#OUUUUCCCHHH

#OUUUUCCCHHH

Being closeted for 40 years is heartbreaking, but I feel especially bad for high school Mac.

The flush on his face when he caught glimpses of the other boys in the locker rooms and how hard he had to train himself to look away.

The first time he tried out for the wrestling team and the thrill he felt when the other guy pinned him down, and the fear that rushed through him afterwards, because now it wasn't just Charlie or Dennis who made him feel like this, it was every boy who touched him.

Him hearing all the guys around him talking about girls, and how hot their bodies are, and how great it is to sleep with them, and him having nothing to contribute.

Mac being able to keep quiet during the conversation because he had plausible deniability by being a virgin until he finds himself in a situation in which the straight man decision is to go for it, and the entire time he's thinking that he doesn't understand why people make such a big deal about sex and how quickly he resigned himself to a life without passion.

He must have been so scared and confused, wondering if being attracted to guys was a normal phase all guys go through and hopefully grow out of, but knowing he couldn't talk to anyone about it out of fear of someone telling him it's not normal

But it's not normal, and it's gay, and he's gay and he's only 14 but he knows exactly how the world feels about people like him, how his father feels about people like him.

And so at 14 years old, Mac begins to pray. and he prays for forgiveness for his urges, and he prays for strength against temptation, and he hopes with enough prayer, he will be able to chalk up his feelings to youthful indiscretion.