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How I manipulate people into giving me what I want

As y’all probably know I’m obsessed with social psychology and have read countless books on how to influence the opinions of others without much effort. Anyway, I was just able to get a first class ticket on a fully booked flight (I missed my original flight by over 2 hours) so I thought I’d share my general technique of manipulating people into doing favors for me :)

1. I approach them with completely open and non-aggressive body language. I walk over with a full smile, I make eye contact for a second, smile, look away, and make eye contact again (people hate prolonged eye-contact, it intimidates them), I raise my eyebrows (to show recognition), and I don’t get too close (people don’t like their personal space violated).

2. When I reach them, I make an empathetic statement. The thing is, people think the world revolves around them so the way to get anyone to like you is to make them feel…like the world revolves around them. So I make a comment like, “Wow, you must be having such a busy day” or “So, those other customers were driving you crazy, huh”. This allows them to not only feel empathized with but also acknowledged.

3. I let them compliment themselves. So in my plane ticket scenario, after giving my empathetic comment of “So, you must be really busy this morning”, I followed it up with “it must take so much patience to deal with so many cancellations”. The guy behind the counter was elated and immediately said “Yes, I’ve been doing this for 20 years and it’s really forced me to be a calm and patient man”. By allowing him to compliment himself, he didn’t have to feel that I was being fake and also felt better about himself. After that comment, I was able to ask him about his experience working at the airport and build genuine rapport for about 5 minutes (of course, focusing the entire conversation on him).

4. I add a sense of urgency. Adding a time frame to a matter is incredibly helpful because it forces your company to think of immediate solutions. So after our really pleasant chat, I simply went “Do you know where I can go to get on a flight to London? I missed my flight and have to get to class by early afternoon.” Adding a “why” to a request is also helpful because according to studies, when people have context for a request they’re much more willing to fulfill it. In response to my question he immediately began looking for the first flight out to the UK.

5. I let them offer. I never directly ask for something, it’s too intrusive for a stranger and puts them in defense mode. Instead, I wait and let them offer. I could’ve asked him to get me a new ticket and I could’ve asked him to upgrade me, but instead I let our relationship develop organically and worked on his subconscious to get him to feel inexplicably grateful for my presence and therefore like he owed me for making his day better. It’s always best to allow them to offer to help, that way they feel like they’re in control which of course, people love.

That’s it! Works like an absolute charm and no, pretty privilege has nothing to do with it :)

hobbies to try out ♡

hobbies are such a great way to spend your time rather than being on technology all the time. It's great to have a skill, as skills can help you make friends, and can also open up new job opportunities!! here are some ideas, some are easy and simple and others are a little more advanced, there's (hopefully) something for everyone !!

O1 , painting / sketching

O2 , ballet (or dance in general)

O3 , sewing

O4 , reading

O5 , journalling

O6 , gardening

O7 , baking

O8 , photography

O9 , creative writing / songwriting / poem writing

1O , yoga

11 , learning an instrument (electric/acoustic guitar, drums, piano, violin etc)

12 , bracelet/jewellery making

13 , thrifting

14 , skateboarding

15 , hiking / exploring

16 , calligraphy

17 , pottery

18 , knitting / crochet

19 , pilates

2O , learning a language

21 , origami

22 , archery

23 , bird watching , herping , and animal/bug study in general

24 , mycology , plant observation/documentation

25 , start a podcast or amateur radio

26 , roller skating

27 , gymnastics / acrobatics

28 , cardistry

29 , terrarium making

30 , calisthenics

hope this helps!!!

Your environment shapes your self image & mindset more than you imagine. Deep cleaning instantly makes everything feel lighter like you’re wiping away old energy and making room for something new. Moving your bed to a different spot might seem small, but waking up from a new angle can literally shift your perspective. Adding a plant to your bedside table brings you fresh energy. Throwing away things that remind you of your old self – If it carries weird energy or feels tied to a version of you that no longer fits, it’s gotta go. Make space for the new you. Your space is a reflection of you so when you refresh it, your mindset naturally follows

I'll say it as many times as it needs to be said: track your housework. Have a schedule and keep it. Make sure you know what you're doing every day. If you aren't keeping track, it's so easy to fall into a rut and feel like you haven't done anything. It's so easy to over work yourself. Much of household maintenance is invisible. If you're keeping up, your home will pretty much look consistent and it gets difficult to recognize all the work you've actually put in to keep it that way.

When I first started, I'd over work myself to the point of passing out each day because I wasn't pacing myself. I was trying to deep clean the entire house every single day, which is not only impractical, but also impossible to maintain. I started tracking everything and now not only do I have more energy but I have time for myself during the day. I don't burn out anymore. Keeping track and scheduling is sincerely a lifesaver.

contrary to what people may think, i’ll never be too crunchy to light a scented candle, wear perfume on a night out, occasionally enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, or eat a delicious meal at a restaurant without stressing over seed oils. some things nourish the spirit more than they harm the body. and everything in moderation is more than ok. i’ve learned that constantly obsessing over what you consume, to the point where you don’t enjoy living in the moment, does more harm than good.

Hi! I have a hard time owning my feminine energy, especially within romantic relationships with men, because I’m not having children. So if I’m not going to be the one carrying and raising children, then it’s hard for me to see the equality between the 2 if I still want a soft life. Does that make sense? Can you shed some light on that?

Hi love! Personally, I don't see any validity in this take as it sounds inundated in the patriarchy and patriarchal language. The equity of men and women in a relationship has to do with their individual capabilities to emotionally support themselves and their partner through different life situations/stages and communicate with each other effectively to ensure both partners' needs are being met, boundaries are respected, and preferences are attended to out of delight, not nagging or manipulation, all while learning to work together as a team to ensure your individual life needs are being met (bills/finances, jobs and career outlook, family planning and relationships, lifestyle habits, socializing needs, etc.).

What works for every couple is different. If both parties are happy with an arrangement and it does not place one party in a position of power over the other (like financial abuse or emotional blackmail), you are in a mutually-beneficial, therefore, equitable, relationship.

I don't know exactly what you mean by "soft life," as they're many interpretations of that phrase nowadays, but a mutually-beneficial relationship is an equitable relationship. Women are not defined by their wombs or homemaking capabilities. If you choose to take on these roles enthusiastically and in a way that doesn't leave you physically, emotionally, or financially vulnerable to be controlled by your partner, more power to you.

I believe that embracing your feminine energy in romantic relationships involves implementing the following practices:

Allowing yourself to embrace the fun, creative sides of yourself and share them with others. Get dressed up in your full glam for your date nights, wear the seductive perfume and lingerie at night, make the ravishing homecooked, candlelit dinner, etc. if you desire to create beautiful shared experiences. All because YOU want to do these things, and it genuinely makes you feel good to express this creative side of yourself.

Embrace your emotional side and the ability to be vulnerable about your feelings. Once someone passes your vetting process to the point of partnership status, learn to let go and express your emotions with this person. Nothing is more satisfying to the soul than feeling safe enough to be your authentic, vulnerable self, especially after a long day of performing with a hard exterior or other experiences that make everyday life frustrating (annoying coworker, demanding work project on deadline, traffic, the grocery store being out of an item you needed, etc.). Invite deep conversations, the right to cry, laugh, express authentic joy and excitement about things you fear others might find silly or mundane, and share your fears without worrying about being judged.

Learn how to get out of your own head and get your sexual needs met. You do not owe any man any sexual acts or a performance. Sex and surrounding intimate acts should be mutually pleasurable and gratifying. Speak up for what you want. Allow the attention to be solely focused on you at times. Don't worry about how you're perceived in bed for enjoying yourself. Any man should know he's lucky to be there.

Enjoy your interests freely (and frequently) without apologizing. Don't allow someone to put you down for loving certain activities, hobbies, entertainment, etc., especially more feminine ones (such as reality TV or caring about certain music/home decor/food preferences, etc.). They're not silly because the patriarchy doesn't give them the gold star of approval. All interests that don't harm others and bring you joy are valid.

Celebrate your uniquely feminine traits, routines, and habits unapologetically. PMS, menstrual routines and energy level fluctuations, greater needs for sleep in general, strict skincare routines, nightly rituals, hair removal and nail routines, need to turn down the AC, introduce certain sex toys into the bedroom, drink less alcohol, eat differently, workout differently, the time needed to gossip with your friends and go out to chat with your women friends weekly, etc. Remember that your preferences or needs are not lesser than because of your biology. In the context of a cishet relationship, this often means learning how to not feel inferior for being biologically female as well as some socialized traits like our engrained bias to maintain broader social networks, take more pleasure in putting effort into our appearances, etc. (generalizing here, I know, don't worry).

Know this was a long reply, but I think it's super important information to keep in mind. Signed, a fellow child-free-by-choice woman who doesn't want to deal with the stress of anyone else's B.S. either (especially a romantic partner, what a mood-killer).

Hope this helps xx

On Success: My Unique Achievement Equation 🤍

I'm going to be cheesy for a moment and repeat the phrase we've all heard a million times: Success is a journey, not a destination. The path to it is often paved with hard work, determination, and a unique combination of factors. In this post, I'm going to share my personal equation for success, and I hope it can inspire you to create your own formula for achieving your dreams and goals.

1. Constantly learn new things.

I’m always trying to learn new things because let's be real, in a rapidly evolving world, staying curious and open to new knowledge is vital. Almost exactly a year ago I landed in Oxford and decided to take tutorials in 18th-century opera, ancient witchcraft, and protestant vs. catholic art. I also wrote a thesis on medieval architecture. I could've stayed in my comfort zone and studied politics or economics like I had over the past four years but I decided to push myself because I knew that I had to diversify my scope of knowledge because that's what successful people do. Simply put--constantly learning new things is, in my opinion, non-negotiable. Pick a topic, draft a schedule that forces you to immerse yourself in said topic for a set period of time, become an expert in said topic by following said schedule, rinse and repeat.

2. Eat healthy.

I drink tons of water all day (my team makes fun of me for getting up every 15 minutes to use the bathroom. I'm not phased.), I don’t really snack, and I eat my weight in vegetables, and I get frequent blood and allergy tests to make sure I’m taking the right supplements. I don’t do dairy, I don’t do red meat, I don’t do refined sugar, and I don’t do processed carbs. Yes, I have my treat meals on the weekends and yes I have a couple of drinks on Saturday night but 90% of the time, my diet is extremely clean. The fact is, I have a level of physical wellbeing and body composition that I like, and reaching and maintaining that requires a level of discipline when it comes to food. I’m willing to pay the price and as a result, I feel absolutely amazing every day. So I really urge you to eat very well because you deserve to look and feel great every single day.

3. Network like your life depends on it.

If there's one thing that was beat into my consciousness from an extremely young age, it's the importance of networking. Why? Because a supportive network provides guidance, mentorship, and collaboration opportunities. I've gotten job and internship offers, romantic and platonic relationships, and flat-out absurd opportunities simply from networking...like my life depends on it. Just a couple years ago, I went to Dubai for a few weeks with my partner, and my mother quite frankly told me that if I didn't network with at least one alum from my college/boarding school while there, I wouldn't be allowed back home. I'm currently working in my exact role because of that very warning and I'm forever grateful.

4. Work out out daily.

The thing is, I hate working out. Like I'd rather stare at a wall for an hour than run on a treadmill for 10 minutes. But no matter what, when my alarm goes off at 6:00 AM, I’m jumping out of bed, putting on my workout clothes, and heading to the gym. It’s my routine and while I’d much rather get some extra sleep, I’m not going to let my desire for comfort get in the way of my health. And I don’t kill myself in the gym, I do 30 minutes (10 minutes of cardio, 20 of weight training) and I head out. No muss, no fuss. And if you want to get your shit together in a pinch, starting by working out every day is probably just what you need.

5. Avoid social media.

Because for 95% of people, social media is an addiction. Keeping up with your friends via Instagram is great, spending 7 hours per day scrolling through Instagram reels is pathetic. So I choose not to engage. If someone wants to contact me or know what I’m up to, they’ll just have to reach out and I prefer it that way. Moreover, I'm a very private person so I really don’t care to post about my personal life to a group of people I barely know. I had a truly epic graduation party this weekend and the most beautiful thing about it is that I didn’t have to worry about posing for pictures or documenting any of it on my story. I really advise you all (anyone? do people actually read these posts? I digress.) to get real with yourself and be honest about your social media usage. And if it's not improving your life in a notable way, get rid of it. You can thank me later.

6. Constantly upgrade your appearance.

I got my color analysis done and now I know exactly how to dress and color my hair. I’ve got my hairstyle analysis done and now I know exactly how to cut my hair to compliment my features. I got my seamstress to alter and make a bunch of my favorite outfits and now my clothes fit my body shape to absolute perfection. The list goes on, but in short, I look really good because I know exactly what I’m working with and have done absolutely everything to accentuate my beauty. Establish a regular skincare routine to maintain healthy and glowing skin. Use makeup to enhance your features, not mask them. Choose natural and flattering colors. Stand tall and maintain good posture. Dress in a way that accentuates your body and makes you feel confident. And most importantly, remember that beauty is 90% energy and 10% looks.

7. Master the art of good conversation.

And not because I’m a natural extrovert, but because I decided that I was sick of being that awkward girl who didn’t really have any friends and so I got to work. I’ve read probably 40 books on social psychology/charisma/seduction and I’ve worked super hard to put all that I’ve learned into practice. At this point, I can talk to pretty much anyone about pretty much anything and know that they’ll leave the conversation feeling really good. Effective communication is the bedrock of human interaction, and being skilled in this area can profoundly impact one's relationships and success. In professional settings, being a skilled conversationalist can lead to better collaboration, negotiation, and problem-solving. In personal relationships, it can deepen bonds, enhance empathy, and create a sense of mutual understanding. Remember that being a good conversationalist is not just about talking; it's about creating an environment where ideas flow freely, relationships flourish, and opportunities for growth and connection abound.

8. Keep your finances in order.

I've worked really hard to secure a great paying job, live in a great location and in a great apartment, and have enough money to save but also to enjoy the finer things. Yes, I dated a prince and all that but the fact is, I’ve been working my ass off since high school to get to this place. At 16 I wasn’t spending my summer at the pool, I was spending it crunching numbers for eight hours daily at an accounting firm. I’ve always wanted to be a financially stable person and I’m so glad that at this age, I am because I made it happen. I know this is hypergamy Tumblr, but at the end of the day, no man is going to hand you a $10 million check and ride you off into the sunset with the snap of your fingertips. Like attracts like, meaning well-to-do men, 90% of the time, are going to end up with women who have their shit together financially. You don't have to be a self-made millionaire, but as an adult, you do have to be able to take care of yourself.

9. Stay informed.

I’m knowledgeable about what’s happening around the world at all times because…it’s important. Like, really important. I have Bloomberg up all day and the second a new alert pops up, I’m on it. I also spend about an hour per day listening to NPR (while getting ready), reading WSJ, or even just scrolling through Buzzfeed. Staying informed allows me to not only converse freely about current trends with others, but it also allows me to feel my most confident and ready to face the world. Staying informed on current events is not merely a passive activity but a dynamic engagement with the world around us. It equips individuals with the knowledge and skills needed to navigate an increasingly complex and interconnected global landscape, make informed choices, and actively participate in shaping the future.

10. Have hobbies and interests.

Yes, I love attending the opera and the Met on Saturday afternoons, but I also love learning about manifestation and trying crazy food science recipes. The point is that my hobbies and interests themselves don't really matter, the fact that I am passionate about a lot of things does. And when you're passionate about your goals and pursuits, you're more likely to stay committed, work harder, and overcome obstacles with determination. So stop focusing on the "quality" of your hobby and try to just have fun with it! Let your hobbies connect you with new communities and open you up to new, if not a bit strange, opportunities.

11. Give back to your community.

Most of all, the key to my success is giving back to my community because having all the looks, money, and fame in the world ultimately means nothing if you can't share your abundance with others. I volunteer when I can, I give funds to those who need them (currently, I'm helping my aunty put three amazing girls in Haiti through college abroad and one man in medical school), and I have a whole lot of official and unofficial mentees. In a world that often emphasizes individualism and self-achievement, it's essential to remember the profound importance of giving back to your community. Please please please take the initiative, get involved, and experience the transformative power of giving back.

Lovingly, Elle

Always wear your cutest outfit. Stop saving so many looks for “special occasions”. You showing up is a special occasion. Look your best.