Felt This A Little Too Much

me and who?

Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. Ruin me. R̶̞͉̮̣̪̊̄̑͋̇̆̕͝͝ǘ̴͚̠̻̗͚͗ͅḯ̶̺͇̘̱n̵̡̮͙̱̤̲̪̩͍̆͛̈́͋͋͆͆͗̔͘ͅ ̷̩̤̝̰̲͈͇͆͗̕͜m̷̨̧̠̥͓͈͎̤̼͓̀͒̒͒̿̎̂̏̒͗ê̶͉͇̜̮͓̝̜̱̯̄̈͐̅̀̽͆̓̈.̴͖̭̞͈̭̜̳̈́͊̋̏̅͛͗̉̏ ̷͎͖̻͇͕͇͉͙̽̃͆̌̎̊̿̓̓̕R̸̤̤͙͍͙̦̓̈̊͛̈́̍͑u̴̡̨̧̥̽̈́̀́̏̅͒͊i̶̗͔͍̟̯̔ņ̶̛͓̦͈͖̦͇̺͎̾͆͗͗̏̆̓̈́̀ ̶̞̖̣͙͔̥̗̠̠̐̿̈͗͒̾m̴̹̠̻̱̤͕͖̖̍͑̀͆̌͋́̋̈́͠ḛ̶͖̦̮̹̩͙̆̔̋̚.̶̨̨̖̩̘͍͚̜̻̊̃̔̀̊͐ ̶̡͍͔͈̙̩̀͑̐̊͛̍͠R̴̨̻̱̘͂̏̽͐̈̾u̷̙̰̮̲̱̜̼̮̓̽̽́̽̚ị̸̙̃̀͜ͅn̸͖̳̖̥͉͗̅̉͒͑͒̇̃̈͒ ̷̳͖͓̯̱̐́̽̑̚m̵̫̮̆̑̍̊͜ḙ̸̭̻͎̺̳͎̱̈́͠.̴̝̞́͌̽̑́̋͆͝ ̵̡̨̟̼̼̻̰̻̊̍̋̀̐̃̃̄ͅṚ̶̰̹̠̟͚͈̐̏̊͊̋͗̊̚u̴̗͎͇̗͌̄̑̃̀̿̔͜͠i̴̟̓̈́̿͆͗͝n̷̦̯͔̥̖̦͂̄̉͑͌ͅ ̷̨̘̙̟͎̹̝̣̔͐̔m̷͎̺̲̃͗̚ę̸͙͕͙̀̕.̵̧̝͊̔̇̍́͑͛̓̽͝ ̶̧̠̯̤͙̣̯̜̗͌̈́̀̊͐͒͠͝͝R̷̼̹̉̑̎͌ų̸̪̮̖̬̈́̈́͑̆̅̔̕̕͜͠͝i̶̮̋̈̈́̽̅͝͝n̴̰͒͆͛̇ ̵͉̮́̋͜͝m̴̖͚̺̯͉̆e̷͎̣̰̩͓̹͕͋̊̉͒͝.̶̡̞̘͕͙̪͖̼̬̃̈́́̚ ̷̪͙̩͈͍̙̦͖̙̾R̶͕͇̘͒̑̍͘ư̵͇̣͉̪̻̇̓͗͂̇̆͘͘͜͜i̵̠̦͔̮̤̞̖̣̽̍̎͜n̷̢̨̻̖̰̲͐̏́͂̌ͅ ̷̳̮͔͕͙̈̋͊̀͂̀̍m̸̢̟̪̋̕͠é̵̳̆̄̏̀̀̈́.̶̢̱̮̫̳̗̠͛̈́̈̽̍̍̂ ̴̫̦̬̻̣̯̘̞̆̄̇͆̅̿͋͒͝R̴̡̭̭͑̅͘͝ú̶̡̨͇̙̪̰̱̳̟͊̉̒̍̓̍͋i̷̢̢͕̰̩͖̮͙͗́̃̏̍͜͜͠n̵̛̰̩̼̥̦̼͊̐̍̊̕ ̴̙͚̦̞͈̖̖̬̱͋̍͝ͅm̵̖̝̙̦̬̐̽̊̆͋̌̔e̶̖͖̅̂̊̊̒̋͗̚.̸͈̯̝̟͑ ̷̧͖͕̱̫̯͖̎̃̀̇͐͘R̷̗̖̱̜͙̤̀̇́̏̀u̴̢̱̪͙̞̳̱͉͌̓͌͝ͅí̸̛̩̤͇̇͗͋͋̚͝͝n̶̛̞̞͉̾̽́ ̴̗̮͖̤̻̱͘ͅṁ̵̨̢̖̟͕̍̈̀̀̈́͐̅̈͘ȩ̵͓̫̙͌͝.̵̩̽̄̇̏̈̓R̶̞͉̮̣̪̊̄̑͋̇̆̕͝͝ǘ̴͚̠̻̗͚͗ͅḯ̶̺͇̘̱n̵̡̮͙̱̤̲̪̩͍̆͛̈́͋͋͆͆͗̔͘ͅ ̷̩̤̝̰̲͈͇͆͗̕͜m̷̨̧̠̥͓͈͎̤̼͓̀͒̒͒̿̎̂̏̒͗ê̶͉͇̜̮͓̝̜̱̯̄̈͐̅̀̽͆̓̈.̴͖̭̞͈̭̜̳̈́͊̋̏̅͛͗̉̏ ̷͎͖̻͇͕͇͉͙̽̃͆̌̎̊̿̓̓̕R̸̤̤͙͍͙̦̓̈̊͛̈́̍͑u̴̡̨̧̥̽̈́̀́̏̅͒͊i̶̗͔͍̟̯̔ņ̶̛͓̦͈͖̦͇̺͎̾͆͗͗̏̆̓̈́̀ ̶̞̖̣͙͔̥̗̠̠̐̿̈͗͒̾m̴̹̠̻̱̤͕͖̖̍͑̀͆̌͋́̋̈́͠ḛ̶͖̦̮̹̩͙̆̔̋̚.̶̨̨̖̩̘͍͚̜̻̊̃̔̀̊͐ ̶̡͍͔͈̙̩̀͑̐̊͛̍͠R̴̨̻̱̘͂̏̽͐̈̾u̷̙̰̮̲̱̜̼̮̓̽̽́̽̚ị̸̙̃̀͜ͅn̸͖̳̖̥͉͗̅̉͒͑͒̇̃̈͒ ̷̳͖͓̯̱̐́̽̑̚m̵̫̮̆̑̍̊͜ḙ̸̭̻͎̺̳͎̱̈́͠.̴̝̞́͌̽̑́̋͆͝ ̵̡̨̟̼̼̻̰̻̊̍̋̀̐̃̃̄ͅṚ̶̰̹̠̟͚͈̐̏̊͊̋͗̊̚u̴̗͎͇̗͌̄̑̃̀̿̔͜͠i̴̟̓̈́̿͆͗͝n̷̦̯͔̥̖̦͂̄̉͑͌ͅ ̷̨̘̙̟͎̹̝̣̔͐̔m̷͎̺̲̃͗̚ę̸͙͕͙̀̕.̵̧̝͊̔̇̍́͑͛̓̽͝ ̶̧̠̯̤͙̣̯̜̗͌̈́̀̊͐͒͠͝͝R̷̼̹̉̑̎͌ų̸̪̮̖̬̈́̈́͑̆̅̔̕̕͜͠͝i̶̮̋̈̈́̽̅͝͝n̴̰͒͆͛̇ ̵͉̮́̋͜͝m̴̖͚̺̯͉̆e̷͎̣̰̩͓̹͕͋̊̉͒͝.̶̡̞̘͕͙̪͖̼̬̃̈́́̚ ̷̪͙̩͈͍̙̦͖̙̾R̶͕͇̘͒̑̍͘ư̵͇̣͉̪̻̇̓͗͂̇̆͘͘͜͜i̵̠̦͔̮̤̞̖̣̽̍̎͜n̷̢̨̻̖̰̲͐̏́͂̌ͅ ̷̳̮͔͕͙̈̋͊̀͂̀̍m̸̢̟̪̋̕͠é̵̳̆̄̏̀̀̈́.̶̢̱̮̫̳̗̠͛̈́̈̽̍̍̂ ̴̫̦̬̻̣̯̘̞̆̄̇͆̅̿͋͒͝R̴̡̭̭͑̅͘͝ú̶̡̨͇̙̪̰̱̳̟͊̉̒̍̓̍͋i̷̢̢͕̰̩͖̮͙͗́̃̏̍͜͜͠n̵̛̰̩̼̥̦̼͊̐̍̊̕ ̴̙͚̦̞͈̖̖̬̱͋̍͝ͅm̵̖̝̙̦̬̐̽̊̆͋̌̔e̶̖͖̅̂̊̊̒̋͗̚.̸͈̯̝̟͑ ̷̧͖͕̱̫̯͖̎̃̀̇͐͘R̷̗̖̱̜͙̤̀̇́̏̀u̴̢̱̪͙̞̳̱͉͌̓͌͝ͅí̸̛̩̤͇̇͗͋͋̚͝͝n̶̛̞̞͉̾̽́ ̴̗̮͖̤̻̱͘ͅṁ̵̨̢̖̟͕̍̈̀̀̈́͐̅̈͘ȩ̵͓̫̙͌͝.̵̩̽̄̇̏̈̓

At this point I'm surviving on fantasies and daydreams.

why // 10.16.2023

feeling abandoned over the smallest things ever slay

WHY DO I RUIN EVERYTHING HOW DO I STOP RUINING IT ALL I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AND STAY HAPPY