At this point I'm surviving on fantasies and daydreams.
you know what's frustrating? having so much love to give, putting in efforts to make your loved ones stay, struggling to not be a burden on people, making them handmade things, going out of your way to be for them, checking up on them regularly and not receiving even a tiny amount of it back. the worst part is, even if i stop doing that, the only person suffering would be me because they don't care if i disappear. why should they? they have better people they can love and care for.
they mean everything to me and i treasure every happy moment i spend with them, but to them, i'm replaceable.
I'm probably annoying you at this point.. how many times did i tell you that i adore your voice?
are you thinking about me? think about me. think about me think about me think about me think about me thinkaboutme
J̸̡͕̯͇̓̿̈́͗͛̉̅ě̸̬̩̺͑́͋͐̋̎a̶̛̻͓̦͔͚̒͗ͅḻ̶̗̦̼̈́o̵͍̱̺͆͊͆́͛̑̈́ŭ̸͍̘̟͈̎͐̈́͝s̶͕̜̀͌̀̓͛͐̎̕y̷̢̢̟̝͇͕̦̻̑̀̊͌̓̚ ̴̛̻͕̞͔̹̆̑̐̏͘͘͝J̴͎͎̬͈̘̍̈͒̃e̴̝̖̪̓̂̎a̴̛̺̖͎͇̣̘͖̠̽̚l̸̙̗̣̋̿̈͐̓͠ỏ̵̧̬̻̙̩̩͋͘ű̶̪̲͎̤̪̪ş̴̱͍̱̈͊̀͐͒̂̍̃̕ŷ̶̞̯͊̾̐ ̵̨̰͇̮̼̙̻̞̔̒̅̓̏̍̒͠J̷̢̬͕̞̺̔̇e̵̱͇̱̪̻̯̠̓̈́̌͑͌͝͝ả̵̢̡̧̮̖͕̲̈́̃͝͝l̵̨̤̻̊̃̔͐̒̂̈́̚͜o̵̩͍̩̤͔͊̑̏̑̑u̴͖̺̩͔͇̠̐s̸͉̠̥͓̞͙̥͍̞͐ỳ̷̛͙̗̠̱̻̼́̈́͑̈ ̷̗̀́̓J̸̨̛̩̺̮̾̇̓̏̆̾̓̕e̶̢̧̙̖̲̖͋́̃̏̌͊͝ā̸͈̐͗͋̊̂͗̍̕l̸̡̩͉͔̣̇͌̋͠ͅo̶̤͑͊̇͆̇̽͐͝͝ư̴̹̏͊̍́͠͝͠s̸͙̥̟̰͚͓̔́́ÿ̵͙́J̶̧͕̠͇͔̼̮̩̄̓̾̏͛͛̈́̚e̸̺͔̜̽̅̈́̀̑͠à̷͈̜͕͓́͆l̷̢̛͎̩̮̲͕͋͑̍̓̕o̸̧̦͂̇̆̔͛̎́̄͠ú̵̙͙͈̿̽̆͘͝s̸̢̊ý̶̳̟̣͂̒ ̸̡̮̣̥͍̥̘̂̈́̾͒̓̂ͅJ̶̠̱̗̗̳̯̌͗͑̈́̌̂̚͜͜ê̶̖̓͛́͗̄̓͗͜a̷͙̦̼̪͍̺̹̞̿̋̂̈́l̴̨̡̡̺̣̀̔͜͝͝͝ǫ̶̝͑̽̂̿͑͘͜͝͝u̵̻̠̱͖̙̇͗͗̏́́̏͌̚s̸̡̨̼͔̪̘̝͒̓y̸̦̆̐̒̋͘ J̸̡͕̯͇̓̿̈́͗͛̉̅ě̸̬̩̺͑́͋͐̋̎a̶̛̻͓̦͔͚̒͗ͅḻ̶̗̦̼̈́o̵͍̱̺͆͊͆́͛̑̈́ŭ̸͍̘̟͈̎͐̈́͝s̶͕̜̀͌̀̓͛͐̎̕y̷̢̢̟̝͇͕̦̻̑̀̊͌̓̚ ̴̛̻͕̞͔̹̆̑̐̏͘͘͝J̴͎͎̬͈̘̍̈͒̃e̴̝̖̪̓̂̎a̴̛̺̖͎͇̣̘͖̠̽̚l̸̙̗̣̋̿̈͐̓͠ỏ̵̧̬̻̙̩̩͋͘ű̶̪̲͎̤̪̪ş̴̱͍̱̈͊̀͐͒̂̍̃̕ŷ̶̞̯͊̾̐ ̵̨̰͇̮̼̙̻̞̔̒̅̓̏̍̒͠J̷̢̬͕̞̺̔̇e̵̱͇̱̪̻̯̠̓̈́̌͑͌͝͝ả̵̢̡̧̮̖͕̲̈́̃͝͝l̵̨̤̻̊̃̔͐̒̂̈́̚͜o̵̩͍̩̤͔͊̑̏̑̑u̴͖̺̩͔͇̠̐s̸͉̠̥͓̞͙̥͍̞͐ỳ̷̛͙̗̠̱̻̼́̈́͑̈ ̷̗̀́̓J̸̨̛̩̺̮̾̇̓̏̆̾̓̕e̶̢̧̙̖̲̖͋́̃̏̌͊͝ā̸͈̐͗͋̊̂͗̍̕l̸̡̩͉͔̣̇͌̋͠ͅo̶̤͑͊̇͆̇̽͐͝͝ư̴̹̏͊̍́͠͝͠s̸͙̥̟̰͚͓̔́́ÿ̵͙́J̶̧͕̠͇͔̼̮̩̄̓̾̏͛͛̈́̚e̸̺͔̜̽̅̈́̀̑͠à̷͈̜͕͓́͆l̷̢̛͎̩̮̲͕͋͑̍̓̕o̸̧̦͂̇̆̔͛̎́̄͠ú̵̙͙͈̿̽̆͘͝s̸̢̊ý̶̳̟̣͂̒ ̸̡̮̣̥͍̥̘̂̈́̾͒̓̂ͅJ̶̠̱̗̗̳̯̌͗͑̈́̌̂̚͜͜ê̶̖̓͛́͗̄̓͗͜a̷͙̦̼̪͍̺̹̞̿̋̂̈́l̴̨̡̡̺̣̀̔͜͝͝͝ǫ̶̝͑̽̂̿͑͘͜͝͝u̵̻̠̱͖̙̇͗͗̏́́̏͌̚s̸̡̨̼͔̪̘̝͒̓y̸̦̆̐̒̋͘ ̵̧̛̹͙͍̠͚̓̄̎̎̽͋J̶̲̰͂̓̑̇̃͂͗͝ḙ̷̅́̓́̽͆̈́͐ả̵̱͕̩͂̽̕̕͝l̴̥̜̩̳͙͇̲̽͛͗̐͗̈͗̕͜ò̵̦̩̝͇̳̩̩͑͆͌͗̏͛̒͝ụ̵̧̱̙̔͗s̶̛̥̦̼̊́́͘ẏ̴͓̙̝̞̬̜̬ ̸̨̤̳̲͚̑J̵̗̩̘̦̯͕̈́̏̾̾͂̾̋̎͘e̵͖̣͊̒̂a̵̝̮̯̼̣̙̦̗̔́͒̋̇͠l̸̜̘̖̾́́̾̕͜͠ớ̷̪̣̻̮͓̥͍̗̦̂̊͋̃̈u̶̥̱͉̺̹̙̙͐̋̈̎̌̈́s̵̢̫̬̮̪͈͖͈͂̕̕̚ÿ̶̢̘͈̪̠̩̮́͑͌͗ ̵̧̛̹͙͍̠͚̓̄̎̎̽͋J̶̲̰͂̓̑̇̃͂͗͝ḙ̷̅́̓́̽͆̈́͐ả̵̱͕̩͂̽̕̕͝l̴̥̜̩̳͙͇̲̽͛͗̐͗̈͗̕͜ò̵̦̩̝͇̳̩̩͑͆͌͗̏͛̒͝ụ̵̧̱̙̔͗s̶̛̥̦̼̊́́͘ẏ̴͓̙̝̞̬̜̬ ̸̨̤̳̲͚̑J̵̗̩̘̦̯͕̈́̏̾̾͂̾̋̎͘e̵͖̣͊̒̂a̵̝̮̯̼̣̙̦̗̔́͒̋̇͠l̸̜̘̖̾́́̾̕͜͠ớ̷̪̣̻̮͓̥͍̗̦̂̊͋̃̈u̶̥̱͉̺̹̙̙͐̋̈̎̌̈́s̵̢̫̬̮̪͈͖͈͂̕̕̚ÿ̶̢̘͈̪̠̩̮́͑͌͗ J̸̡͕̯͇̓̿̈́͗͛̉̅ě̸̬̩̺͑́͋͐̋̎a̶̛̻͓̦͔͚̒͗ͅḻ̶̗̦̼̈́o̵͍̱̺͆͊͆́͛̑̈́ŭ̸͍̘̟͈̎͐̈́͝s̶͕̜̀͌̀̓͛͐̎̕y̷̢̢̟̝͇͕̦̻̑̀̊͌̓̚ ̴̛̻͕̞͔̹̆̑̐̏͘͘͝J̴͎͎̬͈̘̍̈͒̃e̴̝̖̪̓̂̎a̴̛̺̖͎͇̣̘͖̠̽̚l̸̙̗̣̋̿̈͐̓͠ỏ̵̧̬̻̙̩̩͋͘ű̶̪̲͎̤̪̪ş̴̱͍̱̈͊̀͐͒̂̍̃̕ŷ̶̞̯͊̾̐ ̵̨̰͇̮̼̙̻̞̔̒̅̓̏̍̒͠J̷̢̬͕̞̺̔̇e̵̱͇̱̪̻̯̠̓̈́̌͑͌͝͝ả̵̢̡̧̮̖͕̲̈́̃͝͝l̵̨̤̻̊̃̔͐̒̂̈́̚͜o̵̩͍̩̤͔͊̑̏̑̑u̴͖̺̩͔͇̠̐s̸͉̠̥͓̞͙̥͍̞͐ỳ̷̛͙̗̠̱̻̼́̈́͑̈ ̷̗̀́̓J̸̨̛̩̺̮̾̇̓̏̆̾̓̕e̶̢̧̙̖̲̖͋́̃̏̌͊͝ā̸͈̐͗͋̊̂͗̍̕l̸̡̩͉͔̣̇͌̋͠ͅo̶̤͑͊̇͆̇̽͐͝͝ư̴̹̏͊̍́͠͝͠s̸͙̥̟̰͚͓̔́́ÿ̵͙́J̶̧͕̠͇͔̼̮̩̄̓̾̏͛͛̈́̚e̸̺͔̜̽̅̈́̀̑͠à̷͈̜͕͓́͆l̷̢̛͎̩̮̲͕͋͑̍̓̕o̸̧̦͂̇̆̔͛̎́̄͠ú̵̙͙͈̿̽̆͘͝s̸̢̊ý̶̳̟̣͂̒ ̸̡̮̣̥͍̥̘̂̈́̾͒̓̂ͅJ̶̠̱̗̗̳̯̌͗͑̈́̌̂̚͜͜ê̶̖̓͛́͗̄̓͗͜a̷͙̦̼̪͍̺̹̞̿̋̂̈́l̴̨̡̡̺̣̀̔͜͝͝͝ǫ̶̝͑̽̂̿͑͘͜͝͝u̵̻̠̱͖̙̇͗͗̏́́̏͌̚s̸̡̨̼͔̪̘̝͒̓y̸̦̆̐̒̋͘ ̵̧̛̹͙͍̠͚̓̄̎̎̽͋J̶̲̰͂̓̑̇̃͂͗͝ḙ̷̅́̓́̽͆̈́͐ả̵̱͕̩͂̽̕̕͝l̴̥̜̩̳͙͇̲̽͛͗̐͗̈͗̕͜ò̵̦̩̝͇̳̩̩͑͆͌͗̏͛̒͝ụ̵̧̱̙̔͗s̶̛̥̦̼̊́́͘ẏ̴͓̙̝̞̬̜̬ J̸̡͕̯͇̓̿̈́͗͛̉̅ě̸̬̩̺͑́͋͐̋̎a̶̛̻͓̦͔͚̒͗ͅḻ̶̗̦̼̈́o̵͍̱̺͆͊͆́͛̑̈́ŭ̸͍̘̟͈̎͐̈́͝s̶͕̜̀͌̀̓͛͐̎̕y̷̢̢̟̝͇͕̦̻̑̀̊͌̓̚ ̴̛̻͕̞͔̹̆̑̐̏͘͘͝J̴͎͎̬͈̘̍̈͒̃e̴̝̖̪̓̂̎a̴̛̺̖͎͇̣̘͖̠̽̚l̸̙̗̣̋̿̈͐̓͠o̵͘ ̸̨̤̳̲͚̑J̵̗̩̘̦̯͕̈́̏̾̾͂̾̋̎͘e̵͖̣͊̒̂a̵̝̮̯̼̣̙̦̗̔́͒̋̇͠l̸̜̘̖̾́́̾̕͜͠ớ̷̪̣̻̮͓̥͍̗̦̂̊͋̃̈u̶̥̱͉̺̹̙̙͐̋̈̎̌̈́s̵̢̫̬̮̪͈͖͈͂̕̕̚ÿ̶̢̘͈̪̠̩̮́͑͌͗ ̴̖̦̲͚̍̆̚͠J̵̢̩̱̳͙͔͕̦̫͝e̸͔͙̣̹͆͆ȧ̶̝̖̺̠͍̞͉̩̏̈́̔͝l̶̯̾̊̏͆̆͑̏̈́͗ͅo̶͖͚͖̼̾́́̆̿̓͑̂̀ͅų̶͕͕͇̞̍̾̎s̵̨̝̦̮̺̲̠͛͊̉̀̆͜͜y̷̨͎̯̦̜͇͚̘̒̈́̈́́́̓J̶̧͕̠͇͔̼̮̩̄̓̾̏͛͛̈́̚e̸̺͔̜̽̅̈́̀̑͠à̷͈̜͕͓́͆l̷̢̛͎̩̮̲͕͋͑̍̓̕o̸̧̦͂̇̆̔͛̎́̄͠ú̵̙͙͈̿̽̆͘͝s̸̢̊ý̶̳̟̣͂̒ ̶͈̰͈̣̤̖̩̯͇͒J̷̧̜͎͚͕̗̗̘̋͋ͅe̵͎̋̈͗̓̔̓à̷̘͎̊ľ̷̨͇̜̆̒o̵̘̟̝̳̻̟̳̅̆̃͐͆͂́͜ȗ̴͕̰̱̙͚̱̹̖̼̄͂͋́͘s̶̞̲̳͕̝̦̭͙̾̍͗̽̅̉ͅỳ̷̢̮̩̞͉̀̋͐̇͝͝ ̷̨̫͓̜͕̘̦̇̍J̴̛̭͇͔͖̦̫̘͕̤̃̃̌͂̆̚e̸̯̤̗̊ȧ̵͉̳̰̻̩̏̕l̴͖͊̀o̵̯̓̚u̷͇͎̖̼̭̹͋͒̓͗͝s̸̪̙̙͚̜̦͂͌̎̎̌̎͗̕͠ͅy̴̳̗̯̰͈̹̟͚̆̎̏͒ ̷̡̡̱̲̞̓̀̕J̴̳̽͘ē̴̥̯̾̆͑̄̊͠a̴̠͙̙̿̄͐̆̾̌̄͐̈́l̸͈̘̂̔̍̿o̴̘̍ŭ̸̼̤̪̈̒͛̄̇̎̚͠ͅŝ̵̱̫̙̓̈́̽̍͂y̵͈͚̖̩̝̟͓̣͂̎̾̉͐́͑̓͒ ̶̧͉̤̎͛̈́͊͂̌͝͠͠J̵̡̡̨̙̞̟͇̼̃̓̅̈́̈́̋̋̾e̵̮̓͒́̈́̈͜a̴̜̼̟̍̔̓̂͘̕͠͠l̶̼̹̘̯͕̦͊͑̄̊͊͜͝ͅo̶̧̦̯̝̿̕ṷ̸̧̨̠̠͍͉̠͑̾̋̑̕͝͠ś̵̛̫͈͍̈́̓̑̂̑ẙ̸͈̙͍̌̈́͝ ̴̬̬̯̜̣͊͂̎̀̚J̶̢̼͍̍̓͑̎ͅë̵̡̢̤̭̠̟̹̬́̔͋ȧ̴͈͖͎͌͑̑l̵͎̖̺̗͖͙̱͗̀͐̾̓̉̈́̂͂ǫ̴̩̠̻̙̰̮͎́͌̅͋͝u̵̧̳̳̩̗͙͉̰͂̃̊ś̸̢̪̜̈͌̎͜ỳ̷̫̯͈̺̮͖̻͊͛̅͗̄̑̀̕ͅ ̴̡̙͚͔̝͇̖͝J̵̧͎̯͈̺̫̠̓͛̑̐̒͘͜ȩ̷̭͉̞̰̘̪̀́͋͛à̴͖̲̳̩͈̠̹̐͋̃̓͆̂̂ͅļ̸̜͚̬̪̰͓̈́̏̌o̴̢̺̹̟̿̑͒̽̑̂͂̕͝u̴̱̠̖̰̗̼̅̑͊̌̋́ş̸̀̿͛̊̊́̕͘y̴̨̫̥̼̺̽͋̆͌̿̿͆̆͜ ̴̢̛̣̹͙͙̬̘͌͛̅̉̆͋͠͠ͅJ̸̛͈̘́̈́͋͛̎͊̉͝ė̵̼͕̙͜ầ̴̠̣̬̺͐͂͑̌͑͝͝l̴̗͌̋̌̚ͅò̷̡̩͇̄̈́ų̵̗̻̣͚͓̘̅̀̆̍̎̈́͜͝͝s̷͚̪̰̠̙͊̃̄̓̀̄̔̄͑ͅͅỷ̷̯̬͎̬̀̈́̋̍̇͂͐ ̵̮͉̤̟̿͜J̷̧̙̜͌̒̉̓̕e̸̢̧̹̺̙̬͋͗̀͊ȁ̶̡̪̫̻̘̥̲̙͝ͅl̶̳̳͙͎̯̱̈ͅo̴̭̣̘͒̅ͅṵ̵͈̱̜͉͍̭̔̀̄͘͝͝s̸̞̦̦̗͒̒̋̀͠ý̸̰̪̯͈̥̤͎͎̞̑̈́ ̷̪̻̱̞̮͙̳͎́J̴̳͔̯̟͎̈́ḙ̵̓̍̓̌͂ă̶̻̞̣̘̄́͛l̷̲̠̥̩̇̑o̸̡̘̞͈̝̝͕̓̐͋̎̍̄͜ȕ̵̠̖͍͛ş̵̠̾͑̐͝y̸̨̬͎̗̪̩̪̔̋̏̉̆̊͠ ̷̱͔̣̪̍͗ͅJ̵̙̹͈̉̋͌̃̍ĕ̸̛̯͎̥͚̱ͅͅȁ̵̢͑͗̔ľ̸̘̮͓̖o̷̢̧̧̹̰̫͊u̶̢̡̧͇̳̞̩͈̽́͐̃͌̕͜͠͝s̷̛̹͂̀̉͗ỹ̵̠̳̮̩̲͔̟̌̾̈́͜͠ ̴̢̢̩͕̺͒͝J̵̯͒̄͑ê̵̥̤̹̭͠à̶̩̪͚̹͍͕̂̍͂l̸̙̟̮̲̥̃o̷̹̘̣͇̻͑̊̿̈̓̚͝ȕ̶̗͉͑̍͊͝͠s̴̜̖̖̹̈́́̿̒̀͛͂̃y̸̡̖̬͍̮̮̖̙͙͗̎̿
♡ 19 | vent blog | tw suicide, obsessive love, stalking, gore | diagnosed bpd she/her
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