

There was hesitatence in the air.

“Was that…?” Mei started to ask before the same bird from before unceremoniously scrambled it’s way back up the windowsill.

“Yes.” Mk mumbled into his blankets.

Any other questions Mei had were drowned out by the high pitched frantic chirps coming from the other side of the glass.

“You should probably let him in”

“I was thinking the same thing.” Mei supposed, rolling out from where she sat next to Mk, she stepped towards the window. Unlatching the locks, she heaved open the window. Subsequently standing aside.

The now seemingly recovered Monkey King tumbled into his successor's bedroom, shifting into his natural form, still gripping an object that Mk could now see was a box of sorts with a lock on it.

“Monkey King what’s—”

“Nope, shuddap. Here.” Monkey King darted towards him and shoved one peach flavored snack or other into Mk’s mouth. While he fumbled with a key.

“Uhm okay I'm going to get Pigsy…” Mei trailed off, sensing the storm to come, she quietly stepped outside the bedroom door before sprinting down to the floor below.

Monkey King didn’t even look up. He sat at the end of Mk’s bed and placed the box down in between mentor and student.

“What are you doing here? Is it because I couldn’t go to training? ‘Cause if that’s the case I can make it up I swear—” Mk’s hoarse ramblings were cut off by a shake of Monkey King’s head.

Wukong gingerly unlocked the ornate lock on the small chest and opened it carefully, almost like he was afraid just by touching it would turn it to dust.

MK, who wasn’t sick enough to not be curious, peered over from where he lay under two blankets.

And there, atop a beautifully embroidered pillow, sat a peach. It almost seemed to glow with all the colors of the sunset.

“Is that....?” MK wanted to ask more of a coherent question, but it died in his throat.

Monkey King picked up the peach with such gentle movements his successor almost couldn’t believe his mentor was capable of, confirming Mk’s suspicions of what exactly this was.

Monkey King looked up to meet Mk’s gaze for the first time since he entered Mk’s apartment and paused. Then, he started to shove the peach towards his successor's face.

“woahwoahwoahwoAHWOAH HEY LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS”

“No, you’re sick! Eat it!”

“Monkey King, it's just a cold!”

“Mk.”

“Okay! fine. It’s a little worse than a cold. but I’m not deathly—STOP TRYING TO SHOVE IT IN MY MOUTH”

“But if humans get sick they die!” Monkey King blurted out, looking serious for the first time since Mk had met him, his face veiled in worry.

No??” Mk struggled out, his grip on Monkey King’s arm lessening. “Usually it’s nothing and all we need is rest for a few days.”

“What? But I-”

Monkey King was cut off by the door slamming open. In all the commotion neither student or teacher heard the gruff cook storm up the stairs.

“Uh oh”

“Heyy Pigsy!” Monkey King greeted with a familiar smile.

“If you don’t stop trying to feed the kid a magic fruit we’re going to have a problem.”

“Magic fruit? Uh…”

Wukong, realizing he was caught red handed in what he was rapidly putting together was an obvious blunder, did the only thing he could and hid the peach behind his back.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

There was a moment of silence from Pigsy, the only indicator of his inner dialogue was a twitch of an eyebrow.

“…If you’re the bird that flew face first into the door downstairs and cracked the glass just now I swear to the gods, you’re as good as dead.”

Monkey King’s smile widened, accompanied by a nervous twitch of his tail.

“No?” He tried to deny it but faltered when he saw the chef's expression.

“Go. Fix it. NOW.” Pigsy seethed.

“Mhm, yep, on it.” Monkey King agreed.

“Oh! Wait, give me one second..” And In a blink of the eye, the peach was safely locked away in the chest once again.

The chest was now safely in Monkey King’s arms as he guiltily shuffled past the gruff cook and down the stairs.

Pigsy looked on until he no longer could see the Sage’s feet before turning to Mk.

“Old fool doesn’t know anything about mortals—woah, you alright kid? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Mk was frozen. Sitting dumbfounded on his bed.

“Kid?”

“He thought I was dying.” Mk whispered.

“Uh, yeah but you aren’t.”

“Remember Mr Tang’s stories? Monkey King stole the immortal peaches centuries ago.”

“Yeah?”

“After saving it for centuries, he would’ve given me his last immortal peach if I was dying.”

Mk murmured in disbelief.

Pigsy paused for a moment. “I guess I didn’t think about it that way.”

Mk was processing the weight that came with this new realization. Not saying a word as he stared where his mentor had sat on his bed, unbelieving of what had just occurred.

His existential crisis was put on pause by a sneeze, shortly thereafter followed by a coughing fit to end all coughing fits.

“HeLP mE” Mk wheezed lightheartedly between the coughs, beginning to laugh when he saw Pigsy’s disgusted expression.

“Ya know what? I’ll send Tang up with tea.” Pigsy huffed as he made for the door.

“Will you send Monkey King up too?” Mk asked. “If he’s still here of course.”

Pigsy nodded and softly closed the door behind him.

Tang was up a few minutes later with honeyed tea for Mk’s throat. The window, which had never been closed, was doing wonders for it as well. Something about cold air was so refreshing to breathe.

“Oh and..Monkey King left.” Tang had informed Mk before taking his leave downstairs.

“Aww I wanted to say bye” Mk grumbled

“I wanted to make fun of him.” Mei giggled from the end of his bed.

“Why?”

“How does someone not know that not all sickness kills humans?”

Mk hesitated for a moment.

“Wait a second, how did he not know? He’s been alive for thousands of years!”

“That’s what I was thinking! He must really not get out much.” She mused.

“Okay I resent that.” A familiar voice sounded from the open window. There on the cramped windowsill sat Monkey King.

“Monkey King!”

“You resent it because it’s true.” Mei teased.

“Hey, I get out!” He argued.

“When was the last time you went to the city that wasn’t to fight a demon?” She retorted.

There was a pause and several nervous sweeps of a tail before the monkey king mustered out a “toché” and settled down on the floor.

“What are you doing here?” Mk asked, wincing at how creaky his voice sounded.

“Hanging out.” Monkey King responded, pulling out a seemingly normal peach and a pocket knife.

“I had to pop by the mountain to bring the—how did Pigsy put it?”

“Magic fruit?”

“—Magic fruit back where it belongs.” His grip shifted on the peach as he continued to skillfully slice it.

“That was an awfully sweet thing to do Mr King” Mei taunted, a smug grin spreading across her face.

“CEASE” mentor and student said in sync.

“Alright alright! Sorry for pointing out that you obviously have a father son dyna—HEY OW”

Monkey King smirked at his student’s good aim with a pillow as Mei pouted.

Satisfied with the wedges he cut into the fruit, Wukong grabbed an unused plate from the array of sick offerings on Mk’s nightstand, setting the peach on it and gently handing it to Mk.

“This isn’t a Magic fruit is it?” Mk croaked.

“Nope! I got it from flowerfruit mountain. I swear.”

Mk hummed and tentatively popped a slice into his mouth. Immediately lightening up, he shoved another in as well.

“Is it good, Mk?” Mei teased from the foot of his bed.

Mk nodded before eating another slice. Monkey King once again sat near the window, tossing the remaining peach pit from one hand to the other.

“I have to ask…how did Mk even get this sick?” Mei questioned. Mk made vague gestures with his hands before returning to the call of the fruit.

“Uh well…” Monkey King began awkwardly, tail swishing on the ground.

“Endurance training…?”

Mei raised an eyebrow.

“He told me to climb a mountain with weights on my arms and legs for endurance training and it started to rain halfway through.” Mk explained, his plate now wiped clean.

Mei’s expression morphed into that of judgment.

“That sucks. Maybe don’t do that in the rain.”

Mk tried to muster up an argument but instead decided to let flop deeper into the pillows.

“You should’ve seen him with wet fur.”

“You’ve peaked my interest”

“Hey hey hey there’s no need to talk about me in the rain. Guys?”

But alas, the great sage equal to heaven’s attempt to derail an embarrassing conversation failed.

“Did you get a photo?”

“Who do you think I am? Of course I got a photo.”

Mk didn’t even have to open his eyes to know that Monkey King was already crafting a plan to grab his phone

“—And before you try it Monkey King, I already emailed myself a backup on two accounts”

There was a groan of frustration and two tail thumps on the ground.

Mei grinned, hopping up from where she sat.

“Send it to me when you wake up okay?”

Mk gave a thumbs up.

“Alrighty, I’ll be back tomorrow to check on you.” Mei picked up her bag and strided to the door.

“Goodbye Mei”

“Bye loser! Oh! And it was nice to talk to you, Mr King!”

Mei called from beyond the door. Swinging closed, the door clicked shut, leaving Monkey King and his drowsy successor alone.

Wukong signed

“Get better soon, bud.”

He was halfway out the window preparing to shift when he heard Mk mumble something.

He found himself leaning back in the room in an effort to hear his student better.

“Come again?”

“Thank you…for both peaches.”

Silence reigned for a moment.

“You’re welcome.”

And when Mk opened his eyes a few seconds later, the monkey king was gone.

I’m working on my own DCA x Reader AU and here’s the concept doodles for the trio. The idea, as of now, is a rival to friends to lovers (because who doesn’t like that…)

It’s set in a fantasy landscape plagued by monsters and Monster Slayers are hired similar to bounty hunters to protect towns and kingdoms and take out potential threats that are monster shaped. I do plan to write and post some more details and then maybe the first chapter soon after I get some things sorted so if anyone is curious… anywho~

baby mbj

I’m gonna add my story in here when I finish writing it XD

Edit: I finished it. Here it is! :DD

“And stay out!” Death slams the door. You walk away, strangely irritated from the altercation.

“Bitch,” you mumble. “I just wanted to see how he was doing.” As you walk up the stairs, you ponder how many subscribers you’ve gained since your last video.

Yep, you started a YouTube channel; you were one of the very first. You don’t age, so your body stays frozen at the peak of physical health- you’re funny and can relate to people (700 years gives a lot of time to memorise jokes)

And finally, you can’t die. You have one of the largest subscriber counts- bigger than Pewdiepie, even. It’s fun to see how people react to the shenanigans you somehow get into, and the suggestions for videos you could do are always awesome too!

“So guys, you’ve seen me and Death’s relationship. He doesn’t like me, and I don’t want to see him at my doorstep anytime soon (it doesn’t count if I show up on his!) It’s sorta a shame though, I really wanted to meet some of you guys this time..” Somehow, even when dead, your subscribers stay loyal to your videos, even trying to meet you when you prank Death or visit the underworld from time to time. It’s really fun, seeing them scream your name and taunt Death about what he lost oh-so-long ago.

You exit the entrance to the underworld, chuckling all the way. “Haha, did you guys see his face when the therapist showed up?! That was hil~ar~i~ous!”

“And remember guys, it doesn’t matter if you like and subscribe because I don’t need to eat, which means I don’t need to earn money to live~ but like anyway? Subscribe for more? Thank you?”

You finish filming and switch off the camera, sighing with a smile on your face. You love making videos, documenting everything you find about yourself and your immortality, but it gets a little... tiring, when you are literally the most famous person in all time.

Suddenly, you hear a lock on your door.

“What could that be..?” You mutter. You take your time, and pack up your things because it takes two weeks to travel to the underworld and another two back- and that’s not even sleeping, not to mention the various monsters you had to fight to even get a halfway decent coffee. (Nobody mentions Medusa. Or the Sphinx) You’re exhausted, they can wait dammit!

So, 20 minutes later, you amble downstairs. You crack open the door.

“So, what was it you wanted-“ You stop.

It’s Death. He’s on your doorstep.

Holding a bag. You don’t know what’s in it.

“What are you doing here...?” You step back warily. Death shifts, almost.. guiltily?

“I’ve.. I’ve been watching your videos.” You’re confused.

“But you hate me? Every time I enter your house, you shove me out again, why would you watch them now?” You ask.

“I’ve watched them all, even those from the very beginning 368 years ago. Your journey has been so long, and you’re always honest with your subscribers about how you’re feeling,” he replies.

You can’t connect the dots in your ancient, knowledgable brain cells. How does that connect to anything..?

“There were a few videos when you explained your immortality, and the feelings you had about it. I saw how you felt really guilty, but I was just too much of a broken-hearted asshole to care. But it’s been 700 years since you said no. And that’s a lot of time to heal. So, I’m sorry I was such an idiot. Will you forgive me..?”

“Oh Death...” you whispered. You walked forward, stretching your arms around him and leaning up towards his lips...

Only to shove him down onto his knees, and give him the most affectionate (if a little rough) noogie he’d had in a while.

“Of course I forgive you, you cretin! You’ve given me the biggest subscriber count in history! I’m rich! And besides, I only prank friends, and I’ve been pranking you for what, 200 years now?”

Death only laughed, escaping your hold to hug you tightly. “Thank you.” He said, smiling sincerely.

“No problem,” you replied. “Now, fuck off for another 700 years, I don’t want to die yet! But, I’ll come over to yours in two weeks? I’ll bring Minecraft- I live for that game now. It is my new purpose. I’ll just pack up my stuff, then leave in an hour okay?”

“You know there’s a short way, right?”

“What.”

In the 15th century, Death asked you out. You rejected him. Furious and humiliated, he swore to never return for you. Six centuries later, you’re still alive.

I love impregnating Shen Qingqiu, but you know what I find more fun? The pregnant virgin Shen Qingqiu :D

I mean, it's absolutely hilarious no matter who the parent or the situation, like, Shen Qingqiu who exchanges qi with Liu Qingge in a mystical cave and accidentally becomes pregnant?

Or Shen Qingqiu hitting Shang Qinghua with a fan full of pollen, Shang Qinghua touches him skin to skin to return the aggression, and THAT PASSIONATE TOUCH causes a pregnancy.

Or the beautiful moment where disciple Luo Binghe accidentally impregnates his Shizun while brushing his hair with a jade comb that turns out to be a rare amulet who, fueled by Luo Binghe's feelings, impregnates Shen Qingqiu. (Extra angst points if it's like, a month before IAC and Shen Qingqiu notices the pregnancy after. Hehehe.)

Or even Shen Qingqiu sharing a tea with Yue Qingyuan and accidentally drinking from the same cup (from a tea set gifted by another sect, clearly cursed or something) Shen Qingqiu clearly ends up pregnant - and the Sect Leader is very, very full of feelings about it.

Oh BOY, what else do we have here? Accidentally pregnant due to Mu Qingfang's medical error in the cross prescription of some herbs and touching his exposed skin? Accidentally pregnant from Zhuzhi-lang's bite? I mean, he would have to expel some eggs, that would make his pregnancy process shorter like, four and a half months in and four and a half months out? Lmao make me wild, ACCIDENTALLY PREGNANT WITH MOBEI JUN'S BABY, maybe because Shen Qingqiu had some cursed amulet on him or some kind of curse on him at the same time Mobei-jun has to touch him with qi for something (keep him alive on Junshang's orders perhaps?)

I mean, the funny thing is that Shen Qingqiu is a virgin. Very virgin. Virgin in "the only pussy I've ever seen is from porn" and "the only cocks I've ever seen too. Not that I watch gay porn. You just see cocks when you watch porn, it's inevitable". Virgin in an almost spiritual state of silly behavior.

And obviously, it's so funny that in a world of sexual plants, papapa to solve everything, he, JUST HE, has to carry a baby without all the sexy act that leading to a pregnancy.

I mean, it's hilarious. He's such a dumb boy. He will hit Shang Qinghua very hard for all those pregnancies of course.

*screams* ♡♡♡♡♡

*sweats* ha.. is it. is it hot in here? or is it just me? *sweats harder, pulls at collar* ha, ha.. you're sexy.

i think it's just you my love, you really light up the room and light sources tend to be pretty hot ;3

---

Oh my god

So a few months ago I asked this girl out. She said she couldn't because she was bisexual and I of course said that this doesn't matter to me. Then she clarified that she means that she is attracted to girls only from July to December and if I wanted to we could meet up in July. I thought she was messing with me but she did call me two weeks ago and we have been dating ever since. And I checked her social media and yeah she only dates girls for half an year. I am baffled. Have you heard of this?

How Your Job Changes Over Time (1st Day Vs 101st Day)

gender neutral greetings ✨