Why Do I Imagine The Batfam Finally Meeting The League And Then One Of Them Going 'how The Fuck Do You

IS IT THOR?!?!???!??!??!?!??!

HEHEEHEE

best jacket potato topping. go.

a simple dot of butter as our ancestors declared

Feral McGee™

It starts with the Joker. 

His goons picked up Tim Drake. Not specifically because it was Tim Drake, he just so happened to be in the Joker’s neighborhood, and we'll, he can't pass up that opportunity now can he? 

Except Tim Drake is watching, along with the rest of Gotham, at the Batcomputer. He’s nursing a broken foot and has been put on monitor duty until he's cleared for field work again. 

The guy looks enough like him, though. Black hair, blue eyes, and bags under his eyes for days. He's also got the same lean sort of build like he does. 

It happens like this. 

The Joker is doing his monologue thing where he explains whatever twisted game he's come up with this time. He takes up the majority of the screen, so nobody can see Not-Tim behind him, not until the big reveal. Then he covers the screen again, getting up close and personal, before stepping back. In those quick few seconds, Not-Tim is no longer sitting there tied to the chair. 

Someone off camera lets the Joker know, and he whirls around, confused as the rest of Gotham. 

And then Not-Tim comes in with the steel chair. 

Or, well, a crowbar, but the reference holds up. 

He takes out one of Joker’s knees before punching him in the face. The Joker drops like a bag of stones, out cold. 

Then he looks towards the camera. 

“Hey there. I'm not really sure where I am, but also if he was after Tim Drake, he got the wrong guy. I'm not him, I'm just some dude. Anyway, I'll just-yep-” he carefully steps over the unconscious Joker, gives the camera a little wave, and then leaves. 

Batman and Nightwing enter shortly after, with the Joker and his goons out cold and tied up. The knots were complicated enough where, in the end, the police resorted to cutting the ties off of them so they could be properly cuffed and taken to Arkham. 

“A constrictor knot,” Batman tells Nightwing as they watch the villain be taken away. “Often used by sailors to temporarily tie things together to keep something in a bag, or to hold something to glue it back together.”

“Huh,” Nightwing says, scratching the back of his head. “Go figure.”

—

The next time it happens, it’s the Riddler. 

He’s laughing, giving his riddles to the Bats and recording himself to all of Gotham while his victim, one of the Wayne brats, hangs over a vat of something. From a distance, he looks like Tim Drake, or maybe a lankier Dick Grayson. And he’s not the only victim, they’re all scattered across the city, but he thought an important figure such as a Wayne should be under the Riddler’s direct supervision while he enacts his schemes. 

While the Riddler cackles and plots and waves his cane around, in the background all of Gotham can see the figure escape. Several Gothamites recognize him as the kid from before, who clocked the Joker. They all watch with bated breath as he sort of wiggles his way out of the ropes holding him up. Once he’s free, he climbs the rope and gets himself down safely. 

Gotham holds their breath as the kid casually walks up to the Riddler, who’s mid-rant. He politely taps him on the shoulder, and as the Riddler is turning around, the kid clocks him just as brutally as he had the Joker. He’s down with one punch. 

They think he’s going to say another sort of awkward goodbye, but instead he pats the Riddler down until he finds a piece of paper tucked into the inside pocket of his jacket. 

“Right,” the kid says, looking at the list. There’s a lot more static overlay now, and several wonder if it’s damage to the cameras. “Uh, the Clocktower, the Docks, and-” he squints at the page for a moment-”Mama Nacaroni’s? What the fuck is that? Anyway, uh. See you later, I guess. Oh! And we’re at the Gotham Arena. Have fun with him, I guess.”

The kid tosses the paper off to the side before the camera cuts to black. 

Just like last time, everyone is out cold and tied up. The Riddler himself is sporting a pretty bad shiner, but well deserved nonetheless. 

“Stop it,” Red Hood tells him. Batman just looks at him, and though Hood can’t see the top half of his face, he can tell that his eyebrow is raised. “You know exactly what I mean, B. Put the adoption papers away.”

“Hn.”

—

After that, it sorta becomes a game. The rogues of Gotham are no longer after a Wayne, or after anybody who holds any kind of social status like usual. They’re all going after this one kid, all determined to be the one to hold him. And each one is televised. 

Mr. Freeze freezes him in a block of ice, but due to the cameras glitching out, nobody can really see how he got free. They do, however, see the kid suplex Mr. Freeze. It should seem impossible, given his lanky figure, but he evidently has more muscle than he’s originally let on. 

Two-Face gets a hold of him, using chains and some power-dampening cuffs just on the off-chance that he’s a meta. They all watch as the kid leans down, pulls a bobby pin out of his hair, and picks the locks on his cuffs. One punch, and Two-Face is down. 

Gothamites are going wild for the kid. They’ve dubbed him Feral McGee™ (an online poll, of course), because every time he goes in for the punch he gets this feral look in his eyes. Also, just the fact that he casually goes up to these rogues and takes them out with all the casualness of doing something incredibly mundane? Incredible. The Gothamites are eating it up. However, despite the video evidence, nobody has been able to properly identify the kid. They know he has black hair and bright eyes, but any time he gets near a camera, it’s like there’s this weird, sort of warped quality the camera takes on. It doesn’t usually calm down until the fight is done-as one sided as they usually are-before he awkwardly skedaddles away.  

He gets kidnapped by the Penguin, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy (though that was more just a friendly chat than anything), Mad Hatter, and the Riddler again. 

And then the Joker escapes. 

It’s no surprise as to who he’s going to go after. 

Due to one too many careless goons, they manage to find their way to the Joker’s hideout pretty quickly. This time, it’s all Bats on deck, and they all hide away in the rafters as Feral McGee™ is hung over a vat of acid. His whole body is tied up, hardly a single inch of exposed skin to be seen except for the neck up. 

They watch the goons, they watch the Joker, and they watch Feral McGee™. 

The Joker is monologuing, practically begging the bats to come find him before the timer runs out. When it does, the kid gets dumped into the vat of acid. 

Despite these stakes, the kid seems to be only mildly annoyed. 

“Fuck this, I have homework I still need to finish,” they hear him say. 

They all watch, amazed and confused, as the kid starts gnawing through the ropes. Human teeth shouldn’t be able to do that so easily, but one bit after the other, and soon enough the kid’s got himself freed enough to just climb up the rest of the rope. When he’s at the top of the crane holding him up, Batman lets down a rope and pulls the kid up and out of danger. 

“Oh, cool, you’re all here,” the kid says casually, as if meeting the entire Bat Clan is just a normal Tuesday. And then he pulls out a notepad and pen and hands it to Red Hood. 

“Can I get an autograph? You’re dope as fuck, dude.”

Red Hood has to look away and hide his face in his arms for a few moments to not give away their location with his laughter before signing. And then, one by one, the others do as well. They pass along the kid’s notebook with shit-eating grins and barely contained snickers despite the fact that the Joker is still right below them. Even Batman signs it, after his children don’t stop hounding him about it. 

In their distraction, they didn’t see the kid sneak away. He’s far away from them now, nearly right over the Joker. Danny waits, though, until the Joker has turned around as the timer almost runs out. They watch as he snickers at Joker’s flabbergasted look. The Joker comically looks back and forth and under objects the kid obviously isn’t under. However, before he can do or say anything else, the kid drops from the rafters and right on top of the Joker. He crumples to the ground, unconscious. The kid, however, just brushes the dust off of himself. Despite the fall he took, there isn’t a scratch on him. 

When the bats join him, they give his notepad back to him, barely able to contain their laughter at the absurdity of it all. The kid, too, joins in the camaraderie, laughing and joking along with them as Batman secures the Joker. 

“Okay, okay, but I gotta ask, dude,” Red Hood says at one point, looking at the kid. “How do you keep getting kidnapped?”

The kid just shrugs. “I get distracted easily. And I’m sleep deprived, so you know. Social awareness is kind of at an all time low right now.”

“Why are you sleep deprived?” Nightwing asks, barely hidden concern in his voice. 

 “Finals are kinda kicking my ass right now. Especially this dumb English homework I have. You guys wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

“Oh, lucky for you,” Red Hood says, wrapping an arm around the kid’s shoulders as he walks them out of the warehouse, “I happen to know a lot about English. So, it is Shakespeare?”

“Yeah, Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

As they walk off, Batman calmly watches, though the rest of the bats can see his jaw twitching. Nightwing comes up behind him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. 

“If you don’t adopt him, I will.”

“Hn.”

is it just me that gets random ass whole SCENES just in the middle of something. like i’ll be talking to someone or walking across the road and then BAM!

i now have a whole conversation between two characters in my head. my one (1) notes app is getting ABUSED at this point.

me: talking to my friend

brain: what if : FIGHT SCENE

me: takes out my phone and my fingers are flying trying to get this down

friend: ??? what’s going on???

like bro,,, this scene::

just came out of nowhere. no idea how?? but still like wow (sorry for the blackouts but i want this to be a suprise!!!)

like writing is such a mood i once woke up in the middle of the night with a whole scene written out and just??? went back to sleep and woke up like yeah that tracks

have some miraculous au outfit w.i.ps

in order the outfits are: winter, everyday, formal, summer, sleep, school (I haven't drawn all of Alya's yet)

some like useful info about the au

they're all aged up to like 16-18

they go to a private school, ik schools in france don't require school uniforms I've decided their's does because it helps play a little more into the magical girl-ness of the show

I'm basically rewriting the entire plot of the show

it's still Marinette and Adrien as Ladybug and Chat Noir I just felt like starting Alya's concepts first :]

anyway I hate this show but it's taken over my brain

I have seen batfam fics and ideas where time traveling Bruce gets the kids earlier and stops all the bad things from happening to them. But I can't help but want to combine this with the DCXDP demon twins AU.

Imagine time traveler Bruce showing up at the league of assassins years early demanding his son... Only for two children to come out. Now he is forced to learn he had another son no one told him about. He has no clue what happened to Danny in the original timeline, only that it must have been bad for Damian to have never mentioned it.

Amity Park is different

Amity Park has a local superhero.

He's great. He works hard to protect his town. That said, Amity's local hero is a teenager. The people he relies on to help and support him are teenagers. The town's superhero defense is a handful of kids figuring things out on their own.

They do good, but sometimes the people of Amity have to be prepared to lend a hand or hold their own for a bit. That's just how life is under these conditions. Communities come together and support each other. It's fine. People adapt. Life goes on. They're really doing quite well.

A class from Amity Park visits a museum in Gotham on a field trip. They get caught in an unfortunately timed Scarecrow attack.

Scarecrow should have known better than to activate the fight or flight responses of a group of Amity Parkers.

The gas canister drops and discharges. The field trip group explodes into action.

A pair of Football players quickly overturns a table and use it as a shield as they charge the goons with the most firepower. Cheerleaders toss each other into the air for aerial attacks. Nerds turn objects from a nearby Janitor closet into a surprisingly effective trebuchet with astounding speed. One girl utilizes impressive martial arts skills.

A boy with Black hair and blue eyes flits about the battlefield pilfering and disassembling weapons with a shocking degree of efficiency as a Goth girl follows him around and bludgeon anyone who attempts to make a grab for him with a stand that had been holding up a rope barrier, and a boy in a beret lays down cover fire by launching pencils out of a makeshift bow formed from a binder and rubber bands with a startling degree of accuracy.

The teacher flits around pulling kids out of the path of attacks they hadn't seen, stowing any injured behind cover, and giving foes solid thwack on the noggin when the opportunity arises. He actually ends up knocking out Scarecrow himself.

The statement "We're not trapped in here with you. You're trapped in here with us," is repeated several times by different people.

When the Bats or police arrive, they have to carefully pull the feildtrip group off of the unfortunate rogues.

It takes a while to get the antidotes administered, but they do eventually manage. The class remains in defensive formation the whole time.

When the kids finally calm down enough to give statements, they mostly just say that Scarecrow gets what he gets for deliberately activating Amity Parkers' fight or flight responses. After the antidotes take effect, the class seems unfazed and goes about their business as soon as the authorities allow.

Some other visitors to the museum upload videos of the event online with titles like "the one class that was prepared for a field trip to Gotham" and "What kind of place is Amity Park, and why haven't I heard of it before?"

It doesn't take long for people to edit the videos to set the fight to music. Popular song choices include Ballroom Blitz, Bring 'em Out by Hawk Nelson, and the "we like to party" song from the six flags commercial.

Now the Bats are investigating Amity Park (and why they haven't heard of it before).

Danny became the head assistant to one Timothy Drake-Wayne after nearly 20 years of being retired from the hero gig. In Danny's opinion,no 16 year old should be managing a multi - million dollar company as a pass time instead the fricking grown adult who owned said company... *cough,cough .....Bruce Wayne.

But then again,what did he know, alot.....he knew alot about Tim and his family of furries...the undead souls of Gotham tended to tell you things if you gave them the chance, he was just some guy in his thirties who had just moved to Gotham just a year ago. He couldn't just walk up to them and offer a free therapy session with his sister to fix the general mess that was the Wayne family unless he wanted the 'batclan' to start paying attention to him and later creeping him out with their stalking. So he chose a more subtle approach ; slowly integrate into their lives and fix their disaster of a family one appointment at a time.

He started off great. Tim began to open up to him in the office as the days went by. They talked in-between work schedules and meetings. He learnt about Tim's likes and dreams,lent an ear when he needed to vent about stuff involving home or school. In a way , Danny had realised somewhere in between that he was slowly mentally adopting Tim as his kid . He ended doing the same thing with the other Wayne children when he met them. Apparently,Tim spoke about him to the others when he was home and they had all gotten curious. Heck he had even met Alfred and they got on like a house on fire . Now he sometimes joins the old man to shop for groceries every other weekend. He had met Bruce as well and let's just say their first meeting involved Danny scolding the hell out of the man for allowing a literal child to manage his company when said child should have been doing child things as well as all the other things and the others had told him Bruce had done. Alfred had patted him on the back after he had finished his speech while the kids had been laughing at their father's expense.

Bruce had surprisingly taken it like a man considering the fact that he was being told off on how to 'parent' by a twink who was his son's assistant and therefore his employee. Danny had expected to be jobless after that fiasco but instead he was invited to dinner that very same week by Bruce himself. Albeit Bruce refused to make eye contact and seemed to have been having a fever as his face and ears were bright red but Danny didn't mind,free food was free food.... Even if he still wonderd why he had spotted Dick and Stephanie spying on them from the hallway with knowing looks on their faces......

Danny didn't even know how but suddenly he was fully involved in their lives; night time hobbies included after they dramatically told him to which Danny had simply responded with an "ya don't say?"and proceeded to go back to drinking his tea with Alfred . Things in the bat-brood were healing nicely;they were talking, bonding and generally starting to look like a true family. A true family with Danny in it. And Danny himself didn't realize this until one fluke .....no.... Two flukes occurred on the night of the biggest gala Danny had ever attended in his halfa life {galas he attended at Sam's mansion included} .

The first fluke ,he had been both happy and embarrassed about.....

Not one or two or three BUT four of the Wayne children had addressed him as 'Dad' . That too in front of a large group of guests and reporters with cameras and recorders . Damien had gone as far as to specify that ,yes they were referring to him and not Bruce..

And the second fluke....

Well, Danny wasn't sure how to feel about that one............

... Bruce Wayne,the bachelor billionaire,the man Danny had come to have a huge slight man crush on,...........

.

.

.

Kissed Danny. Right on the lips. On the balcony.

And Danny being a complete idiot had hiccuped then used his invisibility to hide and later run all while forgetting one tiny thing..

He hadn't told the batclan about his secret yet..and honestly??

Danny blames Clockwork.

some hp bookmarks I made up to sell at oz comic con this weekend; marauders, golden, silver, and slytherin trios. if ur gonna be there come say hi!

Original writing! Kinda funny, I guess? I don’t know, read it under the cut and please tell me what you think!!!!!!! I NEED OPINIONS PLEASE!!

Agatha looked at the man in her hallway incredulously. When she looked behind her, around her, even above her, she looked at him again with an arched brow.

“Care to repeat that?” She asked, with not a small amount of skepticism.

He was still beaming, his smile not faltering even in her impromptu search, and his eyes twinkled—yes actually twinkled— as he opened his mouth, straight white teeth gleaming.

“You, my Lady Agatha, have been determined to be the Chosen One of the Great Prophecy and will be the Realm’s Hero!”

That’s what she thought he’d said. He beamed even brighter at her, his teeth twinkling now. This had to be a dream. Or a hallucination. Or she was dead and this was what her brain had decided to conjure up. Why couldn’t she have a nice hallucination like—like eating at a five star hotel? Or even getting to retire with a hefty pension fund?

She pinched herself. It hurt.

Motherfucker.

The silence stretched, and stretched. And he was still smiling. Was there something wrong with him? Her head was blank, devoid of any thoughts except a faint buzzing sound. And then, just to cut off the silence that was becoming a little stifling by now, she blurted the first thing she could.

“But what about my cats?”

The man blinked, his perfect smile faltering for just a moment. His brow furrowed slightly as if the thought of cats hadn’t quite factored into his grand announcement. He opened his mouth, paused, then tilted his head, clearly trying to reassess the situation.

"Your... cats?" he asked, as though the concept of pets was a foreign one.

Agatha nodded. "Yes, my cats. All three of them. Whiskers, Tibbles, and Shadow. Who’s going to feed them? Who’s going to clean their litter boxes? You can’t just expect me to up and leave them!"

The man hesitated, his eyes flickering as though searching for an answer that would satisfy her. "Well, my Lady, surely your noble companions will be well looked after—"

Agatha cut him off with a raised hand. "By who? You? The Realm’s Hero isn’t exactly a part-time gig, is it? I mean, between saving the world and fulfilling the Great Prophecy, when exactly am I supposed to find the time to change the litter? And do you know how picky Whiskers is about his food? He only eats the chicken pâté, and it has to be room temperature." She was rambling now, and her eyes had strayed over to the door she was leaning against. It was dusty, and she winced a little at the state of it. She’d have to remember to dust it soon. Assuming that this ‘Hero’ business didn’t put her out too much.

The man’s smile had faded entirely now, replaced by a look of utter bewilderment. This was not how these proclamations usually went. There was supposed to be awe, excitement, a dramatic embrace of destiny. Not... cats.

Agatha watched as the man struggled to find words, feeling a small sense of satisfaction in his discomfort. She had no idea how to deal with being a "Chosen One," but she was quite adept at handling pushy strangers who thought they could just barge into her life with outlandish demands. Being a wedding planner helped with that. She crossed her arms over her chest, her skepticism growing by the second.

"Listen," she said, her voice softening a bit. "I’m sure saving the,” she had to pause here, remembering his words earlier “Realm is very important and all, but I have a life here. A small life. With cats! You can’t just expect me to drop everything because some prophecy says I’m supposed to. It’s not that simple."

The man finally seemed to regain his composure, standing a little taller and clearing his throat. "My Lady Agatha, the Great Prophecy is not to be taken lightly. The fate of the Realm hangs in the balance, and you are the key to our salvation. Your—" he paused here, much like she did earlier, and he seemed to be clearly struggling with the idea “cats, while surely beloved, are but a small part of a much larger tapestry. Surely you can see the greater good—"

"Stop right there," Agatha interrupted again. "If you’re going to try and guilt-trip me into this, we’re going to have a problem. Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not saying no, okay? I’m just saying I need to think about it. Maybe read up on this prophecy, find out what it actually entails. And, y’know, figure out what to do with my cats." She frowned a little at the end. If the answer was that she had to leave her cats behind, then she was going to have to do a lot of thinking.

The man sighed, the twinkle in his eyes dimming slightly as he realized this conversation was going to be far more complicated than he’d anticipated. How did he do that? "Very well, my Lady," he said, his tone more subdued. "I shall return in three days' time for your decision. In the meantime, I suggest you prepare yourself—both for the journey ahead and for the weight of the responsibility that comes with being the Chosen One."

Agatha nodded, though she wasn’t entirely sure what "preparing herself" meant. Finding a bow & arrow? That seemed very on point with what was happening right now.

The man gave a stiff bow, turned on his heel, and with a flash of light that made Agatha wince and shield her eyes, he vanished from her hallway, leaving her alone with her thoughts—and her cats, who had finally decided to come investigate the commotion.

She looked down at Whiskers, who meowed expectantly. "Well," she said, picking him up and scratching behind his ears, "What do you think? Should I save the world? Or should we just go back to bed and pretend none of this happened?"

Whiskers purred loudly, clearly in favor of the latter option.

Agatha sighed. "Yeah, that’s what I thought."