I Did It Folks. I Finally Wrote A Smvtty Story Without Getting Shy XD. Is It Good? Debatable. Is It Finished?

*doubles over in agony*

The Shape of a Lack

You like a woman shaped like an absence / You like a woman who you can read like a mystery / You like an actress, ready and willing to recreate your favorite pornography / You like a good gander at your own reflection / You like a woman who is a mirror / She's flat, and bright, and all about you / You like a woman like a deer in the road / Crushed beneath your careless wheels / She's a mangled mess of thin, knotted limbs / But it's her own fault / She saw your lights and she froze / You like a woman like a blunt instrument / She's an implement to inflict injuries of your own self-hatred / You like a woman who you can put in a trophy case / So that you can invite other men to come have a gaze / So that other men can look at her and pat you on the back / So that other men can covet what you have / And just maybe that will heal the wound in the shape of your dad / You like a woman in the shape of a lack / She's a beautiful gap for you to fill / She's a handy little rag to clean up your spills / You like a woman you can burn through as quickly as striking a matchstick / You like a woman you can grift / After all, what use is having her if it says nothing of your own cleverness? / You want a woman like a party-trick / That, or a dog you can kick / You want to toss your stick out into the wilderness / Sit back and watch as she faithfully runs off to retrieve / You want a woman who won't ask you to stay / You want a woman who will never leave

And a chicken nugget

before you...there was only hunger a gnawing ache that lived in my ribs like something forgotten yet still alive a voice that murmured from shadowed corners i watched you from a careful distance never close enough to touch or claim just close enough to believe you were mine a ghost i kept breathing into existence

🔞

In the late afternoon, I lie on my bed.

The sunglow seeps through spaces in the blinds and warms my soft brown skin. I trace the outline of my hip with my forefinger, admiring my new panties. They're hemmed with delicate lace, and there's a little pink rosebud made of tightly coiled ribbon stitched to the center of the waistband, directly beneath my n@vel. It makes me feel like a sweet little candy all wrapped up nicely. An image of my boyfriend's reaction to a picture of me like this popping up on his phone flashes through my mind. Heat rises to my face and I push my phone a little further away from myself on the bed. Of course I can't send him a picture of me like this! What will he say? What if he barely responds at all! I'd be mortified. But what if he likes it?... In my mind, I see him at the end of my bed, parting my legs to lie on top of me. His hand traveling from my collarbones all the way down my body and - oh, you know where. I try not to think of that for too long. The reason I laid down here was to take a simple nap before returning to finish my housework. It's time for my Sunday reset, after all. But I can already feel a bit of pressure building between my thighs.

I hop off the bed to look out the window at the stillness of the neighborhood. I can see the driveway and the house across the street which has been adorned with myriad flowers by the elderly couple that lives there. I can't help but imagine my boyfriend's car in the driveway. Imagine him looking through the window and seeing me, giving me a shy smile as I shimmy my hips playfully. I open the window to let in a little bit of fresh air, in hopes of distracting myself. The scent of spring with all its youthful exhilaration wafts in.

I inhale deeply and stretch upwards with the warm sun beaming down on my face. The cool breeze slips up my cropped, very baggy white camisole, and kisses my n¡pples. In response, they harden to peaks. I immediately cup my hands over my bre@sts, worried that someone might glance at my window and see me like that. My bre@sts are a bit too big to fit in my hands. E cups that sway with every step, so I can never go braless without garnering a lot of attention. My n¡pples are hypersensitive, with @reolas that dimple at the slightest touch. Any chance of distracting myself from the growing heat between my thighs vanished with the breeze coming through my window when I cupped my tits. My nap time fantasies made me even more sensitive to the warm touch. A jolt of pleasure shot through my chest and melted into a drop of soothing ecstasy.

"There goes nap time" I giggle to myself.

My hands begin to massage my chest in large circles. Cupping my bre@sts and fondling them gently. Now my n¡ps are even more pronounced, and when I glance down I can see them jutting out through the thin fabric of my camisole.

I give them a teasing flick. A breathy m0an escapes my lips. Warmth drips onto my panties from that simple touch.

So I begin to flick my n¡pples, one after the other in quick succession. Bliss swirls my chest. I just want more. A gentle pinch and a tug gives me a twing of pain mingled with the pleasure, causing my knees to buckle under me.

I quickly moved to the bed and lied down on my back, rubbing my @reolas in soothing strokes. Every now and then I encircled one of the hardened peaks in between my thumb and forefinger, eliciting a sound of excitement to escape me.

I bend my knees upward and begin to squirm as I moved my fingertips faster.

I tease the waistband of my panties with one hand while the other brushes across my entire chest. My chest is heaving up and down, my tummy shivers with every light touch.

My fantasies swirl out of control now. I can't help but wonder what it would be like if I were seen. A moment ago the idea frightened me. But now, entangled in the thrall of my ar0usal, I found it so exciting. I know everyone in the neighborhood is probably off at work. So I felt safe enough, during these quiet hours, to slowly part my legs in front of the window. I reach down to feel myself, and my fingers are met with a slick, warm, puddle seeping through my pretty little panties. I wonder if it could be seen from outside, just how wet I am.

Sliding my fingers up and down my slit is enough to make me shiver with ecstasy. My hips buck when I pass over my cl¡t with featherlight touches. The lack of pressure is torment, but I enjoy holding off my own release. My back arches away from my mattress as my pvssy throbs with need. I can feel myself soaking through my panties as I deny myself sweet release for a little longer. My mind has gone to another place now. I am floating in the middle of space, surrounded by my own pleasure sounds.

That's when it happens.

I hear a voice calling my name. The single word tumbled out, a startled, urgent, breathless sound. I recognize the voice immediately. In a panic, I rip my blanket off my bed and wrap it around my half naked body, sitting up to face my boyfriend, staring at me through the open window, jaw slacked, obviously shaken.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry. I didn't - I didn't mean - to - to watch. I swear." He stammers.

I am quivering from the anxiety and hypersensitivity reverberating through my entire body, and absolutely stupefied into silence.

"I wanted to surprise you, because you said today - today was a boring day, so I tried to knock and you didn't hear me, and then I heard some - some sounds. So I - I came to investigate." He shifts his weight uncomfortably, and starts to move away from the window. "I'm so sorry. I'll come back another time. I really didn't mean -"

"Wait no, no." I interrupt him. He freezes in place. I take a deep breath, summoning my courage. "I... liked it."

"What?" The word comes out soft and weak. I can see redness spreading across the bridge of his nose.

His blush only makes me want him more.

"I liked... that you saw me." I tell him.

I try to steady my quavering legs as I stand up to raise the window higher, with the blanket clutched around my neck, falling over my shoulders, providing minimal coverage.

My heart is pounding in my ears.

We are so close now, with only glass between us. I breathe as slowly as possible. My voice is barely above a whisper.

"Do you want to come in?"

Behold, a spiral of insanity

-Fyodor Dostoyevsky, White Nights

What comes forth from your dark well of hidden dreams?

Clarice Lispector, A Breath of Life

That stage in the crush where you listen to maneater songs so you don't crash out waiting for a text even though deep down you're just a lovergirl and you just wanna hold hands and talk about anime.

princess top 5: other songs

5. that’s how you know, enchanted // 1, 2, 3

Take away my cartoons over my d3ad body😤