One Of The More Valuable Things I’ve Learned In Life As A Survivor Of A Mentally Unstable Parent Is

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

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Hand Gesture

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1 month ago

Full offense but sometimes fandom just totally make up the characterization of a character and then complain when that isn’t canon

6 months ago

My favourite kind of Friend groups

My Favourite Kind Of Friend Groups
3 months ago

It was so important to me that Stolas was able to be sad throughout the entire episode. Usually media likes to rush a character's grief/depression/sadness. Like "Stop moping around" or "get over it already." Depression doesn't just go away. It is a persistent feeling of sadness.

His depression was also presented through various emotions/emotional states.

Lethargy

It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media
It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media

Crying

It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media
It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media

Anger / frustration

It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media
It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media
It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media

Self-blame

It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media
It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media
It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media

Not wanting company and being emotionally drained and unable to reciprocate

It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media
It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media
It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media

We even see him Smiling / Laughing which is so important because we see that he is still in there behind the sadness and tears. His laugh is not as lively as it once but he is still capable of smiling and finding joy.

It Was So Important To Me That Stolas Was Able To Be Sad Throughout The Entire Episode. Usually Media

His problems weren't fix in the end and his sadness didn't go away even if he has someone who loves him by his side (and even if he loves him too). And I think this is one of the best depictions I have seen of a depressed character in media in a long time.


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3 months ago

Reblog if you would be comfortable living in a dormitory with an openly transgender or intersex individual. We’re working on a campaign for gender neutral housing and we could use your support.

6 days ago

i forget where I got the idea from (might've been carter's Political Theory which is a terrible book otherwise), but something i haven't been able to get out of my mind is what I'm tentatively calling the ‘Anarchist Theory of Accountability’; which resolves itself into this cold assessment that both the logic and the individual are at fault.

I was so used to Marx and his way of talking about the abstract logic intoxicating the whole of society and how it's not the individual but the systems and logics that are responsible

Like Marx straight up tells you —doesn't warn you, but tells you— I should've taken it as a warning, that he deals with individuals only as personifications of class interests

Sure, he has his favorite punching bags, but for the most part he abstracts

So this whole other facet ran under my radar and was a rude awakening because ultimately it is still the real corporeal physical individual who carry out actions in their own interest at the expense of others, who sees and smells and architects the misery of others for their own gain

The logic may have wormed its way into their heart but they still plan and relish and act out on it

‘Don't hate the player hate the game’

No actually, I hate both, the game is rigged and the player constitutes and reconstitutes, produces and reproduces the game

The only way is not to play, as difficult as that is

‘I was only following orders’

But you still followed them, at the expense of everyone involved

6 months ago
Messy Megop Yuri Sketches Bc This Song For Some Reason Keeps Reminding Me Of Them (and Also Bc I've Been
Messy Megop Yuri Sketches Bc This Song For Some Reason Keeps Reminding Me Of Them (and Also Bc I've Been
Messy Megop Yuri Sketches Bc This Song For Some Reason Keeps Reminding Me Of Them (and Also Bc I've Been
Messy Megop Yuri Sketches Bc This Song For Some Reason Keeps Reminding Me Of Them (and Also Bc I've Been

messy megop yuri sketches bc this song for some reason keeps reminding me of them (and also bc i've been thinking on revisiting my humanformer designs lmao)

potentially? suggestive stuff below?? (idk if it counts, maybe? doing this just in case lol)

Messy Megop Yuri Sketches Bc This Song For Some Reason Keeps Reminding Me Of Them (and Also Bc I've Been
Messy Megop Yuri Sketches Bc This Song For Some Reason Keeps Reminding Me Of Them (and Also Bc I've Been

accidentally got so carried away last night that I ended up in Narnia whoops


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2 months ago

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mari-say - Mari Say
Mari Say

Person with wild imagination 🌌✨ | she/her | Rus/Eng

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