He Wants Me To Fuck Him Through The Hole In His Hazmat Suit So Bad But Lowkey It Isnt Even Him In There

I really should draw but no thoughts only aggressively uwu

Icarus wasn’t an idiot, you know.

The rules were explained to him very clearly. He knew where he could and could not go, what heights were forbidden to him, the destination his father Daedalus had crafted for them to make their great escape. Freedom, of a sort. Icarus heard all of this from his father and accepted the conditions.

And Icarus fell.

Tragedy

noun [C or U] /ˈtrædʒ.ə.di/

A story affected by gravity.

It only goes down. It falls. Tragedies have weight to them, characters throw themselves at the sky with wax wings and they drip from their backs and one too many hours pulls their trajectories to the same place, every time. They are inevitable. Characters in a tragedy are objects of pity. Don’t pity us.

Icarus wasn’t an idiot.

He wanted freedom. Real, true freedom, the kind of which is so intoxicating when tasted for the first time that it is worth it even if you are falling for the rest of your life. Not the suffocating half-measure of his father. No machinations. No “what’s best for you”’s. Icarus chose to reach out his hand to Helios and hold it while plummeting into Poseidon’s cool embrace. To live free, like the gods, if only for 10,000 feet.

Icarus wasn’t an idiot, you know.

Icarus got exactly what he wanted.

Imagine not being awake to experience the wonders of the morning. Yes I tend to get eepy around 11 fight me. I’m comfy in my jammies and under the motherfucking sheets. Straight up snoozing. Do something about it

Being a night owl in a friend group of early sleepers (be it naturally or because of work schedules) really sucks, but it’s also fun in a way. It sucks because I‘m alone and don’t have anyone to yap to but it’s also fun because I can spam them with dumb thoughts, memes, art, and so on without them being able to complain about it >:3c

Okay I just wrapped up the annual Over the Garden Wall rewatch and it’s late and I don’t know how well I’ll be able to articulate these thoughts but:

The Beast knows it’s in a story

The Beast knows it’s in a story, and it knows how people react to stories, and that’s horrifying in a series based out of folklore and fairy tales and storytelling tradition. The Beast preys on people by knowing how they’ll react to stories. The Beast acts frustrated that Greg used a honey comb for a “golden comb” and a spiderweb on a stick for a “spool of golden thread,” but it’s baiting a trap - by exploiting that same fairytale logic, Greg is going to die of exposure in the cold while he waits for the sun to “set” in a cup

Because of course Greg will wait to see the sun set into the cup. Of course the Woodsman will keep the lantern lit. That’s how the story should go. The Beast is a parasite sucking blood out of a perfectly arranged Grimm fairy tale about the martyrdom of parenthood.

The only way to properly defeat it is to actively defy the story being set out ahead of you. Over the Garden Wall says, over and over again, that Wirt will sacrifice his life for Greg. “You are responsible for you and your brother’s actions,” the show says. The original pitch bible for the series said that Wirt would sacrifice himself for Greg, that he’d die to take responsibility for Greg-

And then Wirt stops and says “Wait. That’s dumb” and immediately shatters the story that’s been set up for him, and that’s how he defeats the Beast.

*Points to the mist slowly rising in eerie tendrils above the forest* Thats my gf

Dear Sirs.

SCP-682's powers are metatextual. He's unkillable because the story says he is nearly unkillable and no solution would be satisfying. His nickname is 'the very hard to destroy reptile' for rigour's sake. You don't have to be Grant Morrison to put this together.

The solution is to alter the narrative so that there is a means of killing him that is satisfying. Unfortunately, only full-on apocalypse scenarios or the use of SCP-682 as a jobber for an even worse threat would fill that criteria.

So unless you want to unleash something even more tiresome, like the Black Moon or the Scarlet King or the Yellow Submarine or whatever other color-coded doomsday monster you have on tap, you're just wasting jumpsuit filling doing anything at all.

The easy alternative is to simply stop trying to kill him.

Just focus on holding him in the most boring, routine ways possible, rendering him increasingly less interesting and thus reducing the time between stories focused on him and thus, the resulting breaches and disasters.

Or you can do what we did. If you aren't chicken.

Ours wasn't a rotted lizard. It was a sort of mummified horse the size of a 1996 Volkswagen Harlequin, and it was a she, but otherwise same deal. Regeneration. Vat of acid. Mass casualties. Violent opposition to the use of breath mints. Endemic to all life. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.

We figured out the how it worked, and we speed-ran the whole concept, hurling that vile beast through a veritable plinko-fall of thousands of extermination tests and controlled rampages until there was literally nothing left to do with the 'More-Than-One-Way-to-Fail-to-Kill-a Horse'.

And we trust the populace enough to not lie to them for 'their own good'. Because its funny? Sure. Profitable? Absolutely (don't worry, shareholders!)! But never for 'their own good.'

So we turned those experiments into a 17 season reality television program hosted by Greg Kinnear and force-fed them to a sludge-hungry populace.

There were 'More-Than-One-Way-to-Fail-to-Kill-a Horse' calendars, coffee mugs, t-shirts, two different animated spin-offs running at the same time for some reason, four movies starring Chris Pratt as the voice of the horse, an ongoing sketch on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, 'More-Than-One-Way-to-Fail-to-Kill-a Horse' "acid bath" sour candy flavored yogurt in a tube, a series of increasingly inadequately playtested gameboy cartridges, a 27-issue limited series from Image comics, and adorable plush mummified murder-horse plushes with little suction cups on their red-felt hooves so they can stare balefully out the back of your station wagon at that ASSHOLE Kevin in his souped up Trans AM who does not understand the concept of a safe following distance, and you JUST want to run him off the road with the magno-lifters and recreate the scene from Lost Highway with Robert Loggia, but "you can't use the magno-lifters for revenge" because it's "against OSHA regulations" and "technically assault!"

And once the first shipment of 'More-Than-One-Way-to-Fail-to-Kill-a Horse' Funko Pops hit store shelves, the creature's cultural cache cratered so hard that it became a parody of itself so predictable it's "containment" is now a Universal Studios attraction with two failed executions and a containment breach each night, with double shows on Saturdays.

Now, it was a rocky ride getting there, especially for Utah (projections say you'll get those House seats back in two, maybe three, generations at most, don't you worry!) but we've proven that even if it isn't killable, you can, in fact, beat a dead horse.

Hope this helps.

Humbert, Outreach Liaison Melinoë Laboratories "Hoc non veniet ad nos mordax"

Hot take: Hater culture is just cringe culture in a different trench coat.

“I love being a hater u3u” No you love being a pedantic little shit who takes the enjoyment out of everything and makes people feel bad for liking anything.

What makes “being a hater” so fucking annoying isn’t even the negativity, it’s that it makes everything fucking boring. What, something has to be flawless to be good? Get fucked. I hate that kind of mindset, that just because something has its issues that it’s fine to dismiss everything it does right. Chronic “Hating” strips everything of its individuality and demands conformity, because how dare this thing be something I don’t enjoy! How dare there be flaws!

And don’t even get me started on how half of the “flaws” they point out aren’t even fucking flaws, and are just not conventional.

It’s also fucking annoying how this kind of mindset crawled into fandom spaces. That’s also why, in my opinion, it got this rebrand, because “cringe” in itself is kind of a fandom-esque term. It’s just a bunch of bitter idiots getting lost and finding themselves in fandom spaces somehow, only to point at everything and going “Oh my GOD, do you UNIRONICALLY like that??”

It’s the same shit over again, where something is only “allowed” to be enjoyed through like, seven layers of irony. It’s pathetic. Fuckos, it’s fine to acknowledge that something has flaws and still like it. At least fucking stand for it.

I didn’t want to acknowledge how fandom in general has deteriorated because of these insecure, bitter idiots invading spaces made for enjoying something unconventional safely, but fuck, I miss the old times. They weren’t fucking perfect, but at least there wasn’t some whiny rat around every corner screeching about how liking something is bad unless you do it at a mental and emotional distance.

Fuck haters. Fuck cringe culture. Fuck all the people who say shit like “love being a hater uwu” and “being bullying back”. Sort out your own fucking issues. Grow up.

PRESS Ⓐ TO BE WEIRD AND UNSETTLING

actually, I think spiders georg should be counted. just because he's the best at what he does doesn't mean we need to discredit him. he's part of the statistic too

The illustrations from the Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom Owlcrate special editions.